Title: The Blood Remembers 1/?

Author: Meredith

Rating: PG-13 for now, possibly NC-17 later

Spoilers: Buffy: All of Season 5

Disclaimer: Joss is God, I own nothing. He owns everything! I submit to

Joss, WB, etcetera!!

Author's Notes: This is my first Buffy fiction, so please go easy on me!

Pairings: W/T, X/A, B/S sort of, more so later on

Feedback: PLEASE!

Summary: Buffy realized there is something going on inside of her, an anger

that doesn’t want to subside. Willy points out where it all began.

*******************************************************************

Anya was getting sick of hearing Buffy complain about Spike.

“Don’t you think we should start to concentrate on Glory a bit more? I mean, I know you’re really disgusted by the whole Spike thing, but we have to figure out

what we’re going to do with our resident Hell God.”

Buffy resigned herself to Anya’s logic. With a loud “hrumph,” she sat

herself at the table, surrounded by Giles’ books, her friends and Dawn. The

shop was now closed for the night and Willow and Tara just finished placing

a repelling spell on the building. Spike wasn’t coming in here uninvited

EVER again.

She just couldn’t get over the fact that he was pretending to love her! The

way he tricked her into sitting watch on two fledglings, pretending to reach

for his flask.

*Ergh! This is just so disgusting!*

The anger in her just kept building. She knew that by now it should have

subsided at least a little, but instead it seemed to feed on itself. All

she had to do was think about him and it started fresh. And if she was

honest with herself, she didn’t care.

Dawn was getting more and more impatient. She asked several times a day,

“Did you find out anything else about me?”

Buffy knew that if she asked one

more time, Glory wouldn’t have to worry about finding the key any more. She

would kill her little sister herself.

Before her spiraling anger could continue to dominate her thoughts, there

was a knock at the door. Buffy saw red!

“How DARE he come here!” she screamed. “I told him to stay away!” She ripped the door open to find a very timid Willy twiddling his thumbs.

“Buffy, I was hoping you were here. Can I come in?”

“Yeah. Do you have some info on Glory for me?” She looked at him

expectantly, her anger tossed aside for the moment.

“Sorry, that’s not why I came here tonight. I have some news about Spike

though. I overheard some customers talking about the raid planned on the

cemetery tonight…”

He looked up and caught her eyes. He could have sworn that there was a tinge of red outlining them for a moment, and then it was gone.

He took a step back

When she didn’t say anything, he continued.

“I think there’s a bunch of vampires and demons planning on taking him out. Something about him being an abomination … loving, well, you.”

She continued to stare at him. Dawn was the first to speak up, “And we

should care because?”

Willy’s mouth dropped. He looked around the room at the expressionless

faces. Giles was sipping his tea, Xander was reading a book while Anya

wiped down the counter, and Willow and Tara were sitting with their arms

crossed.

“Well, aren’t you going to do something? He can’t defend himself

against the numbers they were talking about! And, I know he’s helped you in

the past.”

Buffy looked at Giles.

“I think I’ll skip my patrol tonight. See you guys tomorrow! Come on Dawn, we’re leaving.”

“The rumors are true,” Willy muttered.

He was looking down at the floor and missed the Slayer look at him sharply.

”What rumors?” When he didn’t answer, she asked him again, dripping

sweetness.

He started to walk towards the door.

“I’m not getting paid for this. ‘Night!”

Before he got there, Buffy ran in front and blocked his exit.

“Once again, what rumors?” The sweetness from moments earlier had rotted.

He was trapped. He remembered Spike saying something about a “brassed off

slayer”, and decided it would be in his best interest to answer her

question. Besides, if the rumors were true, he was courting death by

delaying.

“They say you changed. A lot.”

Once again, she was silent, waiting for him to continue. “Some say it was Spike telling you he loves you, others say it began when Angel left. But I heard that you went into Dracula’s castle the slayer, and came out something else. You used to care. In the past, when you patrolled, you slayed the vampires to release them from their torment.

“Now you hunt them to kill them.” He chuckled nervously. “At least I now know

where the nick name comes from.”

Willow cocked her head to one side and asked what they all wanted to know.

“What nick name?”

“Buffy the Serial Slayer. They say you drank...”

The rest of the words never came. Buffy’s fist collided with Willy’s face.

She spat “Get out.” Willy turned and ran.

“Buffy, wh-what was he saying, about d-drinking?” Giles asked innocently.

She answered, “I have no idea,” but her mind was screaming.

*Ohmygod! I forgot about Dracula completely!*

“I've searched the world over for you. Yearned for you…”

“Bet you say that before you bite all the girls.”

“No. You're different. Kindred.”

She hadn’t allowed herself to remember since Riley left.

“You think you know. What you are, what's to come… you haven't

even begun.”

It echoed in her mind. She had heard it once before, in a dream. Tara had

said it to her before she fought the first Slayer.

The anger began in her again. It was so hard to keep in check. She

clenched her fists, embedding half-moon marks into her palms.

“Gear up. We’re going to visit Dracula.”

Xander rolled his eyes and Anya clapped her hands lightly. Willow and Tara

looked at each other and smiled slyly. Giles cleaned out his teacup.

