Title: All That’s Sure Is Time

Author: Gillian Silverlight

Distribution: my site @ www.homestead.com/gilliansspikelair/ , those that have previous permission to post my fiction, others please ask. (If you post my fiction, please do not split or rearrange sentence groupings. To do so can make the story hard to follow. Thanks)

Disclaimer: The characters of BtVS belong to Joss and the WB, UPN and just about everyone except me.

Summary: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR AtS 3^rd Season and BtVS 6^th Season.

Buffy is back and goes to see Angel; Darla pays a surprise visit. Life is stranger than imaginable.

Rating: PG-13

All That’s Sure Is Time

It was late afternoon as Buffy stood outside of the Hyperion Hotel in Los Angles. She was hesitant to walk into the courtyard and through the beautifully crafted old fashion door because she knew that somewhere on the other side of it, was Angel.

Angel, who she had loved since she met him; not knowing he was a vampire. Angel, who she had always felt so safe with; who she gave herself to freely and with love for her very first time with any man.

Angel, who she had cost his soul; who tortured her friends and Watcher; who killed Jenny Calendar; who she had sent to hell.

Angel, who had left her; who was there to hold her after her mother died but wouldn’t, couldn’t stay.

Angel, who she was afraid to face for some reason.

Angel, who thought she was dead.

Gathering her courage around her like a protective blanket, Buffy slowly walked into the courtyard and making her way across the seemingly endless expanse, finally pushed open the door and stepped inside.

The hotel lobby was old fashioned yet attractive. It was spacious and colorful yet seemed to fit Angel well.

Toward the back of the area, Buffy heard voices. Reluctance dragging her shoes across the smooth stretch of floor, the too-slim blonde Slayer headed toward those sounds.

*****************************************

“…. Must be some way to make her feel safe outside her room. After all, Ang…” Cordelia stopped in mid-sentence as Angel jerked his head up from the notes on the brunette’s desk and looked toward the partially closed door.

Wesley reached out to lay a hand on his friend’s arm. “Angel, what is it?”

The tall dark haired vampire just shook his head as he stepped toward the doorway. His acute hearing picked up the sounds of hesitant footsteps in the lobby. They didn’t sound like the quick scuttle that he’d noticed was usually Fred.

Prepared for an intruder, Angel stepped quickly through the doorway and stopped.

Cordelia and Wesley watched, knowing Angel had detected something they didn’t. They saw the look of shock cross his face as the little color normally in his pale complexion vanished.

The stunned vampire reached out a hand to steady himself as Wesley and Cordelia felt their stomach clench in anticipation of something bad about to happen.

They took a step toward their friend as he took the first hesitant step toward the lobby. He broke into a run with the next step.

Wesley and Cordelia hurried behind Angel, braced for trouble.

**********************************************

Buffy saw Angel step through a half-closed door and stop dead still as he saw her. She tried to smile as she moved closer to him.

Buffy could see the shocked expression on Angel’s face from where she stood halfway across the lobby.

He grabbed the wall then seconds later broke into a run toward her, grabbing her up into his arms as he turned quickly, holding her close, his face pressed against her chest.

“Buffy! You’re here! But how…? What…? I don’t understand, but you’re here!”

She braced both hands against his broad shoulders as he held her tightly.

“Yes, Angel, I’m here. It’s a long story.”

He gently released her enough to let her get her feet back on the floor; but kept her enclosed in the circle of his arms, Buffy’s hands still clinging to his shoulders.

Down the hall, Wesley and Cordelia stood as they watched, shock evident on their faces as well.

“Can we sit down, Angel? I’ll tell you what happened.” Buffy wasn’t sure how she was going to handle this. All the things she thought she should be feeling weren’t where she had left them, but she didn’t know what the problem was inside of herself.

Angel guided Buffy to the sofa with one hand behind her back. They sat as Wesley and Cordelia reached them.

Without warning, Cordelia flung herself into Buffy’s arms. “You’re alive! Oh, God! Willow said.. And everybody was just so… But you’re alive!”

“I’m glad to see you again too, Cordelia. You’re looking well.” Buffy hoped the brunette couldn’t feel her

trembling.

Cordelia stepped back from Buffy to take a seat in the chair across from the sofa, as Wesley pulled the surprised Slayer into a hug and just as quickly released her.

“I know all of you are confused by this. If it helps any, so am I.” Buffy gave a little trembling laugh.

“Willow and the gang did a ritual to bring me back. They had to track down the ingredients and artifacts for it and then it took a bit longer than they thought.” She shrugged her shoulders slightly.

“It was a pretty horrible experience and I’m still not completely myself.”

“You look like you’ve lost a lot of weight, Buffy. I mean, God… but you’re so skinny!” Cordelia was trying hard to not blurt out that her friend looked pretty awful.

