Title: Into The Fires

Author: Gillian Silverlight

Distribution: My site, those that already have permission to post my fic, all others please ask. (If you post my fic. Please do not rearrange the sentence groupings. It can alter the flow of the story. Thanks.)

Disclaimer: They belong to Joss and the WB, UPN, FX; just about everybody except me. I just play with them.

Summary: Post 'Smashed' - Buffy searches for a reason for her attraction to Spike and why he feels she came back 'wrong' as well as the true origins of Slayers and Vampires. Little can any of them begin to imagine the truth. (Spoilers for both BTVS and ATS)

Rating:PG-15 (Violence)

Lyrics: 'Listen, Learn, Read on' By Deep Purple; 'As The World Falls Down' By David Bowie; 'Fear' and 'Into The Fire' By Sarah McLachlan; 'View To A Kill (Dance Into The Fire)' By Duran Duran; "Under The Milky Way" by The Church; 'Dead Souls' - Joy Division; 'Drops Of Jupiter' By Train; 'Cry Little Sister' By Gerard McMann; 'My Sacrifice' By Creed; 'You Took The Words Right Out of My Mouth' By Meatloaf; 'Fire Burning' by Stevie Nicks; 'OverFire' by Verucka/Shy/THC; "Beauty and The Beast' By Stevie Nicks; 'Who Will Save Your Soul' By Jewel; "Standing Still' By Jewel; 'Crystal' By Stevie Nicks.

Author's Notes: Many special thanks to my wonderful Beta - Patti. She keeps me in line.

** Special author's note: Often the use of spell-casting in various fictions and in the Jossverse are referred to as the 'dark arts', the 'black arts'; however to clarify the matter, it is the intent of the magickal working that often determines if it is 'white' magick or 'black' magick. That used for harm or in an unethical fashion is indeed dark, while that for protection or self-improvement is white. In the Television series, Willow's actions to resurrect Buffy can be viewed as 'dark', in that Willow 'impressed her will on Buffy without permission', which is ALWAYS unethical, even for the best of reasons.

One MUST have permission.

Into The Fires (Part One)

'Falling.

Falling in love

As the world falls down.'

Exhaustion finally claimed Buffy just before daylight.

For once, Dawn didn't come into her room before going to school and Buffy knew she had Willow to thank. The redheaded witch was still feeling horribly guilty for having gotten Dawn hurt, and that guilt gave Buffy a few extra hours to try and figure out her own situation.

It was almost two in the afternoon when Buffy finally decided to pick up the phone and make the call she had been avoiding. She'd thought about it while she showered; and later while she choked down a sandwich, which seemed to dry her throat more with each bite she took.

Buffy dialed the numbers and, as the phone rang on the other end, she felt her pulse quicken. This was not going to be an easy call.

"Hullo?”

The small blonde Slayer almost allowed a slight smile to escape her lips as she heard the sleepy voice. She'd forgotten the time difference. "Giles? I… I know you wanted me to handle things for myself, and I've been trying, but I really need to talk to you..." Her voice trailed off as fear clenched tighter around her heart.

"Buffy? Good Lord. What's wrong? Are you all right? Is it Dawn? Do you know it's one am?" Giles had come wide-awake at the first sound of Buffy's voice. He'd missed her more than he could say; but as many times as he'd picked up the phone to call her, the tired Watcher had put the phone back down, determined to force the Slayer to stand on her own. That she'd called him... Now that she had, he wasn't sure if it was a good sign or not. She might simply be trying to dump the things she needed to handle right back into his lap again.

"Giles... I... No, Dawn is okay. I'm... I don't know what I am, Giles." The words came out hesitatingly at first and then finally in a rush, as if Buffy had to get them out before they choked her.

Sitting in the darkened room of his flat in England, Giles heard a suppressed sob catch in her voice. His own voice softened at the sound. "Buffy, dear... If you don't tell me the problem, I can't do much to try and help. Do you need my help or do you just need to talk?"

"I don't know. Both, I think. I… I did something... And I don't know what to think, how to feel. I don't know why, Giles! He can hit me and I hit him and we beat the hell out of each other and then we… but the building fell down around us and still we... and then I did it again and again and I can't stay away from him and I don't know why or what's wrong with me."

"Calm down now and let me try to sort this all out, all right?" He took a deep breath, fearful of what her confusing words might actually mean. "Do I assume that the 'he' you mean is Spike? I can't imagine any other of your acquaintances I'm familiar with that could withstand such a fight with you. So something has happened to enable him to strike you again. Has his chip failed in some way that you can tell?"

"No. No, it's just me. He said I came back wrong, Giles. But he's wrong, right?" Buffy couldn't keep the slight note of near panic out of her voice.

Giles took a deep breath as he hesitated before he answered. He wished he had his glasses to clean, but they were across the room on the dresser. "Buffy, I know you overheard the conversation between Willow and myself about the ritual she used to bring you back. Those magicks... well, they can easily be incorrect or incomplete if not done precisely. I suspect we may need to talk to Willow and find out exactly how she did the ritual to bring you back. But you say that it is only you that Spike can hit, no other humans; so we need to see if it is something about the ritual that brought you back or something about you specifically being resurrected because you are a Slayer."

Giles reached for the carafe of water next to the bed. Pouring a bit into a small matching glass, the still drowsy Watcher drank a swallow before wading back into the conversation again. "And the rest, Buffy? You said you couldn't stay away from him? I assume you mean Spike again? I suspect I don't really want to know what you did with him and a building falling down; however, I also fear it may be important to the situation."

Silence, with a life all its own, hovered across the phone lines.

"We... I did. I... Giles, remember what happened to cause Angel to lose his soul? You said I'd acted rashly... That. That's what we did. What I started. I... I kissed him first, Giles, then did it again and again and then -"

"I see." Giles interrupted. They were verging on the edge of more information than he wanted to know, but he knew he'd have to get a grasp on his emotions and find out the remainder if he was to assist her in determining what was wrong. "All right. Tell me what happened. I need to know, but with as little graphic detail as possible please, Buffy."

"I know." Buffy told him in a shaky voice. She took her own deep breath and then haltingly told him everything as gently as she could.

~*~

'but I fear

I have nothing to give

I have so much

to lose here in this lonely place

tangled up in our embrace

there's nothing I'd like better than

to fall'

“…so I need to know what I am, Giles. The dreams, the vision quest, Dracula, all of it. I need to know. Just that I'm the Slayer isn't good enough anymore. I need answers, not riddles, if we can find them. Doesn't the Council have records of stuff like that? You know, what a Slayer is other than just someone or something to kill vampires and demons; where we came from? You still have access to those files, don't you?"

It had been long minutes as Buffy explained all that had occurred between she and Spike as well as describing her own worries about what and who she might be now.

"Yes, I do still have access to all of their files and I certainly agree that we need to find the answers you're seeking. I think you also need to look inside yourself as well, Buffy. Not just for any 'Slayer' dreams but to discover what is in your own heart about Spike." Giles held up his hand to forestall her protests even though he knew she couldn't see him. "Don't tell me that you feel nothing, Buffy. The new information you've given me makes the fact that he had entry into your home for so many years, that you have never killed him, although you've have more than enough opportunity and reason to do so... Well, it seems much more clear now." Giles paused a moment as he struggled with the realization. "You feel something for him, regardless of your protests." The Watcher's voice softened again. "You can't kill Spike any more than you could kill Angel."

Her voice was barely audible when she replied. "I did kill Angel -"

"Yes, you thought you did; and, given the situation, were right to do so. Sending him to Hell was the only way. But he came back. You couldn't have known he'd come back. And given a similar situation where the world was in danger, you might well kill Spike." Giles didn't utter the words out loud, but they rang clear and true in his head and his heart. But I suspect you'd throw yourself into that danger again to save him, as you did for all of us, so that you never had to go through your own 'Hell' again as you did when you sent Angel there. "Although I suspect you'd throw yourself into the danger again instead."

"I... I don't know, Giles. I've thought about it a lot and the thought of having to stake him, to see him crumble into just so much dust... It bothers something in me."

"It's that very 'something' you need to put a name to, Buffy. If you really love him, don't throw that away. He's proven he'll stay, he'll help you, he cares about you and about Dawn and I cannot believe that I am advising you to love Spike." The incredulous tone of Giles' voice caused a small chuckle to sound through the receiver as Buffy pictured Giles' face while he advised her about a 'vampire/human love life'.

"He did tell me again during the middle of our fight that he loves me."

Buffy's off-handed comment regarding the vampire's feelings brought the memory that was burned into Giles' mind rushing to the surface. That same memory turned his tone serious and somber very suddenly. "I saw him after you... fell. He was as devastated as I... as any of us. I think that only his promise to you to take care of Dawn kept him from throwing himself into the sunlight on top of your... ah, on you. It was quite obvious that he wanted to do just that. However, he 'mothered' Dawn so much that at times, she was ready to stake him herself." He chuckled slightly at the memory of one of Dawn's many 'rants' on the subject.

"Ummm, he does seem to have that effect on people. Giles, I do believe that he loves me; but I don't know if he thinks of love as I do, or like anyone else does. I'm not really sure what his idea of love really is-"

"Remember what he's known most of his existence, Buffy. What with Angelus and Darla, not to mention Druscilla... well, let's say it has been far from the norm and leave it at that. You, however, should search your heart and your dreams, dear. Determine what you do feel for Spike. Meanwhile, I'll search the records here on the 'Slayer' matter and call you in a few days. Now let me go back to sleep and you should get off the phone before this call equals your national debt."

"Goodnight, Giles. Thank you." Buffy paused, but Giles could hear her still breathing across the line and waited. Within seconds she continued. " I do love you, you know."

"I love you too, Buffy. Goodnight." Giles sat and stared at the phone after he hung it up; his thoughts tumbling over each other as they raced through his brain, chasing their own tails. He grabbed his robe as he stood in the dark. Sleep wasn't going to return any time soon, so he headed into the kitchen of the flat to put the kettle on to boil. A cup of tea would be just about right.

~*~

'I am the spark

Into the night

I yearn for comfort

Free the water that carries me to the sea

You I see as my security'

Buffy needed to talk about Spike to someone with a clear head. Willow was out. She had her own problems to handle right now and wasn't unbiased in any of it. Buffy suddenly realized that she wished she knew where Oz was right now. He was always levelheaded and she could talk to him and know he'd tell her the truth no matter what.

The worried blonde Slayer finally realized there was someone else who would do that too. She almost laughed at the thought, but picked up the phone to call L.A.

"Angel Investigations. We help the helpless."

"Cordelia, it's Buffy. Don't say my name."

"Oh! Oh, well, hi. How are you doing?"

"I've been better. Cordy, I need to ask you a favor please?"

"Sure, if I can." The brunette's voice altered, becoming slightly wary of what the favor might be. Never in her life did she expect the one Buffy asked.

"Can you come to Sunnydale for a few days? I have a problem I need to talk to someone about and I think you'd be the best person to do that with. This is a 'longer than a phone call' problem. And you... well, you've always told me the truth even when I didn't like it and I need that now."

"Uh... Well... Wow! I can't believe you asked me that! Well, we just wrapped up a big case and don't have another one right now so, yeah; I can leave for a few days. Where would I be staying?" Cordelia hedged again slightly. Her parent's house was the last place she wanted to stay.

"With me, if that's okay. After all, everybody else stays here. The room Giles used when he came back from England is empty now that he's gone back again."

"He went to England?! When, I mean why, how? Never mind, you can tell me when I get there. I can leave after work tonight unless there's an emergency. Will that be okay? Oh, and can I leave your number to reach me if they need me?"

Buffy thought for a minute and agreed. "Yeah, tonight is fine. Can you leave the number with someone other than Angel please?"

"Sure. I understand -"

"No, actually you don't, Cordelia, but I hope you will soon. I'll see you later tonight then... and thank you."

~*~

'Three times I have been born

I know this from meditation...

So listen, so learn, so read on

You gotta turn the page, read the Book of Taliesyn'

Still feeling rather 'loggy' from the missed sleep during the night, Giles entered the oldest section of the huge library in the Watcher's Council building. He knew the answers he sought, if there at all, would be in the oldest sections in the oldest and most fragile books. He sighed as he wished he knew the right questions.

Two hours later, he had a small, select pile of dusty, crumbling, ancient books to examine. Settling down for what he knew would be a long process, Giles rang for a pot of Earl Grey tea and a sandwich then opened the first book.

~*~

'Dance into the fire

That fatal kiss is all we need

Dance into the fire

To fatal sounds of broken dreams'

Cordelia arrived late that night. Buffy had just gotten back from patrol and had actually managed to avoid Spike as well. She knew if she saw him now, she might not be back home for hours and she had to be there when Cordy arrived.

When the brunette pulled her car into the driveway and got out, Cordelia looked as tired as Buffy felt.

“Long day, Cordelia?"

"Yeah. I'll tell you about it later. Where can I put my bags and can I get a shower?"

"Both do-able." Buffy lead the way up to the guest room where Cordelia dropped her small bag on the floor then turned and looked expectantly at her hostess.

"Willow kinda has the other shower even though she's not in right now. If you don't mind, can you come talk to me while I shower and then it's all yours? I just got in from patrol." The Slayer indicated the dried, sickly yellow stain on her shirt. Buffy normally felt odd about anyone being in the bathroom with her, but she really needed to talk about this and she had put up that new opaque curtain after she'd 'gotten back'.

Cordelia was a bit surprised at the request, knowing how the blonde used to be about that type of thing, but agreed. The sooner Buffy talked, then the sooner she'd be out of the shower and Cordelia was almost ready to kill for a bath.

The two girls headed up the stairs to the bathroom. Cordelia stood facing the door while Buffy undressed and got into the shower; then she sat on the closed toilet seat, listening as Buffy talked.

"It's all so complicated that I don't know where to begin, Cordy. Thank you for coming though, by the way."

Cordelia heard the splashing of water and the squishing of suds as she guessed Buffy was washing the same slime from her hair. "Well, why not start with getting brought back. I kinda know most of it up to that point."

"Good enough place to start, but I'm gonna guess there is a lot that Willow didn't tell you guys and just as much that she didn't know to be able to tell. Several months before that last battle with Glory, Spike told me that he loved me. You did know that the government guys that Riley used to be with had put a chip in Spike’s head so he can't hurt humans, right? So after he told me that..."

Buffy had finished her shower, trading places while Cordelia managed a quick shower as well. Now both girls sat on the floor of Buffy's room as they leaned against the bed, each sipping a cup of hot chocolate.

Cordy's eyes were wide, her expression a combination of amazement and admiration. "God, Buffy... Up against the wall, brought the house down and never missed a stroke... Wow! So I gotta ask... How was he?" Besides being simply curious, Cordelia was actually fishing for information with her question. Buffy's reaction would tell her a lot.

"He was... It was..." Buffy looked into Cordelia's face, suddenly wondering where this news might travel. "It doesn't mean that I didn't love Angel. But Spike was..." The small blonde looked back down at the floor, studying her hands intently. "He was fantastic. I felt... filled with... power. I felt something that wasn't there with Angel that only time. It was primitive and intense. It was like we were suddenly inside of one skin."

Buffy laughed, a short bark of sound, as she looked back at the brunette. "Sounds silly, I know. I think it was all the fighting we did first, and I was tired and I've not been feeling like me since they brought me back."

Silently absorbing what she'd been told so far, Cordelia took a breath and jumped in. "Okay, this is what you brought me here for, Buffy, and I'm sure you're not gonna like it..." Cordelia shifted position on the floor so she could face her friend. "No matter what you tell yourself, you care about him. You've cared about him for a long time now and have been hiding from it as hard as you could until it finally hit you in the face. We see a lot of different kinds of demons in L.A.... some are good and some are pretty icky, but they all have feelings and lives and some have families. Buffy, I share my apartment with a ghost, who is really sweet once you get to know him. One of our friends is a demon. He's green with red eyes and horns and just as cute as he can be in a really irritating kind of way."

Cordelia reached out a hand to touch the Slayer's shoulder. "I'm guessing you love Spike. He's never been quite like a normal vampire; not like the ones we've fought in L.A. or like when Angel went all dark or when he was Angelus. Spike's different. I think his demon is different. They do have souls too, you know."

All Buffy could do was stare at Cordelia. The Slayer's face reflected the confusion and struggle that raged inside of her as she tried to convince her mind to wrap itself around the words she'd heard and didn't want to accept.