Within minutes they were ready to go.

Buffy led them to the cemetery first. She felt like there was a battle

going on inside of her. One half of her wanted her to forget about Spike

and Dracula and Glory and just hunt. The other urged her to find Spike.

Although she was having trouble admitting it out loud, he had helped her on

numerous occasions, and there was a nagging feeling that his part wasn’t

played out in full yet.

She stopped in front of his crypt.

“You guys stay out here. I’m going to get him.”

”But why?” whined Dawn. “Can’t we just go see Dracula? I’ve never met

him!”

*She’s so annoying!*

“Because I want him to come with us. Don’t argue!”

She opened his door and walked in.

She looked around the room. All the candles were out but one. The chair

was in pieces and the TV was on it’s side with a boot mark smashed through

the screen.

He was on his bed, with his back facing her.

“Come back to torture me more? Does it make you feel good, knowing how easily you can hurt me? Give you a rise?”

”I didn’t come here to fight. Or to apologize. You have NO idea how angry

I am with you!”

“But,” she shook herself lightly, pushing the anger back,

“There are things I need to know. Stuff I have to find out. And whether or

not I like it, you’re involved. I want you to come with us.”

Silence.

“Please.”

*Oh, don’t say please. You don’t know what it does to me.*

He turned over to face her.

* You’re so beautiful. Don’t you know I’d do anything for you? *

“Where’re we goin’ luv?”

“I’ll tell you on the way, everyone’s waiting outside. Let’s go.”

With that she turned and left him looking at where she had stood. He could see her there still, like a phantom. He rose, grabbed his duster and followed her.

Upon walking outside he met the glares of the Scoobies. He held each of

their eyes in turn, as if to say, ‘I’m still Spike in here. Grrrr.’ and at

the same time, ‘Please don’t hate me. Can’t you understand…’

But all those eyes looked back at him with a coldness he was unused to in humans. It chilled him.

“So Slayer, spill. What are we all doing out here?”

She had been throwing rocks at headstones while waiting for him. The

splintered into tiny motes of dust.

* Just like a vampire. Poof! *

“We’re going to see Dracula.”

“Oh,” was his only response. That seemed to be all she was offering, and he

thought it best to leave it at that. She wanted him with her. Even if she

didn’t realize it, it was a crumb, just one little crumb…

They began to make their way to his castle. When it came into view, her

memories began to assail her again.

"My friends are –“

“They're here. They will not find us. We are alone. Always…

alone.”

Giles was the first to break the silence.

“We should all stick t-together. Not get separated.”

Seven heads nodded in agreement.

“So, once you get in there, what do you plan on doing exactly? ‘Hi Drac!

I’m back! Now come over here and go poof like a good little vampire!’ And

just what is your fascination with him anyway? He’s nothing but a bloody

pain in the arse, if you ask me,”

Spike babbled on until Buffy stopped him by giving him a deadly glare. There

was that anger again. Building, coming in and out like waves. The control

she had over the anger was slowly being worn away by it’s determination and

intensity.

She pushed open the door and they all stepped inside. Tara looked around,

“Too dark and gothy. Needs a woman’s touch.”

Xander just stared at her.

They began to make their way through the castle. Buffy stopped at a

portrait in the main foyer. It was of a beautiful woman. Her hair was

chestnut brown, her eyes emerald green. In the bottom corner it said

“Elizabeth”. There was a date, but it had faded with age. Spike snorted.

“He had her love. She saw beyond his demon. Lucky bloke.”

“Didn’t she end up dead? Killed herself because she thought he had been

killed in battle?” asked Dawn.

“Nah. They just make that up so as to not scare all the little niblets too

much. Drac had been Drac long before they met. Hundreds, maybe even

thousands of years longer. No one really knows just how old he is, and his

sire is a complete mystery. Some even say he was the first.”

Dawn became impatient. “Well, stop holding out! How did she die?”

“Her watcher killed her. They do that, you know. Kill their Slayers if

they get too much out of their control.”

He sneered at Giles.

“You would never do that now Giles, would you? That’s why they tried to replace you with that pansy.”

“We so don’t have time for this,” Buffy practically screamed at them. Her

stomach was turning. Of course she knew the council wouldn’t hesitate to

kill her. But Giles, he cared about her and wouldn’t let that happen. So

she wouldn’t worry!

But the anger at the thought was becoming overwhelming. The battle inside

her was jumping from topic to topic. Everything was infuriating! She took

Mr. Pointy and dragged the point from the top of the portrait to the bottom,

then from left to right. The tears she made formed a cross over the long

gone slayer.

Spike caught that red tinge around her eyes for just a moment. She WAS

getting off on this! The anger! He could practically smell it on her. And

Willow was smiling as if she had conspired with Buffy to deface the

portrait. But before he could say anything, they moved on.

Buffy felt that familiar twinge at the back of her necks. Dracula was near.

She let it guide her. She entered the main dining room, where she had drank

from him.

“Find it… the darkness….Find your true nature.”

