Memories Are Made Of This By: Richess a.k.a A.N.H.

Richards & Hilary a.k.a. SpikeLover UK Email:

spikeloverrichess@hotmail.com

Summary: This is an alternative ending to The Gift.

Buffy comes back, but not fully. This is a S/B fic

Disclaimer: All Characters belong to J. Whedon, Mutant

Enemy Productions, and/or Fox Production and etc. We

own nothing.

Author's notes: Thanks to Python Chick for the beta.

 

____________________________________________

 

Memories Are Made Of This

 

Part 1

 

The three strangers, walking toward the group of

mourners, had witnessed the last moments of the

Slayer's life and her death. They saw the witch cry

and the vampire weep. They observed as their Key

descended the stairs, painfully.

 

They knew what must be done. They knew that this was

not meant to be. They knew that they could change the

future, no matter what the cost. A true battle had

been forged and great warrior was lost, but not

gone…at least not completely.

 

* * *

 

Xander was the first to notice the three robed men

walking toward the group. Dawn gasped as she saw the

monks walking toward them. She feared that they were

here to get their Key.

 

Giles step forward as the men rushed to Buffy's side.

They began to chant instantly and sprinkled something

over Buffy. Then they cut a small piece of her hair

and wove it into a circle, placing it on her broken

body.

 

Tara looked at the men strangely, catching some of

their Latin words here and there, but not completely

understanding.

 

Buffy's eyes fluttered. Spike stepped forward, getting

burned by the sun. Giles grabbed a piece of tarp and

covered the vampire from the early morning sun. Dawn

rushed toward Buffy's side crying in pain, both

physical and emotional the whole way. Her sister was

being brought back to life, this much she knew. The

sky suddenly turned black and thunder loomed in the

distance.

 

Buffy's eyes continued to flutter and she inhaled

deeply, taking in a long painful breath. The sound of

bones cracking and the blood that spilled from her

mouth made the Scoobies gasp. Spike stood up as the

sun receded behind the clouds.

 

The monks continued to chant and Buffy's body relaxed

slowly, her breathing was shallow but steady as blood

and saliva continued to trickle from the side of her

mouth and a small trail of blood left her ears. Her

eyes closed but her breathing was more than enough to

satisfy the monks. The three turned toward the eldest

man they knew was her Watcher.

 

The first one spoke with a heavy accent. "We have

undone what should never have happened. This…her death

was our doing and we will let her live out her life.

It was our fault that we brought the abomination to

her door. She will live but she must find her way

back. Her body will heal, but her spirit is searching.

She needs to find herself."

 

Willow sobbed in relief and the others stood silent,

looking at the breathing and now living Slayer.

 

"Thank you," Dawn cried holding her sister's hand.

"Thank you."

 

"You must not thank us yet. We need the Key back."

 

"Like bloody hell you do." Spike growled limping

toward Dawn. Willow also stepped away from Tara to

shield Dawn.

 

"No, you misunderstand." another monk protested as

tension filled the air.

 

Giles stepped forward. A glint of something wild in

his eyes made the third monk take a step back. "Well

make us understand."

 

The first one continued. "Life. We can restore it,

create it and change it but not undo it. We cannot

kill it. We can separate the Key from the girl. It is

simple; now that the abomination is gone we can do it.

It will take only seconds."

 

"Really?" Dawn said quickly. "Do it!"

 

"No! You don't know the consequences." Giles said

sternly.

 

"Buffy died because of me. I don't think that anything

they do can be worse. Just do it. Please."

 

"Fine," Giles grumbled. He turned toward the leader.

"But if anything happens to her…"

 

The monk understood his intention. The other monks

nodded silently in understanding as they encircled

Dawn. They began to chant around her. Dawn felt weak

at the knees, her body suddenly feeling heavier with

each word. She collapsed to the ground crying in pain.

Giles stepped forward but Spike stopped him.

 

Dawn felt her body was being ripped in two. Her mind

felt fragmented as she screamed in pain. The sound of

the police sirens could be heard in the distance.

Suddenly, Dawn stopped moving as they continued to

chant, which frightened the group more than her

screams.

 

Everyone watched as a light green mist left Dawn's

body, and swirled into a perfect sphere, suspended in

the air. The monks took it and put it into a crafted

wooden box.

 

"She will be fine. The Key has been returned. The

Knights will no longer come." the leader spoke. The

three turned and looked at the two heroic young women

and left quickly into the thunderous morning.

 

* * *

 

The rain began to poor in seconds. Spike picked up

Dawn and Giles lifted Buffy's body gently. The

bruised, battered, and broken group left the site that

had witnessed their defeat and their triumph. They had

stopped the end of the earth as they knew it, but at

what cost?

 

They would soon find out.

 

* * *

 

Part 2 - 2 weeks later

 

Dawn made a point of not looking into Buffy's room as

she made her way downstairs for breakfast. The monks

had implied that it would take time for Buffy to be

fully restored, and although Dawn was glad that her

sister was back, she couldn't bear to see her lying

there, comatose. She just wanted her to wake up and be

Buffy again. Still, it would happen soon enough. Dawn

just wished they would hurry up.

 

As she crept downstairs, Dawn smiled as she saw

Spike's duster thrown carelessly over the arm of the

couch, which meant he'd returned safely from patrol.

She knew that he was more than capable of taking care

of himself, but she still worried. He hadn't been the

same since Buffy had been gone for those few seemingly

endless minutes, and he was still recovering from the

wounds he'd received at Doc's hands. Dawn shuddered at

the memory. Spike could quite easily have been the one

who was killed that night. If he'd fallen on any of

the wooden construction material, he'd have been dust.

Dawn shook her head, trying to banish the images from

her mind. Spike was still among the unliving, and

Buffy would be back with them soon too. She walked

into the kitchen to get some breakfast and that was

when she heard the moan.

 

It didn't take her long to realise that it was coming

from the basement…from Spike. She froze for a moment,

fear clutching at her heart, before she opened the

door to the basement and descended down the stairs.

When she reached the bottom, she squinted, her eyes

trying to adjust to the darkness. The small, and only,

window had been covered with a blanket, and it took

her a minute or so before she could make out Spike's

form lying on the cot they had set up for him. He

moaned again and shifted on the bed. Dawn walked over

and crouched at his side.

 

"Spike? Are you hurt?"

 

"Dawn..." The voice, which called her name, was rough

and sleep-filled.

 

"Yeah, it's me," she replied. "Are you OK?"

 

"No…get away from her…" Spike's voice was filled with

desperation and, as he began to toss and turn, Dawn

realised he was dreaming. She shook him.

 

"Spike?"

 

"No...Buffy...don't...." he pleaded, still caught in

his nightmare. Dawn shuddered; she knew exactly what

was happening. He was reliving what happened the night

Buffy died. She'd had the same dream herself and knew

how bad it was. She shook him harder.

 

"Spike, wake up."

 

"Please," he begged, his voice choked with tears.

"BUFFY!"

 

He jerked himself awake and shot bolt upright. Dawn

quickly sat on the bed and wrapped her arms around

him, stroking his hair and rocking him gently as he

shivered.

 

"Shh, it's OK."