~*~

‘Wish I knew what you were looking for

Might have known what you would find

And it's something quite peculiar

Something shimmering and white

Leads you here despite your destination'

'This world is older than any of you know. Contrary to popular mythology, it did not begin as a paradise. For untold eons demons walked the Earth. They made it their home, their... their Hell. But in time they lost their purchase on this reality. The way was made for mortal animals, for… for man. All that remains of the old ones are vestiges, certain magicks, certain creatures... The books tell that the last demon to leave this reality fed off a human, mixed their blood. He was a human form possessed, infected by the demon's soul. He bit another, and another, and so they walk the Earth, feeding... Killing some, mixing their blood with others to make more of their kind. Waiting for the animals to die out and the old ones to return.'

(Giles - The Harvest)

The woman walked away from the trees, her back stooped with the weight of her gravid belly.

She heard noises in the trees and tried to hurry, but her strength was failing with the continued onslaught of the contractions she'd been having for hours.

She didn't understand what was happening, but still she sought the shelter of her cave and the others who were like her.

Her food gathering that day had taken her further away than she'd been before; then the pains struck for the first time. Now, just as surely as darkness threatened to close around her before she could reach the shelter of the caves, something menaced her from the cover of the trees. Her eyes recognized the land around her and she knew in the primitive dimness of her mind that the cave was close. As she rounded the large rock formation, where she'd been months before with the other one of her kind, danger finally struck from the woods.

The scaled creature sprang at her, gripping her with humanoid arms. Its hands ended in razor sharp talons and the yellow eyes almost glowed in the murky twilight. Long ragged fangs tried to pierce her neck but she twisted and shoved at the creature's chest. A guttural scream was wrenched from her throat and the seeking teeth found her shoulder instead.

Fire lanced through her flesh, down her arm as the thing bit deeper, sucking at the wound. She could feel the sandpaper roughness of its tongue as it scoured the hole its teeth had made, causing more blood to flow.

The female scrabbled in the dirt and sand with her other hand, seeking something to injure the thing. She heard noises that let her know the ones in the cave had heard her own sounds and were seeking her.

The tips of her fingers touched the cold, rough shape of a rock and pulled it into her hand. With every ounce of force she could manage, she slammed the rock into the side of the thing's head, dislodging its grip on her shoulder.

With pain gripping her belly and burning into her shoulder, she fell back to the ground, the rock tumbling from her limp hand. She struggled to force her body to move, to stop hurting and to simply breathe.

The demon sat back on his haunches, shaking his head to clear the ringing caused by the blow to his skull. He felt the sand rub against his member where he hung hard and ready, touching the ground. The sensation added to the excitement that had been stirred by the taste of the hot blood in his mouth and the smell of the female on the ground. To his sensitive nostrils, the female animal smelled like food and satiation. The scent of her blood lingered on the air like a subtle perfume, the nearing childbirth a promise of tender morsels to eat.

The demon had detected the traces of her blood miles back and had followed the scent straight to her. He could tell by the scent that she was about to whelp, and the demon had always enjoyed the tender young flesh of these animals.

After a good meal of her young in his belly and her blood on his tongue, he'd planned to have her over and over until she'd torn apart from the barbs on his member. The fear of him and his rutting with her would make her blood a savory treat, in addition to his own excitement from the meal, the kill and the rut. But the sounds of other animals of her kind running toward them let him know his enjoyment was to be cut short. He'd make the most of it he could until they arrived.

Leaning back over her, the demon pushed his scaled and ridged face close to hers and suddenly ran the roughness of his tongue over her mouth, forcing it inside the opening, hoping to build the taste of fear in her blood quickly then drink her before the other animals reached them.

The female felt the icy-hot, sharp tongue of the monster run across her face and into her mouth, cutting the tender flesh and filling her mouth with blood, along with a horrible taste all its own.

The demon's yellow eyes glittered in the near darkness, just inches from her own; when in sheer desperation, she bit down hard on the rough, rubbery thing in her mouth, desperate to make the creature leave her alone.

Teeth, used to eating the tough flesh of animals the cave people killed, sank into the demon's tongue, spilling its own blood into her mouth. The taste was bitter and, together with the foulness of its flesh, caused the female to gag, swallowing some of the vile mixture of demon blood and her own.

With that reflex, she loosened her teeth in its tongue and the monster pulled free and out of her sight. Within seconds, she knew where it had gone as she felt its ragged fangs sink into her neck from behind and the now familiar icy hot pain flow into her body as her blood flowed into its sucking mouth.

~*~

The ragged leaders reached the female just as the monster bit her throat. The male that was with her most often, growled at the monster and swung at it with the huge burning club he had brought from the cave. They had learned that the monsters feared the fire, and the fire gave a dim light to help find their way in the dark night.

Flames caught the monster's flesh; and he pulled away from the blinding light and painful heat the new animal carried, but the pain followed. He leaped several feet away from the animal in one rapid graceful move that carried him to the dirty sand of the ground. There he rubbed his back into the earth, trying to remove the burning flesh from his body. All thoughts of food and satiation disappeared as the pain only worsened. Seeking relief, the demon finally rolled to his feet and ran back into the trees, toward the deep pool of water where he could soothe his injured flesh.

~*~

'Someone take these dreams away

That point to me another day

A dual of personalities

That stretch all true reality

And they keep calling me’

'My blood is your blood. My soul is your soul.

My body is your instrument.'

(The Master and Luke - The Harvest)

'There is so much I have to teach you. Your history, your power ... what your body is capable of... Your power so near to our own... You think you know ... what you are ... what's to come. You haven't even begun. Find it. The darkness. Find your true nature.'

(Dracula to Buffy)

Giles almost closed the small book to lay it in the huge pile of useless tomes when he turned one last page and the words caught his eyes.

+++++

April 16, 1632

My Yaszette stopped breathing for a short time today. I feared I had lost her and tried to breathe air into her mouth to force her to breathe again. It was a horrible fight with the Master Vampire Andre that almost took her from me. I know one day that one of the beasts will kill her, but to have them hold her under water and drown her is too much to bear!

Andre escaped like always, but left one of his minions to hold my Yaszette under the water. I managed to return him to the ashes he came from with a well placed arrow; but by the time I reached her, her tiny lips were blue and no breath came from between them.

Frantic, I breathed my own breath into her, pulling it back out again, over and over until finally the most blessed sound possible occurred! She coughed!

As she coughed, the water sprayed from her lips. Water that must have filled her chest and kept the air from entering.

It has been only a few short hours and she should be weak from her ordeal, but tells me she is well, even stronger. This should not be so!

Yet it is. What has happened to my sweet Yaszette?

+++++

The similarity was not lost on Giles between the earlier Slayer and his own.

Why was this book in the locked section of materials? It seems to be a Watcher's diary like the rest we are required to study. This would have been a help to me when Buffy drowned at the hands of the Master.

Knowing the Council wouldn't hide this diary unless there was something in it they wanted to keep hidden from both Watchers and Slayers, Giles slipped the small volume into his pocket to take back with him to his flat. Looking carefully around, even though he was alone in the small library room, he saw nothing suspicious and turned back to the small pile of books left before him, opening the next one.

~*~

'Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken

Your best friend always sticking up for you

Even when I know you're wrong

Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance, five-hour phone conversation

The best soy latte that you ever had... and me'

"Do I what?! No, I don't love Spike!" Buffy was emphatic with Cordelia. She wanted to stop that idea before the brunette could say something to the wrong person... like Spike.

"No? Then why did you allow him in your house until after he told you he loved you? Why in all these years haven't you killed him? I've seen you kill worse vampires than him before, Buffy. For that matter, I've killed worse vampires than him since I left Sunnydale. Why are you so attracted to him?" That tone of command, that the L.A. crew was all too familiar with, rang in Cordelia's voice as she asked the intrusive questions.

"I... I... I just don't need to. He's harmless with the chip and all... and, uh, he does help me, us; and Dawn cares about him. He took care of her while I was gone."

"Yeah. All that, but why are you so attracted to him?" Cordelia pushed the question again.

"I don't know." The words were squeezed out in a near whisper.

The brunette looked at the small blonde next to her, each with a cup of cold chocolate forgotten in her hand. Setting her own cup on the bedside table, Cordelia got decisively to her feet, looking at Buffy still sitting on the floor. "All right, let's go settle this. Get dressed, Buffy. We're going to go find this vampire of yours. I want to see the two of you together." Cordelia reached for her clothes.

Jumping up from the floor, Buffy was almost frantic in her denial. "No! No, I'm not going out to find Spike. It's late. I'm tired. You've had a long drive. Dawn is asleep -"

Holding the sweatshirt and pants in her arms, Cordy turned to look directly at Buffy, her expression firm. Even Angel knew better than to argue with that expression. "Fine. If you don't want to go with me to find Spike, I'll find him on my own and bring him back with me; but I'd rather you just came with me. Dawn will be fine. She's asleep and we heard Willow come in an hour ago. I didn't drive all the way up here to let you keep wallowing in indecision. This is why you called me. So are you coming with me or not?"

Finally seeing the futility of any further refusal clearly in the determined expression on Cordelia's face, Buffy sighed and reached for her own clothes. Once dressed, the two women headed toward the cemetery.

~*~

'Blue Masquerade, strangers look on

When will they learn, this loneliness

Temptation heat, beats like a drum

Deep in your veins'

'Ever since we did that spell where we called on the first slayer... I've been going out a lot. (Giles looks surprised) Every night.

Patrolling?

Hunting.'

(Buffy and Giles - Dracula)

Giles carried the small pile of books he'd found that might be of some use back to his flat. The Council had allowed him to borrow them, never realizing he had the smaller diary hidden in his pocket. The Watcher was sure they'd never allow him to read it had they known, much less allow him to borrow it.

Dinner was again a quick affair accompanied by a large pot of tea. He had the feeling he'd need more than tea before the night was over. Something about that diary... He poured another cup of tea, added a sliver of lemon and a dollop of milk, then settled back into the comfort of an overstuffed chair and opened the diary.

+++++

May12, 1632

Yaszette has become distant over the last few weeks since the incident. She is much stronger now. I can no longer train with her as before. The last time we did so, a well-placed kick from her so small foot cracked a bone in my ribs.

But at times she is so loving toward me that I can barely resist the desire to touch my lips to hers once again, as I did when I breathed life back into her body. I dream about the feel of them warm under my own lips.

July 23, 1632

I do not know how it happened. We sat at dinner last evening and then as I took my glass of port before the fire; Yaszette came to me in her night shift and sat in my lap as she had done when she was younger. Before I realized what had happened, the glass lay on the floor and my Slayer's lips were on mine as she guided my hand to the warmth of her body beneath her clothing.

My senses were lost to me as I carried her firm yet supple form to my bed. I still am not sure if I made love to Yaszette or if she made love to me. I do know I love her more than as my charge, my Slayer... I love her as a man loves a woman.

I should contact the Council and advise them about the last few months. Her near death, her new strength, the change in our relationship, the way she hunts them at night.

+++++

Giles felt himself grow hard at the thought of the Watcher with his Slayer and blushed at the thought. He'd know of such things to happen between Watcher and Slayer before, yet Buffy was too much like a daughter to him to really consider any such an action. She was young and strong while he was too old and slow for such ideas. He added a dollop of whiskey to his next cup of tea and returned to the diary.

+++++

September 19, 1632

Yaszette sleeps by my side every night now since soon after the first time we were intimate. She is no longer the shy young girl and is instead the bold woman with an insatiable appetite in bed. I worry that she may get with child and be injured while seeking the vampires of evening.

I worry also that she seems to spend more and more time each evening looking for them.

October 3, 1632

Yaszette was out all night several nights ago. She said she was following a very bad vampire we have had much trouble with for some time. But tonight while we made love, I felt the small raised marks of several healed bites on her neck under her hair.

I said nothing to her but will bide my time and when she is so restless to seek them next, I shall follow her.

October 17, 1632

How could she? After all we have been to each other, how could she let such a monster touch even a fingertip to her?

I followed her tonight and saw her meet a young vampire. Young in appearance only, for I know Dupree died over 75 years ago as a human. She went directly to the lair in which he hid and boldly entered. I feared for her and felt he would kill her at once. Yet when I made my way to the small, boarded window, I looked between the wood pieces and saw her in his arms, kissing him!

She allowed him to undress her and… I cannot even say it! She did with that monster what she does with me each night!

I could stand no more and broke in, staking the monster where he lay on her. She screamed and flew at me, striking me greatly before I finally calmed her enough to get her dressed and away from that place.

October 21, 1632

I would have killed her myself for allowing that beast to touch her and daring to say that she had loved the monster! Yet she says she is with child. I never dreamed to have a child when I became a Watcher; such is the devotion to my calling that it leaves no time for normal relationships. All thoughts of marriage or children vanished completely when I was assigned Yaszette as my Slayer, for training and guarding her would be my whole life. So how could I harm her now as she carries my child?

I cannot bear to touch her as before, yet my love for her continues... But still... to let that monster touch her...

March 8, 1633

Yaszette is large with child now, yet is so strange. I would think she grieves for that animal Dupree, but she becomes stranger still. Such dreams she tells me of... of demons and ancient women, two children... one dark, one light. I do not know what she means and she cannot explain more.

I desire to contact the Council to seek advice and assurance or answers to this mystery, yet… I fear what they might do.

May 21, 1633

Her dreams have continued until they are now every night. Yaszette sleeps in the room with me, yet I still cannot bear to sleep with her so she has a bed to herself.

I finally wrote the Council and told them all… the dreams troubled me so. There was much talk of one child being a vampire and the other being a Slayer... All from the bite of some demon to the mother before the children were born. I thought they were simply fearful dreams for our child until the last one.

She said the child talked to her in the dream, that the small girl was Dupree's child and not mine, yet it is not possible for a vampire to father a child! The Council has told us this. But Yaszette was so insistent of this 'truth' that I sought information from them.

A letter arrived from them today. They know all that has happened because, in my trust and ignorance, I told them! They are coming to kill both the child and my Yaszette. The letter told me to do so myself, as she was 'contaminated' and they must have another Slayer now. I was told I must 'do my duty' as a Watcher and remove the 'tainted Slayer'. They did not answer my queries about a vampire fathering a child, but how can they kill the child knowing it must be mine? Is there something they are not telling me?

I should take Yaszette and leave before the Council can arrive; yet she is so ill with this child. She keeps to her bed, moving little as it causes her such pain... What shall I do now?

June 2, 1633

Yaszette had the child last evening. I know now the reason the Council is on its way here.

Yaszette is a fair redhead with sea green eyes. Myself, I have black hair and brown eyes. The child is a girl with blonde hair so pale as to be white and eyes the blue of the autumn sky. Her hair, her eyes, her very features look exactly like her father. The vampire Dupree.

June 3, 1633

A woman appeared at the door last evening. She seemed gypsy, yet I'd swear she was a vampire. She knew the child was Dupree's and that the Council was on the way to kill both of them.

Yaszette spoke with her alone for some time and then afterwards begged me to let the child go with this stranger.

The woman told me then that her name was Yanni and that Yaszette's dreams are true. She urged me to seek the answers within the Council. I do not know if I understand what she means.

Yanni took the child with her when she left.

I struggled to give the small beautiful girl to this unknown woman. Everything within me screamed at the outrage of handing the child to her. I continued to have the nagging sensation that she was a vampire, yet she did not seem to be an animal like the rest of them.

However, Yaszette and Yanni both pled with me to give the baby to her to 'take to safety', as they called it. I do not understand, but finally could not bear the tears and sorrow in my Slayer's eyes and gave in to them.

I stood in the doorway until the woman was swallowed up by the night, carrying the precious baby.

Yaszette then called out to me from her room. I went to her, sitting gently on the side of the now cleaned bedding. She took my hand in her two trembling ones and told me she was dying. She said that she could feel it. She was very upset and made me promise her that after her death, that I would burn her body so the Council could not get it and bring her back. I do not understand what she could mean by that, but I promised.

June 5, 1633

Yaszette died as she said was happening. I kept my promise and burned her body, covered with herbs and flowers for purification.

I sat and watched as the flames consumed her, staring at the ash of her once strong and beautiful body as it floated to the heavens. Stray ash would at times fall upon my face to mingle with the unstoppable tears that coursed down my face. They were like tiny feather-light kisses from my lost lover.

Yet I was allowed no longer than a few hours for my grief as the Council arrived the evening afterwards seeking her body and that of the child. I told them that both had died in childbirth and I had burned them. They were outraged. I am under house arrest with a guard outside the door of my own room. They take me back to England tomorrow.

I believe now that all they taught me was a lie and the dreams and tales of Yaszette are probably the truth. Once back in England, I shall seek out the answers to these puzzling questions. I must keep this diary hidden for if they ever find out that the child still lives and who its father was...