“Yeah, I know, Cordy. Being dead.. well, it’s not of the good for complexions and figures. They tell me it’ll get better. That I’ll start to feel more like me.. I – It – I just feel odd. Not like when I first got back, but just kinda off, you know?” Buffy struggled to pull herself back together. She was having a hard time adjusting to being alive again. It really was better than the first few days, but …

“Buffy, you’ve been through something very traumatic. Give yourself time to come to terms with that. If you remember, the first time… it took you a while to get over that and it was only for a few minutes. This was three months.” Angel tried to reassure her.

“God, yes! Remember how you were such a …well, you were really upset then.” Cordelia had caught herself before she reminded Buffy of what a bitch she had been after her death at the Master’s hands. Buffy had almost destroyed all of her friendships before she worked the problem out with a sledgehammer on the Master’s bones.

Buffy just smiled at Cordelia. * She always did open her mouth before she put her tact in gear.* Buffy remembered how she’d acted after the encounter with the Master. * It seems like it was a million years ago. Being here has been good for Cordy too. *

Buffy’s thoughts jumped from one item to another, as they’d been prone to doing since her return.

“I remember, Cordy. Thanks. Would you and Wes mind if I talked to Angel alone for a few minutes?”

“No, no. Not a problem, Buffy. But be sure to say goodbye before you leave. Hey, if you’re gonna be in town for a bit, maybe you could stay over with me tonight? Phantom Dennis would enjoy the company too.” Cordelia stood and smiled at the very different Buffy sitting on the sofa.

“I don’t know how long I’ll be here, Cordy. But if I stay overnight, I’d like that.” Buffy reassured her friend.

“Hi. I heard voices and thought I’d try the ‘company’ idea again. I’m Fred.” The slender brown haired girl stuck out her hand toward Buffy, very shyly.

None of them had heard Fred approach. After the last time she had emerged from her room at the thought of company… Well, they all thought it would be years before she tried that again.

Buffy took the offered hand. “Nice to meet you, Fred. I’m Buffy.”

“You’re Buffy!? Oh, wow. I – um, I’m glad to meet you.” Fred was puzzled by this as she was about so much here in her own dimension. She thought everyone had said Buffy was dead. *Things get more and more confusing.*

“Fred, let’s go get Buffy something to drink. She needs to talk to Angel for a few minutes.” Cordelia herded the confused woman out to the kitchen as Wesley followed close behind them.

“Fred got sucked through a portal to another dimension. We rescued her, but she’d been there for five years. She’s still not adjusted to being back here.” Angel tried to explain to Buffy.

“Lot of that going around…” Buffy murmured under her breath.

“I understand what you’re going through. I remember what I was like when I came back from Hell. It’ll take some time, but you may still be different than before. It makes a big change Buffy, dying and coming back. You’ve done it twice now.” Angel told her gently.

She looked into his eyes, searching… She had no idea what for, but she still looked. “Yeah. We’ve both done that. Twice, I mean.” Buffy stood abruptly, pacing a step back and forth. She wouldn’t have recognized it as a Spike gesture.

“I just felt I needed to tell you in person that I was back, Angel. I didn’t want to have you hear it over the phone or from someone else. I know that it was bad enough to have Willow show up to tell you what happened.”

Angel stood and wrapped his hands around her shoulders. She was so thin his fingertips almost met across her back. “Buffy, it’s ok. I appreciate you coming to tell me yourself. I went to a monastery to deal with my feelings and I’m ok. It hurt. But I handled it. I felt bad that I wasn’t there for you, but I was saving other people at the time and… Well, I felt like I should have been there, but I knew it wouldn’t have made any difference. Willow told me what you did and why. Like when you sent me to Hell.. you had to do what was necessary, Buffy.”

“I know. It wouldn’t have made a difference. But I needed to know how you were too.”

“I felt bad that I was still here and you were gone. But with you being a Slayer and me being a vampire, we always knew this could happen.”

Buffy got even quieter. She didn’t want to say anything, but she knew she had to.. “I may not have everything I left with, Angel. But I do have a few things I didn’t have before. I know what happened.. That day.. What you gave up.. I’m sorry. Thank you.”

“Buffy, I…”

“No! I understand what you did and why. I didn’t then, but I do now. I’m sorry you had to carry that alone. I’m sorry I was so horrible to you afterwards, never knowing what you had done. Thank you for caring that much; for doing what you did. I needed to tell you that.”

He ducked his head to kiss her. It was just a gentle brush of lips. “ We do what we have to, Buffy. We both have ‘jobs’ and can’t always do what we’d like. I had to do it, just like you had to do the things you did. It let us grow. We’ve both grown and changed…”

She knew where he was heading with the conversation. She was glad, because she had to do the same thing.