 

"I couldn't save her," he whispered. "She asked me to

do one thing and I couldn't even get that right."

 

Dawn pulled back. "Spike, you know what happened to

Buffy wasn't your fault."

 

He snorted. "Yeah, because I stopped you from getting

cut and Buffy didn't die."

 

Dawn put on the sternest face she could. "It. Wasn't.

Your. Fault. Nobody blames you, not me and not Buffy.

I'm sure she'll tell you that herself when she wakes

up. Look, I have to go to school now. Try and go back

to sleep, just remember you did all you could and

that's all any of us could have asked."

 

She kissed his forehead and ran back upstairs. When

she was out of sight, Spike sighed. "But it wasn't

enough."

 

* * *

 

Part 3

 

"And what exactly are *you* doing here?" a voice asked

Buffy from behind.

 

She turned toward the voice to see two familiar faces.

 

"Jesse? Kendra?" Buffy asked as she moved toward the

couple.

 

"Yes, Buffy?" they both asked.

 

"I'm sorry that I couldn't save you when I had the

chance."

 

"It's kind of fate. You know." Jesse shrugged. "But,

hey, I finally got that hot girl I've always been

looking for." Jesse snuggled next to Kendra who

smiled.

 

"This is weird." Buffy whispered to herself.

 

"Not all that weird." a strong Irish accent blared

from behind her. "True happiness is found here. Love

is here."

 

"But where is here?"

 

"Here is where everything goes."

 

"Huh?"

 

"We have given you hints Buffy. Of your fate. But,

hey, you and me, champions to the end, huh." Doyle's

crystal blue eyes pierced hers. The warmth in that

look was familiar.

 

"I don't..."

 

"You never listened."

 

"About what?"

 

"'Little Miss Muffet'...'Counting down'...'730'...'be

back before Dawn'. Gosh, you never listened." Doyle

said, disappointed.

 

"Well, stop putting things in riddles and I might get

it." Buffy said, getting angry.

 

"Your chance at true happiness. We made it possible,

but you never took it." Doyle shook his head.

 

"Stop with the bloody riddles and just tell me."

 

"Ah ha! See? There. Bloody riddles. Jeesh, we could

have put a big neon sign above his head and you

wouldn't have seen it."

 

Buffy opened her mouth to speak but her mind suddenly

went blank. She felt numb with fear. The air suddenly

changed. His mood suddenly changed. She turned back to

see Doyle, Jesse and Kendra. They were very distant

but Buffy hadn't moved. She turned to see a face that

she had seen before.

 

"And now it's too late. You must come with me." Doc

said, grabbing her arm.

 

"No! She's not going with you!" Kendra yelled. "She is

going back. They called her back and she is going."

 

"Yeah, Kenny is right. She's going back." Jesse yelled

at Buffy. "Go before they get you."

 

"Huh? I don't understand. I'm lost. I don't..."

 

"Don't worry, darlin', he can't hurt you." Doyle

yelled.

 

"Go now before you're gone. Before all of you goes.

It's not too late. Find your way back." Kendra yelled.

Jesse and Doyle faded away.

 

"No, Buffy, you must come with me; it's already

starting. We need your soul. We need you to come with

me." Doc said calmly.

 

"No, Buffy, don't listen to him. Buffy, look into his

eyes. Please believe me. You were my sister. We fought

side by side. Remember me. Trust in me. Remember Mr.

Pointy. I gave him to you." Kendra cried and she never

cried.

 

Buffy looked into Doc's solid black eyes and screamed.

She ran back toward Kendra, but she was so far away.

Familiar voices filled her ears as she looked down

below to see herself.

 

"Please hurry, Buffy, before it's all gone. Before

they take everything." Kendra's voice sounded distant

in the dark haze the surround her. Buffy pounded the

barrier that suspended her above herself. She

continually pounded. Suddenly she forgot where she

was. But she knew what she must do. She pounded and

pounded and finally the barrier broke. She fell toward

herself and then everything went black.

 

* * *

 

Part 4

 

"Happy birthday, Dawn," Willow smiled as she handed

the teenager her gift. "It's from me and Tara."

 

"Thanks." Dawn smiled as the two witches entered the

house. They were the last. Giles, Xander and Anya were

already there. As the two girls sat down, Dawn

realised that this was the first time they'd all been

together since the battle with Glory. She wished Spike

would hurry back; he'd arranged this after all. Dawn

had casually mentioned it was her birthday and when he

asked her what she wanted, she'd told him that she

wanted the gang back together, even if it was just for

one night. They were all so busy these days. Xander

and Anya were preparing for the wedding, Giles had the

shop to run, and Willow and Tara were making up for

lost time. She still saw them all; they'd often come

and visit her and sit with Buffy for a while. But they

were never all together like this.

 

Dawn glanced at the front door; Spike had insisted on

patrolling. He told her he'd just do a quick one, and

he'd be back before the end of the party. Buffy

wouldn't want it unchecked. It was always about Buffy.

 

"So, Dawnster," said Xander. "Do you feel all old

now?"

 

She forced a smile. Everyone was trying so hard to act

normal, but they were all refusing to talk about

Buffy. You could cut the tension in the air with a

knife. "I guess," she replied. "Wow. I'm fifteen now.

Buffy was this age when she started Slaying."

 

She regretted the words before they'd even left her

mouth. She really wished Spike was here. Silence fell

over the room and Willow looked as though she was

about to cry.

 

"Yes," said Giles softly. "She was."

 

"How is Buffy anyway?" Xander asked, realising that

now the subject had been mentioned, there was no

escaping it.

 

"The same," Dawn replied. "I know the monks said it

would take time, but should it be taking this long?

It's been three weeks."

 

"This has never happened before. There's no way we can

know what to expect." Giles explained patiently. He

understood her frustration all too well. They all felt

it.

 

Dawn stood up. "I'm going to go and check on her

quickly; see if there's any change."

 

They all nodded and she disappeared upstairs.

 

* * *

 

Dawn gently pushed the door to Buffy's room open and

stepped inside. Her sister lay in bed, the same as

ever. Dawn studied her face closely. She looked

peaceful and the colour had returned to her cheeks,

which meant she was obviously getting stronger. Dawn

was sure it would only be a matter of time before

Buffy woke up and everything went back to the way it

was. She knew the others thought what had happened to

Buffy was her fault. They didn't say it of course, but

she knew they felt it. The only one who didn't was

Spike; and that was only because he blamed himself.

 

She wished she could explain to them what it had been

like up on that tower. How she had been willing to end

her own life in order to close the portal but that

Buffy had stopped her. Buffy had seemed so calm when

she told her what she was going to do, almost happy

that it was all going to be over. Maybe Dawn should

have insisted more, forced Buffy to step aside, but

she'd been so scared.

 

Dawn was jolted from her thoughts as she heard a noise

coming from the bed. She looked down at Buffy and her

breath caught in her throat. Buffy's eyes were

flickering beneath the lids.

 

"Buffy?" she whispered, not daring to hope that she

might be waking up.

 

Buffy's senses assaulted her all at once. Her blood

pounded in her ears, the air pricked at her skin and

every breath she took burned her throat. All she knew

was that she had to get through this 'birthing pain'.