+++++

Giles closed the diary and wiped the tears from his face once more. He didn't know whether to be upset at the fate of those of the diary or to be angry with the Council for its lies and secrets. In his own time as a Watcher he'd learned that all too many of their 'truths' were lies.

Could the long ago Slayer, pregnant by her vampire lover, actually have had dreams depicting the origins of vampires and Slayers?

It was early morning again and he'd still not had any sleep since Buffy had called him. As the questions whirled in his head, his eyes felt like burning holes in his skull and sleep simply had to come before he could read or research any further. Giles was asleep almost before his head hit the pillow.

~*~

'When you are with me, I'm free,

I'm careless I believe,

Above all others, we'll fly,

this brings tears to my eyes,

My sacrifice.'

Cordelia knocked on the door of Spike's crypt as Buffy stood silently beside her.

"Couldn't stay away from me, Pet?" Spike asked as he opened the door, knowing Buffy was on the other side. He didn't expect to see the tall, leggy brunette.

"No, dear. I just needed to see you and Buffy together for a bit to help her with a problem," Cordelia answered, catching the blonde vampire by surprise.

Spike looked at Buffy standing quietly beside Cordelia, almost huddled in on herself. He immediately stepped past the other woman and gathered Buffy into his arms. "What's wrong, Love? Are you hurt? Is there trouble?"

"N… o, no, Spike. I'm trying to figure some things out and asked Cordelia to help me. She said she needed to see us together before she could help me."

"This about us? I'm guessin' she knows then?" Spike asked softly.

"Yep, it's about you two." Cordelia told the two lovers. "There is one more little thing that has happened to me since I've been in L.A. that you don't know, Buffy. I'd guess now would be a good time to tell you. Someone I cared about very much was half-demon and he had these visions, you know? He passed them to me, but they were killing me cause I wasn't any demon at all. So I chose to also be part demon to keep the visions, because they come from the PTB's and help Angel and the guys a lot. I'm gonna see if I can't convince a vision to come, not that they normally work that way, but it would help us understand just what's between you two."

Cordelia looked with satisfaction from one surprised face to the other. "So you gonna kiss now or what?"

"Now? Just like this, in front of you? Bloody Hell, woman. D'you think we're a show?" Spike was feeling anxious and, as usual, it came out in the protective disguise of anger.

"No, I don't think you two are a 'show', as you put it, but I do need to get more information so I can help Buffy answer her questions and that's the best way I can think of off the top of my head. I sure don't want to see the two of you in bed or tearing down houses... Gross much, Spike?"

The slender blonde vampire tipped Buffy's face up so he could look into her eyes. "You told her?"

Tears tried to well in Buffy's eyes as she nodded slightly against the gentle pressure of his fingers under her chin. Spike slid his hand over her damp cheek, caressing her face with a soft loving gesture.

Cordy watched every move closely.

"Then if she's come all this way to help us, Love, we shouldn't disappoint her." Spike dipped his head slowly, catching Buffy's lips with his own as he gathered her closer in his arms. Without thinking, the small blonde wrapped her arms around Spike, pulling him closer. She always felt like she couldn't get close enough to him when they were like this, but when she was away... she only felt ashamed.

As Cordelia watched the pair, she 'reached' inside herself to try and trigger something to tell her more about the couple, because it was obvious even without a vision, that they were a couple. She felt the beginnings of her 'sight' begin to build inside of her. The air around Buffy and Spike flickered and glowed with a pale rosy light just seconds before the images flooded her mind. There was no pain from the vision; but the pictures overwhelmed her, causing her to succumb to gravity in a sudden uncontrolled movement. She fell, but landed in a sitting position as the air around the kissing vampire and Slayer sparkled with coruscating bands of color. "Enough! Enough! God, get a room, you two!"

Spike pulled away from Buffy's lips slowly as she leaned into him, trying to follow. He kept an arm tucked around her as he turned to look at the brunette sitting on the ground. "You're the one that wanted us to kiss so you could watch. See enough, did you?”

"That's an understatement." Cordelia muttered under her breath.

"So, what did you see?" Buffy asked in a worry-tinged voice as she leaned unconsciously closer to the vampire.

"Plenty, Buffy. Oh, yeah. You two are big time in love with each other whether you like it or not."

Cordy gingerly moved to stand again as Spike took the few steps toward her to offer the brunette a hand up. "The air around you was glowing and I saw so much... God, so much! I... I've never seen anything like this and I kinda need to sort it all out in my head, and if you can get Giles here soon that would be good."

"Giles?"

"Yeah. Mr. Tweed himself has got some of your answers and is looking for more, but he'd better not let the Council catch him. They'll kill him to keep this quiet." Cordelia was finally steady on her feet.

"Let's go back to your place, Buffy. You call Giles and then I'll call L.A. and let them know I'll be here a few days." Buffy started to pull away from Spike when the brunette interrupted. "No, he needs to come too. Grab your blood bags and let's go."

Spike recognized the look of determination Cordelia gave him and without another word went back inside his crypt to quickly grab a change of clothes, his duster and his blood supply.

"Cordelia, what is it? What's wrong?" Buffy was worried, and rightly so it seemed.

"Giles is on the right track, but he has to be careful. You need to call him right now so I can talk to him and warn him of what not to do. We need to go now."

Spike emerged from the crypt, closing the door behind him, and fell into step with the two women as they headed quickly back to the Summers' house.

~*~

'Oh who is the beauty

Who the beast

Would you die of grieving when I leave

Two children too blind to see

I would fall in your shadow I believe'

The people of the cave carried the female back to their shelter. The oldest female among them pointed at a spot on the rock floor of the cave, close to the carefully tended fire. She turned to the wall, picked up a handful of moss from a pile there, then made her way to the next chamber of the cavern and scooped up a handful of the mud at the edge of the water. The stream that flowed across the floor there constantly renewed the supply of the silt they used for healing.

The old female rubbed the mud into the handful of moss and turned back toward the wounded female, moaning and writhing on the ground. She grunted to the males and pointed at the wounded one. The males grabbed the arms and legs of the injured female, holding her down.

The pregnant one knew what was about to happen. She had seen it before when someone had been injured and the red liquid poured out of their skin. Fear filled her again, almost as when the monster had attacked her. The old female grabbed a glowing branch from the fire and pushed it against the ragged hole in the other's shoulder.

The scream echoed from the walls of the cavern, mixing thickly with the stench of burning flesh. The branch was carefully placed back into the fire by one of the males as the elder female packed the cold, wet, muddy moss over the burnt wound. She waved her hands at the others of the cave, moving them away. Turning back to the wounded female, she watched the ripples in the flesh of the gravid female and knew this often happened before the magick pushed small ones out of the female's body.

The older one stuck the well gnawed bone she used for this purpose in the other's mouth as the other started to claw at the rock beside her while the lump in her body twitched and made her body jump. She moaned louder and the crone, who was considered the wisest of the cave dwellers, knelt between her legs to receive the gift of the new small one.

The new small one emerged wet, glistening with blood, from the female only to be scooped into old gnarled hands and wiped with a warm fur from next to the fire. She looked at it and saw it was one of those... It had the small stick on its body.

Wiping the face and body of the small new male, the old one watched as it turned its face from the light of the fire and saw the ridges form across its face only to disappear again. She was confused and turned toward the entrance of the cave where the rest stood watching. She motioned to a female whose own small one had been still and cold when it had emerged a few darks before.

The other female came to the crone and took the fur-wrapped bundle, looking at the new male with a soft expression on her face. She held the small male close to her as he wiggled his head, seeking the lumps on her front. Finding one, the small face became ridged again as its small mouth closed over the end of the lump, sucking at the flesh. The woman felt a small sharp pain as the little one sucked, but pleasure replaced the pain so she let it continue.

The wounded one on the floor bit harder on the bone as she moaned and growled around it. The old woman saw her body still bulging and moving, and went back to look again between her legs. A second small new one appeared and the old female knew the magick was great in this one to have carried two new ones inside her body.

Grabbing another fur, she wrapped this one up as well. Then looked to see what kind it was...

This one was like herself and the female on the floor. It had no stick, but a hole where new small ones would enter the world once this one had gotten big and after many comings of cold.

The old one turned to the female holding the small male and saw the red liquid around its mouth, running in a small trail from the chest lump, down the flesh of the female. She had her eyes closed, a look of pleasure on her face, as she held the small male close to her, her head leaned back against the cave wall.

Shaking her head at this unknown magick of the male's face ridges and the drinking of the red liquid, the old one finally turned back to the wounded one on the floor to hand her the small new female, then stopped.

The red liquid had made a spreading, sticky pool around the wounded shoulder even after the fire and the plant and mud. More red liquid made a large puddle beneath where the new ones had come from her body. The female was still, her eyes staring at the top of the cave. They didn't move like normal eyes moved, instead staring motionless. Shaking her head with agitation and making small cries, the old one backed away, still holding the small female. This one would be powerful for she had pulled the life of the one that had carried her with her as she emerged into the world.

The old female stooped to pick up a small stick covered with the black from the fire. She drew the magick lines on the face of the small female and gave her to yet another female whose own small one had joined them more than one cold ago yet still sucked the chest lumps.

This bigger small one would have to eat the flesh of the animals now so the new, special female could have the white liquid from the chest lumps of this one.

~*~

August 13, 1633

We arrived back in London several days ago. The Council took me straight to the Castle. I have a small room with food and water, yet I'm locked inside. No one will speak to me. I begin to fear for my own life and more, that I will not be able to seek the truth for Yaszette.

September 1, 1633

The Council head returned and called me to his own room. There were curtains across the room so that it appeared small. I know there were others behind the material for I could hear them moving, breathing, and saw one brush the cloth from the other side.

The Master asked me many questions about Yaszette, the child, and the vampires. I told them no more than I had already betrayed in my ill-sent letter. I do not know if he believed me or not, but my tears were real when I spoke of the loss of my Yaszette and the loss of our child. It should have been our child, had Dupree not taken my child from me by filling Yaszette with his own. But how!

Even if the child was created from that monster of a vampire, she was also the last remaining part of Yaszette, so how can I not love her?

I must find the answers to the mysteries so that Yaszette can rest in what peace she may find and so that our little girl will be safe.

September 20, 1633

The Council Master must have believed at least some of what I told them for they have unlocked my room and have allowed me the freedom of the Council keep.

I can start finally to search for answers to the questions that nag at me endlessly.

As I wandered the keep, looking in all the odd and dark corners, I found a cache of books hidden in the wall of the oldest part of the library. I stumbled on an uneven bit of floor and reached for the metal bracket that holds the torches to catch myself. It moved and I feared I had pulled it from the stone somehow. Instead, I heard a grinding sound as a small section of the wall moved. I looked, of course, and found even older books and actual scrolls.

I quickly hurried to lock the main door with the inside bolt and went back to read the books.

Most were full of magickal formulas and rituals, but one seemed to be a journal such as this. I brought it back to my room with me, hidden in my clothes.

September 21, 1633

The Council calls the vampires animals and monsters yet they have done more monstrous deeds than any vampire! How could they use these poor girls in such a way? I know now why they sought the child. Dupree was the father and they knew it was possible. They have forced Slayers to have children by vampires, but very, very few vampires are able to have children. The journal says that the 'best results are with another vampire, aided by magick, or with a Slayer, since they are so closely related'!

What can they mean? How could the Slayers, the innocent girls who risk their lives and die so quickly, have anything to do with the demon-filled vampires? Could this be the meaning of Yaszette's dreams? Are these yet more lies told to us by the Council as truths? And which is the truth, the fevered dreams of my lost Slayer, or the mouthings of the Council?

I must hide the books with greater care! A guard almost found them earlier as I wrote. I feel my life would be forfeit if the Master knew what I have been learning!

+++++

Giles leaned back in his chair and massaged the bridge of his nose with two fingers. He was so tired, yet he had to finish this diary. He also needed to look for the hidden chamber the Watcher mentioned. He allowed his mind to wander over the information he had read and realized something. Odd, I know his Slayer so well now, yet not once is his name ever mentioned. Well, that is to be expected I'm sure as it is his own journal and he'd not normally write his name in it. The ringing of the phone quickly broke Giles' light doze and he quickly lifted the handset to his ear. "Hullo?"

"Giles, it's me. Cordelia is here and Spike. Cordelia had a vision... It's a long story, but we need you here and you need to come now, Giles. You have to be very, very careful. Cordy says you're looking for two books and have found one already but that the Council will kill you if they know you have seen the books. Bring them with you, but please be careful!" Buffy told him rapidly, with a shaking voice.

~*~

'Morning smiles

like the face

of a newborn child,

innocent, unknowing.'

'She's uncomfortable with certain concepts. It's understandable. Aggression is a natural human tendency. (Looks at Buffy) Though you and me come by it another way.

We're not demons.

Is that a fact?'

(Pre-Adam and Buffy - Restless)

Giles quietly headed down the darkened hallway in the Council's building. He only hoped he could remember the instructions from the journal and Cordelia's directions correctly, and that her vision had been of the corridor as it was now, not as it had been centuries before. Turning one last corner, he stepped back into the deeper shadows and reached into his pocket for the lock picks he'd brought with him.

Kneeling before the door, Giles started work on the locks. It was several nerve-racking minutes before the rusted lock finally gave and he heard the sharp click of success. Tucking the picks back to an inner pocket, Giles entered the dust and cobweb shrouded room. He closed the door behind him with one hand as he reached into the other pocket for the small flashlight.

~*~

"Are you sure he'll be safe?" Buffy asked the brunette seer again for the umpteenth time since the phone call two hours earlier.

"He will if he does what I told him; but if you keep pacing and asking me that, you may not be! We can't do any more right now, Buffy. Let me get some sleep and you go in there and curl up with your vampire." Cordelia knew the Slayer was worried about Giles. "He'll be okay and I can keep 'watch' even while I sleep. If a vision comes, it'll wake me. I promise."

Face filled with resignation, Buffy nodded slowly and headed back to her own room where Spike waited for her.

The blonde vampire sat on the side of Buffy's bed. He'd tossed his shirt on the footboard and was clad in just his jeans. "Finally gonna try to sleep, Pet? Come let me relax you."

He stood, taking a step toward her as she almost threw herself into his arms, trying not to sob. She felt the familiar desire for him rising in her as it always did when she was near him, even as the back of her mind worried about Giles.

~*~

The small ones had been with the cave group for several colds now, but were bigger than those that had come before them. The young male was strange from the others in many ways. He didn't eat the animals they killed, but would only drink the red liquid of the beasts.

Since the first time he had gone outside the cave when the burning was in the sky and the fire had moved to his hand, the male stayed inside the cave except at night. Then too, his face was so odd. Sometimes it was ridged and lumpy like when he drank the red liquid of the animals, his eyes yellow; and other times it was a smooth face like the others of the cave.

The crone had to watch the small female that had arrived with the strange male. She was different too, but in other ways.

The young female often tried to kill the male. She was much stronger than the older ones of the cave and it took several of them to keep her from pushing the sharp sticks into the young male.

Finally, many colds after the two had arrived, after one of the others had been found unmoving, the male left. The unmoving one had a ragged hole in his throat yet the red liquid of his body was not on the ground around him.

They carried him to the small distant cave where they put all of the unmoving ones, but he returned to them two darks later with his face ridged like the young male, who was with him. The eyes of both males were a glowing yellow. The young female had attacked them both, and had stuck the sharp stick deep into the chest of the returned male. As he crumbled into dust, the young male fled the cavern.

The crone didn't understand what was happening.

After that first time, others would become still with ragged holes in their necks, yet none of the red liquid was found around them. Each one of them would return again, moving, but with the yellow eyes, ridged faces and sharp ragged teeth. The crone would watch as the young female stabbed each one of the strange ridged-faced ones with the sharp stick she always kept with her and the different one turned to dust on the ground.

One dark, while trying to force her undeveloped mind to understand what these magicks meant, the crone crept closer to the fire, seeking its warmth. Without warning, one of the ridged ones was next to her, their yellow eyes looking at her in a way that troubled her. She finally understood the danger all too quickly as the ridged one sank his raggedly sharp teeth into her neck and sucked hard at the red liquid she knew was running from the hole.

The cave wavered around her and the light of the fire didn't seem as bright when the ridged one released the crone and with a sharp nail, cut its own arm, forcing it to the old female's mouth, making her swallow the warm, sticky liquid.

~*~

'All those alchemists on the board of directors and they still make us fly coach. Miserly bastards.

A frugal lot, to be sure, but not stupid. And I think you'll find, willing to admit when they've made a mistake.'

