Title:
Balancing the Scales
Author:
Gillian Silverlight
Distribution:
My site: Http://www.homestead.com/gilliansspikelair/
Those
who already have permission to post my fiction, others please ask.
Disclaimer:
They belong to Joss, the WB, UPN, just about anyone except me. I just play with
them.
Summary:
After Buffy dies, those that love her have to deal with the aftermath and want
her back.
Rating:
Lyrics:
‘My Best Wasn’t Good Enough’ by Anouk & Kane; ‘Absence Of Fear’ by Jewel;
“Shine” by Collective Soul; “Yellow” by Coldplay; “Run” by Collective Soul;
“Under the MilkyWay” by The Church; “Full of Grace” by Sarah McLachlan; “View
to a Kill” by Duran Duran; “Drops of Jupiter” By Train.
Author’s
Note: This is my reaction to the 5th season Finale “The Gift”. Part
of the idea came from the music I heard and used here; part of it came from a
challenge posted on BSUA Yahoo Group. Except for the lyrics and the quote from
“The Gift”; all the words are my own.
Dedication:
To Patti, Pandora, Meredith and Trish for their every ready support,
encouragement and conversation. Even when never mentioned, I thank Saber
Shadowkitten and Theory Queen for putting my feet on this path directly and
indirectly with their initial encouragement, suggestions, support and advice.
And
a VERY special thanks to Ravensfive and Meredith, who beta read this for me and
came up with wonderful suggestions.
To
everyone I didn’t mention by name, never think I forget the feedback, conversations
and brightness all of you bring to my day.
I
hope that I can bring a touch of that brightness back to all who read my words.
Balancing the
Scales
Yeah,
I've got a long way to run... .’
Buffy turned and ran down the metal
expanse, leaping into the undulating, coruscating mass of energy that was the
portal…
~*~
‘Let's
say I gave you all I had
And now I'm out of time
Buffy lay across the pile of bricks. She
looked asleep instead of the awful reality that was her death.
The
scene wasn’t real to those who loved her so much. Their minds refused at first
to grasp the fact that this shining blonde woman who had always been so incredibly
full of life, would never again move.
Spike seemed to be the first to realize
what had happened. He crumpled in on himself as he grasped his head in his
hands, trying to squeeze the sight of her lifeless body out of his mind. The
tears poured down his face as his body shook from the sobs that ripped their
way out of his slender muscular frame.
Giles could do nothing but look at her.
His slayer. His daughter. His very life. He was so incredibly proud of her
actions; but knew the anguish of her loss lay only seconds away from erupting
over him.
He
fought the tears and the searing pain he knew was coming.
Xander held Anya in his arms. The rubble
had injured her, but she was still alive. She was still with him.
But
Buffy was gone.
Dawn looked at her sister, shock and
despair filling her face, tears rolling down her cheeks as the cuts on her body
still leaking blood, stung and burned.
‘You have to be strong. Dawn. The hardest
thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me.’ The Slayer had told the ageless energy that
had been molded into the form of a human teenager. A form taken from the very
essence of the Slayer herself. A human teen that was implanted into their
memories as Buffy’s own sister.
‘How
can I live for her when she’s gone? My sister is gone!’ Dawn wanted to cry,
to scream, to curl into a ball and never move again. But she couldn’t. Her
sister had asked something of her and then given her own life to spare Dawn. The
teen knew she could never deny Buffy that last request. Dawn might have been
ageless energy once; but now she was simply a teenage girl. Alone and
distraught.
In the short length of her human
existence; she’d discovered her origins, gone through hell with her mother’s
illness, seen her sister go through hell of all kinds, lost her mother, had
almost been killed, and had now lost her sister.
She
was alone.
Spike struggled to his feet, the broken
ends of bones grating inside his body as he moved. The jagged shards cut and
ripped at the tissue around them; but none of it was as painful as the crushing
agony in his heart of Buffy’s death. He loved her. He’d loved her with
everything he was, ever had been, and ever would be. He’d had hope that
afternoon. She’d needed him. She’d turned to him for help. She’d trusted him…
She’d
trusted him and he’d not been equal to her trust. He should have done more. He
should have been better. He’d been weak recently after everything he’d gone
through, but he should have done more, gotten past the weakness.
The others just stood in shock as they
vaguely registered Spike dragging his battered, bloody, broken body to crawl
onto the stack of bricks to pull Buffy into his lap. He held her to him kissing
that soft mouth that had kissed him only once.
As
he rocked her limp body in his arms, overwhelming agony swept out of him in a
screaming wail. It was the sound of a soul in ultimate torture.
~*~
Oh it kills me’
They felt as if they had been there
watching the blonde couple forever and only seconds.
Giles
walked with leadened feet to Spike. The vampire still held his love’s body in
his arms, talking to her, kissing her, pleading with her. “Spike, we need to
leave. You have to get inside. We need to take Buffy home now.”
“She is home. Don’t make me leave her.
Let me sit and hold her until I can see her in the sunlight. She was my sun,
Rupert. Now the light has been put out.” Spike’s voice was rough, almost
unrecognizable through the tears and the pain.
Dawn
stepped beside Spike, the grieving vampire between herself and Giles. “Spike,
she told us to live. For all of us to live. She said she loved all of us. That
included you, Spike. I’ve lost my mother, and now my sister. Don’t make me lose
you too.” She looked at the vampire from eyes large with shock, filled with
tears from sorrow, the pupils dilated with pain. Pain of her wounds, of the
loss of her sister, pain from knowing it was all her fault.
Spike looked up slowly at her. “How can I
live without her, Dawn?”
“How can I live if I lose you too,
Spike?” Dawn told him quietly.
“I failed her, Dawn. I loved her more
than my own bloody un-life, but I failed her!” Spike told the teen, his agony
in each word. The vampire with no soul felt the weight of every ounce of the
guilt he bore.
“It wasn’t your fault, Spike. You did the
best you could do. It was my fault! It was all MY fault!” Dawn’s voice rose
until she was screaming from the horror in her mind.
Spike reached out to Dawn with one hand,
while he held Buffy close with the other. That more bones ground together
didn’t matter. The pain was only an annoyance compared to the pain in his
heart, the pain in his non-soul. “My best wasn’t good enough... You were hurt.
I let her die. It should have been me.” His voice was a harsh whisper.
“No. No, Spike. It had to be one of us.
It was our blood.” Dawn tried to explain.
“Spike, just as it was only Angel’s blood
that could open or close Acathla; the portal could only be opened or closed with
Buffy’s blood. Dawn has that same blood. It had to be one of them.” Giles tried
to struggle through his pain to make the vampire understand.
“Bring her down, Spike. We need to take
her home. You have to get inside. Dawn needs you. Ah, I suspect… we all need
you.” The sad and weary watcher told the battered blonde vampire. ‘I spent my life learning how to kill those
like him. Teaching Buffy to kill those like him. Yet she took Angel into her
heart. She took Spike into her heart. So here I am caring about the vampire she
cared about. The Council has no idea of truth.’
“Alright… I need to call Angel. He needs
to know.” Sadness filled the vampire’s voice. He knew how much his sire would
hurt because of this. Spike knew because he felt the same way.
Spike
eased off the bricks, Buffy’s limp form held gently in his arms. She was so
tiny, so still, so light. She looked as though she was sleeping, as if a kiss
might waken her. There were no marks to mar her body or her beauty. If only
she’d open those beautiful hazel eyes that could cut him to the quick with a
glance…
Dawn moved to put an arm around Spike while
Giles lifted Buffy from the vampire’s arms. The watcher held her just as close,
just as gently.
They
had all lost Buffy and none of them would ever heal.
~*~
Giles hung the phone up for the dozenth
time that afternoon. He’d tried for two days to call Angel. It had only been
two days since Buffy died. It felt like a lifetime. Giles sighed. Once more
there no answer at the hotel telephone, or the vampire’s cell phone. There was
no answer at Cordelia’s or Wesley’s apartments either. Giles could only assume
they were away working on a case, but he knew Angel would want to be at Buffy’s
funeral tomorrow.