That there was somewhere she was meant to be. She

forced her eyes open, despite the fact that the light

stung them. She blinked past it and her vision focused

on a young girl. She must only have been in her early

to mid teens and she had a huge grin plastered on her

face.

 

"Buffy! You're awake."

 

Buffy? She was pretty sure that was her name, but she

had no idea who this girl was.

 

"I'm going to get the others!" the girl said

excitedly. "They'll be so happy you're awake."

 

Others? This didn't sound good, she needed to collect

her thoughts and figure out what was going on and why

she didn't know this girl when she apparently should.

 

The door opened again and a whole group of people

filed in, looking at her expectantly. Buffy looked at

them each in turn, hoping that one of them would be

more familiar to her than the other girl had been. The

first to approach the bed was a girl with red hair;

she had tears in her eyes as she pulled her into a

hug.

 

"I'm so glad you're all right." she whispered. Buffy

hugged her back, unsure what else to do.

 

The hugging process was repeated by the rest of the

group. Another girl who seemed to be close to the

redhead, a young man who looked to be the same age as

the others, and another girl who was obviously the

young man's girlfriend, judging by the way she clung

to him. Finally a much older man…her father maybe. She

didn't know.

 

"We'll leave you to rest now." said the older man and

he coaxed the rest of the group out of the room, save

the young girl who sat on the edge of the bed.

 

"I know you're tired, but is it okay if I send Spike

up to see you when he gets back? He's been really

worried; we have all been."

 

I know someone called Spike? It sounds like a dog's

name. With a name like that she wasn't sure she wanted

to see him. The girl seemed oblivious to this.

 

"I'll just tell him to pop his head around the door.

If you're asleep or too tired he can always come back

later. I'll let you rest now."

 

The girl left and Buffy sank back into the pillow,

feeling drained from the whole thing. This was

definitely not good. She couldn't remember anything or

anyone.

 

* * *

 

Part 5

 

After everyone left, Buffy sat still in total

confusion and shock. Why couldn't she remember these

people, especially after they had all looked at her so

tenderly and lovingly? Her brain was on overload with

questions, but all she wanted to do was get into a hot

shower. Maybe, she thought, it would help her clear up

her memories.

 

She stood on shaky legs. They were stiff and felt like

rubber. She sat back down quickly as the feeling

slowly came back to her legs. It took her nearly

twenty minutes to find her underwear drawer and

something suitable to wear. She left her bedroom,

hearing the cluttered and excited voices downstairs.

She knew that they were talking about her and all she

wanted to do get away from them. She was nearly

exhausted just looking into every room trying to find

the bathroom. When she finally found it at the end of

the hall she breathed a sigh of relief and turned on

the shower at full blast.

 

* * *

 

Spike could hear all the noise and excitement as

brought in Dawn's present from the kitchen door. He

set down the bowed box and walked into the room. He

knew that Dawn thought the other presents he gave her

were it, but he had decided to get her one more thing.

He smiled knowing that she would be all giddy.

 

He walked into the room and saw the gang and Dawn

sitting all on an emotional high. He slowly observed

the gangs smiling faces and wished that Buffy could be

awake to see them.

 

Dawn turned to see Spike and large pink box. She

gushed as she saw the present and his slight smile.

Spike saw the tears in Dawn's eyes and knew of the

only thing that could make her cry and be happy at the

same time. The room went silent. Dawn just looked at

Spike and he just knew. Buffy was awake. His vampiric

senses could hear the water running and the pipes of

the house working.

 

"Buffy?" he whispered. The smile that appeared on

Willow's face confirmed it. He nearly dropped the box,

but took a deep breath. Dawn grabbed the box from his

hands; it was actually very light. She set it on the

ground and opened the top to see a small figure with

large green eyes inside staring up at her. Dawn

screamed in excitement as the creature jumped out at

her. The gang watched and laughed. As soon as the

beast stopped its assault and she jumped up and kissed

Spike on the cheek. The playful animal jumped into

Anya's lap who cried out in terror.

 

"It's fuzzy, like a bunny. It's a bunny with longer

legs." Anya shrieked. Everyone groaned at Anya and

Tara took the small grey kitten out of her lap.

 

"Go and see her; I know you want to." Dawn whispered

into his ear. Spike kissed the top of her head and

then bolted up the stairs taking them two at a time.

 

* * *

 

He knocked on the door twice before he opened it

slowly. He saw Buffy standing in front of her dresser

mirror looking at herself, her hair still damp from

the shower and wearing a dark blue T-shirt and shorts

 

She looked up at him, her eyes large and round. She

didn't know what to expect from this guy. Who the hell

was he? Buffy blinked and they looked at the pain and

happiness the appeared evident on his sculpted face.

 

"Buffy." he gasped as he rushed toward her and grabbed

her in a strong embrace.

 

Buffy stood still as the leather-draped strange held

her. Her arms slowly reached around him underneath the

coat and returned the embrace. Spike reveled in the

warmth of her skin and smell of her that was all too

familiar. Tears sprang to his eyes. Her arms

surrounding his body and the small sigh that she made

in his arms was definitely something he noticed, but

when her thumbs began to move in a stroking motion on

the thin material of his shirt, he knew this was not

something Buffy would do. At least not with him.

 

"Buffy?" Spike asked as he abruptly pulled away. The

tears still blinded him, but they weren't threatening

to spill. He looked at her face and then looked down

and then his eyes trapped her in a soul-searching

stare. Something wasn't right.

 

Buffy felt naked in his gaze. She saw the tears in his

eyes wanted to comfort this stranger but she knew that

he was sensing something was off about her. "Buffy?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"What do you remember about what happened to you?"

Spike asked, his eyes never leaving her face. He

watched every line that played on her face as she

tried to remember. She opened her mouth to speak but

nothing came out.

 

"Ok, something easier then, pet. Who am I?" Spike

asked.

 

What had the cute, brown-haired girl said? Something

that sounded like a dog's name…Spud, Sp…, Sp…, Spike.

That's who he must be. Spike. "Spike! You're Spike."

 

"Fine then, Buffy…What am I?" Spike asked, knowing

that she wasn't going to answer this question right.

 

"You're a guy. A very cute guy?" Buffy smiled and then

blushed.

 

Spike closed his eyes and swallowed hard. Obviously

Buffy deciphered that was the wrong answer from his

reaction. He walked her toward the bed and sat her

down. Buffy felt a wave of panic. She knew that he

knew. She doesn't remember anything about anyone of

the people in this house not even herself, he said to

himself. Spike could hear her heart accelerate.

 

"What do you remember, Buffy." Spike asked, kneeling

in front of her. He looked into her hazel eyes and

waited for an answer. He prayed she was only missing a

year, but not everything. Since he had only met her

three years ago, maybe she'd only lost part of her

memory.

 

She looked down at the gentle soul before her, not

even knowing that he no longer had one, as he waited

for her answer. "Nothing really. I don't know who any

of those people are, or where I am. Or who you are."

Buffy took a shaky breath before she continued. " Or

how old I am or what my full name is."

 

"Why didn't you say something, luv? Those people would

have helped you; they love you. They are your friends

and your sister, Dawn. She'd still be here with you."

