Title: Finding Destiny

Author: Patti - Raven39_25

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing everything belongs to Joss. I

just like to make them dance.

Spoilers: Up through "Crush".

Distribution: Sure if ya want it. Just ask first.

Acknowledgements: Theory Queen - Thanks for finding inspiration in my

whim of a thought. Hope you like my version...

Feedback: Yes please! (see note)

Authors Note: Please be kind. This is my first fic. Enjoy.

**********************

Finding Destiny

The door didn't so much slam as click. Didn't matter. It was the

finality that rang out so loudly. Spike stepped back and looked at

it, incredulous. Locked out. Again. Damn.

At first he wanted to hurt something. Anything. Her. He'd proven

himself trustworthy time and again. Come to her house. Been nice to

her mom. He'd poured out his heart to her. Told her he loved her.

What right did she have to throw him out of her house? Heartless,

selfish. He laughed.

* That's rich, the Slayer the heartless one. *

Well, he'd show her. He'd go and find some young, innocent...

"OUCH! "

"OK!"

...young, innocent demons and kill them all. It might not show her

anything, but it'd sure make him feel better. Killing always did.

He walked away from her, down the dark, Sunnydale street, looking for

trouble. Right town for it.

*********************

* What a night. *

Buffy thought.

* What a night. I just want to curl up and die. Spike. Loves me. Damn. *

Buffy went upstairs, and checked on her mom and Dawn. Dawn was

sleeping. Mom was waiting up.

"Hi, hon. Did I hear Spike downstairs?"

"Yeah, mom. But you won't any more."

"Oh?"

"Tara and Willow recanted the invitation. I asked them to. He's not

welcome here anymore."

"Oh. I see." her mom looked puzzled.

"Buffy" Are you sure that's what you want?"

"Mom! I can't believe you're asking me that! Spike is evil! He's a

danger to our family. He's obsessed with me, he's been stalking me

and...and...and he's a VAMPIRE for God's sake."

"I know that. I remember. But I remember other things too. Times

when he's been a friend to us. When you went to fight Glory and left

Dawn and me with him. He was a perfect...well, nearly perfect

gentleman. It really was rather sweet to see him fussing over us."

"I left you there because I had no choice. He's the only one who

could..."

"Protect us? Keep us safe? The only one, huh?"

Joyce questioned.

"We could've gone away, hidden out at Giles" or with Xander and Anya."

"But you chose Spike to do those things. Why?"

She paused. Buffy was the one looking puzzled now. Her forehead was wrinkled and her bottom lip pouted.

"Sweetheart, you live a life I could never begin to understand. When

I was young, the biggest danger we faced was the evil Mr. Stranger

Danger. You, you face ultimate, absolute evil seven days a week.

Vampires, demons, hell-gods and goddesses, aliens, even Dracula

himself. On top of all that, you have all the usual 20-year-old's

pressures of going to college, maintaining friendships and developing

more mature relationships. I don't know how you do it. You're truly

amazing."

She smiled at Buffy.

"Maybe it's because you've always been the strong one, but I feel I've failed you. Somehow, with all you've been, I've forgotten to be your mom."

Buffy nodded quietly.

"Honey, when we first moved to Sunnydale, it was the beginning of a new life for us both. I didn't know HOW new it would be for you, but when we moved to Sunnydale, I knew that we were free to begin again. No ties, no emotional baggage, no reliving the past. But I was wrong. We brought all of that stuff with us too and we should have talked about it. Talked about relationships." She ran her hand over Buffy's hair.

"I'm sorry. I guess I just hoped... But let's talk this thing through now." "OK?"

"Mom. You have no reason to be sorry about my inability to keep a

man."

Buffy protested.

"It wasn't your fault that Angel left me for redemption's sake, or that I jumped right into another relationship with a self-centered ass, or that I couldn't admit you needed Riley until it was too late. That was me. You've been great."

"Well, thank you, even if you are wrong. But, honey... You left out

one relationship."

Buffy looked at her mom, puzzled.

"Spike."

"No, Mom. There IS no relationship there. NONE. ZIPPO. ZERO.

NADA."

Joyce shook her head.

"Yes there is, Buffy, whether you like it or not. Even if the relationship is hatred, you can't pretend it doesn't exist."

"OK, well, I guess that's it. I hate him."

