Title: Glaringly Obvious

Author: Pandora

DISCLAIMER: Joss owns all. I own not one of the characters and make not

a cent from writing this.

DISTRIBUTION: Those who already have my permission, feel free. Anyone

else, please let me know.

RATING: PG-13

SPOILERS: Anything up to and including the end of Crush is fair game.

FEEDBACK: I'd love it!

SUMMARY and NOTES: Buffy is reflecting on her feelings for Spike after she

shuts the door in his face at the end of Crush. In other words, she's

thinking things over. Everything is going on in her mind.

THANKS: To Maggie and Trish for reading this over and giving me

pointers. In particular, Trish, thanks for the title idea, and Maggie,

thanks for giving me that one final push to post this. Any mistakes made

are mine. Also, thanks to my nephew Chris for giving me the word ballistic

when my mind couldn't seem to come up with anything acceptable (you wouldn't

believe what I had before that *grinning*).

Glaringly Obvious

Part 1

I calmly shut the door in his face. He looked so.. so.. so..... I.

DON'T. KNOW! Why should I care how he looked? The creep chained me

up! He threatened to let the Insane-o-Matic Lunacy-Machine KILL me, if I

didn't admit I felt something for him.

Well, I do feel something, but NOT what he's looking for. I feel disgust,

I feel hatred, I feel annoyance, I feel anger, and those are just a FEW of

the feelings I have for Spike. Sheesh, I feel every single bad feeling

there is to feel when it comes to him! Enough said! End. Of. Story!

Ha, Ha, Ha! Can't even fool myself. There has to be some reason I

haven't staked him yet. I've had so many chances, even before he was

Chip's Ahoy in the head. The way things are going, you'd THINK my life was

some kind of TV show. One of those really unbelievable ones, where an

evil monster like Spike would remain on the show just because he's popular

with the fans. Yeah, I'll just go with that. It's as good a reason as

any, and that way I won't have to think about the REAL reasons.

Boy, my head has weird thoughts. If people could hear them, they'd think

I was as crazy as Droopy Drusilla. Hmmm, wonder what Miss Edith and the

stars are telling her after viewing Spike's performance. It would be

interesting to hear that insane conversation. Heck, it'd almost be worth

the price of admission. No, on second thought, NOT worth it, considering I

was the evening's entertainment.

Still.. even though it wasn't exactly a day in the park for me, I should

laugh about what happened, if only 'cause it caused her pain. Probably

would laugh too, 'cept I'm sorta dealing with my own pain and confusion

right now.

But ya know, the crazy bitch does deserve MAJOR pain for everything she put

Spike through. Eeeks, I didn't just think that, did I? God, what is

wrong with me? What do I care if she hurt Spike? Great, I'm even

rambling in my thoughts. I so don't need this right now.

Geez, I need to tell someone about this, but who? Giles is out as a

talking-about-Spike buddy, 'cause he'd go ballistic if he knew what I was

feeling. It would be kinda funny to see his face though. I can picture

it right now. No, that's just mean.. can't go there...

What about Mom? No.. not after the way she reacted earlier tonight.

Hmmm, didn't really expect that. Always thought she kinda liked Spike.

Well, the same can be said for Willow. Not that she liked him exactly, but

she does usually try to understand why people feel the way they feel. She

is , after all, the one who stopped him from staking himself in Xander's

basement, and she made sure he tagged along that night so they could watch

over him. Wonder what happened tonight? She was so.. well.. kinda..

COLD. Strangeness in Sunnydale.. Oooh, what a shocker!

How about Xander? Oh yeah, that would be funny. Xan gave me so much

grief over Angel. He insulted him at every turn, even before Angel lost

his soul. Xan would SO freak if I told him I had these less-than-hateful

thoughts about the soulless Spike. So, Xander's a Glaringly Obvious No-Go.

Who does that leave? I could talk to Dawn. She likes Spike, but, on the

downside, she doesn't really have that much experience with romantic

feelings. Ewww, did I just say romantic in connection with thinking about

Spike? I am so wigging myself out here. Icky!

Well, since Dawn's out, how 'bout Tara? What would she say? Ya know, I

still don't know her that well, even after the whole deal with her sicko

father. Well then, that only leaves Anya. What a choice! She'd most

likely tell me to jump his bones, that he would be very good at sex, and he

would give me many orgasms. Trust Anya to point out the.. OBVIOUS...

And it is rather obvious. Why don't I just go to his crypt and jump his

bones? That would get him out of my system, and after all, he'd have to be

better than Riley in the sack. Oooh, I wasn't supposed to think that

anymore. It's a really good thing people can't read my mind. If Riley

knew what I thought about his performance in the bedroom.. well.. he'd have

been a vampire suck-toy sooner.

Aside from the obvious great sex with Spike, there are other advantages.

With him, I wouldn't have to worry about getting an STD or about getting

pregnant. Yes, there WOULD be many definite perks to sex with a vampire as

hot as Spike, especially when the whole loss of soul thing isn't in the

pic. And he is cute.

No, have to be honest here. He is To-Die-For, Drop-Dead Gorgeous! I bet

he looks so scream-worthy without clothes. I can't believe I'm actually

thinking about Spike this way... Oh, this SO isn't fair !!!!! I have the

hots for Spike, but I can't give in even once because I'm the Slayer. Why

can't I just forget about my damn job for one lousy night and go get my

kicks? Never thought I'd think about getting my kicks and Spike in the

same sentence, but I really, REALLY want to.

Damn! What should I do?

FIN