“We’ve been able to go on with our lives. To accept that we can’t be together….”

The Slayer’s words were interrupted as the front door flew open and slammed into the wall next to it.

Standing in that doorway trembling with rage and something else, was a very pregnant Darla.

******************************************

Darla had waited until the sun vanished below the horizon then quickly made her way to the Hyperion.

Something had been happening most of the day and although she wasn’t sure, she had her suspicions about what it was…. *He won’t get away with this. He WILL take care of this problem! *

With vampiric strength fueled by the anger that never left her and now her additional mounting rage, Darla threw the door open, slamming it against the wall.

The first thing she saw was Angel standing with his arms around the Slayer. Darla’s anger soared even higher if that was possible.

“YOU did this to me, Angelus! Now you’re going to fix it!” the blonde vampire snarled at Angel.

“Darla? What..How..?” Angel saw her standing there, belly hugely swollen in pregnancy but didn’t understand how she could be pregnant, much less why she’d blame him for it.

Buffy stepped away from Angel as she looked first at Darla and then back at Angel, then back to Darla, taking in the extremely pregnant body of the vampire that had sired Angel. The very same vampire she had seen Angel kill shortly after they had first met 5 years ago.

“Angel, I thought she was dead. She’s a vampire, how can she be pregnant? Why is she blaming you?”

“A very good question, Buffy. One that I think we’d all like an answer to..” Wesley and Cordelia had re-entered the room behind them, seeing the raging Darla standing in the doorway.

“Angel, when you were having all those dreams of her, did you actually..” Cordelia started to ask him.

“NO! No, I didn’t!” Angel interrupted. He didn’t want Buffy to know what had happened. He was ashamed of it all even if it had helped him find himself again.

“No, he didn’t sleep with me then. I was still human! He waited until they had Turned me again. I came to kill him the night he took the ring from Wolfram and Hart. He knocked me around and then we spent the night together. Don’t they know, Angel? Doesn’t SHE know?” Darla snarled again, her voice full of sarcasm and anger, wanting to hurt Angel, hurt Buffy, hurt all of them.

“Darla, don’t!”

“What’s the matter, Angelus? Can’t be having your precious Slayer know you screwed me to the wall over and over and over that night? Don’t want your HUMAN friends to know what you did? What you enjoyed? Afraid I’ll tell them how many times you took me?” Darla felt the tension in the room rise as she talked; saw the expressions on the face of Angel’s friends and on the face of the Slayer.

“Well, they should know! This is what you did to me that night! Now you’re going to deal with it!”

The next instant, they all saw the contraction ripple across her swollen belly just before the blonde vampire bent over with a small whimper of pain.

“Oh good Lord, Angel, she’s in labor.” Wesley exclaimed, sotto voce.

Buffy turned to look at Angel. He wanted to tell her something, anything to rid her face of that look. The look that screamed that she didn’t know him, that she had never known who he really was. She wanted him to deny Darla’s accusations, yet the evidence stood there just a few feet from her, whimpering with the pain of the contraction that gripped the vampire.

Buffy backed away from Angel, her knuckles crammed against her mouth to keep the sounds inside of her from pouring out.

Buffy bumped into something behind her and jumped, about to let the panic and disbelief out when she realized it was Cordelia behind her.

“Buffy, come with me. Let Angel and Wesley handle this. Com’on.” Cordelia wrapped her arm around the blonde Slayer’s slight shoulders and turned around toward the stairs only to see Fred standing behind them watching everything.

“S-she can come up to my room with me. I- I think I should go back up there.” Fred ducked her head and looked up through her hair that always seemed to escape into her eyes.

“Good idea, Fred. Buffy, let’s go up with Fred. I know this is a shock. You didn’t know any of this. Hell, I was here and it’s a shock.” Cordelia led Buffy up the stairs with Fred leading the way to her room.

*******************************************

Buffy felt like the world was falling in around her again. She was dizzy again, confused. It all had to be a dream. Vampires didn’t get pregnant. They couldn’t have children. Angel had told her they couldn’t, that he couldn’t.

She let Cordelia guide her up the stairs to the room of that strange girl. *Strange girl.. I should be thinking strange when my life has been one strangeness after another. Dying, coming back, portals and Hells and vampires… PREGNANT vampires! Why couldn’t they all just leave me dead and in peace! *

Taking a deep breath, Buffy realized that Cordelia was talking to her.

“I’ll get both of you a couple of tacos and something to drink. Then I need to go check on what’s happening downstairs. Ok? You’ll be ok here with Fred, Buffy.”

Buffy just nodded her head as she tried to mumble agreement with the brunette.

Fred scrambled to clean a chair for Buffy to sit. She sat down in the offered chair and let her eyes wander around the room.