 

"I don't want them here. All of them looking at me and

feeling sorry for me, and they were so relieved to see

me." Buffy felt a tear stream down her face. Spike

quickly brushed it, leaned up and hugged her. Buffy

began to sob into his chest. Her body trembled in

exhaustion and fear of the unknown. Buffy looked up at

him with her tired eyes. "You can't tell them, please.

I don't want them to worry. They seemed so happy and

if they knew…"

 

"But you need to know them again; they are like your

family. They would want to help you."

 

"No, please give me a chance to put my life back

together. Please. I'm begging you. This is bad enough

having a life with people who know and love you, and

you don't know anything about them." She wiped the

tears off of her face.

 

Spike could hear her stomach growl. "Ok, pet, you need

something to eat."

 

Buffy face turned a shade of red, and chuckled

slightly. "Yeah, I guess."

 

"All right, luv. I'll help you with you memories as

much as I can. And we better start tonight. Those

people down there are your friends. The dark haired

boy is Xander, and the appendage on his hip is Anya.

The redhead is Willow, but you call her Will. And the

girl with her. The one with the broken arm, is Tara.

The older guy is..."

 

"Is he my father?" Buffy asked, confused.

 

"Hell, no!" Spike wondered if this was going to be a

good idea. "He's your Watcher."

 

"He watches me?" Buffy asked skeptically, wondering if

this Spike was off his rocker.

 

"Yes, I'll explain later. You call him Giles. He's

like you father but no blood relation. Just trust me.

Now the only one left is Dawn; that's your sister."

 

"The one with eyes like mine?" Buffy remembered

looking at the young girl.

 

"Yes, you call her Dawn and sometimes Dawnie. Today is

her birthday, just remember that."

 

"Kay. And you?"

 

"Well, as you guessed, I'm Spike, and you kind of like

me but you don't like me. We have an understanding.

Just pretend I'm like a new friend."

 

"You are." Buffy gave a half smile. Spike held her

hand and smiled back.

 

"Ok, you ready to go downstairs?"

 

"Yeah, lead me to your ship." Buffy smiled at her

joke.

 

Spike looked at her strangely and then shook his head

as he led her down stairs.

 

* * *

 

Dawn was still playing with her smoky-grey kitten when

Buffy and Spike descended the stairs. Everyone stopped

moving to see the couple.

 

"What are you doing up so soon, Buffy?" Giles stepped

in front of Spike to take Buffy's arm.

 

"I was hungry and definitely didn't want to spend the

rest of Dawnie's birthday in bed." Buffy said

cautiously and Spike nodded his head in approval.

 

"Good, Buffy, cause we were going to have some cake."

 

"Buffy, why don't you name the present Spike gave me."

Suddenly the kitten jumped into Buffy's lap and

snuggled its head against her belly.

 

"And it can't be Miss Kitty we have claimed that

name." Willow said proudly.

 

"Uhhhh, I have no clue," Buffy looked at Spike for

help. "It's up to you, Dawnie."

 

"Ok."

 

Anya and Tara came out with the birthday cake and

everyone had a very guarded conversation around Buffy

while Dawn tried not to bring up the events of the

last couple of weeks. It was extremely hard, but they

managed to survive the night. Buffy let everyone else

do the talking. She didn't find out too much

information except that Anya and Xander announced they

were engagement. Buffy also learned that Tara and

Willow were a couple. Other than that, nothing that

would blow the lid off of Buffy's secret came out that

night, but she realised as the night progressed that

she would need Spike's help to help her fill in the

enormous gaps of information that was gone.

 

* * *

 

Part 6

 

Spike peeked his head around Dawn's door and smiled;

she was tucked up in bed fast asleep with the kitten

curled up next to her. The others had left a while

ago, insisting they leave Buffy to rest, and after

sitting with Buffy for a while, Dawn had gone to bed

herself. The excitement of her birthday and having

Buffy back had exhausted her. Spike closed the door

and walked over to Buffy's room, tapping lightly on

the door before walking in. She was sitting on the

bed, just looking round at her room.

 

"Do you think they suspected anything?" she asked

worriedly.

 

Spike shook his head. "So, I'm guessing you want some

answers."

 

Buffy nodded.

 

"Alright, but let's go downstairs, I don't want to

wake Little Bit up."

 

Taking one last look around the room, which was

supposed to be hers and shuddering at the blank void

it presented, she followed Spike out of the room and

down the stairs.

 

He motioned for her to sit on the couch, but made no

move to sit himself. "Do you want anything to eat?

Something to drink?"

 

"Can I have some water, please?" she asked softly. The

politeness almost made him jump. This just wasn't

Buffy. Still, at least he was in a position to do all

he could to help get her back to the way she was. He

walked into the kitchen and as he filled a glass for

her he realised exactly what this situation meant. It

would be easy, dangerously easy, for him to create the

history he wanted her to have. He could tell her

anything, that they were dating, engaged, hell, he

could tell her they were married and she'd probably

believe him. But even as the thoughts entered his

mind, he knew he couldn't do it. Whatever lies he told

her would just take her one step further away from

being the Buffy he had fallen in love with. No matter

how much it pained him, or her; he was going to have

to be totally honest.

 

He walked back into the lounge and handed Buffy the

glass, which she accepted with a smile. He sat down in

the armchair.

 

"Before I start; I haven't known you as long as some

of your friends so there are going to be gaps in what

I tell you."

 

Buffy nodded. "I just hope what you tell me will

trigger something. This blank I'm getting; it can't be

permanent."

 

Spike said nothing for a moment, praying she was

right.

 

"A lot of the stuff I'm going tell you is going to

seem unreal. Feel free to ask questions at any point,

just believe that I'm telling the truth."

 

Buffy looked into his eyes, despite not remembering

anything about him, he made her feel surprisingly

safe. "I trust you."

 

Under any other circumstances, Spike would have been

overjoyed to hear those words coming from her lips.

But he knew the only reason she was saying it was

because she didn't know otherwise.

 

"Ok, this is going to take a few days I'd imagine. I

guess we'll start with the basics. Your name is Buffy

Summers...and you're a Vampire Slayer.

 

Buffy's eyes widened.

 

* * *

 

Buffy sat in the living room as Spike went up stairs

to have a shower. He had been right when he'd said the

story would be unreal. For the past few nights he'd

told her everything he knew about her, her friends and

her life. It had sounded like some kind of weird

fantasy novel. Vampires, demons, Gods, they were all

real, and she fought them...and loved them. Despite

the fear she felt at her lack of memories, she was

almost glad she couldn't remember Angel. From what

Spike had told her, it sounded as though their

relationship had been nothing but pain. Pain, she

could do without.

 

Yet despite it all, she still remembered nothing. She

knew it all, but only from Spike's stories. She didn't

feel it, not even a vague twinge of familiarity. Maybe

she was going to be like this forever; living a life

she didn't know and carrying a destiny she couldn't

use. What was the point of the stupid monks bringing

her back when she was no use to anyone? Not even

herself.

 

"Maybe it would be better if I'd stayed dead." she

muttered to herself.

 

"No! Don't ever say that. Don't even think it."

 

She jumped up from the couch and spun around. Spike

stood at the bottom of the stairs, his hair tousled.