"I could accept that, Buffy, if you could say that you were really

hating him for what he is, not for what he was. Chip or no chip, I

believe he HAS changed. I know he's still what he is. He IS a

soulless demon, a vampire. But think about it. All the while he was

welcome in this house, he has never abused that trust. He never did

anything to threaten us."

"That's right."

Willow walked into the kitchen.

"I had to come back, Mrs. Summers. I knocked, but there was no answer."

"Come in, Willow. We've been talking."

"Good. That's what I wanted to do too. Your mom is right, Buffy."

"Earlier tonight, when you first came back and told us what he'd said

to you, I was shocked. I was all, ' Ewww, SPIKE' "

" I'll always remember when he first got the chip and tried to attack me, but

couldn't. It was very scary. HE was very scary. But he's changed,

Buffy. Spike HAS changed. He'd never do that now, and I don't think

it's just the chip that's stopping him." Willow stopped talking.

After a few moments to think, Buffy responded, "Let's say, JUST for

the sake of argument, mind you, that SPIKE has changed. Why has he

changed? For me?"

"Yep," Willow confirmed with certainty.

"Willow, is that enough? Is it enough that he feels something for me? "

"And, I'm NOT admitting its love yet. He's going to be around a long

time. Someday he'll get that chip out. When that's gone, when I'm

gone, what will stop him? Some warm, fuzzy feelings he had for me?

No. I don't buy it. He is dangerous and I don't want to be around

when he gets loose."

Buffy stalked out of the kitchen. Joyce and Willow looked at each other. This was going to take a while.

*************************

Spike prowled Sunnydale at night. Well, not so much prowled, as

shoved his way through. He wasn't hunting anymore. The one demon

that had gotten in his way hadn't made him feel any better after all.

Instead, he was walking because he had to walk because the thought of

stopping and thinking was too much. So he walked and as he walked he

kicked anything in his way and he muttered to himself.

"Bloody hell. Why me?" and then,

"William got his feelings crushed again, didn't he? I'm 100 bleedin" years old! When will I learn?"

"Spike, you are a sorry sight. What's up? Outta cash?" Xander asked

disdainfully.

Spike looked up and saw who it was. He rushed toward Xander and

tackled him to the ground. His grasp was strong, until the chip

kicked in and Spike let out a scream of pain. Xander jumped up,

rubbing his throat.

"Ah, ah, ah, Spikey. Mad equals pain. Remember?"

Spike struggled to his feet and lunged again at Xander, but only

half-heartedly this time and stopped short.

"Yeah, I remember."

Xander looked at Spike. He'd had a good laugh when Buffy had told him

about Spike's feelings earlier today. But suddenly, facing Spike

right now, it wasn't so funny.

"Let's get a drink. Payday-man's treat."

"Well... Okay, sure. I could use a good drunk."

The walked over to the Bronze and settled in. Even the onion blossoms

were gone. Damn.

Xander walked back from the bar with two shots of bourbon. "One for

you, one for me."

Xander sipped his. Spike downed his in one gulp.

"Wha.. Just one?"

"Well.. No. Here, have mine," Xander sat down at the table.

Spike held up the glass and waved it in salute to Xander before

downing shot number two.

"So. It's true, huh? Who'd have thought." Xander was genuinely

surprised.

"Wha..?" Spike shot back.

"Oh, she told you all already. Bet you all had a good laugh at my expense." "Well.. that's OK. I haven't any self-respect left anyway. What did she say? " 'Spike's all hot for me. Spike's wanting me. Disgusting!' "

"No. Well.. not exactly. Well.. yes." Xander stuttered out.

Spike looked up at him and stared at him hard for two seconds.

Xander suddenly knew. He remembered feeling the same way about Buffy

not too long ago. (Truth be known, he probably still did somewhere

under the 'Anya layer of Happiness Now'.) He remembered seeing that

look in his own eyes. God, it still hurt.

"Got it bad, huh?" Spike nodded once and looked down at his empty

glass.

"Let me refill that for you." And he did.

"What is it she's lookin' for? I've stopped feeding, not that I had

much choice in that. I've fought at her side against aliens, demons

and hell-goddesses. I've taken abuse with plastic spikes, crossbow

arrows, Glory's punches. I've thrown all other women out of my life."