Fred’s room was cluttered with left over fast food wrappers, empty glasses, clothes kicked in the corner and writing everywhere. Someone, probably Fred, had covered almost every visible surface of the walls in writing and what looked like math formulas. There was writing from the floor to the ceiling, as if she had stood on a chair to write higher and higher.

The room was dim, with only one small lamp in the corner, making it seem like a cave.

Buffy turned to look at Fred. The woman seemed more like a brown-haired elf with glasses than a person. She had that shy, fey quality to her; yet seemed to see everything around her. The woman just screamed innocence, but her eyes were full of experience.

Buffy knew that look. She’d seen it often enough in her own mirror.

“Why do they call you Fred?”

“It’s short for Winifred. Why are you alive? I heard them mention your name and they said you were dead.” Fred ducked her head again and looked quickly around the room, twisting one of the loose strands of hair around her fingers.

“I was, Fred. It’s a long story.” Buffy repeated her earlier remarks to this woman as well.

“I think we’re gonna be here a while. Why don’t you tell me about it? I can tell you about where I was too, if you’d like?” Her voice was almost pleading with Buffy.

Trying again to smile slightly, Buffy agreed. “Yeah. I think we are. Maybe you can help me understand some of what has been happening too.”

***********************************

Angel and Wesley each grabbed one of Darla’s arms, half carrying half dragging her to the closest room.

“I don’t suppose in all of your 250 years you ever helped deliver a baby, did you Angel?” Wesley asked in a mild voice.

Angel could hear the anger hiding beneath the soft words of his question.

“No, Wes. I never did.”

“Wonderful. Just follow my directions then..” Wesley flipped a sheet over Darla, then rolled up his shirtsleeves. He was wondering how to handle getting the supplies he needed without either of them being left alone with this very vicious, angry, pregnant vampire when Cordelia swung into the room, one hand still clutching the door frame.

“Cordelia! Wonderful! I need you to get us some supplies please.”

“Sure. Are you two alright? What’s going on here? Angel HOW did she get pregnant?” Cordelia asked both of them, then blushed slightly.

“Alright, I mean I KNOW how.. But HOW? Angel, you’re... and she’s.... and you both... Ewwww! How could you? Well, I know how you could, but WHY did you?” The brunette finally stopped to catch her breath.

“Cordelia! Get me the supplies first and then you and Angel can play 20 questions. I’d rather like to hear some of those answers myself.” Wesley admonished her.

Darla grasped the sheet in both hands, squeezing it until her knuckles showed the yellow of bone through the skin as she raised her head and shoulders off the bed and groaned through a mouth full of fangs.

Wesley quickly rattled of the list of items he wanted. “Hurry! I suspect we’ll be needing them very soon.”

Cordelia pushed off from the doorframe hurrying to find what Wesley wanted.

As she hit the bottom of the steps, Gunn came walking in the front door.

“Hey, Cordy. What’s up? You’re lookin’ kinda rushed there.”

The brunette grabbed the dark skinned man’s arm, pulling him with her as she tried to explain.

“Buffy’s here and she’s alive, then Darla showed up, pregnant and said its Angel’s and she’s upstairs having it right now and Wesley needs supplies.”

“Whoa! Wait a minute. Darla? Like as in ‘ I’m a vampire and I have lawyers for lunch’ Darla? Pregnant? By Angel? The VAMPIRE who put ‘brood’ in ‘broodin’, Angel?”

“Yep, that’s the ones. You know anything about delivering babies?” Cordelia asked as she filled Gunn’s arms full of items.

“Well, yeah.. But they’ve all been normal babies, not the kind that are gonna eat your face after you deliver them.”

Cordelia stopped in the middle of reaching for the scissors. “Oh! I didn’t think about that! Since Angel is a vampire and Darla is a vampire.. the baby might be a vampire too! Eeewwww! Heating blood in a baby bottle.”

“I’m guessing these are more of the ‘we can’t kill’em’ kinda vamps again?”

“Gunn! It’s a baby!”

“Yeah, ok. So it’ll have smaller fangs.”

“Get up there and help Wesley and Angel deliver Angel’s baby. We’ll figure out later how they did this.. Yes, I know HOW! We’re SO not gonna discuss this again right now. Just help me get this stuff up there. We are also not going to kill any babies!”

Cordelia turned and headed back up the stairs with Gunn right behind her.

************************************

“Angel, we have to get her clothes off of her so I can check for the baby’s head. You get her undressed. It’s bad enough that I’m going to have to look at what I’m going to have to look at..” Wesley told the dark-haired vampire.

Angel just looked at his friend in sympathy as he started undressing Darla as she writhed and growled at him, all the while clutching the sheets in her hands.

“Now I know why I never did this when I was human. Oh no, you had to wait until now to do this to me. How the hell did you do this to me, Angel? I went away like you said. Why now?!”