Hunting, blood going through veins, finally the face of the

Primitive and an explosion of white

She visibly shuddered at the memory. But not from fear or disgust. No, she

actually felt a sense of loss at the thought of the culmination of the

feeding, loss because it ended.

A voice came out of the darkness.

“I have been waiting for you.”

“Don’t you ever change your M.O.? ‘I have been waiting for you.’ Oh, how

original! I SO wasn’t expecting that!”

She sought him out and he acquiesced to the request her eyes conveyed.

Spike and all the Scoobies took up defensive positions around Buffy.

Dracula surveyed her friends one by one.

“They don’t need to be here. You are not here to fight me. You are here to know.”

“To know what?” she asked breathily.

“The darkness…your true nature. When you fed from me…”

“WHAT?!?! You WHAT?!?! You stupid little twit! You FED from HIM! Bloody

Hell! If you wanted to know what it was like, you should have come to me!

Or at least Angel! I can’t believe I’m hearing this!”

He spat out the words with a fury he hadn’t felt in ages. Not even when he confronted her and Dru in his lair had he been this angry, this shaken. But that fury, that anger was based in love.

* She could have been killed! He could have killed her! My Slayer! My Love! *

Giles paled at Dracula’s words. Now he understood what Willy meant. He

felt the bile rise into his throat.

* Hate! Hate! Hate! *

All of the Scoobies reacted with incredulity except for Dawn. She kept her

composure and looked at her sister. It was like something inside her

snapped and a haze was cleared away. She had been so angry! At Buffy,

Spike, Glory, everyone! Including herself! Buffy was causing the anger!

Somehow she was projecting it onto everyone around her. Dawn knew her

sister was seriously pissed, but this went beyond anger. This was wrong, it

almost had a sense of evil about it. Spike! She had been so mean to Spike!

She liked him, and she didn’t care when Willy talked about the mob that was

going to dust him. Her heart began to hurt at the thought, and just as fast

as her epiphany came, it was gone. The anger took back it’s hold on her.

* I don’t care. *

But Buffy made up for the lack of caring on Dawn’s part. She gnashed her

teeth and pulled her lips back into a feral growl. She began to advance on

Dracula, when he held up his hand and commanded.

“That’s enough!”

Everyone visibly withdrew, except for Spike. The soulless vampire looked on

his love with pity and pain. He wanted to envelope her in his arms and hold

her close and safe.

* He fed her! He hurt her! He took away her innocence!

My Love! *

He tried to physically project his love for her over and around

her.

“As I was saying, when you fed from me, you had a glimpse of yourself. The

real you. I can show you more, everything. Come to me and let me continue

to take you on this journey.

“I can’t promise you that there won’t be pain, but we didn’t finish what we

started. You are existing between two worlds right now. You feel the

anger, the rage, and you feel the love and compassion. When you fed, you

opened a door deep inside you, but only enough to let the feelings come

through. The bare base essence. This is dangerous. Already you feel the

anger consuming you. You need to see the rest of yourself. You must face

it and let it move over you, and when it has passed, only you will remain.

Are you ready?”

She looked at him, into his eyes. Inside her the battle began anew.

* NO! Don’t let him touch you! You don’t need a vampire to show you… *

* Show me what? *

* Show me what? *

The Slayer began to walk towards him. The nail marks in her palms were now

bleeding. The Scoobies began to protest, but with a wave of Dracula’s hand

they silenced. Spike felt paralyzed.

* No. No. No. No. No. No. No. *

He drew her close to him, brushed his lips against her palms, tasting her

blood. She looked at the arm holding her hand, and the wrist. As if he

read her mind, he bit into himself. The blood began to pool as he held his

wrist out to her. She took his arm and latched on with her mouth.

Everything around them ceased. Time had stopped to allow them to make their

journey. Her friends were frozen, the tear on Spike’s cheek suspended

there.

Then everything went white. Dracula was no longer there with her. All that

was left was the coppery taste of blood in her mouth. It had begun.

The whiteness around her receded. She found herself standing in an ally

facing Angel. She had no control over her actions, and she was screaming

something at him. The anger in her swelled out of control, but there was

something there besides the anger. Helplessness and fear. She could feel

herself screaming at him to hurt her, to fight her, and at the same time,

wordlessly begging him to hold her and steady her. That’s when she realized

she was in Faith’s body. Buffy had no control over the situation, she was

along for the ride. Everything Faith felt, Buffy felt. Everything Faith

did, Buffy did. Everything Faith desired, Buffy desired. She doubted the

rouge slayer knew Buffy was there. On some level, Buffy realized this

happened in the past. She was reliving a moment in Faith’s life. This one

moment changed everything for Faith. When she finally broke down in Angel’s

arms, she felt the confusion and anger and relief wash over her.

But somewhere deep inside, there was a screaming. Something was building in

anger. Faith had regained control over her rage, and the rage wanted to get

back into the driver’s seat. It was almost physical. Buffy thought she saw

something out of the corner of her eye. It was big and dark, but gone so

fast she couldn’t be sure it wasn’t just a shadow.

Then everything was gone again. She was back in the white expanse, and she

wasn’t alone. Dracula had joined her.