The Watcher had moved into Buffy’s house
at Dawn’s request. He’d filed a petition to become Dawn’s legal guardian so
that he could protect her.
Spike
had moved into the house the evening after Buffy had died. Dawn refused to let
him go anywhere else. Giles knew the vampire needed the comfort of being as
close to Buffy as he could. Living in her house and helping to take care of
Dawn was the only way now.
Giles
had moved into Joyce’s old room. Dawn had shifted her things into Buffy’s room.
Painful as it was, the teen felt closer to her sister in that room.
Spike
was existing in Dawn’s old room.
There would be time after the funeral to
think about storing things and changing colors. They were trivial and
materialistic concerns, he knew; but Giles didn’t think he could really deal
with the flowered wallpaper Joyce had used in that bedroom. Besides, such
minute mundanea helped keep his mind away from the fact that Buffy was gone. At
least it helped for minutes at a time…
Xander had come to the house to sun-proof
the bedroom for Spike. But Spike had spent every night at the funeral home with
Buffy. The vampire would wait until Giles was home and then leave to go
straight there. He’d arrive back at the house with the sun’s rays chasing him
through the door.
Giles
didn’t think Spike had eaten at all since Buffy’s… death.
‘I’d better
pick him up something at Willie’s this evening on the way home. I may have to
force him to eat!’ Giles stopped and shook his head. The shadow of a smile
thought about crossing his lips as he realized he was worrying if a vampire got
a meal. ‘But it IS Spike.’ Giles thought seriously. ‘Buffy’d be upset if he didn’t eat and came
to harm.’
The
watcher wasn’t sure how he knew, but he did. It would matter to her, so it had
to matter to him.
~*~
‘Tell
me will love be there
Oh,
Heaven let your light shine down’
The funeral transpired as planned.
Xander had borrowed a tent from one of his construction
sites to provide a safe haven for Spike to be in attendance.
There
had not been a dry eye anywhere.
Willie
had closed the bar in Buffy’s memory that evening. The little informer had been
at the Slayer’s funeral, as had many of the various local demons. Even some of
Sunnydale’s other vampires had managed to show up. They took shelter under the
tent with Spike, but stayed as far away from him as possible. Strangely enough,
they had not come to gloat.
There
had not been a dry eye anywhere.
~*~
‘Inside
my skin there is this space,
It
twists and turns, it bleeds and aches.
Inside
my heart there's an empty room,
It's
waiting for lightning, it's waiting for you.
And
I am wanting,
Angel pushed the double doors open,
walking into the lobby of the Hyperion. The brunette vampire was incredibly
glad to be home again. "There's no place like... ."
His
voice trailed off as he saw
"
Cordelia was puzzled. She didn’t
understand the chill of fear that had blanketed the room, suddenly drying her
mouth. "What's... ?"
Angel just looked at
Dread enfolded Angel in its icy grip. He
knew this was bad. ‘She must be really
hurt. Why are we waiting? I have to get to her!’
“
“Angel, she’s dead.” The words fell as
The
only sound Cordelia made as she fainted was a tight “No!” Gunn caught her
before she hit the floor.
Angel paled at the witch’s words as he
staggered, unable to stand. Wesley stepped up behind his friend as
The distraught vampire looked at
Finally Angel pulled himself back into
control with visible effort. He sat up straight, but never relinquished his
hold on
“It was the fight with Glory. Everything
that has happened over the last couple of weeks has been so confusing it’s hard
to explain it all.
“Buffy did a vision-quest. The spirit of
the first slayer told her that her gift was death. Glory took Spike and
tortured him to tell her who was the key. She almost killed him but he never
said a word to her. She mind-drained Tara and I went after her for it. Glory
came after me and
“Buffy delayed Glory while Spike went to
get Dawn, but a demon threw him off this huge tower, then cut Dawn and started
the portal anyway. Buffy wouldn’t kill Dawn and threw herself in the portal to
close it. She fell to the ground, dead. Spike had over half of the bones in his
body broken from his fall. Anya got caught under falling rubble, but she’ll be
okay.”
“Is Glory gone?” Angel asked quietly. His
mind was reeling. The simple question was a way to try and cope with the loss
of the woman he loved.
“Yes. She turned back into the human
doctor after Buffy beat her to a pulp with a troll hammer. You know she
couldn’t kill him to get rid of Glory but Giles could. Giles killed him.”
“Is there going to be another Slayer?”
Wesley interrupted before Angel could ask anything else.
Wesley
knew things were confused with two slayers already active.
“I’ll call… the Council. There has...
there must be another slayer.” Wesley walked toward the phone as the
information finally sank in fully. He leaned against the wall as he cried.
Angel struggled to his feet, still
unsteady. “Let me go shower and change clothes. I’m going back with you.”
The
vampire turned and looked at Gunn. “Can you call Kate and fill her in a bit on
what has happened? Get her to come over and take care of Fred.” Angel started
toward the stairs without waiting for Gunn’s answer.
“Wait!” Cordelia cried out as she moved
after her friend. “I’m going with you. She was my friend too. I know she was so
much more to you, but she was my friend.”
“Hurry then.” It was all Angel said as he
almost ran up the stairs.
~*~
‘My
hands will adore you through all darkness aim,
They
will lay you out in moonlight,
And
reinvent your name.
For
I am wanting,
Angel
huddled under a blanket most of the way back to Sunnydale.
Once inside, Angel went to Giles. The two
men hugged without a word. They both felt her loss, and in that pain; all that
had lingered between them from Angelus was wiped clean.
Spike
came down the stairs into the living room when he heard
.
Angel looked at his childe and was
shocked beyond words. He’d never seen the blonde vampire look so haggard.
Always pale as fine ivory, Spike was closer to the color of library paste now.
His cheeks, always so sculptured, were sunken and his skin was drawn tight over
the bones of his face.
“Spike, when did you eat last?” Angel was
worried about his childe. He didn’t stop to ask the reason for the younger
vampire’s condition. The pain and loss all too evident in his eyes was answer
enough. Angel knew the same pain and loss would be reflected in his own eyes.
Spike
was in love with Buffy too.
“Don’t know. Doesn’t really matter.” Spike turned and headed back up the stairs to
what had been Dawn’s old room. He’d expected to see Angel, although he really
didn’t want to talk his sire. Not about this. The older vampire’s presence was
just another reminder of Buffy and that Spike had lost her just as he’d had a
glimmer of hope. Angel had known her love.
“I’ve not been able to get him to eat
since Buffy died.” Giles told Angel quietly as he watched the blonde vampire
climb the stairs.
“He’s in love with her too, isn’t he?”
Angel felt his childe’s pain all too clearly.
Giles looked into Angel’s eyes, seeing
the truth already there. “Yes. He’s been in love with her for some time now.
She had rebuffed him, but he just tried harder to prove that he had changed.
and did truly love her. I think he does. I think she had just begun to realize
he was telling the truth. He protected her and Dawn at the risk of his own
life. He blames himself for her death. His own guilt is killing him.”
“He doesn’t have a soul, Giles. How can he
be feeling guilt? He can love... We all can even without a soul. But guilt?”
Angel looked toward the door Spike disappeared through.
“If I have learned anything at all about
vampires, it’s that everything we thought was true isn’t. You and Spike both
have proved it to me over and over. Perhaps he has developed a soul. Perhaps he
never lost his; it was just buried under the demon. Perhaps Buffy was his
soul.” Giles didn’t understand what was happening or how, he simply saw it transpiring.
“We’ll figure it out later. I’ve got to
get him to eat. As soon as it’s dark I want to see Buffy.” Angel’s words
tumbled out.
“Next to her mother.” Giles told the
vampire. He knew Angel would want to be alone there.