“Darla, I don’t know. Help me a bit here. We’ve got to get you undressed so we can help you have this baby.” Angel tried to reason with her as Cordelia and Gunn burst into the room, arms loaded with stuff for Wesley.

“I don’t want to have any baby!” The blonde vampire twisted again as another contraction rippled through her contorted frame.

Gunn had put the stuff he’d been carrying on the table, then walked around to the other side of the vampire to try and help Angel get her undressed. He’d heard her comment.

“Hey, Miss Thing. You should have thought about that before you did the horizontal mambo with Angel here. That baby’s gonna get here, you want it to or not.”

He grabbed her other arm and helped Angel slide the dress over her head.

Angel reached under the covers to remove her underwear as Gunn still restrained her arm. He had no illusions that he could hold her against her will if she really wanted to get loose, but he was hoping the labor would distract her enough to keep the vampire from ripping his throat out.

Once Darla was undressed, Angel and Cordelia flexed her knees under the sheet. Wesley took a deep breath, steeling himself as he looked under the sheet.

“Oh, Lord! I think the baby’s about to be born.”

“You think? From your point of view, Wes, you ought to be able to know!” Gunn snapped.

“I’ve never done this for real. I took all the classes though, so I know what I’m suppose to do..”

Wesley admitted to them.

“Move over, English. Get up there and hold her arm but don’t let her grab your hand. Even a human pregnant woman can ‘bout break your hand.” Gunn moved to the end of the bed where Wesley had been and lifted the sheet.

“Oh hell, yes! That’s its head crownin’ now. Cordy, hand me two of those towels over there.”

Cordelia handed Gunn the requested towels. He motioned for her and Angel to lift Darla slightly so he could slide the towel under her buttocks. Then he laid the second one slightly on top of the first to wrap the baby in when it was delivered.

“You’ve done this before, Gunn?” Angel asked his street-wise friend.

“Yeah. Some of the gals.. Well, there ain’t a lot of insurance goin’ ‘round, you know? So most of us have had to deliver one or two babies.”

“Thank goodness.” Wesley muttered from beside Darla.

“Ok, Darla. Next contraction, I need you to push to help the baby out.” Gunn told the blonde vampire.

“Angel, when she pushes, you and English hold her head and shoulders off the bed to help her.”

Darla twisted again as the contraction hit. She was still in full game face and the pain erupted from her mouth as a deep-throated growl. Angel and Wesley each had a hand behind her back and lifted her shoulders like Gunn had instructed.

Darla pushed as she growled.

“Alright! We got’ a head! Now relax and just breathe.. or whatever it is you do.” Gunn held the baby’s head, wiping the face and using a small suction bulb on the tiny nostrils to clear them.

“Can I see?” Cordelia asked shyly.

Gunn nodded at her and she bent to look at the process under the sheet.

Cordelia suddenly felt dizzy. Gunn noticed she had turned a very delicate shade of green.

“I’ll just go check on Buffy and Fred.” Cordelia announced to the room at large as she straightened and left the room.

“Buffy’s here?” Gunn looked at Angel. “Better you than me, Man.”

“It’s gonna be hittin’ the fan big time, I just know it..” He mumbled under his breath.

*************************************

Buffy and Fred sat in the cave-like room. They munched on the tacos Cordelia had brought up.

“I missed these most of all while I was in Pylea. I haven’t gotten enough since I got back. Did you miss anything while you were gone? Oh, I’m sorry, silly question. You were dead, so how would you know what you missed. Of course being dead, it wasn’t like you could really miss anything at all.. I’ll just hush now.” Fred looked embarrassed at her outburst.

Buffy smiled at the girl. “It’s ok. I know I was dead. I think talking about it might actually help.”

The blonde Slayer started hesitantly at first, then as she kept talking, the words seems to well up in her throat threatening to choke her unless she got them out.

She told Fred about Dawn, Glory, her mom, Riley, Angel, Spike, and that final horrible day. Buffy remembered it in detail and told it that way. Fred listened, never interrupting. The mousy brown scientist could feel the need in the blonde to talk about everything that had happened.

“.. So I needed to tell him in person that I was alive, that they brought me back. Then Darla showed up and I don’t understand any of it.”

Buffy had already explained her confusion to Fred, so the other woman understood the last few sentences.

“Let me think about this for a few minutes, Buffy. It is alright if I call you Buffy?”

The Slayer made a sound somewhere between a chuckle and a sob. “I’ve just told you more about my life than I ever have anyone.. Yeah, it’s ok to call me Buffy.”

Cordelia tapped at the door just then. Fred scrambled to her feet to answer it, letting the brunette in the room.

“I came to see how you two were doing. Well, I also had to get away from what was happening before I threw up, but that’s beside the point.”