(Smith and Collins - Sanctuary)

Giles brushed the festoons of cobwebs from in front of his face and crouched at the edge of the bookcase. He found the spring with the tips of his fingers and pressed hard. Slowly, with the weight of centuries of dust and grime, the small door slid back in its track revealing a dark square. With a deep breath and grimace, Giles reached into the dark hole, knowing what he hoped he'd find, yet worried that he'd meet surprises.

As his fingers touched the dry paper and crumbling leather of an old book, he exhaled a sigh of relief and gently extracted the object. Hurriedly, but carefully, the Watcher wrapped the book in the cloth he'd brought for that purpose and closed the small door. With careful, quiet steps, he moved as quickly as possible from the room, re-locking the doors behind him. He immediately left the Council building, heading for his car. He knew he'd not breathe easily until he was on the plane to California.

~*~

'As the pain sweeps through,

Makes no sense for you.

Every thrill is gone.

Wasn't too much fun at all,

As the world falls down.'

The crone woke amid a swirl of blinding pain unlike anything she had ever felt before. Fire burned inside of her and she wanted... She didn't understand what she wanted until the ridged face male-child she had seen the magick bring forth so many colds ago showed her. Many of the different ones dragged a female into the cavern where they all hid from the others and from the light in the above. The female had been bitten and the red liquid ran slowly from the bites.

They threw the female at the crone. She hit the rocks inches away. The scent of the red liquid was the most wonderful thing the crone could ever remember smelling. She felt her face moving, stretching and reached a hand upward to touch her flesh, only to find the lumps and ridges like those around her. She understood now what the other ridged ones did; and, in that understanding, quickly pulled the wounded female to her and bit deeply into the soft flesh of the neck to suck the life-giving fluid.

The crone knew where the strong female hid and led them to her. All but the male, who the magick had brought before her, wanted to drink the female. Yet, he grunted and hit them to stop them from drinking her as they thought would happen.

She was but one. They were many and soon overwhelmed her, holding her still even though she continued to struggle. She had managed to turn four of them into dust before she was taken to the floor during the fight.

The young male moved closer to her, crouching next to her, running his hands across her chest and the lumps that seemed to please him.

She struggled more, to no avail. He simply made a strange noise at her and kicked the side of her face, then ripped the furs apart that covered her.

As the others held her, the male kept licking, touching, and very gently biting her all over. Her grunts and growls slowly changed to moans.

The male pointed to the ground and the rest held firmly to her and pulled her completely to the ground, pinning her in place, as the young male pulled his own furs off and plunged the hard, coldness of his body into the hot, wet, grasping opening she had in common with all females.

~*~

It had been many darks since the others had captured her and the male she had grown up with had hurt her. She didn't understand why he had only bitten her slightly and licked the bites instead of killing her that day, nor why he had bitten himself and made her drink the red liquid from him.

They had let her go and she had run from the place she had been to a new place, a place where they had not found her yet.

The male had put his cold hard flesh in her. He had done it over and over through the long dark that never seemed to end. Finally, he'd turned her loose and the ridged ones had all vanished deeper in the caves as the light appeared in the sky.

Her belly had swollen after many darks, then something moved inside of her. She had seen this with other females that finally squeezed a small one from the opening between her legs, where the male had hurt her with his cold flesh.

Now, pain grasped her body and caused her to cry out as the lump inside of her struggled to come out.

~*~

She was tired and hurt everywhere, especially where the small female had come out of her body. The new one had made only small sounds and finally had found one of the lumps on her chest to suck; yet this small one had no teeth.

Rolling both of them in the furs, the female drifted into a troubled sleep.

*

The little one had grown rapidly over the last few colds and hated the ridged ones as she herself did. The older female showed the younger one everything she knew about hiding from them, finding them… And how to turn them into dust.

~*~

'Is there a cure among us

From this processed sanity

I weaken with each voice that sings

In this world of purchase

I'm going to buy back memories

To awake some old qualities

Have I got a long way to run

Yeah, I've got a long way to run...'

Giles planned to spend the flight reading the rest of the diary from Yaszette's Watcher and the even older one of Robere. When the plane had lifted from the ground at Heathrow, he was finally able to draw his first deep breath in hours. The flight attendant brought him a cup of tea.

+++++

September 29, 1633

The gypsy came to my room last evening. I know not how she entered the room or the building except that she is also a vampire. She told me Yaszette's daughter was fine and healthy. They call her Elisabet.

The woman Yanni told me of an old Council person whose writings I must find. She gave me instructions on where Robere's diary is hidden and then continued to tell me a tale beyond belief.

~*~

'In ages past when spells were cast

In a time of men in steel

When a man was taught no special thing

It was all done by feel

So listen, so learn, so read on

You gotta turn the page, read the Book...'

+++++

(The diary of Robere)

January 19, 1425

A young page from the Council of Watchers summoned me to the Headmaster today.

I was invited to join this secretive but prestigious group as one of their alchemists.

Master Quintus said Lord Suffolk had recommended me after my healing of the Lord's young daughter.

I know I should not have such pride at this invitation yet I cannot but help to feel finally justified in my arduous studies.

I shall move into the keep on the morrow and begin my Journeyship with this august group. Master Quintus said I would be further instructed for the next several months in the specific arts they require from me.

That I, Robere of Cornwall, the youngest bastard child of seven, should be found worthy of such honor, is truly breathtaking.

February 24, 1425

Today the Watchers brought a panikin of blood to we five alchemists. It is time to show the Headmaster how right he was in his judgment of my value to them!

They wish us to enhance the blood to bestow greater strength and endurance upon the person the blood was taken from. In addition, they wish us to create a potion from the blood that will cause the chosen mate of the Council's young ward to be most desirous of her and for their union to be fruitful.

It seems she is some distant relative of the Headmaster himself. It is only natural that he should desire her to make an advantageous match and provide heirs to the Headmaster’s family.

As it is only natural that with my recent joining of the ranks of the Alchemists, that the Watchers would now seek more difficult tasks from us.

+++++

Bloody pompous ass! You're so taken with yourself you can't see what’s probably before your face!

Giles had taken an almost instant dislike to this Robere and he only had his words to read. He was glad he'd never had to put up with the insufferable man some 600 years before. Now to 'wade' my way through this infernal diary of his. I can only hope it gets quickly to the information I'm supposed to locate. With a slight sigh, Rupert Giles picked up the fragile book again and clenched his teeth as he returned to reading. He was simply skimming the elegant copperplate script until, finally, two years into the 'infernal diary', as he thought of it now, the tone abruptly changed.

+++++

June 11, 1427

I was taking my usual constitutional around the ramparts of the keep this evening after our meal when I heard a woman screaming and a small child crying. I thought I knew every part of the keep after all this time, yet I have never encountered these persons. I was not near the servants' quarters; but even so, the servants do not have children on the grounds and I have heard of no visitors that would account for these sounds.

I asked the head alchemist and he spoke of some villager and a sick child, yet... under his words, I heard the ring of untruth. We do treat the servants' children and the occasional villager in truth. Why would they feel it was necessary to lie about such a thing? There should need be no untruths about this. Yet they felt it worthy of a lie.

I think this bears investigation.

June13, 1427

I may be in more trouble than I realized.

My previous questions concerning the overheard voices resulted in an unexpected visit and near reprimand from the Master. There was still not an explanation for the sounds so I continued to search.

I finally found the room from whence the voices and crying emanated two nights ago. I would wish to God I had not! But that is not the truth either, for the truth is ghastly.

It was a barred room, locked from the outside. Yet the lock was so easily opened with the right word and only a slight touch of magick.

Inside, it was like cages. The crying woman was actually a young girl of perhaps 15. In the cell next to her (for cells are all they can be likened to) was a small child, perhaps a year old and in the third cell... in the third was the most horrible beast! His face was ridged and horrible, his eyes a blazing yellow, his mouth filled with ragged teeth that appeared to be sharp like those of an animal. And like an animal, he growled and flung himself at the bars in his attempts to reach either the woman or the child.

But then the creature spoke as plainly as myself… and his face... his face shifted and was ridged no longer! I recognized him then. He was a young Watcher that had left the keep soon after I arrived, or so I had been told, and thus had dismissed from thought.

I think this beast was the thing the Watcher's guard against... a vampire!

They saw me not, so I was able to tarry and listen to the words of the beast. He told the young woman that she was his lawful wife and the child his as well, so he had the right to do with both of them as he pleased.

The woman told him he'd not touch her again for the moment he did, she would 'stake him'.

The child saw me then and cried out to her mother, the young woman!

The woman and the vampire both spoke to me while the child whimpered and cried.

They had such accusations when they learned I was one of the alchemists!

The woman said I was one of the 'beasts' that enchanted the blood the Watchers took from her and the vampire. She said they mixed the blood and forced it back into the bodies of both of them. They also told me that, when they had both been drugged and controlled, she had been 'given' to the vampire repeatedly until she was with child! The young child in the third cell was the result of our tampering!

Hearing voices down the corridor, I made a hasty exit without being seen, yet I heard the voices of the woman and vampire raised in accusation and description of me to the Watchers who discovered the door of the cell chamber unlocked.

What do I do now? Do I give in and 'tell' all in hopes that we might continue as we have been? Do I seek to escape the confines of these walls and disappear in the countryside? Or do I do what my very soul tells me is right? To learn what our magicks have been actually used for and why. To find out how damned my soul is from what I have done and try to undo that damage.

I know they will figure out who was there by description alone. Of course, it's not as if they had many to select from, there being only we five alchemists. Perhaps better to admit my discovery and pretend to continue as before whilst I seek out the truth.

I think that is my better plan. I shall secret my journal away as I have never had to do before and seek out the Headmaster.

June 14, 1427

I have consumed half a bottle of good port after my interview with the Headmaster just to calm the shaking in my hands enough to write this. I must learn the full truth now and do what I may to rectify this horror I have willingly, if ignorantly, participated in.

Master Quintus all but told me that if I spoke to anyone outside of him or the other alchemists (who it seems have know all along!) that I would be simply killed out of hand as food for the vampire or perhaps even 'turned', as it was called, as they did to the young Watcher and then used as 'stud' for the next Slayer as soon as her womanhood was upon her! That young child!

It seems that a very strange woman was discovered several centuries ago. She had the unusual combination of strength, skill and drive to kill the vampires, so of course the men involved captured her and her daughter, and brought them to this keep, forming the society of Watchers. They have been involved for centuries now in a selective breeding process as if the women were simple sheep for their use. They had even managed to capture a vampire after a seer told them the vampires and Slayers were distant kinfolk. They always keep one Slayer here and breeding with a vampire, if possible, trying to 'improve the breed' as Quintus put it.

Quintus said that at one time they had attempted to 'turn' a Slayer, and almost were not able to subdue her resulting savageness long enough for them to destroy her. They have also tried raising the male children and 'turning' them to breed with the Slayers who are always female. Sweet God! They have forced them to have children from their own sons or brothers!

Male children they kill at birth now, for they are of no use to the Council.

Yet it seems that the male vampire who can produce a child is a rarity indeed and often must be assisted with magick. On very rare occasions, two vampires have been able to produce a child, yet the mother must always die for they cannot give birth, as they are already dead, but not.

They have gotten the best results with 'turning' Watchers who have already proven themselves able to procreate, but even the vampire they become is rarely capable of fathering a child.

What do I do now? Do I try to learn more, for I know there is more to learn? I am no longer this night the foolish fop I was once, believing in innocence and goodness in shades of black and white. Do I try to help those I have helped to wrong?

I know I must hide this book and pretend to be as before or my life will be lost.

+++++

Giles was shaking as he closed the book and tucked it back into his pocket. Clamping his teeth firmly together, he managed to reach the small lavatory before his nausea at what he had read finally overwhelmed him.

~*~

'And into the fire

I'm reunited

Into the fire

I am the spark

Into the night

I yearn for comfort' (Into The Fire, Sarah McLachlan)

'I touch the fire, and it freezes me

I look into it, and it's black.

Why can't I feel?

My skin should crack and peel.

I want the fire back!' (Walk Through The Fire, Joss Whedon)

Willow had just entered the kitchen of the Summers household, intending to make breakfast for Dawn, Buffy and herself, when a sleepy and somewhat rumpled looking Cordelia appeared in the doorway followed by an equally frazzled looking Buffy and Spike! "Ah... Hi, Cordelia, Spike, Buffy... What's up? Why is everybody here?"

"Long story, Will. Can we cover it over breakfast? Giles is on the way from England with some really important and kinda dangerous information about Slayers and vampires. I think Cordy and Spike kinda need to go over some stuff with you too." Buffy replied, her voice weary. She'd stayed curled in Spike's arms during the night, dozing off and on, yet had not truly slept as they waited for Giles. She kept turning Cordelia's words over and over in her head until all of her thoughts were tied in knots.

Yeah, must be why my head hurts... All those knots making bumps on the inside... Gad, I must be losing it big time.

"Things to go over?"

"Willow, you did the spell that brought Buffy back. Spike can hit her without his chip going off, so we need to go over the ritual you used to see if we can find anything unusual there. If not, we'll look into the Slayer angle; but right now you're here and Giles isn't. Oh, and by the way, I'm part demon now. Don't know what part, or what it does except keep the visions from killing me and makes me float occasionally, but I am." Cordelia turned to open the refrigerator after dropping her bombshell on the redheaded witch.

Spike passed Willow on his way to retrieve a bag of blood for breakfast and patted her shoulder. "Flies, Red. Gonna catch'em if you keep your mouth open like that. French toast might be better."

"Demons? Giles' coming here? French toast? Slayers and Vampires..." Willow was baffled. It was much too early for complications.

"Slayers and vampires and demons, oh my! Yep, that's about it." Cordelia remarked over her shoulder to the Wiccan. "Spike, catch!" Cordelia tossed the carton of eggs at him as she grabbed the container of milk and the tub of butter. She turned to look at Buffy. "Got syrup too?"

"Syrup? Ahhhh, yeah, syrup. Sticky stuff, in a jar, put over pancakes, right?"

"That's the one. Hey Willow, Spike and I will do the French toast if you'll do the bacon." The brunette turned to take the bowl from the vampire.

"Here, put a bit of vanilla and cinnamon in as well. Makes it better." Spike handed her the appropriate spice jars.

Willow moved toward her housemate in a slight daze. "Buffy? What...? All that other stuff... Spike and Cordelia cooking. Please pinch me and see if I'm awake?"

Before Buffy could utter a word or make a movement, Spike had obligingly reached over and pinched Willow's backside. "Oww! Dammit, Spike! Wait, no headache!"

"Well, bit of a twinge but not much, 'cause I knew I wasn't gonna really hurt you and you did ask for it." Spike told her quite smugly.

Buffy simply ignored their antics as she opened the cabinet for plates, still feeling mentally numb.

In record time, the toast and bacon were finished. Buffy had the dining table set; and when Dawn came downstairs, the teen had the unusual presence of mind to not comment on the odd assortment of people in the kitchen or their activities. Instead she poured orange juice for everyone except Spike, who got his usual large glass of O positive with his French toast.

There was little sound except that of eating until Cordelia casually remarked to the room in general. "Did you know that idiot Harmony likes sugar and cinnamon in her blood? How disgusting."

Spike never blinked as he added his own comment. "I prefer some crumbled Wheatabix. Adds texture."

Buffy looked up at him and blinked. "We'll have to get some then, I guess..." She realized her implication and ducked her head to resume eating.

"If it's okay, I'm gonna go over to Janice's after breakfast. When you get a 'council' like this together and call in the L.A. gang, I think I should be elsewhere. Sooner or later you'll tell me something. I hope."

"Dawn, honey... Let us get this figured out and I promise I'll tell you. Janice's is fine." Buffy reassured her sister.

"And if big sis doesn't tell you, I will, Platelet. 'K?" Spike resumed his attack on his food as well. "Oh, and any more hangin' out with vamps and I'll personally kick your arse. Not a word, before you even say it!" Spike warned her, knowing she'd bring up the fact that he was a vampire.

"Oh, all right," Dawn grumbled as she got up to put her plate in the dishwasher and headed out of the kitchen.

Buffy shot Spike a look of pure gratitude for his comments. Buffy just had not been able to say much to Dawn about the vampire teens that had almost killed her sometime back. She felt that her telling Dawn to stay away from vampires was pretty much the pot calling the cauldron black.

"We'll discuss that later, Love. Let's get you figured out first." Spike knew Buffy hadn't really cautioned Dawn, as she should have, from her own words; but right now, he felt they needed to worry about the Slayer.