He was wearing sweat pants and a T-shirt.

 

"I didn't hear you come down." she said, looking at

the floor.

 

"Obviously," Spike replied. "Now, what's all this daft

talk about wishing you were still dead?"

 

"It's not 'daft talk'." she snapped. "I'm no good to

anyone like this. I hate feeling this useless."

 

Spike walked over and cupped her chin in his hand,

forcing her to look at him.

 

"I won't lose you again," he said softly. "I'm going

to get you through this. If there's anything you want,

anything I can do, you just ask me."

 

She looked thoughtful for a minute.

 

"There is one thing." she said carefully

 

"What's that?" Spike asked. At this stage he was

willing to do anything.

 

"I want you to teach me how to be The Slayer again."

 

* * *

 

It was a little after sundown when Buffy and Spike

went to pick up Dawn. They walked side by side in

silence for most of the trip until finally Buffy broke

the silence.

 

"I'm kind of nervous."

 

"About what, pet? Seeing your chums again. You've seen

them since you've awakened," Spike had tried to

convince her over the last couple of days to change

her mind about telling the rest of the Scoobies, but

Buffy refused saying that they would only fuss and

that she couldn't handle that. "You should…"

 

"Don't say it, Spike. I don't want to talk about it. I

am not going to tell them. I can't." Buffy said

quietly.

 

"Ok, pet." He gently held her shoulder and looked at

the Slayer. They both inhaled deeply and exhaled at

the same time. They looked at each other and began to

laugh.

 

* * *

 

Xander looked strangely at the couple as they walked

through the door, laughing and smiling. He was

beginning to wonder when Buffy would have the heart to

kick Spike out.

 

"Hey, guys!" Buffy said looking at Xander, Willow and

Anya. Dawn scurried from the back room and grabbed her

school bag. She was nearly ecstatic to be going home

because of her new and still unnamed kitten.

 

"How is she?" Dawn asked, hurrying up Buffy and Spike

to go home.

 

"She is doing fine. But she needs a name, Nibblet."

Spike said. Buffy smiled at her younger sister. They

turned; ready to leave, but Giles stopped them.

 

"Buffy, I know that this is a bit soon after your

ordeal but I was thinking that we could resume your

training soon."

 

Buffy's face nearly drained of all of its blood as she

turned back toward Giles. Spike could see the utter

panic in her face. "Watcher, she just woke up and last

Friday. Give her a break; it's only been a week."

Spike sputtered.

 

"Yeah, Giles, talk about push much." Dawn huffed,

putting her hands on her hips.

 

"Giles, she just woke up she's probably sore and

stuff. Give her a break." Willow said, noticing that

Buffy looked kind of scared; something that Willow had

only seen once before and she didn't like it.

 

"Alright. Maybe in a week, but you can't neglect your

duties, Buffy." Giles replied.

 

Buffy smiled and gave a slight wave. "I'll see you

later, guys." She grabbed Spike's hand and led him and

Dawn out the door.

 

"Don't THEY look like a happy family." Anya said

softly, this statement received a look of death from

Xander and Giles.

 

Willow chuckled. "Come on guys, they went through a

lot, just like we did. And we can't say that Spike

doesn't care for Buffy. We all witnessed his grief

over her death." Willow was suddenly serious during

the last part. The room was silent for a minute and

then Tara walked in.

 

"That was Buffy, Spike and Dawn that just left,

right?" Tara asked, looking at the faces before her.

"They looked kind of cozy."

 

"True." Giles said, a bit concerned.

 

* * *

 

Part 7

 

Training at the Magic Box late at night was the only

way Spike could teach Buffy how to be a Slayer. Spike

was basically teaching her from scrap. He began with

punches and then went on to kicks and maneuvers.

Buffy caught on quickly on and by the fifth night they

were at Offence 101. They began with simple offensive

moves first, which Buffy got easily. It wasn't too

hard as she threw punches, her natural Slayer power

kicking in. She threw kicks and punches wildly and

Spike easily blocked all of them.

 

"Ok, I don't think this is working the way it's

suppose too." Spike said, a bit disappointed.

 

"What? Aren't I doing it right?"

 

"Yes, but you aren't hitting me. Buffy, I shouldn't be

able to block all of your hits. You need to pretend

that I am your enemy. That I am one of those vampires

who would kill you in a heartbeat."

 

"But I know that you won't."

 

Spike vamped out. Try this on for size, he thought as

he lunged at her. Buffy fell back screaming covering

her face she didn't want to see him like that. She

hated it ever since the first time that he showed her.

 

"Buffy?" Spike helped her off the ground and she still

refused to look at him. "Buffy, this is what you have

to face. You can't hide from it. It's part of me; I

can't hide from it either."

 

Buffy looked up at him. His amber eyes looked into

hers, his jagged teeth showing. Buffy pushed him back.

 

"Fine," Buffy said. "You wanna fight?"

 

"You know I want to." Spike smiled slightly but that

smile didn't last long. Buffy brought a full-out

assault on him; he couldn't block the fury that was

headed his way. Buffy's kicks and punches came at him

with a fury. Until he was pinned against the wall with

a stake pressed to his chest. He let his human facade

come back and looked at Buffy, her skin flushed, her

breathing heavy, and hands trembling. Ok, the last

part is not a good sign, Spike thought. He took her

hand into his and slowly moved the stake away from his

heart.

 

For a minute Buffy was lost in his gaze, and then he

quickly slid out from his position on the wall. Buffy

stood looking at the wall for a moment and then turned

to see, Spike charging at her. They were both knocked

to the ground. Buffy recovered, blocking his assault.

He grabbed her wrist and spun her around. She slammed

against the wall and chip blared in his head, but he

remained silent, biting his tongue. She turned around

shocked, her eyes opened wide. Spike descended on her

and she quickly maneuvered and snaked out from

underneath him. She tried to kick him in the groin but

he was ready for that one. Catching her off balance

slightly, he turned her around pressing her back

against his chest, it reminded him of the last

position he had the Chinese Slayer in during the Boxer

Rebellion before he sunk his teeth into her neck.

Spike needed to make this as real as possible. He kept

Buffy's hands wrapped herself and lowered his head to

her neck.

 

Buffy felt a rise of panic in the back of her mind.

Something screamed out for her to do something. She

waited until he was close enough and then snapped her

head back effectively hitting his nose. Spike

immediately let go of her and grabbed his nose,

howling in pain. Buffy then gave him a roundhouse kick

for good measure. Spike stumbled backward, cursing,

and toppled over the gymnastics beam, landing hard on

his back. His head missed the safety mat and slammed

against the hardwood floor and everything went black.

 

* * *

 

Buffy gasped when she realised what she'd done. Spike

was laying on the ground, his human face now showing

and his eyes closed.

 

"SPIKE!" Buffy screeched. She grabbed a towel and

lifted his head to put it under him. She grabbed her

water bottle and doused him with it.

 

Spike's eyes fluttered open and he observed the

concerned hazel eyes staring at him. "I think that

you're ready for patrol, pet." He sat up shakily.

 

"Sorry." Buffy said, even though she was feeling a

little bit proud of herself.