“What IS happening, Cordy?” Buffy asked. She wanted to know, but in a strange way was almost afraid to know.

“Darla is having that baby. Gunn knows how to deliver one, so it’s ok. But I looked. I’d never seen a delivery before. I don’t think I want to see another one.”

“Cordy.. How?” It was all Buffy could get out.

“Well the usual way, I’d think. Oh! You mean since they’re both vamps… I’m not sure, Buffy.”

“Why? Why did he? And with her?”

Cordelia sat thinking the best way to explain what had happened over the last year.

“ It started with that law firm, Wolfram and Hart…”

Cordelia tried to explain everything that had happened. Lindsey, the scroll, his hand, the visions, Darla, the dreams, Angel’s darkness…

“There is one more thing, Cordelia. Angel has known it the whole time. I only remembered after.. after I came back.”

Buffy told Cordelia and Fred about the missing day when Angel was human.

“That’s it!” Fred jumped from her chair, then looked a bit sheepish. “Oh, I’m sorry. I just go off like that and forget that I’ve got people around me again. Do you want me to tell you what I think happened?”

Buffy and Cordelia both assured her they certainly did want to know.

**************************************

“Ok. Push again! We’re almost out!” Gunn encouraged.

Darla growled again and the sound changed into a scream as she pushed one last time.

The baby slid out into Gunn’s waiting hands.

He wiped the child off, wrapping it in a towel.

“English, get down here now!”

Wesley released his grip on the blonde to hurry to Gunn’s side.

“The baby’s not breathin’. Use this string to die off the cord in two places really tight, then cut between the strings. I need to be able to move it.”

Wesley did as Gunn had told him, his hands shaking with each movement. Gunn had lifted the baby, supporting it’s head and neck and held the little body upside down, patting it between the shoulders a bit harder than either Angel or Wesley thought he should be doing.

The dark-skinned man then rolled the baby to the side, and used the bulb to suction its mouth and nose again several times before covering the small nose and mouth with his own and puffing air into the tiny lungs.

Gunn had to repeat the same actions several times before the child finally began to breathe on it’s own.

The next sound they all heard was a loud cry from the infant.

“Now that’s a nice sound.” Gunn announced.

Wesley had cut the cord during the resuscitation, so Gunn moved up the bed closer to Darla’s head.

“You wanna see your baby?”

He was almost hesitant to give the child to its mother, fearful she’d just drain it dry, but he knew he had to offer.

“No. What do I want with it? I didn’t want to be pregnant to start with.”

Darla turned her head to look at Angel with her eyes blazing yellow.

“You did this, you raise it.”

********************************************

Fred looked at both women in the room with her.

“I’m a physicist, so studying space and time and stuff like that is what I do. I think that what happened, from what you’ve said is that even though the PTB’s took back that day, it still had happened. It had to for Angel to remember it. Him being human affected him and the demon’s blood that mixed with his left a lasting change in him. When he was in Pylea, he had a reflection and could be in the sunlight.

So this shanshu or changing to human may be gradual but I think it started with the demon.”

Fred took a gulp of her drink and continued, afraid to stop for more than a few seconds. If she got interrupted, she might forget what she’d remembered.

“The beginning changes brought out the darker or much more human side of his soul and let him do the nasty things to the lawyers. They might have used some magick as well to cause the dreams about Darla too, I haven’t figured out that part. But if they did, it’d just add to all of what’s been happening.

So he did this Trial and that made some changes too. I’ve heard about it and it always changes the person in some way.”

Pausing for another quick swallow, Fred saw that she had Cordelia and Buffy’s complete attention.

“Then the lawyers brought Darla back as a human, and she was human for the Trial. Even though she didn’t do it, it was for her so she got changed too and it was magick that had brought her back to start with..

So when she was made a vampire again, she wasn’t like she was before as a vampire. And Angel’s not the same as a vampire any more. So all the magick and tampering by the lawyers and the PTB’s changed them both and changed the laws that govern vampires. That let the pregnancy happen between them. I’ll even bet that if there are any more vampires in their line, they’ve been changed in some way too.”

Cordelia and Buffy looked at each other and whispered in a shocked voice. “Druscilla!” “Spike!”

As the two women looked at each other, a scream echoed down the hallway.

Cordelia scrambled to her feet. “You two stay here. I’ve got to go check.”

She ran out the door.

***********************************

“You wanna see your baby?”

He was almost hesitant to give the child to its mother, fearful she’d just drain it dry, but he knew he had to offer.

“No. What do I want with it? I didn’t want to be pregnant to start with.”

Darla turned her head to look at Angel with her eyes blazing yellow.

“You did this, you raise it.”

“I’ll help him raise it!” Cordelia had re-entered the room in time to hear the last few comments.