“They won’t all be like that,” he said. “Some will be much, much worse.”

She was off again. Another Slayer, another deciding moment. This one was

fighting a master vampire. Kick, jump, kick, punch, dive, block, on and on.

There was no conviction in her fight. She was like a robot. She heard the

Slayer conversing with herself.

* I’m so tired. It would be so easy. I know I don’t have to feel guilty. I fought hard. Another will come and take my burden. It’s finally time. *

Buffy screamed “NO!” but no noise issued from her. The master tore into her

neck. Buffy could feel the Slayer’s blood, her blood, rushing from her

body, cooling as it hit the night air and trickled down her chest. She felt

herself sliding away. She was dying! Panic had set into her. Was she dying

with this Slayer here and dying in the real world? Was she drinking too

much blood from Dracula? Was he dragging her down with him? She tried to

pull away, to fight the darkness closing over her. When the death came, she

felt everything stop and she was back in the white void.

She didn’t have more than 15 seconds to catch her breath before she was

whisked away to the next Slayer. This continued on and on, moving from

Slayer to Slayer.

It wasn’t always a death she experienced. One Slayer from the early 1980’s

experienced great happiness. She had been struggling with her death wish

for several months when she entered a nest. Her intention was to clean the

nest out and possibly give up her life, but as she entered she heard a child

crying. She was attacked by a group of vampires. The cry of that child

kept her fighting as hard as possible. It took what seemed like forever,

and she was physically and mentally exhausted, but she dusted all of them.

She found the child huddled in a closet, in dirty clothes looking very

mal-nourished. She had several small bite marks on her neck and arms, but

she was otherwise healthy. The child was brought to the hospital, treated

for minor injuries and released to her family. The mother sought out the

Slayer and embraced her. They didn’t say anything to each other, there was

no need. The joy that filled her gave her the strength she needed to

continue.

Buffy occasionally saw the shadow that appeared first with Faith. It was

always a fleeting glimpse, and normally associated with intense anger. She

saw it watching as Spike stripped the duster off the Slayer in the subway.

It appeared again when one of the Slayers tortured a vampire that had turned

her Watcher.

She had been through about 20 Slayers when she encountered an experience of

such darkness it threatened to overwhelm her. The vampire fighting her was

not quite a master, but she was strong. The Slayer was outmatched. The

demon drove her fangs home. Buffy had gotten used to this by now. More

than half of the Slayers she had been with died this way. The vampire had

drained her almost to the point of death, when she bit into her wrist to

feed the fallen Slayer. As the blood poured down her throat, she felt the

pull begin deep within her gut. The pain was unbearable! Her soul was

being gripped by a new entity. She realized it was the demon taking up

residence in her. The soul and the demon merged into one, creating a

balance, but not quenching the blood thirst or lust for evil. She had been

turned into a soulful vampire. The struggle was phenomenal! It had only

been a matter of minutes, but Buffy could sense this was a battle the Slayer

would fight for the rest of her existence.

The shadow was quickly withdrawing from her. Buffy tried to follow it, but

she was confined to the Slayer and then sent back to the white void. She

spent the next group of Slayers looking for the shadow. It was everywhere

and always associated with anger. Once she saw eyes within the shape. They

were red and alien and seemed to be searching for something. But as before,

it was gone within moments.

The Slayer found herself in the body of someone familiar. She had a face

recently seen. Buffy realized she was in Elizabeth, the Slayer whose

portrait she had defaced minutes ago. Or was that years ago. She

completely lost track of time.

Elizabeth was sitting in front of a mirror, brushing her hair. She was

wearing a silk nightgown and robe, and she tied a green silk ribbon into her

hair. Buffy could feel Elizabeth tense at the approach of the vampire

behind her. Reflectionless hands slid down her shoulders to brush her

hands.

She was lifted from the vanity and carried to the bed, her eyes closed the

entire time. The vampire kissed her, slipping his tongue into her mouth

while removing her robe. A ribbon weaving back and forth in the nightgown

closed it. He tugged the ribbon gently and the gown fell back to expose her

body to his gaze. Even with her eyes closed, she could sense his perusal.

His cold hands ran along her body, caressing her breasts and stomach. They

slipped down between her legs and he slipped two fingers inside her. She

arched to meet his thrusts, and Buffy allowed herself to enjoy the

sensations. He slid in and out of her while his thumb brushed her clit.

Elizabeth began to climb higher and higher, when without warning he replaced

his thumb with his mouth. He sucked her swollen clit into his mouth while

continuing to finger her with long slow strokes.

Buffy felt his demon come forth. He gently slid a sharp fang across her

swollen lips, causing a small trickle of blood to come forth. The moment he

cut her, Buffy exploded in orgasm along with Elizabeth. He thrust his hips

against the bed and spilled his seed onto the sheets.

She looked down to see Dracula resting his head on her thigh, looking up at

her. He slowly crawled up her body and kissed her. She tasted herself and

her blood in his mouth, and wanting to intensify the lovemaking, she slid

her tongue across one of his fangs, cutting it. Dracula sucked her blood

from her, his cock stirring to life again. He reached down between them to

stroke his cock into full erection and slid it into her. Their hips met and

their mouths mated in rhythm. Buffy felt Elizabeth wrap her legs, * their *

legs around him, pulling him deeper into her.