The
dark-haired vampire just nodded as he headed toward the stairs. Giles went to
the kitchen where he heard other voices he recognized.
~*~
Oh it kills me’
‘For
I am wanting,
Angel opened the door to Spike’s room.
His childe was sitting on the edge of the bed, shoulders slumped. The blonde
vampire held his head between his hands. If he’d looked up, the framed photo of
Buffy was in his line of vision.
Angel walked over next to Spike. “You’re
in love with her too aren’t you?”
“How can you ask me that? You knew her. You
loved her. You know how hard it is NOT to love her. Of course I do! I tried not
to, but it was too late. It’s been too late for a long time. I just kept
fighting against it.” Spike’s normally silky voice was ragged with emotion and
tears.
“I know. I know how hard it is. Even as
Angelus, I loved her. There was just that about her …”
Angel
trailed off as memory overtook him. It was both good and bad, but ever present
was his love for the tiny blonde slayer. He shook his head and looked back at
Spike. “Spike, you have to eat. You look really bad.”
The blonde vampire seemed to not even
hear his sire’s words. “She accepted my help finally. “After Glory almost
ripped me to bloody pieces to find out about Dawn; she kissed me when she knew
I’d never betray her or Dawn. My lip was almost ripped off; one eye was swollen
shut and the other one barely open. She kissed me to thank me.
“That day…. We came here to get weapons
and she finally let me back into the house. I told her even though I was a monster;
she treated me like a man. It meant more to me than she could ever know. It’s
all I ever had of her. You got to have her love, to hold her and kiss her.” A
shudder rippled through the vampire’s slender muscular frame. “Oh god, Angel! I
don’t know how to go on without her...” .”
Angel knew Spike’s pain all too well. But
the younger vampire was right. He’d experienced Buffy’s love. He wasn’t sure
which was worse; to have it and lose it and have to leave it or to never have
had it returned from her at all. Even as Angel thought it, he knew Spike’s was
worse. He had nothing, not even hope.
At
least he, Angel, had memories. Angel sat next to his childe and put his arm
around the younger man. “I can see that you love her. So eat. You know if she
knew what was happening she’d kick your ass and make you eat.”
Spike looked at the older vampire with
tear filled, pain drugged eyes. “Yeah. Yeah, she would.”
He
knew his sire was right. Buffy would have been furious at him for starving
himself, but the blonde vampire didn’t know how to get past the agony of grief
that clogged his throat. He looked at his sire knowing he needed Angel’s
guidance. “Help me, Angel. Please?”
“I’m here. I’ll do everything I can to
help. Let’s get you fed first.” Angel led his grieving childe down stairs to
the kitchen for food.
~*~
‘Muscle
and sinew, velvet and stone,
This
vessel is haunted, it creaks and moans.
My
bones call to you, in their separate skin,
I
make myself translucent, to let you in.
For
I am wanting,
And
I am needing you here
Inside
the absence of fear.
There
is this hunger,
This
restlessness inside of me.
And
it knows that you're no stranger,
You're
my gravity.’
Angel stood in the cemetery he’d help
Buffy patrol so often. He looked down at the fresh turned earth, knowing his
love was below him in the dark. His childe was killing himself from pain and grief
and guilt from her loss.
In
the flash from one instant to another, Angel knew what he had to do. He needed
her. Spike needed her. Her friends and her sister needed her.
The
world needed her.
Knowing where one portal was made finding
others easier. Angel slipped into the darkened, locked post office of
Sunnydale. A short trip down the stairs to the basement brought him to the
archway he was looking for. In a container beside the stone brazier was a
mixture of herbs.
Placing
a handful of the mixture in the brazier, Angel lit them and asked for admission
to the portal in front of him.
The
portal swirled and glowed with light as Angel stepped through to the Oracles.
~*~
‘Is
there a cure among us
From
this processed sanity
I
weaken with each voice that sings
In
this world of purchase
I’m
going to buy back memories
To
awake some old qualities’
The striking blue and gold man and woman
in their odd draperies walked toward Angel.
“Why have you entered our sanctum, lower
being?” The new female spoke to the vampire.
“I knew your predecessors. I had made a
previous deal with them on a matter of importance...”
Angel
tried to explain the situation.
The new male interrupted him. “What could
a lower being have to offer or bargain with that would be of any importance to
us?”
“I gave up my humanity, everything that I
had ever wanted, for one woman. A woman who is or was a warrior for the Powers.
A warrior of light.” Angel explained. His voice had grown tight. The previous
male Oracle had been indifferent, this one was irritating.
“You have no humanity, you’re a vampire.”
The male sneered at Angel.
“Wait! I remember this from the
Chronicles of our predecessors.” The female Oracle turned to explain to her
partner. “This one,” as she gestured toward Angel, “had become human when his
blood was accidentally mixed with that of a Morah. He spent 24 of their hours
with the woman he loves. She is, or was... the Slayer.”
“Yes. The other Oracles said that she’d
die within a year if I stayed human. I gave up everything I’d struggled for
just to keep her alive. But now she’s dead anyway! We had a bargain! Give her
back her life!” Angel was very upset, struggling to maintain control over his
anger.
“Your bargain was with them, not us. They
must not have processed the paperwork on that issue. Her time came up as had
been set forth by your change into a human. We cannot help you.” The irritating
male Oracle turned and walked away.
“He is not happy with his appointment
here. He will grow into it.” She shook her head slightly as she walked around
Angel, looking at the vampire who could access the portals. “I cannot grant
your request. The original agreement was not processed and what is done... is
done.
“It
is not in our nature to apologize, but I do for this error. I feel your pain.
But what is done... is done.”
The
female Oracle turned to walk away, stopped and looked back at Angel. “Did you
bring a gift?”
The chuckle that rippled from the
vampire’s throat had never been nice. “You people screw up the paper work, get
Buffy killed leaving the world with no Slayer to fight evil. You made a mistake
and you won’t fix it? Yeah, I brought you a gift, but sorry... You can’t have
it if I can’t have my agreement honored.”
The
dark-haired angry vampire turned toward the Portal doorway. “Let me out of
here. There seems to be the stench of betrayal in this room.”
The
female waved her arm and the portal glowed an instant before Angel walked
through where it should be.
~*~
‘Give
me a word
Give
me a sign
Show
me where to look
Tell
me what will I find
Lay
me on the ground
Fly
me in the sky
Show
me where to look
Tell
me what will I find
Angel stalked back to the Summers' house.
Anger poured off him in waves. He didn’t know what else to do but maybe if he
called Loren, the green-skinned demon might have a suggestion.
At
the house, Angel quietly entered and headed into the living room. He sat down
on the couch and picked up the phone to call his friend.
“Caritas.” The voice was not one that
Angel recognized.
“I need to speak with the Host. Tell him
it’s Angel” The vampire had to struggle not to snarl at the man at the other
end of the line.
“Right away, sir.” The phone dropped onto
the counter judging by the sound in the vampire’s sensitive ear.
“Angel... Nice to hear from you. That is,
unless you want me to go visit my mother again.” Loren greeted the vampire.
“No
jokes, Loren. Buffy is dead. Remember what I told you about the day I gave back
to keep her alive? Seems the Oracles hadn’t gotten the paperwork done before
Vocah killed them. The new male Oracle is an ass and could care less. The new
female said she couldn’t do anything to help me.
“We have to do something. It’s more than
the fact that I love Buffy. She died once and was revived; but a new slayer was
called in those few seconds. That one was killed by Dru, which caused Faith to
be called. Faith is in jail. Another Slayer won’t be called until Faith dies,
so the world has no slayer.
“And Spike… Spike is in love with her and
is starving himself to death. He feels guilty, Loren…”
“Must be a thing with you and your kids.
Spike is yours if I remember… So what is the problem with him feeling guilt?
You insist on having enough guilt for a dozen of us.” Loren retorted. For once
he didn’t make a joke about everything.