With breakfast finished, Willow and Spike headed to the redhead’s room. Cordelia stopped long enough to tell Buffy, "As much as you might want to be in there, we need you to stay out here and not let us be disturbed. I'll keep your vampire safe."

"Thanks, Cordy. I can handle that. No disturbances. Got it." Buffy turned around to attack the dishes in the sink instead of making use of the dishwasher. It would give her something to keep her occupied while her three friends talked upstairs and she watched the clock, waiting for Giles.

~*~

'On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?

Will he offer me his mouth?

Yes.

Will he offer me his teeth?

Yes.

Will he offer me his jaws?

Yes.

Will he offer me his hunger?

Yes.

Again, will he offer me his hunger?

Yes!

And will he starve without me?

Yes.

And does he love me?

Yes.

Yes.

On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?

Yes.

Willow sat tentatively on the edge of her bed. Spike stood next to the door, leaning against the wall. Cordelia curled up on the floor, hugging her knees and looking up at Willow. "So... so... what do you need to know?"

"What did you use in the ritual?" Spike asked, his voice betrayed the hardness underneath even though he tried to hide it.

"The usual... herbs, candles, Urn of Osiris..." Willow trailed off.

"Know about that one. Gotta have 'vino de Madre'. So where did you get it?" The hardness was more apparent.

"Black market stuff."

"Bollocks! Gotta be fresh and you know it. So where did you get it?" Spike repeated the question more strongly.

"A... a fawn. I gave blessings and all..." Willow tried to explain in defense of her actions, trying to excuse what she had felt she had to do.

"Willow, did you use your magick to call the animal to you?" Cordelia asked very coldly.

"Ah..."

Spike turned and slammed his hand against the door. "Oh, Bloody Hell!"

Cordelia look up at the vampire, amazed at the strength of his outburst. "What?"

Spike ignored her and spoke directly to Willow. "No bleedin' wonder you've been addicted to your magick. D'n't anyone ever teach you about ethics? You can't bleedin' well use your magick to call a sacrifice and then expect it to work right afterwards! I said it that night and I'll say it again. There are always consequences!"

Willow drew herself up to her full height, facing the vampire. "I did what I had to do. We needed to do the ritual then and I'd put off that part as long as I could. I couldn't wait for chance. Besides, you're in no position to lecture me about 'ethics'."

"No, you bleedin' just took the chance of bolloxin' it all up and tha' way it looks, you bloody well might've."

"What do you mean?" Worry was evident in Willow's question.

"I can hit her. Chip doesn't go off. We beat tha' hell outta each other and never a twinge from this chip."

"Maybe it's broke?" Willow said wishfully and wistfully.

"'S'not broke. Had it checked. Did some checkin' on my own and don't ask or tell. I got plenty o' 'ethics', 'specially for a vampire. Too damn many sometimes."

"This is all fascinating guys, and you can blame each other all day if you want, but let's get down to it. Tell me about the actual ritual, Willow. What did you do, what was said, what happened... " Cordelia interrupted in a very no nonsense tone.

Willow looked at Cordelia for a moment, and in those few seconds realized that there was something much more different about her than just being part demon. This was a woman in charge of herself and often others as well. A woman that would have her way about something. Willow saw a determination as firm as her own resolve-face overlay the features of the brunette she no longer knew.

"It was the four of us. Me, Xander, Tara and Anya. We went to the woods where we had buried her and they lit candles. I set the Urn of Osiris on her... her grave and poured the vino..."

"Let's cut to the chase, shall we?" Cordelia's voice was sweet as syrup. " You can keep doing what seems like hiding how you got the blood for the ritual, but since we already know what it is and what happened, let's just call it what it is... You poured the blood in the Urn. Go on."

Willow reached inside herself and pulled up that 'something ' of her own. She looked back into the brown eyes of the woman in front of her, then glanced at the bright piercing blue ones of the vampire slightly to one side of Cordelia. "All right. I poured the blood into the Urn, dipped my fingers in and made the necessary sigils on my forehead and cheeks, and started the invocation.

'Before time, and after. Before knowing, and nothing.' Then I poured the rest of the blood on the grave and finished the first part of the invocation. 'Accept our offering. Know our prayer'. "

"Pretty standard so far. What happened then?" Spike commented to both women.

"Cuts slashed into my arms and I could feel things under my skin, moving around. But the research all said I'd be tested, so I kept on with the rest of the invocation. 'Osiris! Here lies the warrior of the people. Let her cross over. Osiris, release her!' The things moved up into my throat and I felt like I was gonna choke. They all kinda merged and came out of my mouth as a snake."

"Yeah, snake's about right. Ya' know the ancient Minoans considered the snake as a symbol of rebirth." Spike interjected. Both women looked at him as if he'd suddenly spouted a second head.

"What? I've studied a lot of things. Kinda had to, what with Dru and Angelus and all."

Willow nodded slightly, understanding some of the things he might have done. She remembered what Druscilla and Angelus had been like. "That's what I found in my research. They had lots of things carved with the snake holding the 'flower of Zeus' in its mouth as the rebirth of some great king."

Willow started enthusiastically about the subject.

"So why didn't you do your ritual with that, instead of Osiris?" Spike asked vehemently.

"D'you know how hard it is to find all the rituals associated with that resurrection spell, much less the Obelisk of Zeus? It took us months just to find the last Urn of Osiris!"

"Fine. So wh'd'ya'do next?" Spike leaned back, arms crossed.

"The energy was running through me and I could feel something starting to happen, like a door starting to open. I thought that was probably the part where the 'judging of the hearts against the Feather of Truth' was done before the 'rebirth of the downed Warrior'. But then the demons came through on their bikes and smashed the Urn. I remember falling for what seemed like forever and then I was in the woods being carried away from it all." Willow shivered slightly at the memory of the aftermath of the ritual as well as the sensations that had flooded through her during it.

Without warning, she was suddenly grabbed by both arms and hauled up into the air, looking down slightly at a very enraged blonde vampire.

"All that! You did all that and then just left her there? Left her to wake up buried alive?" His hands tightened slightly in his anger and pain twitched through his head. He fought the urge to wince, but set the redheaded witch back on the ground, leaning into her face. "Did you finish your research at all? Did you know Osiris came back missing something? Not that Buffy has that problem, but that she'd be changed 'cause of it?"

He ran his hand through his hair in that familiar gesture of frustration. Frustration at Buffy being left alone, buried, when the spell might have worked, as it obviously had; frustrated because of the complications of the specific ritual the witch had used. He'd run across that one when he'd been helping Dalton research how to bring Dru back to full strength and the warnings about it in the book.

Well, I s'ppose she might not have had that book or someone to translate ancient Egyptian like Dalton could do.

Cordelia felt it was time to break this up and pushed at Spike's chest with one hand and Willow's shoulder with the other hand. "Okay, no fighting. Willow, take us there. I need to see."

"You mean go back to..." The very thought made the Wiccan want to cringe. She didn't want to see the gaping hole in the earth where Buffy had had to dig her way out of her own grave. She didn't want to have to remember again the time when Sunnydale was without a Slayer... when she was missing her friend.

"Yes. That's what I mean." Cordelia looked at the vampire beside her, sensing something else from him. "You okay with going there, Spike?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I can do it. I was there when they... when we buried her. I dug my way outta my own grave. I can go back to her’s… ‘cause I know she's here." He turned away so the brunette couldn't see his face, hoping that would be enough. The thought of having to go to the place he buried the Slayer he loved, to have to see the mute evidence of her having to dig her way out like... like a vampire... a monster, was more than he wanted to do.

Cordelia just looked at Angel's childe. This was not the same vampire that had threatened to kill all of them so long ago. This was a man in love.

Being in love with Buffy made Angel so broody all the time, but it seems to have made Spike more alive than any vampire I've ever seen. Well, except maybe Harmony, but under all the ditz, she's still a vampire. Under all this swaggering, there's a man inside this vampire. "Okay! Let's get going then." She looked at Willow and Spike expectantly.

~*~

Having gotten his stomach settled again, Giles nursed the plastic cup of scotch as he opened Robere’s journal again, determined to finish it in the dwindling hours before he arrived in California.

+++++

June 21, 1427

I do not know if Quintus still trusts me or no; however, I think I may have gained some trust from the other three. I go to converse with them as often as possible and when not in the throes of his demon-madness, Ambrose is not the animal we have been told. Selene is the Slayer they have here with her daughter, Marabeth.

I'm told that Selene's mother; Amanda was released once Selene came into her powers. This seems to happen when their, ah, womanhood, comes upon them.

Selene has had three other children before Marabeth, but they were boys and thus the Council killed them all. The previous vampire was unable to produce any but a male child, so Ambrose, who has a small daughter in the village, volunteered to be 'turned'. He tells me that the Council promised they would care for his daughter and her mother for the rest of their lives for his sacrifice.

Selene is worried that she may be with child again. Should this be so and another girl, she said they would try the 'test' on her. They would have two Slayers here in captivity should the 'test' fail.

I questioned her about this 'test' for she seems most frightened of it. Once she told me all she knew, I understand her fright!

They have not been able to do the 'test' for some time, she told me. The Council will kill the Slayer in the least harmful way. It sounds ironic to say such a thing, for when is death not harmful? Yet they will seek to drown her or smother her in some manner. Then it will be the job of we alchemists and some of the Council members well versed in spell casting to bring her back to life.

I had no idea any of the Council indulged in such heresy as spell casting, yet if they will do these things, why should the darker arts give them pause?

I am not sure what the Council feels this 'test' will do or why. Selene said that she had heard talk of it and that a Slayer brought back from the jaws of death will be stronger, faster, more of a 'slayer' in all ways. Ambrose confirms this, although it is said to be very secret information, but that the death and rebirth of a Slayer re-energizes them, revitalizes them, enhances them in some way.

I think it is barbaric to even consider!

+++++

Giles closed the journal as he sat, lost in thought. Bits of conversations otherwise forgotten whirled through his head; events over the last few years as Buffy's Watcher took on new meaning. Her drowning at the hands of the Master, only to be revived by Xander and Angel; her comments after her encounter with Dracula about 'hunting' at night; a thousand little remarks and overheard conversations both in Sunnydale and from the Watchers as well. One encounter in the recent past kept ringing over and over in his ears.

As he was combined with Willow, Xander, all the Slayers back to the First, and Buffy while she fought Adam, they had heard her break the bone spike from Adam's arm as the multi-Buffy told him 'Broke your arm.' They 'saw' Adam raise the other arm and 'saw' it alter, change from the modifications the Initiative monster had made on himself and 'heard' his voice over and over tell the multi-Buffy; 'Got another. I've been upgrading.'

Do the Powers 'upgrade' a Slayer if they die and then are revived? Is this what the Council discovered? Why did they do this? Science or curiosity, or just the need to play 'God'? Is that why they wanted Yaszette's body? Would they have actually tried to resurrect her? In his heart, Giles knew the answer was yes!

~*~

'I can feel it coming in the air tonight, Hold on

I've been waiting for this moment, all my life, Hold on

Can you feel it coming in the air tonight'

Willow led Cordelia and Spike to Buffy's old gravesite, keeping well under the trees even though the sky was overcast. Spike carried an old blanket… just in case.

The forgotten shards of the Urn lay half hidden in the grass like fallen leaves. Willow reached down to pick up one of the larger pieces, seeing the dark, almost black stain of the dried blood as she lifted the old bit of clay.

Completely unplanned, Spike and Cordelia both reached to take the shard from Willow, all three hands touching the broken bit and each other at the same time. As skin and clay made contact, the tang of ionized air hit their noses and a wave of energy rushed over them. Held tight in the grip of the swirling orange light, the slightest whisper of the disembodied voice reverberated through their skulls.

'WHAT SEEK YOU IN THIS PLACE? THE WARRIOR HAS ARISEN.'

Willow, unable to vocalize, as were the others, mentally attempted to answer even though the 'sound' of that voice shook her to her teeth. 'The Warrior is changed. We seek answers for such change, O' Great One.'

'FOOLISH MORTAL! DEATH IS THAT WHICH CHANGES ALL. EACH IS DIFFERENT WHEN RETURNED FROM THE PURIFICATION OF THE UNDERWORLD, EVEN AS THE ONE WHO STANDS WITH YOU. THY NAME, CHILD OF THE NIGHT?'

Spike raised his head slightly against the pressure of the energy that held them and the voice that echoed in his mind. 'I was named William, then called William the Bloody, now known as Spike.'

'THEE CHALLENGES THE PURIFIER EVEN AS YE STAND IN HER SIGHT. THERE IS KINSHIP OF SPIRIT BETWIXT US. I SEE THEE HOLDS LOVE FOR THE WARRIOR IN THY HEART. FOR TWO SUCH WARRIORS TO SHARE TENDERNESS IS OF GREAT HONOR TO THE GODS.'

"Oh, High One. We seek to understand the changes in the Warrior. Might you help us?" Cordelia struggled against the energy, her demonic ability aiding her until she managed to speak out loud for the benefit of the other two, as well as the slight security of the sound of her own voice. The energy swirled across her cheek in a light caress as the brunette heard the words with the other two.

'THEE SEEK MUCH. YET THEE CHOSE TO RETAIN THE ORACLE WITHIN FOR THE GOOD OF THE LESSER. WORTHY BOTH ARE YE AND THE CHALLENGER FOR THE ANSWERS YE SEEK.'

They 'felt' the energy look hard at Willow. The feeling was not friendly.

'THEE HAST BLASPHEMED THE POWERS GIVEN BY THE GODDESS. MUCH SHALL YE SUFFER AS YE DID OFFER SUFFERING. YET WHAT YE DID IN IGNORANCE WAS DONE IN LOVE, SO HEAR NOW WHAT YE HATH WROUGHT.'

'THE WARRIOR COMES INTO HER FULL GIFTS OF STRENGTH. A MATE EQUAL TO HER HAS BEEN GIVEN AND STANDS IN THIS SIGHT. PROVE THYSELF TO HER, O SON OF HORUS. SHE MOVES CLOSER TO HER BLOODLINE...'

The 'voice' held them in thrall as it spoke on, telling of the hidden and protected bloodlines, the warrior, Buffy, had descended from. Images, rather than words, filled their heads as the 'voice' spoke. The images had shape and texture, some being so sharp-edged as to be painful.

Through out the ordeal, Willow was chastised for her actions yet praised for her love. Cordelia exalted for her sacrifice of embracing a demon portion into herself and Spike was the shining hero of the hour to the 'voice' of Osiris.

When the energy finally released them from its grasp and was swallowed back into the earth, the remaining pottery shards crumbled into sand-like dust, settling into the grass as the three collapsed to the ground.

Some time later, when they could move again, Cordelia struggled to her feet helped by the hand of the man Buffy was meant to love. The seer had no doubt that the voice had told them the truth.

Spike turned and offered his hand to Willow, helping her from the ground. Without looking, he knew Cordelia watched him and over his shoulder told her. "Best to wait for tha' Watcher to share this information. Might have some to go with it all. Buffy'll take it better from him and all of you."

Cordelia heard the edge of pain hidden in his voice. "Spike... It’ll be okay. She'll be okay."

He simply looked at her with those brilliant blue eyes before striding back into the trees toward the Summers house.

~*~

'A huge fire was burning

And her eyes grew strangely bright

She turned around in her room

What could she take and still survive the fire?

But then again, there was a window

You know it's an illusion...

There is no fire burning...just a soul crying'

Giles read Robere's diary steadily for over two hours as the long deceased man described the death and resurrection of the Slayer Selene and her subsequent increased strength. He told of the birth of her second daughter that had occurred only weeks before her 'death' at the hands of the Council.

On the last page of the diary, Robere had made his final entry. It was almost as if, knowing the book was filled, Robere knew his time was up.

+++++

October 31,1429

I find the date ironic as I enter this, my final note. I feel I am sure to die tonight for my actions and the actions yet to come. Quintus no longer speaks to me, nor do any of the others, yet I do not feel the lack of their words.

As Ambrose and Selene had begged of me, I have spent this time crafting a finely wrought spell to aid those who will come after her. The second 'death' they forced upon her has had even stronger aftereffects and she is more like Ambrose now than she had been since the first 'death'. Her strength is greatly increased, as is her aggression.

In time, it became obvious that she and Ambrose felt a kind of love for each other. He was frantic with each death they put her through. When we learned that more were planned to find the limits that a Slayer can be 'enhanced', both of them begged me to end their suffering.

I went to the gypsy encampment following Ambrose's instructions. The elder headwoman told me how to solve this nightmare.

Returning, I explained all and, with the couple's blessing, did slay Ambrose. I have hidden a handful of the dust of his body for tonight.