She suddenly pushed Dracula off her and onto his back. She kneeled over his

knees and grasped his cock in her left hand, while thrusting her right hand

between her legs. Dracula watched as she brought herself to orgasm, her

slender fingers thrusting in and out of her, moisture dripping down her hand

onto the bed. She turned around so her back was facing him and slid herself

down on his cock. He watched as it slid in and out of her, he could see it

throbbing every time she lifted herself up. His orgasm was fast coming.

She pulled halfway off him and sat up straight so she could stroke his shaft

and balls. She experienced her third orgasm as he shot his seed deep inside

her womb. Buffy keened as the orgasm washed over her.

Only a few precious moments passed allowing Buffy to compose herself before

the scene changed. She was still in Elizabeth, but she was with a different

man now. They were eating a meal, and he was recounting the story of a

vampire that was tormenting the Yugoslavian countryside. The dessert was

brought out, a dish of fresh fruits. He encouraged her to eat, and she

placed a slice of orange into her mouth. She bit down and the juices ran

down her throat. She knew instantly. The fruit had been poisoned. Her

watcher wore no expression on his face, offered no apology or regret.

Elizabeth slipped into death quickly and quietly.

Buffy found herself once again in the void. Dracula was standing there,

waiting for her. He didn’t say anything, allowing her space to think in

peace. She thought of Spike. The further and further she traveled back in

time with the Slayers, the less and less the anger in her controlled her.

She was regaining control of herself. She wanted to sit there and try to

figure out what it meant, why she was thinking of him. She remembered the

look on his face when she shut the door on him. At the time, she felt such

joy watching his face express his hurt and agony. Now it made her feel

dirty and tainted.

But she was not to be granted the time to reflect, not yet. She was pulled

back into the journey, into the next Slayer. She traveled back over the

centuries, through the lives of the Slayers, reveling in their successes and

tortured by their failures and deaths. Millennia passed, and the shadow

still followed her. Always where there was anger. And as she went further

back, the anger became more pronounced, harder to control. The shadow was

starting to be there constantly. It came closer and closer with each

passing Slayer.

It began to take on a more defined shape. She could see what looked like

ribbons splayed out behind it. They moved outwards, touching people and

demons as they passed. She noticed that the darker the slayer was, the

closer the shadow was to her. A few even had a ribbon wrapped around them.

She had returned to the void again after a particularly difficult battle.

Dracula was ever present. Before she could be pulled along again, she

quickly asked.

“The shadow. Is it the First Slayer?”

“No. It is something else,” he answered. “Something older.”

“But…” it was too late. She was back on the journey.

******************************************************************

At that thought she was brought full circle back to Spike.

* Does he really just want to love me? *

A cave with a great fire in the center replaced the whiteness. Sitting with

crossed legs on the floor of the cave was a woman. She was wrapped in

strips of cloth and had a slight glow to her. It was as if she was

capturing the light from the fire, absorbing into herself and reflecting it

back.

Buffy realized she was standing alone, without a Slayer. She walked to the

woman and knelt down beside her. When she reached out to touch her, one of

the strips of cloth reached back and wrapped gently around her fingers.

* This is the shadow! *

The woman nodded in her direction and gestured for her to sit down beside

her. The warmth of the fire didn’t reach the Slayer in her ethereal state,

but it was comforting none-the-less.

The woman looked at Buffy and said, “You’ve come to learn. You wish to know

your true nature.”

Buffy smiled and gripped the ribbon in her hand tighter. It caused her to

tingle in the most wonderful way.

“Dracula said you wouldn’t give me any answers. That you were just along for the journey.”

“What does Dracula know?” she smiled slyly, “He’s just a man! You have

journeyed so far to come to me. You deserve to know the truth. I need

someone to know. I’ve grown so lonely.”

The sadness in her voice pierced Buffy’s heart. Again, she thought of

Spike.

* Why was I so cruel to him? *

The woman started, “In the beginning, it was dark. Then light came into the

void but the darkness refused to recede. They fought against each other to

hold dominance, and eventually found a balance with each other. They became

dependent on each other.”

“The void began to fill with the most wonderful creatures and places.

Everything had its balance though. There were worlds of such splendor; they

were covered in colors that seemed painted there by a skilled hand, not

grown randomly from the desires of the light and dark. And the animals that

came forth were fantastic! Some no longer exist in this or any other

universe. Some are still today as they were in the beginning. Others grew

and changed, but always creating a balance.”

“The darkness had its favorites. Among those were the creatures called the

demons. They were magical creatures that were in tune with night around

them. They looked upon the humans, the favorites of the light, as brothers

and sisters. They mixed with them, and there were human traits to be found

among the demons, and demon traits to be found among the humans.”

“But as there must be a balance between darkness and light, there must also

be a balance between good and evil. Both worked towards the betterment of

all creatures in concert with each other.”

“Occasionally, one would become too strong and begin to dominate the other.