“He doesn’t have a soul. He can love,
like all of us, but he shouldn’t be able to feel guilt. He has no soul. What
can I do, Loren?” Angel almost pleaded for an answer.
“About his guilt and the soul issue? Not
much right now. First things first. Let me see what I can do from this end
about the Oracle problem. In the meanwhile, why don’t you call your friend Kate
and see if she can get the other Slayer out of jail. Talk to your friends there
in Sunnydale and maybe one of them will have a suggestion as well. I’ll get
back with you in a day or so.” Loren rarely said goodbye. He simply hung up the
phone.
Angel cut the connection and dialed the
hotel. “Angel Investigations, we…”
“It’s me, Wes. I need your help.” Angel
explained everything he’d learned so far; his encounter with the new Oracles,
the call to the Host and his own sense of frustration and helplessness.
“Kate is already working on getting Faith
released. Fred has been helping out around here while Cordy has been gone. Let
me do some checking and I’ll call you back tomorrow. Loren’s idea is a good
one. Talk to the others there. Perhaps all of you can come up with a solution
that will convince the Oracles to assist in this matter since it is their mistake. We’ll do everything we
can, Angel.” Wesley tried to reassure his friend. He had no idea of any way to
change the status quo, but he’d do what he promised and look for any answer. No
matter how slim the chance.
“You’re right, Wes. I need to eat and get
some rest myself. Maybe I can think straight after some rest. I’ll talk to you
later.” Angel hung up the phone, resisting the urge to slam it until it broke.
Frustration was trying to tear him apart.
The older vampire went to the kitchen and
fixed a mug of blood for himself as well as one for Spike and headed up the
stairs to Spike’s room. Opening the door, he found the blonde vampire just
staring at the picture of Buffy next to his bed.
“Spike, I brought you something to eat.
Eat with me. Then I need some rest. Can I crash here with you?” Angel wasn’t
sure if his presence would be welcome to the younger vampire.
“I’ll try to eat. Yeah, you can sleep
here. I’m not doing much of it. I guess someone should. Did you find any
answers about Buffy?” Spike’s voice was listless. The cocky vampire that Angel
had always known seemed completely gone. This was more than Angel thought he
could deal with on top of Buffy being dead, but he had to try.
“Some ideas. That green-skinned demon
friend of mine is looking into it. So is Wesley. Kate’s trying to get Faith out
of jail.” The older vampire tried to tell his childe that something was being
done. It might not be what they wanted and might not be much, but it was
something.
“You know Faith will never be able to
handle things for long.” Spike told his sire.
“I know. But even a weak slayer is better
than none. And if she has you and me to help her... maybe we can manage.” Angel didn’t know if it
was true or not. Faith was too unpredictable, too undisciplined.
“Let’s get some sleep and talk to the
others in the morning. There still may be a way to get Buffy back.”
Spike tossed a pillow and blanket to
Angel who grabbed them and curled up on the floor. He was asleep almost before
his head hit the pillow.
~*~
‘Look
at the stars,
Look
how they shine for you,
And
everything you do’
Spike couldn’t sleep. He left Angel
asleep on the floor, walked though the house, and out the back door. The blonde
vampire sat down on the steps of the small back porch. He remembered sitting
there with Buffy the night she’d cried about Joyce.
He’d come to kill her that night. Yet her tears, the very sight of her had
stopped his anger. He sat and rubbed her back for hours, trying to comfort her
as much as she’d let him.
Spike
looked at his hand remembering the warmth of her skin through her shirt as he’d
touched her that night. He could feel the memory of her in his hand like an
ache.
The night sky was clear and the stars
danced in the heavens. Their light reflected off the red-tinged tears that fell
unnoticed down the vampire’s cheeks as his eyes looked outward, yet saw only
the endless nightmare in his own mind.
The battered grief-stricken vampire saw
the ground rush up at him with frightening swiftness. He remembered the agony
that swept through him as he hit the pile of rubble on the ground, so far below
the tower. He remembered the feel of the bones in his body as they broke,
slashing at him from the inside.
Had she felt the same way when she had
fallen on the pile of bricks? Was the essence of who she had been already gone
from her body, ripped away by the hellish energy that had assaulted her as she
hung suspended in midair?
Spike had questions yet no answers.
The
stars looked down at the lonely vampire, his unbeating heart sore, tired, weary
from the unending pain of losing Buffy.
His
Slayer.
His
golden girl.
His
sunshine.
The
one that had never been truly his except where it mattered; in his heart.
The stars looked back at him in silence
as they twinkled like the light had in her beautiful eyes when she laughed….
The
stars had no answers for him either.
They
twinkled still because she was gone, having saved them once again.
~*~
‘And
you know for you,
I'd
bleed myself dry for you,
It's
true, look how they shine for you,
Look
how they shine for you,’
Back once more in the room he’d claimed, Spike
had finally managed to drift into an uneasy slumber as the light of the dawn
approached.
Angel
slept the sleep of the exhausted, wrapped in the blanket on the floor.
In a room on one side of the vampires,
Dawn rose. She crept on silent feet to the window to gaze out at the rising
sun. It seemed that Dawn couldn’t sleep past the hour of her namesake any
longer. Not since that morning. Not since she’d seen the sun rise over the
horizon to touch her sister’s lifeless body. Dawn climbed down that tower on
shaking legs, stained with her life's blood. Blood that ran across her feet
leaving drops wherever she had stepped.
But
the blood of her sister had closed the portal so that Dawn could live to see that
rising sun each day.
She
didn’t feel it had been worth the loss of Buffy.
In small places across Sunnydale, those
that Buffy left behind woke.
The
feeling of… something… was in the air.
~*~
‘Wish
I knew what you were looking for
Might
have known what you would find
And
it's something quite peculiar
Something
shimmering and white
Leads
you here despite your destination’
Without planning, the Scoobies met at the
Summer’s house later that morning. Dawn was sitting on the couch, looking as
listless as she had since that night.
A
bleary-eyed Spike sat close to the teenager holding her hand in his; each of
them seeking comfort for their loss.
Giles
tried to function normally, yet those that knew him saw how miserably he
failed.
It had been a week since Buffy’s death.
The Magick Shoppe had not been open since then. The Watcher couldn’t bear to go
there yet and see everything that reminded him so much of the Slayer, the
daughter he had lost.
Anya was healing from her injuries. She
wore Xander’s ring, yet neither of them had the heart to set a wedding date.
They had had too much loss in their lives in such a short time.
Angel looked rumpled and red-eyed as he
sat in the kitchen with Giles, drinking a morning cup of O negative.
When all of the grieving friends had
arrived at the house,
“I went to see the Oracles last night.
They serve the Powers that Be and they owe me a favor. I went to get Buffy back
last night.” Angel told the redheaded witch
“Wha...! How! Angel!” Willow felt hope
spring up in her breast, only to be shattered by Angel’s next words.
“They turned me down. They’re new Oracles
and they refuse to honor the agreement of the previous ones.” The dark haired
vampire’s tone was bitter.
“Angel... I understand what the Powers
that Be are. I even understand what and who the Oracles are. I know they act as
intermediaries for the Powers, but please explain how the Powers owe you a
favor.” Giles was confused and felt that the vampire’s explanation was
important in several different ways.
“Let’s move to the living room. I’ll
explain to everyone at one time. Maybe together we can come up with an idea to
get the Oracles to honor the agreement with me.” Angel was still being cryptic.
Even
Xander couldn’t find the desire to bait the vampire as usual. There was just
too much pain in each of them.
~*~
‘And
it's something quite peculiar
Something
shimmering and white
Leads
you here despite your destination
A thought skimmed across the space
between the stars. It shimmered in the empty space, flitting free and light.
It
was almost a memory, almost… something, and then it flew on its way.