She walked over to Gunn and took the baby from him, walking back around the bed to stand next to Angel.

“Look at your baby, Angel.”

Cordelia folded back the towel from the small face.

The baby was breathing well, sucking on its tiny thumb. Angel reached a hesitant hand to touch the soft red cheek with one finger.

The brunette vampire looked at the tall brunette woman at his side, holding his child. “Is – is it..?”

“Human? I don’t know, Angel. Would it have a grr-face or fangs if it was vampire?”

Cordelia asked in return. She had no idea, but knew she’d not abandon this tiny person regardless.

“Hey, I had to get it to breathe, and there’s a heartbeat, so I’m guessing human.” Gunn told them all.

“Ok, then. Blood we have, formula we don’t and no bottles. Somebody needs to go get some. Oh, and diapers too.”

Cordelia looked at the three men in the room. Darla lay quiet since her last outburst. She’d finally shifted back into human face once the stress of birth was over.

“Ok, I’ll go get formula and bottles. I know where to find them. Somebody might wanna get Darla in the shower so the bed can get changed and cleaned up.” Gunn told them as he headed for the door.

“I’ll handle the bed, Angel if you’ll escort her to the shower.” Wesley was firm about not being left alone with her. He knew she’d kill him in a moment if she got the chance.

“Ok, I’ll get her into the shower.” Angel took the blonde vampire by one arm to help her up, keeping the sheet with her the entire time.

Darla stood on shaky legs as she wound the sheet around her tighter. She let Angel hold her arm as he walked her to the shower in his room. It was the only one other than Fred’s at the moment that was set up for use.

“Do you need anything, Darla?” Angel asked her out of politeness. He guessed she’d want some blood after having lost some from the birth.

“I need a shower, something to wear, something to eat and to be left alone.” Her tone was sulky.

Angel sighed an un-needed breath. He remembered that tone all too well from the past.

“I’ll get you a shirt and a pair of shorts of mine, then go get you something to eat from downstairs while you shower.”

“That nasty animal blood you suffer on?” Her words were scathing.

“That’s all you’re gonna get, Darla. It’s better than nothing and will help you regain your strength.”

“Fine. Just go get it and leave me alone.” She dropped the sheet as Angel quickly looked away.

He heard her throaty laughter as she entered the shower and he left the room.

*************************************

“Ok, I think I understand what you explained about ‘how’, Fred. I don’t understand ‘why’?”

Buffy asked the shy woman, struggling to understand.

Fred twisted her hair again, looking away.

“I’m not good with people, but I can tell you what I think. You get to think a lot when you’re alone for five years and figure out what’s important and what’s not.” Fred took a deep breath. She didn’t know Buffy well, but she liked her and was afraid that what she had to say would make her angry.

“See, you had your friends and your boyfriend and Angel was struggling to find that same balance. When his inner darkness came out, he ran them all away. So he was alone. He was more alone than he ever had been before, I’m guessing. When Darla came to him… I guess he thought about what you had, what he was missing, what he used to have with you and couldn’t have any longer and being with her was a last desperate grab for his sanity. He may even have imagined at the time that it was you. But when he woke up and struggled to keep his soul, he realized what he had in front of him that he’d not seen and was about to throw away for good. He’d already lost you.”

“I’m guessing here that Angel has talked with you too. But he hadn’t lost me, Fred. I was still there.”

Buffy knew the woman had to have gotten this much detailed information from Angel.

“You may not think so, but he had lost you and you had already lost him. You both changed, and grew and drifted apart. You no longer had shared experiences or shared friends or a shared life. You’d both gone too far to find a way back. Just like I can’t go back to where I was here before. I have to find a new place for myself. Right now you’re having to find a new place too ‘cause your friends have three months of life without you.”

“Yeah, that’s part of what’s been bothering me. Kinda like Angel said. He was able to get ok with me being gone but it bothered him that he was able to be ok.” Buffy chewed on her lip as she thought about it.

“Like that. Both of you were hangin’ onto what you had before and couldn’t see what was right in front of you because you were too busy looking backwards. Like that nice vampire you told me about. He’s there and loves you, but you were hanging on to the past with Angel too tight to see what he was offering you in front of your face.” Fred ducked her head again as Buffy reached toward her.

Laying a hand on Fred’s shoulder, Buffy told her, “You’re a smart lady, Fred. And you’re right. I’ve been all kinds of blind to everything around me except for the past. I think I need to get home and take care of a few things. Thank you.” Buffy leaned over to hug the other woman on impulse.

“I’d enjoy coming back to visit you if you’d like? I think we could be friends.”

Fred looked shyly at the thin blonde. “I’d like that. Maybe with you and Cordy with me, I could even brave going outside to get my own taco?” A smile lit up the slender face under the strands of loose hair.