That is when The Powers would send forth a champion to even everything out

again. I was one such champion. I was not good or evil, but a combination

of both. I stayed on this world for thousands of years, keeping peace.”

“But then came the time of disruption. The demons began to predict me and

grew weary of my rule. They began to work in secret to strengthen their

half. Look:”

Buffy was now standing on a sunlit beach and swayed with the wind and had

trouble focusing on what was before her. She saw Glory standing beside the

surf, the waves washing over her feet. The Great Glorificus was one of the

beings sent forth by the Powers to balance the universe when the light had

become too strong.

Glory was with a demon, it was Dracula but he was not a vampire yet. She

took a knife and opened her wrist under the bright sun. Dracula was forced

to drink the blood that flowed forth, and although he tried to reject her,

the bloodlust began to set in and he latched onto her arm. She was laughing

and her minions were swaying and chanting.

She was being sent forward now, into a temple, where she saw the woman who

was the shadow standing with Glory. She was very angry and had the demon

Glory fed kneeling on the ground in front of them. The shadow took holy

relics and pressed them into his skin. Where they touched, it burned and

scarred. She took garlic and placed it in his mouth. It smoked and ate

away at his tongue. She took blessed water and poured it over the palms of

his hands. The skin peeled back and exposed his bones. She thrust him

outside into the sun and he burst into flames. He was pulled back and

doused just in time. She stood him before the polished mirror and he cast

no reflection. The last act of punishment was to make him crave that which

gave him his powers. Blood. He would be ostracized from society and forced

to live in darkness. His only family would be those he forced into his

death, not those born of love and intimacy.

Buffy was retuned to the woman and the cave once again.

“I thought my punishment would deter the demons from trying to gain the

power of the gods. I was wrong. Dracula was forced to go out into the

world and create a family. If he did not do as Glory insisted, he was

denied blood and tortured.”

“Once again without my knowledge the powers of the dark began to outweigh

the light. A war began and it Glory was too strong for me to control. At

that point, so many of the precious humans had been changed to vampires, and

had changed more in turn, and so on and so on. The Powers grew weary of my

failure and decided I needed to act more drastically.”

At the memory, the woman became distressed. Her eyes turned red and her

ribbons flayed out around her. They changed from silk to scales. Several

reached into the fire to grasp one of the burning logs and hurl it against

the wall. The impact was so severe, the log disintegrated and flames shot

out in all directions. And just as fast as her change began, it ended. Her

ribbons were once again silky and loving. They retook Buffy’s hand to

comfort her.

She continued, “I was told to take my power and give it to a human. She

would have most of my strength and would be the chosen champion of the

light. As punishment, I would exist in shadows until the balance had been

restored. That was the birth of the first Slayer.”

“But the Powers took pity on me. They allowed me to be with the Chosen

Slayers, so we could give each other strength in our times of distress, and

find the joys in a world so overwrought with evil.”

“At first, all the Slayers performed the rite that allowed me to join with

them. The demon half of me required the blood offering, the human half

needed the lovemaking. But soon they decided they no longer needed me. I

needed their acknowledgement to make my presence known to them, and the more

and more Slayers that passed without welcoming me, the weaker and weaker I

grew. Their stupidity and arrogance hindered them from experiencing joys

unimagined. And when the past Slayers joined with me, they received the

powers in me that I had retained. They were complete. The newer Slayers

were unfinished and easier to defeat.”

“Centuries passed and soon I was forgotten. Occasionally, one would learn

of me and take me into her. Elizabeth, the Slayer who loved Dracula, was

one such woman. By creating the balance within herself, she was able to

accept the pleasures life had to offer and yet still be a Champion. She

found real love with him, and although her time was short, she lived life

fully.”

“I discovered early on that although I wasn’t able to tap into the human

side of my wonderful Slayers, I could still touch their demon sides. But

they needed to have anger and hate in their souls for me to influence them.

The more time that passed, the easier it was to find the rage. The council

stopped being watchers and started being controllers. Without a Slayer at

full strength, the vampires and evil ones grew in numbers.”

“The cycle became vicious. But that changes now, doesn’t it? You’ll change

that.”

The last part was not a question, but a statement.

Buffy sat with her mouth open and her eyes wide. She had so much to digest!

The woman said the Slayers had a demon side.

* No. That can’t be! I’m NOT a demon! *

“No Buffy, you’re not. You are a balance of all that is good and all that

is evil. Or you should be. You are neither human nor demon, good nor evil.

You are a champion of the Powers brought forth to restore balance. You have

come much further than your predecessors, but without me you will fail and

the cycle will continue. You think you know. What you are, what's to come…

you haven't even begun.”

And the journey came to an end.

Buffy pulled away from Dracula’s wrist in time to see the tear on Spike’s

face drop to the floor.

“Oh, thank whatever god there is to thank!”

Spike clasped his hands together and started towards the beautiful woman with blood smeared on her lips.

“Luv, step away from him. There’s nothing he can give you.”

The anger still stirred in the Scoobies, but Buffy held up her hand and

stopped all of them. She turned to face Dracula and their eyes met in

understanding and respect. He took a step back from her, placed his fist

over his heart and bowed to her. She nodded her head and watched as he

turned into a bat and was gone from the castle.

