GOODBYE MY LOVE - Part one

Author: Titti

E-mail: titti_adriano@hotmail.com

Ships: Buffy and Spike

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: We all know that I don't own them, but we have to thank Joss,

Fox, The WB and now UPN and who knows who else.

Summary: At the end of "The Gift", moments before Buffy jumps. Part one is

Buffy's POV, part two is Spike's POV. It's my first Buffy's fic, so I'll

love all feedback.

It lies not in our power to love or hate,

For will in us is over-ruled by fate.

Christopher Marlowe

GOODBYE MY LOVE

"You threat me like a man." - I am about to jump into the portal to save my

sister's life and the only thing I can see in my mind is his face. What a

laugh, I always thought that Spike would be in front of my eyes when I would

die, to be more correct, I always thought he would send me to my untimely

death. Spike, William the Bloody, the killer of 2 slayers, the evil

vampire, my sworn enemy; he has so many labels but the only on that counts

is the one that I have never uttered out loud: Spike, me true love.

How did I fall in love with him is still a mystery to me. I always

hated him, always, or at least I thought so. I put him in a wheelchair, I

beat him, I taunted him, he has always awoken these deep and primeval

feelings. It just took me this long to realize that it wasn't hate, but

love. The lady doth protest too much - Shakespeare must have thought of me

and my innumerable denials. But how was I supposed to know that I would find

all that I was looking in a vampire. I mean, I know I went down this road

before, but Angel was different, he had a soul. I guess that's shy I fought

this so hard. Spike has changed his life because of love, his love for me.

Years of training as the slayer tell me that it's impossible: vampires are

soulless demons. Oh well, the Council screwed up again because Spike has

proven to me and my family that he loves us unconditionally, knowing that he

would never be loved back. Only he is wrong, I do love him with all my

heart.

We dance, that's what will always do; that's what Spike has told me.

How wrong I thought he was, but how right he was. I wish now that things

had gone differently. That engagement caused by magick has become my

unfulfilled dream, a dream will never come true. I have to die to save the

world, to save my sister, but I wish that his ring would be on my finder to

declare our love to the world. I wish that I had kissed him. I know I

have, but I still yearn for a true kiss. I have kissed him while bewitched,

I have kissed him because he risked his life to protect Dawn, but I have yet

to kiss him for the want of it. I will never have the chance to look

passionately into his radiant eyes and put my lips into his. I will never

have the chance to wake up in the aftermath of our lovemaking lying in his

strong arms. I will never again see his stupid grin when he wins one of our

battles of the wits. I will never dance with him again. I will never have

the chance to tell him how important he has become in my life, how much I

care for him, how much I love him.

My mind is rambling, I know I make no sense, but so much is going on in

my head. It seems that hours have passed since I said goodbye to Dawn, but

it's been mere seconds. I am standing at the edge of the platform. I look

down and I can see him. I thank my slayer's skills for this gift, because I

can see him move. Tears are in my eyes, tears of joy. I thought he had

died after that fall but he is alive. This may not make sense, but I am

happy. I am the Slayer, I am going to die young like all the slayers before

me. I am also immortal because my love, our love will continue to live in

the heart of my undead love. Spike will carry our love with him for

eternity. "Goodbye my love", I murmur softly. I can see him look up. I

know he has heard me, now I can truly die happy. With a smile on my face

and tears in my eyes, I jump.

Part one is Buffy's POV, part two is Spike's POV.

To see her is to love her,

And love but her forever.

Robert Burns

"Goodbye my love" I hear her murmur these words with a love I have never

experienced. I have been on this earth for almost 2 centuries and I have

never witnessed such emotion. We were enemies, we were partners, we were

fighters and in her death we are true love. The Powers That Be have really

lost their grip on reality. How else can you explain a vampire in love with

a slayer. I don't lust after her, I am not obsessed, OK that robot may have

been a little over the top, but I love her and always will. Of course, this

is my Buffy, feisty till the end. She has chosen seconds before her death to

proclaim her love. I am happy nonetheless, I am happy because she wants me

to know that she loves me too.

I still can't explain how my unbeating heart can experience such passionate

feelings for my Buffy. I am the Big Bad, I kill slayers, I am not supposed

to love anyone, especially my mortal enemy. But I love her nonetheless. She

looks like an angel with her golden hair and those hazel eyes that are the

door to her soul. I would have given anything to make her happy, to make her

smile, but in the end she is the hero who will save the world. Blast her,

she has to win up till the end. Why wasn't I stronger, why didn't I prevent

this? I am ready to despair but those simple words "Goodbye my love" give my

joy and after many centuries they give my hope. I know I am babbling like a

bloody idiot but I can't seem to keep my mind still. I guess if I stop

thinking and rambling, I will realize what she is about to do and my mind

can't accept that.

We are dancing up until the end. It's not the dance of death that I had

predicted, but it's a dance of love. Our eyes meet even with the far

distance. For once, I am really happy that I have my vampire powers that

allow me to be so near her even though we are so far away. I guess that

always been the case. We pretended for such a long time to be so afar, so

different, while in truth we are two sides of the same coin. My brave Slayer

and me. For a moment all of our adventures flash before my eyes. Not all the

memories are happy, I never did like the fact that she threw that bloody

piano on me and put me on a wheelchair. But hey, we live in a dark world

made of love and death. I remember the first time I saw, fate couldn't be

more ironic because she was on the dance floor caught up in a sexual, yet

innocent dance. My memory traces all the times we fought on the same side as

well as the times we fought apart. As strong as we are, we never did manage

to kill each other when we were supposed to be mortal enemies, that must

mean something. My trip down memory lane is stopped by the recollection of

our engagement. My heart aches. I wish I still held her in my arms sitting

on the Watcher's chair discussing our wedding. I was so happy then, my only

goal to make my new bride the happiest woman in the world. I know I will not

have that chance now. I wanted her to see me, William the man. I want the

opportunity to court her, to date her, to love her, but I will not get my

wish. I will never know how sweet her mouth tastes, I will never rest in her

warm embrace, I will never make her mine.

I am a demon and I know The Powers That Be are not too interested in my

wants and needs, but why didn't they give her true happiness in her short

life. She still needs to be loved without boundaries and restriction. I want

her to feel unconditional love. I want her to know that she is the most

beautiful person in the world because of her caring soul. She deserves to be

loved without trying to chance her, accepting her dark side with the light

that she radiates when she smiles. I hope that in the time we spent together

I was able to make her realize the respect and admiration that she deserves

and that I feel for her because if I have done that then my unlife has some

meaning. I want to run up there and tell her all that I am feeling, tell her

how much I love her and how much I care. There is no time. "Goodbye my

love", I murmur softly. I look up. I know she sees me. With a smile on her

face and tears in my eyes, she jumps.

The BtVS Writers' Guild: Because fan fiction makes anything possible.