"All with no complaints. Trying to earn her respect, her trust. What

is it she bleedin' wants from me?"

Xander knew. He was certain.

"Spike. She needs something you could never give her."

Suddenly he stood up.

"Follow me."

Spike raised his head and they walked out into the night.

Buffy went to her room. It seemed empty. She felt empty. She sat on

her bed and looked around. Still empty. She laid down and stared up

at the ceiling. She closed her eyes. She saw his face. Spike.

Spike? Spike! She shook her head and opened her eyes. What was

that? Why was she thinking of him? The room was getting smaller.

Time to patrol.

She grabbed her usual arsenal these days, just two stakes. More was

too much and wouldn't hurt Glory anyway.

She slipped on her coat. She looked at her door. Mom would want to

talk more. She slid out the window.

She dropped to the ground and felt herself looking at the tree across

the street. She'd known for a long time that he'd been lurking there

at night. Funny, she thought, it never bothered her before. She'd

never told him to leave or cut it out.

* I was just too lazy to bother with him. I had other things on my mind. *

she said to herself. Now it was like her room. Empty. She turned and walked down the street.

She'd go and find some young, obviously evil demons and kill them

all. It might not prove anything, but it'd sure make her feel better.

Killing always did.

*************************

"This is it"

Xander, boy, you've lost what little mind you had.

They stood on the ridge overlooking Sunnydale.

"Sorry, fella, but this is what she needs from you."

"Don't get it."

"Spike, when you fight, on our side I mean, what are you fighting for?"

"Easy. For her."

"See, that's just it. That's why you'll never get her. 'Cuz, you

just don't get it."

Spike waited. Xander looked at him sighed. This wasn't going to be easy.

"OK, let's look at it this way. What do you think she's fighting for?"

Another easy one, "To save the world from us bad 'uns."

"Wrong."

Xander explained.

"Buffy doesn't fight for personal triumph or glory. Buffy fights for us. For me, for Willow, Tara, her mom, Dawn. For them."

Xander pointed at Sunnydale.

"Spike, you hold humankind in contempt. We are beneath you because we're not immortal, because we're weak and frightened. Buffy finds humanity in those

faults. She finds each and every person worthy of a Slayer's sacrifice."

"Bull. She does it because it's in her nature to kill. Just like me."

"She's in it for the excitement, the adventure, the danger."

"You were human once. Do you remember what it was like to be

dependent, lonely, scared, overwhelmed by stronger things? All the

time?"

Xander thought for a second more before he spoke.

"I think she kinda sees us all as the children she'll never have and when we

feel that lost feeling, Buffy is willing to do anything for us."

'She'll never love you because you don't love us. '

Xander, looked over at him. Spike was silent. Listening. Spike was,

for the first time in a VERY long time, truly himself.

Xander left him alone.

*****************************

Buffy found herself in the cemetery. At his crypt. She hadn't meant

to come here and she didn't remember getting there, but there she was.

She stood outside his door for a long time. Her senses were alert.

Her spidery Slayerish sense told her that trouble was not far, but not

imminent. So she stood. Why was he making this so hard? Why

wouldn't he just go away?

She thought about what he'd told her. About William. She tried to

picture him the quiet, mousy man he described. Fueling unrequited

love with poetry. Crushed and weeping, humiliated. She pitied him,

she understood the loss of love. The pain of it. She imagined his

face, sad, sorrowful, hurt. But none of that man was left. It was

all Spike now. No writer's soul, no soul at all. But still something

pulled at her memory, there was something...

Glory tiptoed out of the bushes as well as any hell-goddess can tiptoe

in high heels.

"Well, hello."

she called. Buffy didn't hear.

"HEL-LO. Slayer!"

Buffy had been caught not paying attention. What had all that training been for if not to be prepared and ready?

Caught. Slowly she turned around.

"I thought I might find you visiting your boyfriend." Glory grinned.

"He's NOT my boyfriend."

Buffy said, with less conviction than last time.

"OK, hon. If you say so. Now it's time for you to tell me where my

key is. I'm out of time and out of patience. If you don't tell me

now, I'll have my minions make Slayer hamburger while I go kill your

friends and family myself. I think I start with your little

sister...you two are so close."

Buffy looked around. There were at least six of the little robed men

with swords. Not bad odds for the Slayer, but it would still take

time. Time that Glory would use to get closer to home.