“I’ll bet we could at that. Why don’t we go see what’s going on?” Buffy stood and held out her hand to Fred. Taking it in her own, Fred stood before releasing Buffy’s hand. They walked out of the cave-like room and into the hallway.

*******************************************

Angel walked back into his room and knocked on the bathroom door.

“Darla, I’m gonna set this cup inside the door for you.”

He opened the door but couldn’t ‘feel’ the other vampire inside the room.

Flinging the door wide, Angel saw the shower on, the bloody sheet dropped on the floor, and his clothes gone along with Darla.

“Dammit!”

He set the cup on the sink and whirled around heading for the window across his room. He’d left it open slightly. Now it was completely open. On the floor of the small balcony, he saw one small damp footprint

Standing at the rail of the balcony, he searched the night with little hope of finding her, but he looked anyway.

Seeing no signs of Darla, Angel turned back into the room, closing the window tightly behind him.

From the vacant lot across the street, Darla watched Angel as he looked for her.

* He was right, I needed something to eat. I feel better already. *

She let the body of the homeless man she’s just finished draining fall to the ground in the grass before walking away in Angel’s shirt and shorts that reached below her knees.

*****************************************

Cordelia was sitting on the sofa holding the baby, as it drank from a bottle of what looked like formula.

Angel, Gunn and Wesley sat watching her feed the infant.

Buffy and Fred walked closer to look at the small bundle.

Finally, Buffy asked Angel to step aside with her for a minute.

“Angel, I want to apologize for getting upset. I had no right. Fred helped me see what each of us has been doing and although I’ll always love you, I finally understand that we’ve both grown away from the other. We each have our own lives to live but we’ll always be important to each other.

I’ve got something to take care of at home. I’ve left them too long already.”

“Thank you, Buffy. I never wanted to hurt you. You know I’ll always love you too. I’ll always come if you call me. I’m glad you’re back, Buffy. I just want you to be happy.”

“I think I might just manage that now, Angel. You will too. You have a child to care for now.... Ask Fred. I think she figured out what happened.”

Buffy reached up to kiss Angel before she left.

“Buffy, wait. I don’t want you leaving alone. Darla left out the window.”

Angel turned and looked at the group clustered around Cordelia and the baby.

“Gunn, did you say you were heading home?”

“Yeah, Man. What can I do for ya?” Gunn asked as he walked over to Angel and Buffy.

“I don’t want you out there alone with Darla on the loose tonight, so how about letting Buffy drive you home and you can keep her from being alone as she heads back to Sunnydale.”

“Works for me. You ready to ride?” Gunn asked the tiny blonde.

“Let me tell everyone goodbye. It’s kinda important.”

******************************************

It was almost 4 am when Buffy finally got back into Sunnydale. Although it was so late and she was exhausted, Buffy had one more stop she had to make that night.

Moments later she knocked on the door of Spike’s crypt.

“Slayer, what are you doing out this hour. Thought you were in LA.”

“I was. But I needed to come home. Can I come in, Spike?”

“Yeah.” He stood to one side as she came in the door and walked over to the chair to sit down.

“Come sit next to me, Spike.”

Unsure what was going on, he moved over to the chair hesitantly, sitting carefully on the arm where he could look into her thin face.

“I had a long talk tonight with a very smart person. She helped me see some things that I was too close to, to be able to see before. I’ve been so scared of an unsure future that I clung to a safe, known past even after it was long gone. I was hanging on to the past so tightly that I couldn’t see what was right in front of me, Spike.”

“What was that?” He asked, hoping this might finally be the crumb he’d waited on, but didn’t want to count on it and have his hopes dashed again.

“It was you. All of my friends, Dawn, and you, Spike. You were offering me love and safety. You’ve stayed even when I told you to go away. But you were here for me, for Dawn, for all of us and I was too blind to see it. I ran from it because you were right, there has been something between us for a long time. I clung to what I knew, to what was safe and sure.”

“I used to think that all that was sure was death, like that old saying. But you and I.. We’ve proved not even death is sure, luv. I think all that’s sure now is time.” Spike told her carefully, still not sure where she was going with this conversation.

“If it’s not too late, I’d like to find out what really is between us and what it can be, Spike.”

Buffy sat waiting, afraid that she’d taken too long, squandered that very ‘time’ he’d mentioned and had

lost something that might be important in pursuit of something she could never have, yet had clung to for dear life. It had taken dying and her talk with Fred to help her see it.

Spike cupped her face in his slender hand as he brushed her lips softly with his.

“ ‘S not too late, luv. I’ll be here like I promised you. ‘Til the end of time, even if it were to be tonight.”

Buffy’s only answer was to stand up and wrap her arms around him as she returned his kiss with interest.

She could wait until tomorrow to tell him about the rest.

Gillian Silverlight 9/25/01