 

"Don't be sorry. You did great. I think that you are

ready for the big bad town called Sunnydale."

 

"I don't know whether I should be happy about that."

Buffy helped him off the ground as the two gathered

their stuff to go back home.

 

* * *

 

He looked out the window and sighed deeply into the

night's sky. In a few hours he would be back to

reclaim the woman that he loved.

 

"Hopefully. If she'll take me back."

 

"Pardon me, dear?" An eighty-year old woman asked him,

she had been asleep most of the trip but now she was

wide-awake.

 

"I was talking to myself."

 

"About a girl, I assume. Or it could be a man. This is

the twentieth-first century." she smiled.

 

"No, it's a girl." He smiled happily then frowned as

he remembered their last conversation. All of the

things that he had said and that she had said were

hateful and hurtful.

 

"What happened you two had a fight?"

 

"Yup. It was kind of my fault."

 

"It usually is the man's fault." The woman chuckled

and then looked at him. "I'm sorry, dear. Being

married for fifty-six years; I just know that men

cause the troubles."

 

The young man smiled. "You may be right. It's just

that I know things about her and I should have just

given her time. I just wanted too much too fast. And I

was angry that she couldn't give it."

 

"Don't worry, dear. How long has it been?"

 

"Nearly six months. I'm afraid that I am too late."

 

"No, six months are like a drop in the well. She

probably thinks about you a lot more than you think.

Have you called her?"

 

"No I was on a mission in Belize. I'm in the Army."

 

"Well, dear, I'm sure that she'll be pleased to see

you. How much can happen in six months?"

 

"You wouldn't believe me if I told what she go through

in six days let alone six months."

 

"By the way my name is Helen." She stuck out her hand

graciously and he took it.

 

"Riley." He shook her hand gently.

 

"So where exactly are you going Riley? Los Angeles?"

 

"Sunnydale."

 

* * *

 

"Buffy, I can't believe you are going to wear that

skirt. It is mega-short."

 

"That's that point, D. I plan to attract a lot of

attention tonight." Buffy said, smoothing over her

skirt and slipping on a black-beaded halter-top.

 

"D? Since when do you call me D? You sound like

Faith."

 

"Whatever." Buffy turned around pretending to look for

something. Faith? Spike had mentioned her briefly but

he didn't know much about her except that she did evil

things. Buffy picked up an object and looked at it.

 

"Ohhh," Dawn said. "Spike must have left that in

here." Dawn stretched over to grab the ring out of

Buffy's hand but stopped. "Reminiscing?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"About your engagement to Spike." Dawn smirked,

folding her arms in her patented way.

 

"Ou-our what?"

 

"Oh, come on, Buffy. Don't act like you don't

remember. Willow…the whole spell…you falling in love

with Spike. I even remember you coming over here,

bellowing at one in the morning after you got the

stuff for Giles to Mom about how much you loved him,

even though you didn't like him. And blah, blah, blah.

You were strung out over him."

 

"How did Mom take it?"

 

"Hello!! You were there!!! She was freaking. Mumbling

about 'another vampire'. It was cool and you were just

so happy telling her about Giles walking you down the

aisle and stuff. I don't think I ever saw Mom drink

that much alcohol in one gulp."

 

Buffy smiled, wishing that she could remember her

mother and that night, but it was a total blank. She

shook her head. Four eyes appeared in the doorway. Two

belonged to an adorable kitten and the other two

belonging to a handsome vampire.

 

"You ready to go, Buffy?" He looked at her and the

kitten dashed for Buffy entwining itself in her legs.

"You look good." Spike turned and left the doorway

 

Buffy looked down at herself, wondering if he thought

the outfit was too much. He didn't seem to like it.

Buffy briefly felt self-conscious and grabbed a dress

out of the closet.

 

"What are you doing?" Dawn asked grabbing the dress

out of her hands. "Get out!" Dawn shoved her sister

out of the door.

 

* * *

 

When they walked into The Bronze, they were two

leather-covered blondes. Spike was not in his usual

ensemble, he wore a dark green silk shirt with lose

fitting black leather pants.

 

"I still can't believe what D told me."

 

"What were you and Nibblet talking about, pet?" Spike

moved closer to her as they walked.

 

"Just about you and I."

 

"Huh? What about?"

 

"Our engagement."

 

Spike stopped dead in his tracks. There was so many

nights that he lay in his bed over the past year,

wishing that Willow would try another spell like that.

He remembered the feel of her on top of him, kissing

him, touching him. He laughed nervously. "That was a

spell. I guess Dawn told you."

 

"Yeah, she told me. But I'm wondering why you skimmed

over that part of your history playback." Buffy

grinned slyly as they walked into The Bronze.

 

* * *

 

"Let's go face the firing squad." Buffy took off her

jacket and Spike growled at the guys ogling Buffy.

 

"Pet, they are your friends."

 

Buffy sighed. "I know but…it's not the same,

obviously."

 

"They walked toward the table where Xander and Anya

were sitting. Xander made a face.

 

"If I didn't have this chip…" Spike grumbled and Buffy

laughed. The old Buffy would never have laughed at a

comment like that. Over the days he realized how

different this Buffy was from the old one. If anything

she seemed happier, at least after getting over the

whole Slayer shock. Buffy and Dawn actually talked

more, it had a lot to do with her memories but also

Spike knew it was something more. Spike had told her

everything about Dawn and their mother. She was glad

that Dawn was there to remind her of their mother.

 

"Spike?" He felt her small warm hand surround his. "Is

something wrong? You went quiet. You never go quiet."

 

"No, luv, everything is fine."

 

Xander looked at Anya, his mouth still formed in an O

and Anya scowled at him with a glare. Spike could have

sworn that he heard the whelp growl, which caused him

to laugh.

 

Buffy knew from Spike's description that they

shouldn't act coupley, and hell they weren't even a

couple. But the ex-Buffy was definitely not interested

in him, although she was civil to Spike; something she

couldn't understand. I must have been blind, Buffy

thought to herself, looking at Spike standing next to

her.

 

Buffy suspected something else was there but she

didn't push. Spike had all but confessed his love to

her the night she awoke with just one look.

 

He sat down in the far chair and Buffy sat down next

to him.

 

"So, Anya how was the market today? I saw the Nortel

took a dive today."

 

"Yes, well, I sold it a long time ago but thanks for

your concern."

 

* * *

 

Riley wanted to surprise Buffy. He figured that he'd

catch her patrolling or at home, but instead her saw

her walking into The Bronze with Spike. They look

friendly, he first thought. But now he was angry,

remembering why he left, because he knew deep down

that Spike was right and tonight just proved it. He

left and Spike won. He really couldn't believe that

Buffy was actually going out with Spike. He saw Xander

get up abruptly and walk toward the bar with Anya in

tow. Riley ducked out of sight but not out of earshot.

 

"What the hell is Buffy doing here with him?" Xander

grumbled after ordering a beer.

 

"I dunno." Anya said, looking back at the couple. She

liked this Buffy; she was fun and liked to hear her

stories about money.

 

"Ever since you know…she's been all weird. She's with

Spike, like, all the time."

 

"What are you trying to say, Xander?"