The two young girls, I can only help indirectly with what I shall do tonight.

Once I have slain Selene and taken her heart from her body, the Council can no longer cause her further suffering. Yet her heart, with Ambrose's ashes, will be the key ingredient to end this torture.

The spell the gypsies helped me to form will cause a new Slayer to be called by the Powers That Be only when the current Slayer dies. The dangerous knowledge of what happens when a Slayer is revived will be lost eventually, we hope; and the breeding of them as cattle will stop, for only one Slayer at a time will be a warrior from tonight forward.

The Council will never tell of the connection between the Slayers and vampires, so that silence should be safety for them all.

May the Powers have mercy on Ambrose's soul, for he had it still, even to the end. And may they offer comfort to Selene, who has suffered so much.

Finally, may the Powers find mercy for me as well for my part in all of this and the painful death I shall endure once I have taken the Council's Slayer and ended their harm and experiments on her and her kind.

+++++

Giles closed the small tattered book, in awe of what the man had done.

He was such an ass to start; yet his actions changed the course of all Slayers for the better in a great many ways. I can only hope he didn't suffer too much when they killed him. I wish I could have known him.

Despite his wish, the tired Watcher knew the Council would have made Robere suffer as much as possible with his death.

Rising stiffly from his seat to seek the lavatory again and stretch his legs, he was determined to finish the journal of Yaszette's Watcher next.

~*~

October 2, 1633

Yanni has returned several times to talk with me about Robere's diary, which I read completely. I know not what to say or think of such a man. He was insufferable in the beginning, yet as he learned the truth he gave those suffering pawns everything he had, including his life in the end. Yet the good he did!

I know that what he wrought still guides the calling of the Slayers even now after 200 years. So much of which he spoke was unknown to me. In seeking Yaszette's body, it appears that all the older knowledge has not been forgotten entirely, yet I would suspect it is known only to a small handful of the Council.

Yanni tells me that those of her kind still keep the knowledge alive as well. It is one of many reasons she and those like her will protect and keep Elisabet and her line hidden. She is the first child to be born of a Slayer and vampire in over 200 years; and, as such, some of the Council would see her as a source of new experiments. That can never be allowed to happen.

I should explain about Yanni to whoever might find this journal after I am gone, for I shall hide it where only one seeking this information will chance to look and such a one will be a Watcher in desperate need for their own Slayer, so Yanni explains.

The seers of the Romany tell of a powerful Slayer who will spring from Elisabet's line in the future. She will rebel against the Council and know the love of a true vampire, as well as one such as Yanni.

Among the gypsies, when one of their own is taken, they prepare for that ones rising later. A spell will restore not the soul of the Turned one, for they have that still; but will replace the creature's morality. Occasionally, the Turned one will be someone who had questionable moral fiber before the Turning. For one such as this, they have altered the Spell of Restoration so that a good soul may be added to the vampire as well as a new sense of morality.

Those such as Yanni are as much like they were in life as possible. They guard the young ones and when a now rare event occurs such as Elisabet, they protect the innocent one, guarding them even with their 'un-life' as they call it.

I would that I could remember the name of their clan, for they have much honor whether Gypsy or vampire. It is Kal... I cannot remember. I will have to ask Yanni once more.

+++++

Giles laid the tattered book face down in his lap as he dabbed at the trace of moisture in his eyes while memories, both good and bad assaulted him. The Kalderash clan. That's the name you can't remember. Giles thought to the man who had been dead for more than two centuries. Oh, Bloody Hell! What did the Council do to themselves and to all of us? Or have we all just been the pawns of Fate?

~*~

'I'll take you up above ground

over filth, over fire

newly emerged from damp rich earth

every inch a new sensation

stretches me out of my head

out of my head in to his

to taste and smell myself'

Willow, Cordelia and Spike stumbled in through the back kitchen door. Buffy had finished the dishes long since, then swept and mopped the floor as she waited for them to return.

"Are you all alright? I mean, you all look terrible... What happened?" Buffy was on her feet the instant the trio entered the room.

"We all touched a broken piece of the Urn at the same time and there was energy still... like it had been waiting there. We got caught up in it and it talked to us. We're okay... just really tired." Willow started to try and explain but didn't want to talk about what she had been told yet. It could wait until Giles arrived so she could get all the 'I-told-you-so's' out of the way at once. "Don't we need to head to L.A. to pick up Giles at the airport?"

"No, Will. He told us that he'd arrange a shuttle to the one here. He should be getting to L.A. in another half an hour or so, then here a bit later... So another two hours probably?" Buffy looked at Spike for confirmation and he simply nodded in agreement.

"Well, I'm gonna go lay down and rest for a bit if nobody has any objections. I'm pretty tired after that." Willow didn't wait for an answer as she walked past them heading for the stairs.

"Actually, that sounds like a good idea. We were up late last night and probably will be tonight as well. I think I'll catch a quick nap too, Buffy. Wake me when Giles calls from the airport." The brunette gave Buffy a quick hug then followed Willow up the stairs, turning toward the guest room.

Spike had simply leaned against the wall next to the door. Now he looked at Buffy. "Seems like just you and me, love. I think we should talk."

This was what Buffy had wanted to avoid, the time to talk uninterrupted, until after she had some more answers. Not that I think they are gonna be any different than what I've already been told as far as Spike is concerned. "Okay. D'you wanna sit here or..." She asked him slowly, looking around the room.

"I think some privacy might be in order here. We can talk in your room. Tha' door will shut so we don't get interrupted and you've got a phone right there." He knew she would be listening for her Watcher's call and he wanted this next two hours to work some things out with her if they could.

"I... " She barely breathed the word, wanting to object, knowing how dangerous it could be for her own self-control to be alone with him. She already felt so out of control whenever she was with him.

"Said talk, Buffy. That's what I meant."

She had the grace to blush and look away as she agreed. Without vampire hearing, he'd never have heard her.

Without a backward look, Spike headed up the stairs to Buffy's room where he shed his coat and dropped it over the back of the chair, then sat down on the floor next to the side of the bed.

Buffy glanced at the bed and thought it was all too close for comfort for just talking, but sat on the floor facing the blonde vampire. "Okay. What did you want to talk about?"

Buffy knew she was stalling. She didn't think it was going to help her very much. Spike seemed to have a much different attitude since... well, since the first tine they'd been together.

"Oh, the moon, the sun.... What tha' bloody Hell do you think I want to talk about? Us!" Spike jumped to his feet and started pacing rapidly. Two steps, turn; two more steps, turn back. He stopped and made an effort to take a deep unneeded breath to try to curb his frustration. "Buffy... I'm sorry, Love. It's just been..."

Another deep breath as the vampire pulled his own shredded self-control back around him. He knew getting upset would only push Buffy further away, further into the near panic he saw shining at the edges of her eyes. "Okay. You know I love you. I know you feel something for me even if you've not figured out what yet. You called tha' cheerleader to get her to tell you what you feel about me."

The blonde vampire knelt in front of her with preternatural speed, gently taking her face between his hands as he looked into her eyes. "I know what Cordelia told you. I know what the thing in the energy at your... where Willow did the ritual, told me."

Buffy placed her hands on top of Spike's cooler ones. "My grave, Spike. You can say it. I know what it is."

He shook his head slightly as he looked at her. "No. I mean, I know what it is too. I know what you had to do, that they left you there, that you had to..."

He pulled his hands away from her and turned away, still crouched on the floor, his voice low and full of the anguish and uncertainty he felt. "You had to dig your way out like a vampire, like the monster I am. I know I'm a monster, but I also know I love you. I'm not worthy of you, no matter what it said."

Spike stood abruptly and walked across the room, stopping just short of the edge of sunlight around the curtains over the window.

Buffy pulled herself from the floor in one graceful movement and walked silently to her lover, laying her hand on his shoulder. "I know what you are. And... I think I'm finally realizing that you're no more of a monster than I am." She felt his muscles tense under her hand, like steel springs wound too tight.

"All of us... You, me, Cordelia, Willow, Dawn, Anya... The only truly 'normal' one of the bunch of us is Xander. Even Giles has magickal ability."

The muscles beneath the black tee shirt relaxed ever so slightly under her hand. "I'm afraid, Spike. I'm afraid of what I might be. I'm afraid of not feeling. I'm afraid of what I might be feeling. I know I can't stay away from you. I know the only time I feel anything is with you. I've been here before... in a relationship with a vampire... and it all turned really, really bad."

The blonde vampire turned slowly, catching her hand as he turned, holding it to his chest. "I'm not him, Buffy. I'm just me. I don't have a soul and I won't make any excuses for that. But I'm a good man and I'd do just about anything for you. I've tried to show you."

Blue eyes looked deep into hazel green ones.

"You have, Spike. I'm just... afraid."

Without another word, he gently pulled her to him, gathering her into his arms and holding her close. He felt her rest her head on his chest, heard her exhale. Heard the tiny whisper that only a vampire would hear.

"This feels so good, so right. How can it be wrong?"

~*~

October 15, 1633

My searching and reading has disclosed much that I did not know. The trial the Council demands of the Slayers when they reach their eighteenth birthday may actually be a way to rid themselves of many of the Slayers. The notes spoke of the need to keep the Slayers dependent on their Watchers and of how each Slayer seemed to become only more independent and headstrong as they grow older. I know from my own early days as a beginning Watcher that it was said the younger Slayers were easier to teach and train. We were to discourage any independent thinking as well, in that training.

The idea lingers half-formed in my head that perhaps the Council is fearful of the Slayers ever becoming mature women in their own right, with the normal desires of women for husbands, children... Or perhaps they simply fear a Slayer that is not under their control.

I know that the few Slayers who have managed to reach the age of 18, according to the diaries, feel the desires for love and family. The Watchers mention a growing sense of independence in the Slayers as they survive past each birthday. Perhaps this is the reason for the trial which none of them have yet survived.

October 16, 1633

It seems I have been much too incautious with my searching and questions.

Sitting hidden in a disused corner as I read yet another tome by a past Council Head, I overheard one of the other Watchers discussing me this evening.

They suspect I lied about the child and are searching for her. I must warn Yanni, yet they are watching me. I must devise a way to leave and warn her without anyone knowing I have left the grounds. To have them follow me would be to risk exposing all I have done by leading them to Elisabet.

I shall wait until the middle watch of the night, the darkest time of the night, when all should be sleeping and leave then to warn her.

+++++

Giles noticed the next pages looked as if they had been crumpled and then smoothed carefully again. It caused him worry for this long ago, unknown Watcher. He turned the page and knew his fear had been real. The pages were stained with mud and blood, even though they had been wiped in an effort to clean them. The familiar writing was shaky and faint in places.

+++++

October 17, 1633

I managed to warn Yanni and she and her clan have escaped with the child. I will not be as lucky.

I have been a fool by believing any reassurances of the Council. They have been suspicious of me all along it seems, and I have been watched constantly.

I thought myself to be secretive, yet I led the Council straight to Yanni, her clan and Elisabet.

A Watcher, who was assigned to watch me, saw me leave the grounds and alerted the Council Heads. A specially trained group was sent after me in hopes I would lead them to the child and betray her.

I was grievously wounded as I shielded the gypsies. The 'assassins' left me for dead; yet when I regained my senses, I managed to pull myself into a hole at the base of an old tree for some shelter, but I fear this will be the scene of my death.

I also fear I shall leave a mystery behind in my dying for I will never learn what this special group have been trained to do. I do not think they are Watchers.

+++++

The writing stopped abruptly, yet Giles turned several more pages to see if perhaps the Watcher had turned too many in his wounded state. Instead he found writing in a completely different hand.

+++++

It is now several nights after the attack on our clan. The brave Watcher was mortally wounded yet managed to hide himself where I found him before he died. I offered him the chance to continue, to help raise his child. He took that offer.

With great care did I drink of him, then forced him to drink in turn. The Elder One will do the Spell of Restoration as he rises tonight.

He is a brave and honorable man. I am humbled to be his Sire and to have him help me raise the little one. She will not be a Slayer of our kind, yet from her line, which we shall keep hidden, shall come a great Slayer when the world is in dire need of her.

I shall place his book where he had planned for it, so that her Watcher shall find it when the time is right.

Go in all blessings.

Yanni

~*~

'My darling lives in a world that is not mine

An old child misunderstood out of time

Timeless is the creature who is wise

And timeless is the prisoner in disguise

Oh who is the beauty

Who the beast'

Carefully turning the pages, lest he miss anything else the woman/vampire may have written. Giles found a last short note at the very end of the journal. He just stared in amazement at the entry before he could read it.

+++++

September 15, 2001

Mr. Giles, she is all we could have ever hoped for. She is as beautiful as her many times grandmother ever was and much stronger.

We have placed this book where you will be sure to find it, for the need is great now. She is in danger and will need the information of both books.

But her danger is not only from those she fights. It is from within herself if she cannot accept who and what she is now. It is from the Council should they find that she died the second time and has a true vampire for her mate. Make no mistake about that. He is her mate. He was foretold and the old ones have watched him since he was made. He will love her and keep her safe for a long time to come, but only if she accepts herself, her ancestry and him. We feared the tampering done by those of your country might have altered what was to be; yet we see now that it was simply a part of the plan after all. He is one of the most human of vampires without ever having his soul restored.

This may be the true reason for the curse on Angelus and for your own loss of Janna, who you knew as Jenny, for which we grieve with you.

Tread carefully and tell her all. She must believe.

Blessings go with you.

Yanni and Yanose

+++++

Giles closed the book and sat back in his seat, allowing this latest surprise to settle over him. His head felt tight and full as if the very information he'd learned had a tangible weight. There had been so much to absorb in the 72 hours since Buffy's phone call. Is that all it has been? It seems like it has been forever since Buffy made that call and woke me. Giles glanced at his watch and calculated the time in Los Angeles as the plane taxied to the gate. In another hour he'd be with his Slayer again. His Slayer and her vampire lover... Both of who sprang from a single source countless eons ago.

It would take every second of the next hour to even begin sorting out all he'd learned so he could explain it to the ones waiting for him. Then what to do once they did know? He felt old before his time and sorely overwhelmed.

~*~

In the seclusion of her room, Willow fought not to give in to the tears that were all too close to the surface more often than not these days. Her one... No, she had to admit to herself, there had been many thoughtless acts... had almost destroyed her magick, her friendships, her relationship and even now reached out unseen tendrils to attempt to destroy her friends, their lives and relationships.

She still kept a small altar in her closet, even though she had gotten rid of all of her magickal paraphernalia. This was a simple shrine to the Goddess.

Willow locked her door and opened the closet, kneeling before the small chest as she opened it and prepared to ask the Goddess for forgiveness... if She would even listen to her now.

~*~

In the guest room, Cordelia's thoughts kept sleep from finding her as well. There were so many implications from Willow's actions and ritual, Buffy being back and with Spike. Then too, the information that had been put in their minds at the gravesite/ritual site was staggering.

Shifting slightly to a better position, she tried to concentrate on the meditation she had been learning to do. Skip said it would help me relax as well as concentrate. No time like the present to see if it's gonna work. Cordelia deliberately forced each muscle in her body to relax, starting at her feet.

~*~

Spike was sitting on the floor of Buffy's room, leaning back against the side of her bed with her tucked securely between his legs. She rested her back on his chest. His arms were loosely draped around her waist under her own arms and her hands gently rubbed up and down his arms. They had been talking, arguing and crying alternately, for the last two hours.

"...so you see, I'm not sure what I should do until we find out if there is something wrong with me. You're right, I do care about you. I even trust you in a weird kinda way, you know? But is it fair to you, Spike, to get any more involved until we know what the results can be?"

He tilted his head slightly so his chin rested on her shoulder as he almost whispered into her ear.

"Love, you gave me that same argument about an hour ago. Didn't work then and 's'not gonna work now. What was it that git said in that girly movie? 'I'd rather have one kiss from you, then to never be with you at all.' Was all that romantic stuff you women like, but 's'tha' truth. I'd rather be with you even if it was only a short time, than to be without you. I can help protect you and maybe keep you alive longer. Gotta selfish motive there, I know, but I love you."

She was exhausted from her tears, the intensity of the conversation, not to mention worrying about what was happening to her and worrying if Giles was all right. But she knew Spike was right too. They had to settle this. So... she decided to take a leap of faith. She exhaled slowly, the sound seeming loud in the silence of the room. "I know you do, Spike. Yeah, I don't know if what I feel is love or not, but let’s go with it for now and see what it turns into. I do come to you for help all the time and I have to admit that it's nice knowing you're there for me; that I can depend on you. You care about Dawn and even my friends. At least you stuck around and took care of them while I was dead and you didn't have to do that."