"Wait, Glory."

Buffy called after her.

"Yes?"

"What will happen? When you find the key?"

Glory smiled.

"I guess it doesn't matter anymore. There's no time for you to do anything about it anyway, so I'll tell you."

Glory stepped closer to Buffy, closed her eyes and started to giggle.

"It's so much fun. I haven't been free for quite a long time, you know, but

I remember. There's screaming and blood, sacrifice and lots and lots

of Glory worship. I'm all-powerful and adored. I never want for

anything. Never cold, never hungry, never lonely, never...Hey!"

Buffy had taken a step towards the crypt. She stopped.

"It's enough, Slayer, that you know you don't want to be around when it happens."

"Unless... Slayer, what is it you want? When I have my key I can give you

anything in the world. Riches, clothes, cities? What is your little

heart desires? "

Buffy, never at a loss for words, was. Her heart. All she knew about

her heart right now was that it was very, very heavy. She sat down,

right there on the ground outside the crypt. No smart remarks, no

violence, nothing but...

"I don't know." she admitted.

There was a rustle in the bushes beside her as Spike came home. Glory

looked up. Buffy didn't.

"Well, well. The boyfriend." she said pointedly to Buffy, making sure that she knew she'd been corrected.

Spike laughed. "Got that all wrong, lady. Couldn't be more off base."

Buffy looked up now. She'd actually never been so glad to see Spike

than at that moment. She knew he must have seen Glory but here he was

stepping into battle with her...again. She looked at him with new eyes.

Had he changed? Really? With that chip in, would she ever really

know? Suddenly an idea sparked in Buffy.

"Glory?" she called, "if you want me to tell you where the key is, I need to know how powerful you really are. I know you can fight better than all of us combined, but what else can you do?"

Turning toward her, Glory almost lost her patience, but on second

thought she might have a shot here. She took it.

"Well, of course, after I have my key, I'll be free to do anything, but right now? Well, I can do all sorts of tricks. I can do magic."

"Seen it." Buffy said dryly. "Not very impressive."

"The big snake you told me about? Mini-magic."

Spike chimed in. He didn't know where Buffy was going with this, but he'd play along.

Glory shot him a scathing look.

"I wasn't talking to you, blondie."

Then she turned back to Buffy and continued, "I can reach into people's heads."

"You mean read minds?" Buffy asked innocently.

"No. I mean I can reach into people's heads. It's a special little

skill I have. Wanna see?"

Glory took a quick step toward Spike and before he could do anything more than look surprised she was inside him. Buffy watched as Glory's fingertips disappeared into Spike's skull. She knew it was a risk, but Glory wasn't hungry, just demonstrating.

"What is that?" Glory asked as she pulled a small plastic chip out of

Spike's head. Spike fell to the ground, in pain, but chipless. Buffy

was on her feet instantly. Glory was still examining the chip in her

hand when Buffy pushed her, face-first into a tree and ran. She could

easily outrun the minions but knew she couldn't beat Glory. So she

ducked inside the crypt, leaving Spike to fend for himself. She

dropped down into the lower level and made for the sewers. Glory

wouldn't follow her. Glory would head for her home. Buffy had to get

there first.

**************************

Everyone jumped when the sirens went off.

"Glory!" Tara yelped as the door flew open. Glory was mad. She crossed the room and chose to start with Xander. One punch and he was out cold. On the floor, bleeding. Her next punch caught Joyce in the stomach and sent her

reeling against the wall. Giles was just able to get a chair in the

air when she turned toward him. Her first move shattered the wood.

Her second, his jaw.

"Stop it." Buffy called from the doorway. "Don't touch them."

"Sweetie, you pissed me off. I'm not responsible for this. You are.

I don't have any time left and if I have to go back, I'm not going

happy."

Dawn was the closest. Glory's fist hit Dawn's chest, hard, and Dawn

spun to the floor. Her eyes grew wide as she tried to breathe and

couldn't. Glory kept swinging at everyone, but Buffy rushed to Dawn's

side.

"Dawn?" Buffy cried, "hang on. Just keep breathing."

There was destruction all around her. She heard Willow scream and saw

Xander get up only to fall back down again, but she couldn't move.