 

"Well, maybe he did something to her." He looked back

over at Buffy and Spike who were talking. "I still

have the warped image of the two of them having hot

monkey-sex in the cemetery."

 

Riley nearly dropped his beer as his heart sank.

 

Xander continued. "I mean, Buffy might not have hated

Spike, but the fact that he's living there still; she,

you know, had major injuries after what happened, she

still might be weak and he's, like, preying on her."

 

"Xander, Buffy is not being preyed on by Spike. And

the cemetery, well, we know the whole reason for

that."

 

"Yeah, but there has been a lot of hocus-pocus during

the whole Glory episode and maybe he did something to

her. I mean she loved Riley and he left. You know that

Anya. I mean Buffy's been through a lot. Losing her

Mom and almost losing Dawn. I don't think she knows

what she's doing. I *really* don't know what she's

doing."

 

"Getting you all bothered over nothing, Xander. I mean

sure some of the things that Spike did over the last

couple of months have been bad, but he also helped

Buffy too. I just think that Buffy might have a new

lease on life. Don't fault her for it, Xander. You

fell in love with a demon."

 

"Ex-demon." he corrected.

 

"Same diff." Anya replied dragging him back to the

table where Willow and Tara joined them.

 

* * *

 

Riley stood in total shock, he wanted to strangle

himself and now he wanted to strangle Spike for taking

advantage of Buffy.

 

"Xander was right. It has to be a spell." he said to

himself as he left The Bronze

 

* * *

 

Part 8

 

"I don't know if this is such a good idea." said Buffy

nervously as she and Spike walked towards the

cemetery. "What if I'm not ready? What if we come up

against a demon you've never seen before? What if--"

 

"Bloody hell, woman, you're wearing me out with all

these questions." Spike replied good-naturedly. He

knew she was nervous about their first patrol; it was

to be expected. "You'll be fine, I'll be there to back

you up if you need me…which you won't."

 

Buffy smiled. Somehow she always felt more confident

when Spike was with her. "Ok, let's do it."

 

They pushed open the cemetery gates and walked in,

both armed with stakes and Spike walking a few paces

behind her. He'd picked a cemetery which was less

active than most of the others. He wanted to ease

Buffy in to the slaying gently.

 

"Just relax, pet, and think of everything we did in

training."

 

Taking a deep breath Buffy raised her head and walked

ahead. Spike stayed back but made sure he kept her in

sight. Once they got through this first patrol he was

pretty sure everything would be okay. He hoped, at

least.

 

As Buffy walked, she did what Spike advised and used

her senses. She may not have been able to remember

being the Slayer, but it was still inside her. Sure

enough she did feel something, and it wasn't Spike.

She'd grown accustomed to the way he made her feel;

this was something completely different. After a

minute she saw him: a regular vamp, heading towards

the cemetery gate, obviously looking for a good feed.

It was now or never. She charged at the vamp, stake in

hand. Unfortunately he heard her and stepped to one

side, causing her to miss him completely. They faced

each other.

 

"Slayer? I heard you were in a coma."

 

She raised her stake. "I got better."

 

The vampire shrugged and lunged at her. They began to

fight.

 

>From a distance, Spike watched her appraisingly. Her

technique was a little sloppy but she seemed to be

getting the job done. She had the vamp on the

defensive and was raining kicks and punches down on

him. Spike smiled to himself; the Slayer was back.

 

Unfortunately, Buffy got a little too confident and

left a blind spot open. The vampire seized his

opportunity, grabbed her and hurled her into the side

of a nearby crypt. She dropped to the floor, stunned.

He picked up her dropped stake and took a step

forward.

 

"This time I'm going to make sure you stay dead." he

grinned.

 

Buffy felt the tears burn in her eyes, despite all her

previous thoughts, she didn't want to die. She was

scared.

 

The vampire moved in for the kill but was suddenly

tackled to the ground. Spike had decided to intervene.

He quickly managed to wrestle the stake from the

vampire and plunged it into its chest. He climbed to

his feet and hurried over to Buffy who was still on

the ground where she had fallen.

 

"You ok?" He asked. She was bleeding from a gash on

her temple but it didn't look too serious.

 

Buffy nodded; fear still etched on her face. Spike

offered her his hand. She accepted it and allowed him

to help her up. He frowned; he should never have

brought her out.

 

"We're going home." He said curtly before turning and

walking towards the gate, not even looking back to see

if she was following him. Buffy flinched at the

coldness in his voice. He'd never been anything other

than patient and gentle with her in the past, she

hated the idea that he was angry with her.

 

She ran after him and caught hold of his arm. He

stopped but didn't turn around.

 

"Spike." she said softly. "I'm sorry, please don't be

angry with me. I know I made a stupid mistake, it

won't happen again."

 

He slowly turned to face her and she was amazed to see

that there were tears in his eyes. "Angry at you?

Buffy, I could never be angry with you. I'm angry at

myself."

 

"What?" Buffy asked with surprise.

 

"I should never have rushed you into this. I was so

desperate to get the Slayer back that I nearly got you

killed. I couldn't live with myself if anything

happened to you."

 

A tear rolled down his cheek and Buffy reached up and

gently brushed it away. "It wasn't your fault. You've

been nothing but helpful since I woke up, and I never

thanked you for it."

 

She leant up and kissed him gently. "Thank you."

 

Pulling back she saw something new in his eyes,

something which went beyond what she'd seen in the

past. Now she saw longing. It was now or never, she

leant up to him again and kissed him once more, this

time with more feeling. This time Spike responded with

equal passion.

 

As they parted Buffy smiled. "I've wanted to do that

for a while now."

 

Spike was speechless. Buffy took his hand in hers and

together they left the cemetery. They didn't see the

figure watching them from the shadows, his face a mask

of pure hatred.

 

* * *

 

Part 9

 

Spike patrolled alone the next night. It was clear

that Buffy needed more training and she didn't want to

go just as much as he didn't want her to come. He

hated the idea of her being in danger. He'd promised

her he couldn't be out long, she was alone in the

house and they'd agreed to get a video or something

when he got back. She was desperately trying to get

some sort of normality in her life and he was doing

his best to help, even though living with a vampire

and a mystical Key was hardly normal.

 

He staked a couple of vampires and after scouting the

perimeter of the cemetery he decided it was enough and

began to walk back towards the gate. He stopped when a

figure moved out from the bushes. He raised his stake

and lowered it again when he saw who it was.

 

"Well, well, well. Look who's back from the deepest

beyond." he smirked.

 

"Shut up, Spike." Riley spat. "What the hell have you

done to Buffy?"

 

"Nothing."

 

"Don't pull that crap with me. I saw you with her last

night, in the cemetery. She kissed you!"

 

Spike resisted the urge to grin as he remembered the

kiss. "And? You've been gone six months, soldier-boy.

Did you really expect Buffy to sit around and brood

over you? She's not Angel, she moved on."

 

Riley snorted. "To you? I don't think so, there's no

way it would ever be you. You're beneath her."

 

Trying not to flinch at the words, Spike raised his

head. "If I'm so 'beneath her' then maybe you'd like

to explain why I moved in with her and Dawn over a

month ago."