The Scoobies and Spike converged on her. She looked at each of them and saw

the rage in their eyes. She knew it was the woman touching them through

her. And then she looked at Spike and saw only love and concern in him. He

was still crying.

Only a moment had passed here, but for Buffy, uncounted centuries had gone

by. She was exhausted, but she knew there were still things that needed to

be done. The Slayer walked out of the room and made her way back into the

foyer with everyone in tow.

Buffy removed the damaged portrait from the wall and brought it with her.

Tomorrow she would take it to the gallery her Mother had worked at and have

it sent out for repair.

They made their way silently through the streets of Sunnydale back to where

they began. The shop. Buffy invited Spike in, placed the portrait behind

the register counter and began gathering supplies. She took a velvet bag

filled with blessed salt and several candles. Then she took a mortar and

pestle made from a piece of volcanic rock off one of the shelves and threw a

handful of quartz crystals into it. She used the pestle to work the

crystals into a fine dust and collected it in a silk bag.

Next she found a piece of obsidian and a plain wooden bowl and put

everything into her backpack. She still hadn’t said a word to any of her

companions and they were getting very worried and angry. Buffy knew that if

she gave in and spoke with them, she would be delayed.

She started back into the streets again, making her way to the forest. She

could feel her friends following her at a safe distance, but their rage was

still so strong. Then she noticed the feeling of love surrounding her. At

first she thought it was the woman, but then she realized it was Spike. He

was trying to project his love and concern for her to her and around her.

She smiled to herself.

The Slayer found a clearing and emptied her bag onto the ground. Buffy took

the salt and poured it out into a large circle. She covered the salt with

the crystal dust and placed the candles around her. When she lit the

candles, she began to speak.

“I know you want an explanation but now is not the time. If you want to

stay here with me tonight, you MUST follow these rules. If you don’t you

will kill not only me but yourself as well.”

The candles were lit and she began to remove her clothing.

“Do not enter the circle under ANY circumstances! No matter how strange

this gets, or how wrong it looks, please know I need to do this. It’s

important to me and I forbid any of you from trying to stop me. I promise

that when this is done, I will explain everything to you. Right now, all

you need to know is that I will not be in any danger as long as you keep

your distance.”

She picked up the obsidian and used a rock to break it into a sharp shard.

“If what you see here tonight is too much for you to handle, leave. I won’t

be insulted or angry with you. This ritual is for me alone and you are only

here because I know you love me and are concerned for me.”

She moved into the center of the circle, the candlelight casting shadows on

her naked body. There was a tug in her stomach, and she felt the need to

release herself to what was coming. She knew she would be fine, so she gave

into the desire and raised her hand and eyes to the sky. The voice that

came from her was a combination of her own and something foreign. The words

were from a language dead for over a million years. She called to the

woman, the shadow, and spun in circles, watching the stars form bright lines

in the sky. Buffy realized the voice that issued from her wasn’t a single

voice, but a multitude of voices! They were the Slayers long gone, joining

with her and reaching for their completion.

The forest faded into a blur and all she saw was the circle. She knelt down

before the bowl and took the obsidian shard in her left hand. There was no

pain as the shard slid effortlessly across her wrist, cutting her open. Her

blood flowed into the bowl, and when it stopped, Buffy could see the shadow

standing outside the circle. Ribbons crossed the boundary to lift the bowl

to the woman’s lips. She lapped at the blood and returned it to the ground

in front of the Slayer. Buffy ran her finger across the bottom of the bowl

and licked the blood from her hand.

Her friends could see the shadow in front of her and began to panic! Giles

and Xander went to run at it, but Dawn and Spike screamed

“No!”

Dawn was released from her anger and knew what was happening here. It was familiar to her, and felt safe. Giles and Xander returned to a safe distance in time to see the shadow begin to disappear. As she faded from outside the circle, she seemed to reappear inside the circle behind Buffy.

The Slayer’s head was thrown back in ecstasy and she lay back on the ground.

Her body writhed in sensuous pleasure and began to lift up into the air.

They stood speechless watching her become more and more aroused.

When Buffy came, she screamed into the night. Everyone was breathing heavy

except for Giles, who was hiding behind a tree. The tell-tale bulge in

Spike’s pants earned him stares from everyone, and that’s when they realized

they no longer hated him. They all knew then that the vampire’s confession

was of love, not hate! Not one of them could figure out why it angered them

so much. It wasn’t like he threatened to kill her or them, or to sell Dawn

to Glory…he loved her! He wanted to hold her and kiss her, not drain her or

turn her. Being loved by someone, even a vampire, wasn’t such a bad thing

after all.

They watched as Buffy was lowered to the ground slowly and fell into a

peaceful sleep. It was around midnight, and they all waited for her to come

to. They each looked at Spike with understanding and acceptance, and one by

one, they began to fall asleep.

Sometime around 4a.m., Buffy woke up. She looked out over her sleeping

friends and chuckled to herself. The rage was gone. It was replaced with a

feeling of completion, contentment and love.

She began to dress herself under Spike’s gaze.