She shifted in his arms so she could look over her shoulder at his face, seeing the growing surprise on the chiseled features as he absorbed the meaning of her words. "You know some of them aren't gonna like this at all. So if you can handle that, and you promise me you won't go back to killing even if the chip stops working... I'm your girl."

The blonde vampire nuzzled his face into the softness of her neck to hide the sudden blurring of his eyes at her words. "Rather have you as a woman, Love. Not too much into 'girls'." He gently kissed her neck over the beating pulse, tracing the throb with just the tip of his tongue.

Her breath caught in her chest, making it feel tight and hard to breath. "Spike... If you don't stop that..."

"You'll what? Stake me or rip my clothes off and let me 'stake' you?"

Buffy pulled herself out of his arms with effort as the phone rang. "Saved by the bell." She muttered under her breath as she took a couple of steps toward the phone, hand outstretched to pick up the receiver.

"Yeah, it would have been one of those, and I think you know which one." She pulled the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

"Buffy, I'm here. Can someone come and pick me up fairly quickly? There seems to be a rather odd looking gentleman following me around since I got off the plane." Giles was a bit more worried than he wanted her to know after reading those books.

"We'll be right there, Giles. Stay somewhere with lots of people, but you know that. See you in a few." She hung up the phone as she turned back toward Spike. "Giles. Said there was someone hanging around him since he got off the plane. We kinda need to hurry, please?"

The blonde vampire could feel the anxiety for her Watcher in Buffy's voice as he stood straight up from the floor and grabbed her hand, heading toward the door of her room.

~*~

'Reached out a hand to try again

I'm floating in a beam of light with you

A beam of light with you

And I ran'

Giles moved closer to the airline counter, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible. The stranger kept the same distance between them as he followed, looking at everything except the Englishman. I do hope they get here soon. With these books in my possession and that man's demeanor, I feel rather exposed and a bit vulnerable. He glanced at his watch before he picked up the magazine he'd gotten from the newsstand. Glancing at it, he attempted to keep track of the stranger with his peripheral vision.

~*~

‘Who will save your soul, when it comes to the powers, now?

Oh, who will save your soul after all those lies that you told, boy?

And who will save your soul if you won't save your own?’

Buffy called to Willow and Cordelia as she passed through the door of her room, into the hallway, Spike's hand in hers. "We got to go to the airport now, gang. Giles is there and has some guy stalking him."

Both women almost exploded into the hall from their rooms, Cordelia in the lead. She never hesitated, pushing past Buffy and down the stairs. "Now! We have to go now! I warned him! God, why do I have to be right all the time?" The brunette grabbed her purse and keys from the table, heading for the door.

Buffy caught Spike's eyes with a quick glance, then both charged down the steps, two at a time, following Cordelia toward the door.

Willow brought up the rear without a word.

The four of them piled into Cordelia's car, parked under the shade of the trees. The shade was protecting the car from heat and Spike from the sun at that moment. The overcast sky had decided to clear up slightly, allowing the stray beam of sunlight to peek through the clouds occasionally. Those occasions could be very inopportune to a vamp out during the day as Spike was currently.

The brunette started the car engine with a roar and as she put it into gear, she called out to those behind her. "There is a blanket behind the seat." Seeing a sunny patch of street ahead, Cordelia swerved to miss it as Buffy and Spike scrabbled for the blanket, throwing it over the blonde vampire's head in a matter of seconds.

"He's covered. Go!" Buffy told Cordelia emphatically.

With a simple nod of her head to acknowledge the words, the seer pushed her foot down harder on the accelerator.

"Watch out for cops," is all Buffy said to Willow, in the passenger seat, while Cordelia concentrated on her driving and getting them to the airport as fast as possible.

Within a few seemingly eternal minutes, they made it to the Sunnydale airport. Cordelia pulled in next to the curb, shut off the engine, almost jumping out of the car.

Willow and Buffy had the passenger side doors open before the car had completely stopped.

Spike charged out of the car behind the Slayer, blanket wrapped around him tightly even as one corner caught a stray beam of sunlight and started to smoke.

As they ran through the entrance of the building, Spike slapped the corner of the blanket against the wall to stop the smoke and hoisted the sweltering folds of material around his neck.

The four 'warriors' charged into the gating area in time to see Giles struggling with a large man holding a knife.

~*~

Giles was reading through his magazine, without noticing much of what it said, as he tried to keep one eye on the odd stranger, one eye on the airline counter attendant and one eye watching for the arrival of his Slayer.

He didn't have enough eyes to go around.

The attendant stepped away from his counter where Giles had sought refuge and disappeared through a doorway marked 'authorized personnel only'. The stranger had edged close enough to take a couple of exaggerated steps and sit next to the Watcher.

"Good magazine, is it?" he asked in a thick English accent.

Without looking directly at the man, Giles answered simply, as he felt his body tense in preparation for whatever came next. "Seems to be."

The stranger reached into a pocket as Giles tensed further, only to relax slightly as the hand came back out with a cigarette and lighter.

"I don't think you can smoke in here, but there is an area just outside the doors." He wanted this odd man away from him anyway he could accomplish it.

The man tucked the items back in his pocket instead. "Think I can wait a bit then."

Giles didn't say a thing, just waited. He knew something was about to happen. He could feel the tension strung between himself and the stranger like a lightening filled wire, waiting to explode.

He didn't have long to wait.

The man made a grab for the pocket of Giles' jacket. Unfortunately for the assailant, the books had been moved from that same pocket earlier while in the lavatory of the plane. They were tucked tightly into the waistband of Giles' slacks at the small of his back.

"Gi'mme the books. We know you got'em." The words were a hushed snarl, barely audible except between the two men.

Giles dropped the magazine and grabbed his jacket, snatching it from the man's hands. "I have no idea what you're talking about and take your hands off of me." The Watcher's tones were just as hushed.

The man grabbed for Giles again, the jacket in one hand and Giles' arm in the other. The grip was strong, firm, and spoke of training of some sort. "Ye'd best be comin' wid' me then."

"I don't think we'll be going anywhere." Giles told the man as anger and fright rose in him. Giles’ rebellious alter-ego of Ripper swam up from his subconscious and the fright drained away, leaving only anger as Ripper now stared out from behind the brown eyes of the Watcher.

With sudden but economical movement, Ripper forced one arm upward to break the man's grip and pushed against his assailant's chest with the other hand.

"I thinks ya will." The man grabbed for him again, this time in part to keep from falling from his chair, as the shove caught him off balance.

Ripper lashed out with one foot, catching the stranger's legs, knocking them out from under the already unbalanced man, and causing the man to fall heavily on the floor. But before Ripper could step away, the assailant reached out with almost lightening speed, pulling hard at the Watcher's ankle to tumble him to the floor as well.

Ripper rolled away from his attacker as far as possible until he was finally stopped by a row of seats secured to the floor. Before he could pull himself up completely, the man was on him again, this time a wicked looking blade in his hand.

Rolling the opposite way to avoid the gleaming knife, Ripper got a foot positioned just right to kick the man's wrist.

He lashed out and caught the hand between his shoe and the edge of the next set of seats. The assailant clamped his teeth over the cry of pain and only a groan escaped as he struggled to get his hand free, reaching for the fallen knife with his other hand.

He never made it.

Buffy kicked the knife across the floor then brought her knee up sharply under the man's chin as he struggled to regain his footing. She heard his teeth click painfully together as his head snapped back from the blow. The unknown assailant slipped bonelessly down the seats to the floor, completely unconscious.

While Buffy attacked the man who had attacked her Watcher, Spike grabbed Giles under both arms to pull him further away from the stranger before helping him up.

Willow had gone for security as Cordelia watched for an opening to use some of her new martial art skills on the stranger.

In the flurry of the next few minutes, Security had taken statements from and then released everyone except the unconscious man.

Him, they just took away.

~*~

Giles found himself with his arms full of one small blonde Slayer, being hugged tight enough to make his ribs creak. He grasped her arms with both hands as he told her gently, "Buffy, I'm glad to see you too. But if you don't let your Watcher breath, you may finish what that man started."

She pulled back enough to see Giles' face, slightly flushed. "Sorry. I was just so worried about you."

He smiled slightly at the small blonde. "I've missed you too, Buffy. Might we get out of here before someone else decides to attack me?"

"Oh, you're safe for a while, Giles. My car is just outside." Cordelia told the older man. She'd not seen him in quite some time, but Giles still looked like Giles.

Quick hellos made their way around the rest of the group as they headed to Cordelia's car, then to Buffy's house.

~*~

‘am I standing still?

Beneath the darkened sky

Or am I standing still?

With the scenery flying by

Or am I standing still?’

Over the next couple of hours, after arriving at the Summers' house, Giles was briefed on the events surrounding the urn shard and the energy-entity, with all it had had to say.

“Well, it seems as though quite a few things are in motion right now. I'd like to discuss this part about your change Buffy, as well as the information about Spike as your mate. However, it does fit into what I have learned as well.”

"So, do you think that's why -" Buffy started to ask her Watcher, but was quickly interrupted by Willow's own frantic question.

"But, Giles! Buffy doesn't, ah, do well with vampires as boyfriends... and all." Willow turned to look at Buffy, a blush creeping up her face. "I'm sorry, Buffy, but remember last time?"

"Will, it's not your decision to make on who I date. I'm beginning to think it might not even be mine either." Buffy seemed a bit chagrined from all the discussion about her love life.

Further discussion on the issue was interrupted that moment as the phone rang. Buffy grabbed for it. This time it was Dawn.

"Buffy, Janice asked me to stay over tonight if that's okay?"

"Let me talk to her mom, Dawn."

Knowing Buffy would always check up on her after her previous evasions, Dawn simply handed the phone to her friend's mother, who assured Buffy that the invitation was on the up and up.

"Thanks. I appreciate you letting Dawn stay over. If it's any problem at all, please don't hesitate to let me know."

Buffy was relieved to have Dawn out of the house while they discussed all the new information, but she felt guilty about feeling relieved and about letting Janice's mother take care of what was she knew was her responsibility.

"No imposition at all. I'll bring her home in the morning."

After a few more assurances, Buffy finally hung up the phone and started toward the sofa when she realized night had fallen as the group talked. Seeing the soft darkness outside made her stomach complain about not being fed. No one else had complained, but Buffy imagined every one was probably hungry by now. "Oh! Does anyone want anything to drink or something to eat?"

"That sounds quite good actually. Do you still have any tea left?" Giles hadn't had much to eat on the plane, very little to drink, and was feeling a bit caffeine deprived.

"Buffy, if you'll call and order it, I'll spring for pizza if that's okay with everybody?" Cordelia looked around the room at each of them for assent.

"Yeah. I've got blood in the 'fridge to go with mine." Spike told the brunette.

"You know, Spike... I've always wondered about something… you eat normal food and Angel doesn't. Why is that?" Cordelia had her own suspicions as to the answer, but wanted to hear what the vampire had to say.

"Peaches just likes to be all tortured and such. I still enjoy the taste of real food, even if it doesn't satisfy the needs of my body now." The blonde vampire was very nonchalant about the answer.

"Yeah... You know Harmony still likes food too. I wonder..." Cordelia let that thought trail off. She'd consider it again later. Sitting up in her chair she looked at Buffy again. "So. You gonna call?"

Pizza was ordered and tea was made. By the time the food arrived, everyone had gotten something to drink. They each hurriedly grabbed several slices of the pizza and concentrated on eating.

~*~

The last of the debris from dinner had been put away when Buffy sat on the sofa again; Spike lounged on one side of her.

"Giles, you were saying earlier that you found both of the books that Cordelia saw in her vision?"

"Ah, yes. Yes, I did, Buffy." Giles had no idea how to present the different and disturbing information each book contained. He knew it would be upsetting to Buffy, himself, and probably everyone else in the room.

The silence hung in the air. The sense of waiting almost a palpable thing. Finally Cordelia looked directly at Giles. "You know she's not going to like it. But they both have to know."

Giles looked back at the brunette, puzzlement on his face. "So did you... In your vision, I mean..."

"Do I know what the books said? Only in a general kinda way. You got all the details. I just got the drift of it, plus what that energy thingy told us."

"I see. Well, there were two diaries. One from the Watcher of a Slayer named Yaszette; the other from an alchemist with the Council in the fourteen hundreds. Cordelia is right, Buffy. There may be a great deal of this you may not like, but it seems to be a fact, especially in light of what the... the entity told the three of you earlier." Giles waved his hand to indicate Willow, Spike and Cordelia. "I can tell you the basics, but I think we, or at least I, will need to do a great deal more research on this if possible.

It seems Yaszette had some experiences similar to yours, Buffy. The first was when she drowned..."

Giles told them in great detail everything that Yaszette's Watcher had written. He tried to explain the information from Robere's diary as well, but was effectively sidetracked as Buffy got stuck on one particular issue.

The small blonde Slayer turned on the sofa to look at Spike, the implications of what she’d heard making her heart pound in her chest. Her mouth felt dry as she tried to force the words out, forgetting everyone else in the room. "Did you know that... that it was possible... Oh, God!" The blonde Slayer hid her face in her hands.

Spike took her gently by the shoulders, pulling her closer so that only she could hear his words. "Buffy, I had no idea that I could get you pregnant. It wasn't something I knew about. I promise you, love, I had no idea."

The sofa gave slightly on the other side of Buffy as Cordelia sat next to her. The seer laid her hand on Buffy's shoulder, feeling the slight shudders run through the blonde's body. She realized what Buffy would fear with this new information, not to mention the puzzles the same info had solved for Cordelia.

"Buffy, now that you guys know, you can do the usual things to keep that from happening. Spike couldn't know cause Angel didn't know either."

Something in the brunette's words caught Buffy's attention. She looked at Cordy with eyes slightly reddened from tears. "Why do you say that Angel didn't know either? What happened?"

"It's a long story, but the gist of it is that Angel and Darla got groiny after that law firm brought her back and had Dru vamp her again. Darla was very pregnant when she showed up again. Angel has a son."

Everyone in the room, with the exception of Cordelia, had an exclamation of some kind at the news of Angel's parental status.

"Let's get into that discussion later, guys. Unless it has something to do with this situation, okay? I promise to tell all." Cordelia assured them. The brunette settled back on the sofa, holding Buffy's hand for moral support as her friend. Spike held the other hand.

"It does, ah, unfortunately seem to be something to consider with vampires, Buffy. Fortunately it's not something that happens frequently." Giles tried to reassure her.

"Giles! It's also not like I've been 'exposed' to it all that much either!" She looked over her shoulder at Spike, then back at Cordelia. "Well, not until recently."

"Ah, Spike... Did you... When you were still human... Do you know if... ah..." Giles seemed to be slightly embarrassed to ask the blonde vampire such a very personal question.

"Spike, I think Giles wants to know if you had any children when you were human." Willow asked, falling back into her old position of 'translating' questions the Watcher found difficult to ask.

"No. I'd never have... It wasn't something well-bred young men did then. So I don't know if I could have then or not. Don't know of a reason I couldn't, so that leaves us still not knowing." Spike gently tipped Buffy's face up with his fingers under her chin so he could see her eyes. "Love, we'll just be careful. I think we need to find out the rest of what your Watcher discovered in those diaries. I got the feelin' there was more you need to know."

"Quite right this time, Spike. It seems that vampires and Slayers originated from the same source. The two have been intermingled repeatedly as well. This may answer a good many of the questions and problems you've experienced, Buffy." Giles wasn't sure how to get the information across to her, however, he also knew it was important and began very patiently to explain the remainder of what he had learned.

"...so that would explain the reaction you had after your meeting with Dracula, as well as some of the other unusual things you've had happen. You are from that hidden Slayer line, Buffy. A line that had been raised initially by the Kalderash clan and hidden for years. The same Gypsy clan that cursed Angel. The same one that Jenny was a part of... It's all so completely interwoven as to be almost unimaginable... Your Slayer line, Angel and Spike's line, Jenny's line. Surely there must be some prophecy out there we've not seen, for them to know all of this."

"What about your line, Giles? What if I hadn't had you for a Watcher? What if it had been some stuffed shirt like Wesley started out?" Buffy asked. The events were so entangled as to be frightening.

"Yes, well... There is that. But I'm sure something would have been arranged to resolve such an occurrence. After all, they have kept up with you, according to the last entry. They know about your... you... what happened with Glory."

"It's okay, Giles. I can say it. My death. Everybody seems to have a problem with it except me."

Spike gently tightened his arm around her shoulders. "We all have a problem with it because we love you."