Its
essence danced in the light of the stars and the suns as it whispered across
the heavens, silky and ethereal…
~*~
‘If
all of the strength
and
all of the courage
come
and lift me from this place
“...So when they couldn’t save Darla,
they told me they owed me a favor. I’d given them back my humanity, and
finished the Trial; yet had nothing in return for it.” Angel was drawing to a
close on the events he had been relating for the last few hours. “I went to the
new Oracles last night and that’s what they told me.”
Spike had started pacing halfway through
the long tale. He stopped abruptly in that movement that only Master vampires
seem to be capable of and looked at his sire. “How the bloody hell can they
dare to say that? How DARE they do such
a soddin’ bleedin’ arsed thing?!” The rage emanated from the blonde vampire in
waves. Everyone in the room echoed that same anger.
Anya stood stiffly and walked to the
slender vampire. He’d fought long and hard beside them. She didn’t care what
the reason was; she respected him for his loyalty. Laying a still bruised hand
on his arm, she looked into his face. For the first time, Spike could see a
trace of the demoness she had once been.
“I still have connections. They will NOT
get away with this! I can put in a call right now and see about this!” She
walked stiffly out of the room. If she was going to contact her old ‘employers’
she needed a bit of ‘privacy’.
Angel watched the ex-demoness leave the
room, feeling a light breeze blow across his face. He looked across the room,
thinking someone had opened a window. Instead he discovered a shocking sight.
“How DARE they! I will NOT tolerate this!
You are owed that favor, Angel. They owe Buffy as well! She lost you and even
the memory of your day together so they could keep their warrior. They got you
back as another warrior as well. Each one of us has sacrificed something for
them, given up something for them, endured so much for them… THIS shall NOT
BE!” The air crackled around them in the room like a live thing slithering
between them. Energy swirled in little whipping eddies that snatched at their
skin and hair.
“Ah, Will… Can you turn off the light
show before someone gets hurt? Let’s save it for the PTB’s and their buds. ‘Kay?”
Xander pleaded with his life-long friend. He’d never admit to anyone, but
Shock was frozen on Angel’s face as he
saw and felt the redhead’s fury and outrage. As
From the direction of the kitchen, there
was a flash of light, mumbled voices and a rank sulphurous smell. Within a
minute the light flashed again and Anya returned to the room to sit next to
Xander.
“So what did your friends have to say,
Hon?” Xander asked his fiancée.
“They had a suggestion for us. I think
this will work.” Anya prepared to explain.
~*~
‘Meeting
you with a view to a kill
Face
to face in secret places feel the chill
Nightfall
covers me
But
you know, the plans I'm making
Could
it be the whole earth opening wide
A
sacred why, a mystery gaping inside’
“Look at who and what we have in this
room.” Anya started. “What was it Buffy told the Council? We have ‘two very powerful witches, and a
thousand year old ex-demon’, not to mention two Master Vampires, a
3000-year-old ex-key, ‘Ripper’, and a man with lots of ‘field-time’. Every one
of us has been a warrior in the battle against evil. Okay, some of us were on
the other side for a while, but we’re better now.” Anya looked around the room
at the Watcher and the two vampires as she blushed. Turning to
“They
suggested that we all…... ”
Anya
proceed to explain the idea to her friends.
~*~
‘The
choice for you is the view to a kill
Between
the shades assassination standing still
A
chance to find a phoenix for the flame
A
chance to die, but can we
To
fatal sounds of broken dreams’
Angel lit the handful of herbs in the
stone brazier next to the dull stone archway. He said a few words but the arch
remained stone.
The
archway swirled, glowing a brilliant blue-white as they stepped through it.
“How dare you disturb us this way, lower
beings? We denied you entrance!” The blue and gold male Oracle stood with hand
on hip, fuming at their entrance.
“They have sought their own way in this
time. I believe we should hear what they have to say, Autak.” His female
counterpart looked at them with an almost admiring expression. “If they can
enter in such a manner, perhaps they are not just lower beings.”
“So you do have names. We know his now,
may we have yours as well?” Angel asked the female facing him.
“It is Issna. Perhaps someone brought a
present this time?” The female Oracle asked the group in front of her almost
tenitively. A thread of laughter rippled under her words.
“I have something for you, Issna.”
“It is lovely! And you made it yourself.
How thoughtful of you.” Issna sounded pleased. “What may we do for all of you?”
“I think the key word here is ‘ALL’ of
us, Issna.” Angel had been chosen as spokesperson as he had dealt with the
Oracles before and it was his favor and bargain. Arranged around and behind the
older dark haired vampire was the determined group. Each one had insisted on
coming and adding their voice to the demand. Beside Angel,
“Each one of us…” Angel began…
“Wait up, mate! I’m doing the best I can
‘ere, ya know.” The wall shimmered and Doyle walked into the chamber.
In
one voice, Angel and Cordelia cried out his name. “Doyle!” as they moved toward
him.
“Lovely to see you both. But I’m on a
time limit. I was allowed to come put my two cents worth in as well.” Doyle
clasped Angel’s arm with one hand and pulled Cordelia to him tightly with the
other. He quickly whispered in her ear. “You know I can’t stay, Cordy. But I do
love ya.”
“The answer is yes, Doyle.” Cordelia knew
he would understand what she was saying. She would always remember his words to
her before his leap.
The
half-demon kissed the brunette quickly before turning back to the Oracles.
Looking away from Doyle, Angel started
again. “All of us… All fourteen of us have been or are warriors for the Powers
That Be. Your predecessors made a bargain with me. I’m owed a favor and I’m
calling it in now. If you’ve read the Chronicles as you say, then you know the
truth of what I’m saying.”
“An’ I’m ‘ere to vouch for his bargain
and the truth of ‘is words. That’s why the PTB’s sent me.” Doyle interrupted
quickly.
“Every one of us here before you has made
sacrifices in the fight for the Light. Some of us have made larger sacrifices
than others, but each of us has suffered for you in some way. Some with their
very lives. So here’s the deal.” Angel’s voice had started out hard. It turned
to icy stone now.
“I’m owed a request. I tried to save your
predecessors. I gave up my humanity and the woman I loved, so that she could
live. I have carried that memory alone until now. I endured and won through the
Trial only to be denied once more. Now, you give Buffy back her life and set
things back the way they should have been with my bargain. If you don’t,
instead of losing the one warrior in Buffy, you’re gonna lose all 13 or 14 of
us.” Angel turned to look at Doyle for a moment. “I’m not sure how it works for
you, so it might be just 13 of us.”
The
vampire turned back to the Oracles.
The male called Autak stepped forward.
“You can’t come in here making demands like this! You all have jobs to do and
you’ll go do them!”
“And if you try to tell me they aren’t my
mother and sister, we’ll just see if I’m a ‘key’ of anything here!” she
retorted as the male Oracle started to say something to her
In the middle of all the tension, Spike
stepped forward. “If you have to have someone to replace her. I’ll do it. I’d
rather Buffy be alive than to live without her.”
Voices echoed all around saying ‘no’ to
the blonde vampire’s suggestion. The female Oracle simply looked thoughtful, although
Autuk’s eye gleamed with a vindictive inner light.
In the corridor behind the Oracles,
drifted a tall cloaked figure. None of the warriors clustered there could see
any portion of a figure, just the gliding cloak and the deep shadowed space
under the hood.
“STOP!” The sound whispered out from the
shadowed area. The voice, if it could truly be called that, was unlike anything
they had ever heard. Even Anya couldn’t imagine what throat those words might
come from.
~*~
‘The
first crystal tears
Fall
as snowflakes on your body
First
time in years
To
drench your skin with lover's rosy stain
A
chance to find a phoenix for the flame,
Dance
into the fire
“STOP” That sibilant whisper thundered
through the room again. “Autak, they are right. You may be replaced if you do
not change NOW!”
Both
Oracles had dropped to one knee before the drifting deep blue cloak. Doyle had
also lowered his head.
“Who is that?” Angel whispered very softly
to his lost friend.