* Cor, she is so beautiful. I wish she would let me hold her! She hasn’t staked me yet tonight, in fact, she let me watch her, ummm, now what would one call that? *

He felt the familiar pressure building up in his pants again.

Now everyone was starting to wake up. Buffy blew out the candles, packed

away all her supplies and thanked the night for its protection.

“I promised you that when I was done, I would tell you exactly what happened

tonight. I mean to keep that promise, but I’m not quite done yet. You

should all go home and get a good amount of sleep. My story will take hours

to relay, and Giles, you may want to buy batteries and extra tapes for your

recorder. You won’t want to sit there and try to write this all down at

once.”

Each of her friends looked at her and there was peace behind their eyes.

She could tell they would work on a friendship with Spike, which would make

what was to come all the easier.

Buffy thought about the joining, and realized that she could feel the woman

within her, sharing in all her sensations. The Slayer knew then she would

never be alone, no matter what happened to her. She could feel the power

running through her, and knew it would be a long time before she discovered

all she had become. Those ribbons were now issuing from her, reaching out

invisibly to touch her friends and protect them all.

She thought of Elizabeth and Dracula who had found such wonderful love with

each other. She knew there was more to being a vampire than just having a

demon instead of a soul. She wanted to explore this revelation, to know

what it meant, and she knew she would spend the rest of her life with Spike,

doing just that.

When the reached the streets of Sunnydale, Buffy walked each of them home,

hugging them tight. Soon, it was only the Slayer, Dawn and the Vampire.

Spike walked the ladies to Revello Drive and to their door. Dawn hugged

Buffy on the porch and made her way inside and to her bedroom. Spike stood

to the side looking at the ground. She took his hand and pressed the palm

to her lips.

“Come inside.”

Hand in hand, they walked into her home. Her mother had been gone one month

now and the house had seemed so cold and empty. She led him up to her

bedroom and closed the door behind them.

“Luv, what was all that…” She pressed her fingers to his lips to quiet him.

“I’m not done yet. There is still one more thing I need to do before I can

tell my story and explain everything.”

She walked him towards the bed and he sat down on the edge. Buffy leaned

forward, her hair falling onto Spike’s upturned face, brushing the eyes that

bore tears for her hours earlier. They leaned into each other and began

brush their lips together. Every time Spike tried to kiss her deeper, she

pulled back to tease him. Her fingers ran over his neck and ears while his

hands ran over her stomach and down her legs. Her teasing was becoming

unbearably, but he would die before he stopped her.

She pulled his duster off his arms and began to remove his silk shirt. He

unbuttoned her jeans and tugged her shirt free and over her head, revealing

her braless chest. He stood in front of her and turned her away from him.

His hands ran over her bare back, caressing and stroking her shoulders down

to just inside of her underwear. Everywhere his hands went, his lips and

tongue followed. He pulled her jeans down and she stepped out of them. His

hands continued to touch her, his mouth to taste her. He moved down the

back of her left leg and then back up to the swell of her buttocks, and

repeated the motion with her right leg. He stood to kiss her neck, to show

he could control himself. He whispered into her ear, “Buffy, I love you.”

Buffy repeated the words back to him, saying his name into the night. He

felt dizzy with happiness and overwhelmed with love.

As Spike slipped his fingers into the sides of the panties she wore, he

knelt down before her. Slowly he pulled them down to the floor and then

turned her to face him. He looked up at her beautiful body and into her

eyes. He felt he was worshiping a Goddess. She pulled him up to her and

undressed him completely. His erection stood pressed against his belly, and

when she looked at it, his cock jerked and throbbed.

Her arms went around his neck and she pulled him into her embrace. They

kissed deeply, their tongues slipping inside the other’s mouths. They

slowly pressed their hips against each other, and then slowly pulled back,

repeating the motion several times. Her eyes were glazed over with desire

and for a moment, he caught his reflection in them.

She pulled back and a fine thread of pre-cum clung to her belly and the head

of his cock. They lay down on the bed and their hands began exploring every

part of each other. Spike wanted this first time to be special; he wanted

her to come while he was inside her. His fingers had been sliding in and

out of her while her hands ran up and down the length of his shaft.

She knew at the same moment he did that it was time. Buffy lay on her back

and opened her arms and legs to him in invitation. He slipped onto her and

gently pushed inside her. Their orgasms were almost instantaneous. They

both froze and began to shake with the intensity of their lovemaking. They

screamed each other’s names and declared their love as she throbbed around

him and he came inside her.

The tears that were in his eyes hours earlier returned and fell onto her

upturned face to mix with her freshly shed tears. She could feel the

ribbons reaching out from her to hold him tight to her. She smiled, knowing

this was right. She found her love.

They slid under the covers and held each other while sleep overtook them.

When morning came, Buffy rose to close the shades and speak briefly with

Dawn. The Slayer knew tonight she would be explaining everything for hours

on end, and decided to make the most of the day. She returned to the bed

and they continued to sleep and make love for the rest of the day. And

every time their eyes met, Spike caught that momentary glimpse of his

reflection and Buffy absorbed the love that poured from him.

Completion.