She couldn't take her eyes off Dawn and the small trickle of blood

that ran from the corner of her mouth. Then Dawn twitched and sighed

a horrible, last breath sound. Buffy shuddered. As Dawn died in her

arms, a pale green light began to glow. Through her tears, Buffy knew

the energy appearing was the key, was the essence of what Dawn had

been and she watched it brighten around her.

Glory saw it too.

"My key!"

As she reached out to grab it her fingertips sent off showers of electricity. Buffy closed her eyes and covered Dawn's body with hers, prepared for the worst. And then, nothing. Quiet. Silence deeper than any she'd ever known.

"Where'd she go?" Willow asked heavily.

"She just disappeared." Tara replied.

"It was her time." said a voice from the door. It was Dreg.

"Oh Great and Magnificent Glorificus?" he called out to the air above

where she'd been, "forgive we minions. We've failed you yet again."

He fell to his knees and trembled. After what seemed a long time, he

stood up, folded his hands and bowed to Buffy.

"The lovely Glorificus ruled over the earth for lifetimes, but when she was strongest, in the dark ages, nearly 4,000 years ago, a very powerful druid trapped her through trickery and locked her away in another reality. We, her

faithful followers, know that every 100 years or so, the stars are

aligned in such a way that the lock is visible and although she is not

yet free, we can see her with us and know her beauty."

A shadow fell across the doorway as Spike looked in. He leaned on the doorframe as the small robed priest continued,

'The Knights of Byzantium learned of the key nearly 1,000 years ago and have been searching ever since to destroy it before it can free our goddess from her prison. This time, you have thwarted us. Next time, we will begin our search with you and you will not be so fortunate."

With that he stepped to the door, waited for Spike to move and left.

The green glow of the key swirled about the room and slowly dissipated.

Buffy sat up. She looked around the room; at Giles with his hand on

his chin, at Xander helping Joyce stand, at Willow's broken arm and

then down at Dawn. A scream ripped out of her throat. It was raw

pain. Never had she known such agony and loss. She screamed again

and again and then the tears came, unstoppable. The others stood by,

knowing that this was Buffy's pain, there was nothing they could do.

But Spike couldn't stand it. He pounded the door frame with his fist.

"Joyce, please?" he begged. "Please, let me in."

Joyce looked at Spike and knew it was right. She nodded.

In an instant, Spike was kneeling at Buffy's side, his arm around her.

Buffy looked at him, surprised at the comfort, but, not.

She looked again. He was crying.

He was crying.

He reached out and stroked Dawn's hair. He bent down and kissed her

brow and whispered something only Buffy heard, " 'bye Niblet."

Buffy looked again. Spike was crying. Without the chip.

After a long time, Buffy laid Dawn's body down on the floor and walked

over to where Joyce sat with Willow, Tara and Xander.

"Mom, I'm sorry I couldn't save her. I'm so sorry."

Joyce reached out to Buffy, "She was my daughter, as much as you are,

but just like you, she had a greater calling. Now, that Glory's

prison is closed for good, Dawn is fulfilling her destiny."

She paused. "How are you going to fulfill yours?"

Joyce looked past Buffy to where Spike was standing. Buffy thought it

was time for them to have a real talk.

*************************

"Why'd you do it, luv?"

Spike asked once everyone had been attended to and they were alone.

"The chip?"

"Yeah."

"I came to talk to you, but I suddenly realized that with the chip in

your head, I'd never really know if you'd changed, or what your true

feelings were. One way or the other I had to know. One way or the

other, I had to find out. Glory's skills were convenient."

"Buffy, I have changed. Even though I can do this again..."

his face vamped and quickly returned.

"I could never hurt you... or the Scoobies...or your family."

He stepped nearer.

"I know." Buffy responded softly. "But?"

"Or anyone else." he finished.

"I had a talk with Xander, of all people. I don't think he meant to, but he made me remember a lot of things about William. Who, other than being a bit foppish, a really bad poet and a sorry lover, wasn't such a bad guy. He may not have liked it, but he understood that being human meant living the pain and

the joy, both. Buff, you'll keep reminding me of that too, won't you?"

Buffy looked up at Spike. Her mortal enemy. And she smiled to

herself. He wasn't mortal, was he?

Spike reached for her. She didn't step back, she didn't flinch. Her

eyes widened as she realized that she actually wanted to feel his arms

around her.

FIN