Buffy smiled slightly at the blonde vampire as Giles answered her. "Yet there is a great deal about that event and your return that we've been told you have yet to deal with, Buffy. The note in the diary mentions it, as well as the entity that spoke to Spike, Willow and Cordelia."

"I guess I just have to depend on all my friends and loved ones here to help me through it then." Buffy looked at each one of the people in the room with her, saving the final glance for Spike. "Okay, Giles. So what do we do about this? I mean... vampires and Slayers related? I... I don't know what to think. It's... unbelievable." She glanced at Spike. "That the Council would do those things to us, that one man could change our destiny so drastically... that Slayers and vampires both came from the same demon bite centuries ago. What does it all mean, Giles? What do we... do I do? What am I?"

Buffy had pulled herself into a knot with each question until she still sat beside Spike and Cordelia on the couch, but had pulled her knees to her chest, arms locked around them as she huddled into herself not wanting to believe what she had heard.

Spike and Cordelia reached simultaneously to hug Buffy and try to reassure her. Buffy saw the movement and the panic she'd been trying to hold at bay hit with a vengeance. The Slayer jumped from the couch, backing toward the wall, as she shouted at the vampire and seer. "No! Don't touch me! Stay away from me! Neither of you are human!"

Buffy wrapped her arms around herself and slid slowly down the wall as she looked first at Giles then Spike and Cordelia. Silent tears rolled from her eyes. The only sound that followed the shock from Buffy's outburst was her own strained, whispered words. "And neither am I."

~*~

Giles motioned Spike and Cordelia to stay where they were while he went to the crying Slayer, sitting huddled in on herself against the wall.

Willow headed for the sofa where Spike sat, his face a very hurt, confused expression in contrast to the rather stoic, understanding expression Cordelia wore. "Guys... I... I don't really know what to say. Buffy's had a rough time of it recently and I don't understand all of it, but I know she didn't mean what she said." The redheaded witch felt like Buffy's distress was her fault, even though she knew that most of it was from this new information. She really had no idea what to say to ease the tension or the uncertainty of Spike's visage, but wanted to do something to help.

"Oh, she meant it, Willow. And she's right. I'm not human any more, or at least not completely human. But it was my choice to be this way. It was Spike's choice to be a vampire and your choice to develop your magick. Buffy didn't have a choice about being the Slayer or about where she came from. I know when Doyle passed the visions to me to begin with... I didn't want them. I tried to get rid of them. It hadn't been my choice, but I finally accepted them and understood the good I was doing with them. That helped me make the choice to be part demon to keep the visions and to stay alive. Buffy's got to accept who and what she is too. It seems like she's been fighting it since I first met her." Cordelia explained her viewpoint very matter of factly to Willow and Spike as she watched Giles trying to calm the slender blonde huddled inside her own arms.

"Yeah, I do understand what you're saying. She did accept who she is for a while, but since she came back... Well, it's kinda like she slid back to when we first met her. I don't understand it and I feel pretty bad about it. ‘Specially after that... that entity in the energy talked to us all." Willow sat down on the edge of the coffee table, facing Cordelia and Spike. "I remember when I found out I could do magick... I was so thrilled! I had this special something then and wasn't just plain ol' me. I had this special thing I could do. Except, then it turned out that I didn't have it... it had me." The redheaded witch fell silent as memories of mistakes and errors filled the darker corners of her mind.

" 'S'like when Dru offered to turn me. I didn't really know what she was offering, just that it had to be better than what I thought I had, or didn't have. Then I woke up and it wa'dn't what I thought it was gonna be. The hunger filled me, burned inside of me and I didn't care any more if I 'hurt someone or not." Spike glanced back over at Buffy being helped up by her Watcher. "Wasn't 'til I came here that I cared about anyone 'cept Dru."

The love and longing for the one girl who should be his enemy was naked on his face.

~*~

‘My love is a man who's not been tamed

Oh my love lives in a world of false pleasure and pain

We come from difference worlds...we are the same my love

I never doubted your beauty

I've changed

Who is the beauty

Where is my beast...my love

There is no beauty

Without my beast...my love’

"Ah, Spike… Cordy... I'm, ah, I'm sorry I said what I did. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, but I know I did. I... I heard what all of you said over here and you're right. I did finally accept who I was... Or I thought I did. But maybe jumping in that portal was a way to save Dawn and avoid what was happening inside of me." Buffy felt embarrassed and unsettled as she tried to explain to her friends how she had been feeling for such a long time.

Spike slid to one end of the couch and Cordelia slid to the other, making room for Buffy to sit between them. Giles chose to settle on the corner of the coffee table where he, like Willow, could face his Slayer and the other two on the sofa.

"So what do I do now, Giles? What does it really mean that I came from a line with the same origin as Spike? " Buffy looked at her Watcher for the answer she hoped he'd have, and terrified he'd tell her.

"Buffy... Where you came from... Where Slayers came from, isn't something you can control. It was eons ago. However, perhaps knowing this can help explain some of the questions we've both always had -"

"Like why you're attracted to vampires, maybe?" Cordelia interrupted Giles' thoughts with her comment.

"Ah, yes, Cordelia. That has been one of the questions. Perhaps it's a simple matter of some esoteric something in you recognizing the same thing in them." Giles tried to come up with an explanation yet was still at a loss as to the attraction between Buffy and Angel or Spike.

"Buffy... I think Giles may be on the right track kinda, but it's more than that. I mean, you weren't interested in the Master or any other vampires... Just Angel and Spike, you know?" Willow felt she understood inside the reason, but wasn't sure if she could explain it so anyone else could understand what she felt about this idea. "Remember the conversation we had a long time ago, ah... before I screwed up that spell that had you engaged to Spike? About how the fire in a relationship came from pain and fighting? I don't know that pain and fighting are what you're looking for, but I think you have to have emotions and intensity and to know that no relationship is ever 'safe'. I think that's part of the attraction to Angel and Spike." Willow shifted her gaze to look into the intense blue eyes of the blonde vampire on the sofa. "I think it's also that Angel and Spike have never been like other vampires for some reason."

"Wait just a bloody minute! I -"

"Spike, leave it. You know Willow's right. I could give you a whole list, but none of us really need it. If the two of you were the same as the rest, would you ever have fallen in love with a Slayer?" Cordelia had interrupted the expected protests from Spike. "Giles, Willow... Go ahead with the rest of this."

"Well, while I suspect Willow is onto a strong clue... I'd think we might find your specific Slayer line to be part of this as well, Buffy. After all, it was only 400 years ago that your, ah, grandmother was a Slayer and your, ah, grandfather was a vampire. Once the Kalderash had the child Elisabet to raise... Well, when she became an adult, if she wasn't called as a Slayer, as they hinted, perhaps she married one of the vampires like Yanni or Yanose. That side of your heritage is much stronger than any other Slayers, even with what little we know now. Then too, there wasn't the normal 'conditioning' -"

"You mean brainwashing, Giles."

"Yes, quite. Your line didn't have the brainwashing of the other Slayers. In addition, it seems that your two, ah, deaths... have enhanced your abilities as Robere mentioned. It may even be possible that the longer you're 'gone', the more your abilities are strengthened." Giles finished his theory around Buffy's interruption, but looked rather worried.

"So that means if the Council doesn't know she died a second time, we can't ever let them find out. Buffy and Red here’d both be in danger." Spike had picked up Giles' worried expression. It matched his own fears that Spike hadn't mentioned until now.

"Agreed, Spike. I suspect that we'd all be in danger if the Council ever found out about this. They suspect I found the books, and that's enough worry without adding any additional information to their file on Buffy." The Watcher looked first at the blonde vampire then at the small blonde Slayer at his side.

If he weren't a vampire, I'd be proud to have him as an 'adopted son-in-law'. But if he weren't a vampire, he'd either get her killed or simply not be able to protect her.

Giles looked down at his clasped hands for a moment before making up his mind to tell Buffy what she needed to be told, regardless of what he'd been taught, then shifted his gaze back to the two blondes.

"Buffy... Spike... " Giles held up a hand to forestall anything they had to say. He had to get this out now. "Just listen, please. Buffy, everything has pointed you toward Spike as your mate. I suspect he's also your match, as well. The two of you fight well together, but then you always have, even when on opposite sides... No matter. Spike, you can protect her and not need her to watch out for you like... well, like someone without your unique abilities." Giles took a deep breath so he could continue. "Buffy, you know you've never been able to kill Spike... Not any more than you could kill Angel. You keep too much inside, dear. I suspect you knew when you called me that the problem you wanted solved was for me to tell you that you didn't love Spike. However, I think you do. And what with all I've seen between the two of you, from him over the summer, as well as all we've been told, I think you should examine your feelings carefully. If you love him, then be with him, Buffy. Lord knows, you certainly deserve some happiness."

Spike, Cordelia and Willow looked at Giles in stunned silence. They'd never actually expected him to advise Buffy to be with a vampire, much less a un-souled one.

Buffy simply looked at her Watcher like he'd grown a second head.

The edge had finally worn off the various surprises from the previous discussion.

The five people in the room had 'hashed' over the various aspects of the conversation and everyone was feeling more at ease, talk was more relaxed now.

Buffy managed a laugh as she commented, "Poor Xander. He's the only one of us that's really completely human after all."

"Not much to brag about with his attitude!" Spike told her, fully expecting Buffy's reaction. He wasn't disappointed. She punched his arm.

"Buffy, I'm gonna go on up to bed. The last couple of days have been pretty exhausting. I'm gonna go crash." A very tired Willow pulled herself out of the chair and hugged her friends quickly before heading toward the steps.

"Think I'm gonna do the same. You okay now?" Cordelia asked quietly.

"Yeah. I'm good. I'll see you in the morning then, Cordy." The brunette headed up the stairs, leaving only Giles in the living room with Spike and Buffy.

"Can you manage with the sofa, Giles? I'll grab you some pillows and blankets."

"I think I could sleep quite well on Spike's sarcophagus about now. The sofa will be fine, Buffy." Giles looked at Spike with sleep heavy eyes. "Are you staying tonight?"

The vampire simply glanced at Buffy. " 'S'up to her, Rupert."

The question hung in the air waiting for Buffy's decision.

"I'd like for you to stay, if you would, Spike?" Buffy felt awkward asking Spike to stay overnight in front her Watcher.

"Yeah. I'd like that. Thanks."

Buffy nodded at him then headed into the hallway for linens and pillows for the sofa.

"Don't hurt her, Spike."

"Do m'best not to, Giles. I love her. Don't get yourself killed either and hurt her. You know the Council's gonna be lookin' for you now." Spike answered the tired Watcher.

"I know. I know you love her; I know they'll be watching me at the least. I have a few tricks yet to protect myself from them."

"Good..."

Whatever else Spike might have said was interrupted by Buffy bringing back an armload of linens. She sat them on the sofa, then turned to hug her Watcher.

"Thank you, Giles. For coming, for finding that information, for being my Watcher, for your advice, for caring. I love you."

"I love you too, Buffy. Whatever it takes to keep you safe, you know."

Buffy stepped out of his arms and glanced at Spike where he was laying out the sheets and blanket for the Watcher. "Yeah, I know. C'mon, Spike. Let's let Giles get some sleep."

"Right. 'Night, Rupert." Spike followed the slender blonde Slayer up the stairs to her room.

They still had a lot to discuss just between the two of them.

~*~

Cordelia stayed in Sunnydale for several more days before she had to leave for L.A. again. Buffy talked to the brunette for quite a while about Angel, Darla and the baby.

She'd discussed it with Giles as well so when Cordelia left, Buffy sent a message back to Angel with her. "Just tell him that I'm okay with everything like it turned out for both of us. We just weren't supposed to be forever. We might even manage that 'friend' thing one of these days, but for now... Well, he has his life and I have mine and it's okay. Thank you so much for coming, Cordelia. I never thought we'd wind up this close, you know? But it's good."

"Yeah. Me too. I'm glad you asked me. I learned a lot too. You sure it's okay to tell Angel all of it?"

"Yeah. No reason for him to not know and it might help him understand some things too." Buffy hugged Cordelia quickly before she could feel embarrassed. The brunette got in her car, starting it up. She didn't put it in gear, but looked back at Buffy.

"You take care of that vampire in there. He loves you. And no matter what you try to tell yourself, you love him too."

"Yeah. I'm trying to tell myself better things these days, Cordy. The truth, instead of just what I want to hear. The fact that I love him is one of them."

"Good. I'll see you later."

The car slowly pulled away as Buffy stood at the curb and watched.

~*~

Spike was talking to Giles as Buffy walked into the kitchen. "Giles, I was wondering... That guy at the airport that attacked you? Any idea who he was?"

"No, Buffy. I don't know who he was, but I suspect I know what he was."

"What?!" Buffy looked puzzled, as did Spike.

"Yes. Remember I said that men with special training attacked Yaszette's Watcher? I suspect they and this man at the airport were an elite group called 'Raptors'. They were started after Robere made his changes in the Slayer's line of succession. In case the Council ever lost control of a Slayer, they would hunt the girl down and kill her. Thus the Council would have a new, innocent Slayer to try and tighten their stranglehold over her life," Giles explained. "I learned about them accidentally, what with Faith and all."

"Faith?"

"When she went rogue, Buffy."

"Oh! So why didn't they ever kill Faith to get a new Slayer?"

"I suspect that’s what they were planning when she switched bodies with you that time. You would have been the one they killed in her body."

Spike looked thoughtful and asked the Watcher. "So if Buffy was killed in Faith's body, does that mean a new Slayer would be called or not?"

"Interesting question, Spike. I'm not sure I ever want to know the answer. The possibilities are rather unnerving."

~*~

'Do you always trust your first

initial feeling

Special knowledge holds truth

bears believing...'

Giles had returned to England that day. The Sunnydale police never got to press charges against the man that had assaulted him, as the man had inexplicably disappeared from the jail one night. Giles, Buffy and Spike suspected the Council had gotten to the man and he was not likely to be seen again.

As much as Giles had wanted to get back to his flat and continue the research he'd started about Slayers, vampires and the previous Watchers, he hated the thought of leaving Buffy again. But this time he knew that Spike would be there to protect her.

"Of course, that should be a frightening thought all by itself... That my Slayer is safe with a vampire...." Giles muttered to himself as he entered the foyer of his building.

"But with that vampire, she will always be safe. Please do not turn around." The masculine voice was behind him, yet Giles saw a woman in front of him that had not been there a few seconds ago. She took a few steps forward and extended her hand to shake his. Giles complied without thinking.

"Who are you? You're a vampire, are you not?" Giles asked the woman as he held her cool hand in his.

"Yes. I am Yanni. I suspect you know my name." The woman laughed at him with a beautiful smile that went all the way to her eyes.

"Yes. Yes, I do. I must say, it is nice to meet you. So might I assume this is Yanose behind me?" Giles was having trouble containing the excitement he felt at actually meeting these two that had been so involved with Buffy, Angel, Jenny and his own life through them.

"Yes." Yanni looked over Giles’ shoulder at the man/vampire behind him, a very secret smile on her face that Giles didn't understand.

"But, I'd really like to meet him. There is so much I'd like to discuss with both of you."

"It is best this way, Rupert Giles. We may converse over the telephone at some time. We shall call you. Is she well?" The unseen vampire asked from behind the Watcher.

"Yes. She is doing much better with all we know now. It was helpful to Angel as well. He has a son, yet had no idea how it had happened." Giles watched Yanni's face to see if she betrayed a reaction.

"Yes. We know. That one is spoken of as well. We may call you from time to time? To know how she is?" Yanni asked, still that secret smile on her lips. She took a slight step back into the shadows.

"Yes. Yes, please do. Oh, before you go, might I ask one favor?"

"You may ask. If we can grant it, we shall." Yanni replied as she continued to move slowly backwards into the darkness of the stairwell.

"Yaszette's Watcher... I don't know his name. I know so much about him and about his Slayer, but not his name." Giles wanted very badly to know who the man was. He felt it was important for some reason but didn't know why.

Yanni stopped and smiled over Giles' shoulder again at the unseen vampire behind him, then looked directly at him again. "I would have thought you'd know, Rupert Giles. From tales, perhaps... But no matter. His name was Brendan. Brendan Giles. He was your ever so many great-grandfather. There was a son from before he was a Watcher... he never knew of the child. We shall meet again, Rupert Giles."

Yanni was swallowed up by the darkness.

Giles turned quickly, but Yanose was also gone.

He remembered later, as he was unpacking his suitcase.

Yanni had Turned Yaszette's Watcher.

Yanose, who had stood behind him only minutes before, was Brendan Giles.

Gillian Silverlight April 30, 2002