The cloak drifted toward Angel. It was
close enough to touch the vampire, yet he still could not see anything in the
shadow beneath the hood. He thought it was probably best that way.
“I am one of those who you call the
Powers That Be.” The cloak drifted around the room. It felt as thought whatever
entity the cloak concealed, weighted each one of those assembled in that
foreign room.
“The Warrior you would claim was taken
out of turn, this is true. You are owed a favor. This is also true. We have
need of all of you. You need not give up your claim, vampire. This was an error
that must be corrected. Know too,
that WE are grateful to each of you. Your work is valuable to the Light and all
shall be rewarded. It shall be the reward of our choosing. This may not be that which you wish for, but it will be that which you need.” The shadow
focused on Doyle. “You may wish to say your farewells to some.” The cloak
turned to drift motionless above the floor.
Doyle quickly pressed a kiss on Cordelia’s
lips as he gathered her into his arms. Releasing her just as quickly, he
grasped Angel’s arm to pull his friend into a hug. The half- demon looked
quickly at Wesley, Gunn and Kate. “Take care of them for me.” Doyle told them
as he faded from sight and was gone.
Cordelia had stretched out a hand in
longing as if to hold Doyle with her, but let it drop. She knew she had to let
him go. It was so hard to see him again, just to lose him a second time. She
held the memory of being able to tell him how she felt close to her for
comfort.
The cloak turned slowly toward the group
of warriors again. Standing beside it now was a very dazed Buffy in a flowing
white robe. Her eyes looked over each one of them hungrily. She wasn’t sure
what had happened, but she knew she’d missed each one of them.
“Gather the Warrior to you. She shall
depart with you. You may need to tell her all that has transpired. Be aware too
that she has now come into her Gift.”
Angel and Spike reached for Buffy to pull
her close to both of them. The cloak drifted back down the corridor. The
Oracles still kneeled in silence. Autak shivered slightly in fear of possibly
more than just the threat his Master had made to him.
A blinding blue-white light enveloped
them and there was a sudden sensation of movement. Inside the movement was an
echo of sound. “Blessings upon you, Warriors.”
~*~
‘Now
that she's back in the atmosphere
With
drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She
acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds
me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since
the return from her stay on the moon
She
listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey
Tell
me, did you fall for a shooting star
One
without a permanent scar
Tell
me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did
you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And
head back toward the Milky Way
They found themselves in Buffy’s back
yard standing under the light of the full moon and the brightest stars any of
them could remember… Buffy stood in the midst of them, as Angel held one hand
and Spike held the other.
With the exception of Kate and Gunn, who
only knew of Buffy from what they had heard, everyone was overwhelmed with joy
to see her. Unsure of her welcome, Faith hung back with them.
The
others all tried to talk at once, to touch her, hug her, kiss her.
“Wait!” Giles interrupted them. “I know
we all need to talk and touch and reassure ourselves about Buffy. But we’ve
also been through an ordeal, as has she. Let her get some sleep and we’ll talk
to her in the morning.”
“Giles is right. I’m sure Buffy needs
some rest before we assault her with questions and try to reassure ourselves.”
Angel agreed with the watcher.
There
was much grumbling, but the rest of the group assented. Kate, Gunn, Wesley and
Cordelia were staying at Giles apartment. They edged that direction while still
talking among themselves.
Anya and Xander turned toward home. Of
the last to leave,
“Naw. Thought I’d just find a place to
crash somewhere.” Faith had that defensive note in her voice that always said
she was unsure of herself.
“Come back to our place. We’ve got crash
space on the floor if that’s okay with you?”
“If you’re really sure…” Faith started
but allowed her words to trail off in her apparent insecurity. These were
people she’d tried to hurt; yet they were being nice to her.
“Yeah, we’re sure. Come back with us,
Faith. We’ll come back over to talk to Buffy in the morning.”
The
three women walked away, to leave standing alone in the back yard, two vampires,
a newly resurrected Slayer, her sister, her Watcher, and a partridge in a pear
tree…
“Buffy, I should go back to my own place
if you wish…” Giles said with a question in his voice.
“You’ve been here since… since the fight
with Glory?” Buffy was unsure what had happened but she thought she had died.
She remembered the portal and running to leap into it.
“Yes. So has Spike. Angel got here
yesterday.” Giles wanted to reassure the confused woman in front of them.
“No, everybody just sleep where they have
been… We can sort it all out tomorrow.” Buffy turned looking for her sister. “Dawnie?”
Dawn could restrain herself no longer and
threw herself into Buffy’s arms, crying. “Shhhhh, Dawnie. I’m here. Come sleep
with me tonight?” Buffy wanted the security of Dawn close to her.
Through the tears, Dawn managed to get
the very wet words out. “I kinda have to if you want us to sleep where we’ve
been. I moved into your room because….” The teen sniffed and wiped her face
with her sleeve. Buffy smiled at the younger girl, making light of the real
reason for Dawn to have changed rooms, “You always did want my room for your
own, Brat.”
Buffy gazed at the three men standing
around her. Angel looked more brooding than normal. Giles had new lines in his
face and looked so very tired. But Spike… The blonde vampire looked like a
shadow of himself. He was drawn and haggard. His skin was greyer than the pale
marble perfection he was normally. “So where is everybody else sleeping?”
“I’ve been in Joyce’s old room. Spike has
taken Dawn’s room. Xander came to sun-proof it for him. Angel stayed with him
last evening.” Giles responded for the two vampires.
Still
holding Dawn close, Buffy reached out a hand to touch Angel’s arm. A strange
look of understanding crossed her face as she simply said his name. “Angel.”
“I’m here, Buffy. I’ll be here until
you’re better.” His dark eyes drank in the sight of her.
Buffy turned toward Spike, puzzlement on
her face. She touched his cheek, cupping his face into her hand. She spoke not
a word to the blonde vampire, but looked at him as her hand caressed his cheek
ever so slightly. Spike lifted his hand hesitantly, and trailed a single finger
along Buffy’s jaw line. They took a deep breath together and stepped back from
each other.
Finally Buffy turned to Giles. Her
watcher, the man who was more of a father to her than her father had ever been.
Gently releasing Dawn, Buffy slid both arms around Giles’ neck, standing on tiptoe
and hugged him close to her. “Thank you.” Her voice was almost a whisper.
Giles hugged her to him with both arms as
tears ran unheeded down his face. “I lost you, Buffy. I didn’t know what to do...”
Unconsciously repeating Angel’s words,
Buffy reassured Giles. “I’m here, Giles. I’m here.” Finally breaking the
embrace, Buffy took Dawn’s hand and looked at each man before turning to walk
into the house.
The two Master vampires stood beside the
Watcher, staring at the door long after Buffy and Dawn had gone inside.
“You two should get some rest. Tomorrow
is going to be another long and confusing day I’m afraid.” Giles urged them as
he took a step toward the back door.
“Yeah. But Buffy is back. That’s all that
matters” Angel replied rather distractedly as he simply stared at the door.
“I might be able to finally sleep
tonight. I think I’ll have something to eat before I go to bed.” Spike spoke to
no one in particular and then walked toward the door, followed by both
brunettes.
~*~
‘Inside
my skin there is this space,
It
twists and turns, it bleeds and aches.
Inside
my heart there's an empty room,
It's
waiting for lightning, it's waiting for you.
And
I am wanting,
And
I am needing you here’
Spike heated a mug of blood while Angel
and Giles climbed the stairs to their separate rooms. He took the mug out to
the back steps and sat down, his eyes gazing up at the stars while he slowly
drank his meal. Finding he was still hungry after the first mug, Spike returned
to the kitchen to heat a second cup of blood, again taking it outside.
He was nearly to the bottom of the second
cup when he heard a quiet step through the open back door. Turning to look, he
expected to see Angel or possibly Giles. Buffy was the last person the blonde
vampire would have imagined to be there, but there she was.
“Share your step with me?” The blonde Slayer
asked as she walked over and sat down on the step with the vampire.
“I thought you were sleeping?” Spike
asked. He was almost afraid to be with her, to talk to her. He knew there was
so much to say but had no idea where to start or how. Spike didn’t even know
where he stood with this new Buffy.
“I tried. Dawn went to sleep, but I
couldn’t. Everything feels so weird.” She hesitated for a moment in her
thoughts.
“I remember sitting here with you when my
mom was sick. You came to kill me that night, but instead sat and tried to
comfort me. I wanted to tell you what was happening, but I couldn’t get the
words out. I knew if I did, I’d fall apart and I needed to be strong then.”
“Sometimes it’s okay to not be strong.
It’s why we have friends. They can help us be strong by sharing the burden.”
Spike told her. He’d take his cue from her as far as the conversation was
concerned.
Buffy turned her head to look at the
blonde vampire beside her, surprised at his words. “I understand that now. I
didn’t before. I had to learn to let the rest of you help me.” She turned back to
stare out at the night. “But the final decision had to be mine. Why didn’t you
kill me that night, Spike? Why had you come to kill me?”
Her words caught him off balance. This
was not the subject he expected her to bring up. Spike hesitated over his
words, trying to choose them with care. “When we talked in the alley, and you
told me I was beneath you… It was the same thing the only woman I’d ever cared
for when I was human had said to me the night I was turned. It was her words
that caused me to run out into the night. You know the rest.”
“The words hurt. I was hurt and angry,
but when I got here and saw you… I saw the tears on your face; all I wanted to
do was to find out what the problem was and make it better. You didn’t tell me,
so all I could do was to try to offer some comfort. I’m not good with women,
Buffy. I don’t have a lot of experience. I realized that night that I could
never hurt you.” It was a big confession for him. He was worried that she’d
reject him again, yet just to have her alive again was all that mattered. He
could die tomorrow and be happy.
“I’m sorry, Spike. I was wrong to say
that to you. I was wrong to doubt your feelings. I was wrong about so much
about you.” She continued to stare out into the dark, alone with her thoughts.
“Can
I borrow your arm again?”
“You can borrow anything you want,
Buffy.” Spike told her as he very carefully put his arm around her shoulders.
He didn’t pull her close, but Buffy leaned into his shoulder. He tightened his
arm just enough to encircle her.
“It’s alright. I promise I won’t break.”
She was aware of what a gentleman he was being.
“Yes, you can break. But I was trying to
not take advantage or …”
“...Make assumptions? It’s okay, Spike. I
do trust you. You’ve proved yourself more than I could ever ask for...” Buffy
was silent then, just leaning into the curve of Spike’s arm and shoulder.
They sat there in silence, watching the
night. There was no longer a need for words between them in those moments. They
knew those would come later.
The two blondes, vampire and slayer, sat
together for almost an hour, just being. Finally without moving Buffy broke the
silence.
“I think I might be able to sleep now.
Would you walk me upstairs? Will you try to get some sleep too?”
“‘Course I will, luv. Ready to go?” He
hated having her move from his embrace, but he imagined she was tired. He knew
he finally was ready to try to sleep.
“Yeah.” Buffy sat up slowly from the
shelter of the vampire’s arm, then stood up and held out her hand to him. “Walk
me to my door?”
He
looked at her with love and amazement written all over his face. She wondered
how she’d never noticed before how expressive his face was…
Spike took the offered hand and they
walked into the house, locking the door behind them. In perfect silence and
companionship, they made their way through the house and up the stairs. He
stopped at her door and released her hand.
“G’night, Buffy.”
Before he could move away, Buffy laid her
hand on his arm and brushed his cheek with her lips. “‘Night, Spike.” Then she
opened her door, moved through it and closed it behind her.
Spike simply stood looking at the closed
door, feeling the touch of her lips still on his cheek. Touching his face with
his fingertips, he gently shook his head and went to his own room, managing for
the first time in over a week, to fall into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.
~*~
‘Inside
the absence of fear.
There
is this hunger,
This
restlessness inside of me.
And
it knows that you're no stranger,
You're
my gravity.
My
hands will adore you through all darkness’
Dawn woke as usual, with the rising of
the sun. She looked over across the bed to see her sister sleeping beside her.
A calmness eased through her, and for the first time since the nightmare had
begun, Dawn drifted back to sleep.
Several hours later, Buffy and Dawn were
awake. The sisters had lain and talked for several hours before getting up. Dawn
had expressed her fears and guilt. She’d also filled Buffy in on what had transpired
after the Slayer’s running leap into the portal.
They
had cried together and held each other.
The sisters had finally gone downstairs
together. Sitting in the kitchen, Giles was having a cup of tea with the two
vampires. They each had their morning mug of blood, but someone had made coffee
for Buffy.
As Dawn poured a glass of juice; Buffy
hugged, Giles, then Spike and finally Angel.
“I think there are some things we should
talk about before the others get here.” Buffy told the men. “Dawnie and I
talked this morning. She filled me in on a lot of what has happened. I know she
doesn’t know all of it, so I need the same information from all of you.
“Just let me have my coffee first...”
Buffy moaned in appreciation of the flavor of the hot beverage, causing the men
to chuckle at her.
“Did you sleep alright, luv?” Spike asked
the beautiful blonde slayer.
Buffy flashed him a smile that threatened
to melt him into his socks. “Yes, I did. Thank you, Spike.”
Giles and Angel stared first at Spike and
then at Buffy. However neither blonde was saying a word about their shared time
on the back step.
Getting a second cup of coffee, Buffy
suggested they move into the living room. Dawn followed and kissed her sister
again. “I’m gonna go watch TV if that’s okay with you, Buffy. You probably need
to talk to them alone, huh?”
The woman smiled at her teenaged sister.
“Yeah, thanks, Dawnie.”
‘If
all of the strength and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place
full of grace
full of grace
my love’
Alone with the three men that mattered
most to her, Buffy asked them to fill her in on their parts of the recent
events. They each told her everything
they knew up until last night. Buffy sat in silence as the weight of the recent
events pressed in on her. Finally she looked at each of them in turn. “I’m
sorry for the pain I caused all of you. I did what I had to do and I’d do it
again. I love all of you and I’d rather each of you be alive.
“So Glory is gone? She can’t come back?”
“No, Buffy. She can’t. Ben is dead and he
was her vessel in this world.” Giles gently told her.
“Did... did I kill him?” Her voice
hesitated, as she feared the answer.
“No. When Glory abandoned Ben after you
had subdued her, the injuries were very severe for his human body. I helped him
past the pain.” Giles told her, fearful of her reaction.
“You mean you finished him off. You
killed him when I couldn’t... Thank you, Giles. I know that is one of the
hardest parts of being a Watcher for you. But we won’t have to worry about her
again.” Buffy reassured the man who was so much a part of her life. Giles let
out a breath he’d not even been aware he was holding, at her acceptance of what
he had done.
Buffy turned to look at Angel. “I don’t
know how to thank you for what you did for me Angel. I know about the lost day
now... And the Trial… everything you’ve done and given up for me. It helps me
live a bit easier with sending you to Hell. I know that we are soul-mates in
the truest sense of the word.”
Spike’s heart sank as he heard her say
those words to his sire.
The slayer continued with her thoughts.
“And because we’re soul-mates, we can’t be together. I understand that now.
We’re so much alike, Angel. It was your blood that closed the first portal.
Mine closed this one. We’ve both died twice and come back. Our death has been
what has saved the world. You know I’ll always love you, but I also realize now
that each of us has our own path to follow. It runs side by side occasionally these
days; and you helped more than almost anyone in putting my feet on the path
where I have to walk. I understand now, Angel. I’ll always be here for you
whenever you need me.” Buffy got up and walked to Angel to kiss him gently,
then returned to her seat.
“Giles, you’re been the best Watcher any
Slayer could ever ask for. But you know you’re much more than that to me.
You’re my friend, and more of a father to me than my own father ever has been.
I meant what I said to you before, I love you. I don’t know what I’ve ever do
without you in my life.”
“Buffy, I know you’re aware that the
Council fired me originally because I felt you were like a daughter to me. I’ve
not had any children and at this stage in my life, I don’t expect to do so.
You’ve always been like my daughter and I could have never asked for a better
daughter than you. I know I don’t tell you, but rest assured, that I love you
too.” Giles’ voice became low and husky from the memory of her death. “I almost
didn’t make it without you, Buffy.”
At his words, Buffy literally sprang from
her seat to slide into the older man’s lap and hug him tightly as tears left
tracks down her cheeks. Neither of them said a word, just held each other
tightly for a space of time. Giles finally pulled back slightly from the blonde
slayer. “Well, now that we’ve been terribly maudlin… I’m so grateful you’re
back, Buffy; and if you ever scare me like that again…”
Buffy looked into the worn face next to
her. “You’ll what? Take away my allowance?” She smiled at Giles.
“I’ll scold you quite severely!” His
voice chose that moment to break and he pulled her close. “I missed you so very
much!”
The tiny blonde lifted a hand to touch
her watcher’s cheek. “I’m here, Rupert. Where ever I was... I missed you too.”
She gently kissed his cheek and slid out of his lap to walk over to Spike.
Reaching
out that hand to touch the vampire’s cheek again, Buffy held back a smile. “‘I
think I missed you most of all, Scarecrow.’ “
The emotions in the room were too much
for Spike, and he pulled her into his lap and hung onto her as if for dear
un-life. His head buried in her shoulder, he spoke through the tears he
couldn’t hold back. “I wanted to go with you, Buffy. My promise to you about
the Nibblet was all that kept me here.”
Buffy stroked his hair as he clung to
her. “I’m glad you stayed, Spike. I wouldn’t want to come back and find you
gone.” She kept stroking his hair, waiting for the words to sink in through his
sobs.
When they finally penetrated his
emotion-fogged mind, Spike raised his tear-stained face to her, astonishment
written all over it. “You…what? You don’t want me gone?”
Buffy took his face in both of her hands,
tilting it upwards so she cool look into the younger vampire’s eyes. “No, silly
vampire. Angel is my soul mate, and I’ll always love him. But I’ve learned that
you are my match. You’re my equal. I come to you for help al the time. I depend
on you for more than I ever realized.”
Her look became serious. “I can’t tell
you that I love you, but I do trust you. You may be that monster, but yes, I DO
treat you like a man. You are to me now. You proved that. I do care about you...
and that’s a start.”
Spike looked back into her eyes feeling
like a drowning man just given a life jacket. “It’s a big start.” “More than I
ever hoped for from you. Is this my ‘crumb’, Luv?”
“More like a whole slice of toast, I’d
say.” The blonde slayer in his lap smiled at him before she leaned to gently kiss
his lips. “Mmmm. Better without the blood and swelling.” Buffy grinned at him
again.
Whatever else either of them might have
said was abruptly interrupted as voices were heard in the kitchen. Buffy looked
up to see Xander and Anya walk into the living room, followed by Willow, Tara,
Cordelia, Wesley and two people Buffy did not know. Last of all was Faith.
“Buffster, do you realize that is Spike’s
lap you’re sitting in?” Xander teased his friend as he gave Spike a playful
punch to the shoulder. While they would never be true friends, the two had
reached a mutual understanding. Xander would always look out for Buffy, but he
could accept that Spike was really on their side now and honestly cared about
the blonde slayer.
“Really Xan? And here I thought the chair
had gotten lumpy! Of course I do!” Buffy touched Spike’s cheek again as she got
out of his lap and walked over to Faith.
“Hi, B. Probably never thought you’d see
me here. ‘M in trouble now?” Faith asked
the other slayer.
“No, Faith. I never expected to see you
here and you’re not in trouble. I hear you stood up for me with the Oracles and
PTB’s. Never expected that either. But they gave me a second chance, so how can
I deny you one?” Buffy told the brunette slayer.
Faith exhaled a sigh of relief. “Thanks,
B. I’m really sorry for everything that happened between us. It was hard living
in your shadow and I kinda got lost somewhere. I’ve been finding my way out.
I’d like to put things right between us.”
“We started as friends, Faith. Maybe we
can work on that again?” Buffy told the brunette very seriously.
“Hey, I’d like that. Kate over there...” Faith
nodded her head at the unknown blonde across the room, “...Got me out on
probation with her and Wes as guardians. Wes is gonna be my Watcher again.”
“Good. I hope it works out well for you,
Faith. But no more trying to kill my boyfriends ‘Kay?” Buffy teased the other
girl.
“I’m really sorry about that, Buffy.”
Faith looked down at the floor.
”I think what I did to you kinda evened
things out as far as ickiness to each other. Think we can forgive each other?”
Buffy asked. She knew she needed to get back on good terms with Faith as well.
Faith looked up at Buffy, searching those
hazel eyes. She saw nothing that looked like deceit there. She’d seen that
enough in her own eyes in a mirror what seemed like centuries ago, to know what
it looked like. “Yeah. Just warn me who the current boyfriend is…” Faith tried
to tease Buffy.
Buffy just looked across the room at the
back of a certain bleached blonde head and smiled. “I don’t have one right now,
but I think I will soon.”
Faith followed the blonde slayer’s gaze
and smiled. “Can’t stay away from them, can ya?”
“Not this one. He’s been the bane of my
existence for years. I think he’s about to be something else.” Buffy smiled at
her thoughts.
“Good for you. Good luck to you, B.
Should we mingle now?” Faith wasn’t sure about the rest of the Scoobies either.
“I kinda think you have some fences to
mend there too. No time like the present.” Buffy’s eyes got that far away look
they’d all come to be familiar with in the future. “You never know when it’ll
be too late.” Buffy put an arm around her sister slayer and they walked toward
the rest of the gang.
~*~
‘You
can try to resist
Try
to hide from my kiss
But
you know, but you know that you
Can't
fight the moonlight
Deep
in the dark
You'll
surrender your heart
But
you know, but you know that you
Can't
fight the moonlight, no
It had been a month since Buffy’s return.
She and Spike patrolled together every night.
It
had started out as a usual night for the pair, until they had run into an
unexpected nest of vampires.
Spike noticed the air around Buffy seemed
to shimmer slightly. As she launched herself into the midst of the vampires,
Spike thought in the short glimpse that hr eyes had turned yellow and narrowed
to pinpoints…
Later that evening, as the last of the
vampire nest was nothing more than dust in the wind...
Spike
looked at his partner and lover. “Ah, Buffy Luv…. I thought your eyes had
turned yellow back there?”
“They did, Spike.” The Slayer answered
him rather nonchalantly.
“You wanna tell me what’s goin’ on, Luv?”
Spike queried
Buffy turned to face her lover. Her eyes
were still not their normal hazel color. “Honest, Spike… as soon as I
understand it all, I’ll tell you. All I know is it’s the beginning of what they
told me was my ‘Gift’.”
“Well, it’s bleedin’ scary from over
here.” Spike mumbled at the Slayer.
“Yeah. Feels kinda weird from in here
too. Kinda like being two places at once. How about we go home now? I can think
of a place I’d like for you to be….” Buffy let the sentence trail off suggestively.
“Don’t know, Luv. That’s a bloody scary look
ya got goin’!” Spike was worried it might get turned on him.
“William, It’s not a look that you ever
need to worry about. You’re my match; my mate and I love you. Take me home now
and love me.” Buffy admonished and pleaded at the same time.
“Well... Since you put it that way... ‘S’
nothing I’d rather do.” Spike assured her as he scooped her up into his arms
kissing her senseless as he took them both home.
Gillian
Silverlight