 

Riley glared at him. "You've done something to her, I

know it. A spell. A curse. I'm going to find out what

it is. You just stay away from her and Dawn from now

on

 

Spike took a step forward. "What are you going to do?

Stake me with one of your little toy stakes again?"

 

"Thought I'd try the real thing this time." Riley

pulled a wooden stake out of his pocket and lunged at

Spike who dodged the blow quickly and wrenched his

wrist to let go of the stake, which cluttered to the

ground. The chip throbbed slightly but as soon as

Spike let go Riley's wrist he was fine.

 

"Tsk, tsk Riley, once bitten twice…" A swift uppercut

sent Spike back. He flew into the gate, denting it.

Spike looked up at Riley in pure shock.

 

"I can see someone's been taking their vitamins

again." Spike stood up, his back silently screaming.

He had two options: run or run faster. Spike shook

that thought out of his head just before Riley tackled

him. They rolled on the grass wrestling for dominance

and Spike threw Riley off of him.

 

"Give me a bloody break! You've been gone for months

and now you want to step back into her life like

nothing ever happened? Like stuff hasn't happened? I

was here when she needed someone and you weren't and

it eats you alive that she'd turn to me before you.

But the matter of fact is, Charlie; you don't fit in

around here anymore. You are out of the picture,

Riley. Hell, you aren't even in the same album. So,

take some advice from me and piss off. You have no

idea what's happened over the last couple of months

with Buffy."

 

"There is one thing I do know. I know that she'd never

want you. Not in her right mind, anyway. You did

something to her and now I'm going to do something to

you," Riley said, a sudden click in the air stopped

all logic that Spike could have talked to him about.

Spike stared at the barrel of the gun, well, actually

the silencer at the end of the gun. Riley smiled. "You

can't mess with Buffy like this. I know that you did

something to her. She'd never touch you with a

ten-foot pole. So, you are going to pay."

 

"For the love of God, man, you…" was all Spike could

get out before the first bullet tore through his

shoulder.

Spike looked down at the gaping wound as his blood

trickled out of it. "Bloody hell."

 

Before Spike could even recover from the shock,

another bullet tore into his abdomen. The third shot

hit his upper right arm effectively immobilizing it

and the fourth hit his inner thigh.

 

"Gosh, I'm getting rusty. That wasn't where I was

aiming for." Riley looked at the gun and decided fists

equal fun. He tossed the piece of metal near the bag

he brought and tackled the weakened vampire.

 

They rolled onto the paved path of the cemetery. Spike

got the upper hand with his good arm and punched Riley

back, sending rippling waves of pain through his

brain. Spike staggered backwards. Riley was on top of

him in a second and Spike's skull hit the concrete

hard, putting the vampire in a daze. Riley straddled

him and rained punches to Spike's face. Spike tried to

push off Riley but he was like a wild man and Spike's

body throbbed in pain. Riley stopped his assault when

he was sure that Spike's pretty little face wasn't so

pretty.

 

Then he felt the rage build in him again as images of

Spike and Buffy in bed together rolled into his mind.

He palmed Spike's mushy face with one hand and started

to bang his head into the concrete. He didn't care the

vampire was already unconscious he just wanted the

image to stop. And only when it did, did he stop.

 

Riley looked at the blood on his hands and then gazed

down at the bloody pulp on the floor. And gave the

limp figure a kick to the ribs.

 

Despite the thrill it would give him to stake Spike

right there, he'd lost the wooden weapon somewhere in

the scuffle. He glanced at his watch. The sun would be

up in a couple of hours, might as well let nature do

its job. He dealt Spike another kick to the ribs,

almost relishing in the sound of them breaking. He

then turned and headed home. As soon as morning came

he was going to the magic shop, at least now Sunnydale

had one less vampire to worry about.

 

* * *

 

Pain. That was the first thing Spike was aware of as

he slowly drifted back to consciousness. There wasn't

one part of his body that didn't hurt in some way.

After lying still for a few minutes, he decided that

opening his eyes might be a good idea. Unfortunately,

Riley had done a good job and he could barely open

them into thin slits. Still, it was enough for him to

be able to see that the sky was starting to lighten.

Dawn was approaching. He had to get out of there, but

he wasn't sure he could move. Several bones at least

were broken and if that included his legs, he was as

good as dust.

 

He slowly sat up, clenching his teeth as the pain of

his broken ribs knifed him. It was all he could do to

stop himself from screaming. Once the pain had eased a

little, he tried to move his legs. They hurt, but he

didn't think they were broken. Now, all he had to do

was stand. It wasn't as easy as it sounded. Somehow he

managed to push himself onto his feet and immediately

stumbled as the leg Riley had shot gave way. He caught

himself on a headstone and waited for a moment before

trying to stand again. He staggered towards the gate;

he had to make it out of here. For Buffy's sake.

 

* * *

 

He'd made it onto Buffy's street, falling only a

couple of times. Despite the fact that what little

strength he had was fading fast, he forced himself to

smile through the pain. Not far to go, he was going to

make it. The sky was a light shade of pink now; there

wasn't much time. He tried to quicken his pace a

little but that only caused him to stumble and drop to

his knees. He picked himself up and carried on. He

could see her house now, not far to go. He forced

himself to continue despite the fact his body was

calling out for rest.

 

He was in the garden, and his vision was fading. No!

Not now, not when I'm so close. Just a few more steps,

please. If I can just call out to Buffy. His legs gave

way and he was unconscious before he could even open

his mouth.

 

* * *

 

Although it was early, Buffy was sitting downstairs

reading her diaries. She'd found them when she'd been

exploring her room, trying to figure out where

everything was kept. Reading them was weird. Almost as

though she was reading about someone else's life and

not her own. Still, it was reassuring to see that what

she read had backed up what Spike had told her. It

wasn't that she didn't trust him; it was just nice to

have further proof of his story. It was more detailed

too; she was able to see how she had been feeling in

all the events that had taken place. The diaries also

filled the gaps that Spike had been unable to. She

still remembered nothing though, and that was the

frustrating thing.

 

She was distracted from her reading by the sound of a

crash coming from outside. She put down the diary and

picked up a stake. The sun was almost up, but it was

better to be safe. She opened the front door and

stepped onto the porch, the stake dropped from her

hand. Spike was lying face down on the lawn, just a

few feet from the house. For a split second she prayed

that he was drunk and had just passed out, but she

knew it was something much worse. She ran over to him

and rolled him onto his back.

 

"Oh my God." she whispered in horror. His face was

barely recognisable, just one big mass of cuts and

bruises. She was pretty sure his nose was broken and

he was bleeding from several chest wounds as well as

one on his arm and one on his leg. Ignoring the tears

pouring down her face, she lifted Spike into her arms

and carried him into the house.

 

* * *

 

Part 10

 

Carrying Spike up the stairs, she placed him gently on

her bed before running into the bathroom and pulling

out every single medical item she could find. She then

ran back into her room and sat at Spike's side. With

trembling hands she opened the first aid kit and

glanced back down at Spike. She had no idea where to

start, he'd taught her some basic first aid, but

nothing that would deal with wounds this serious.

Still, she had to do something.

 

As carefully as she could, she lifted him into a

sitting position and eased his duster off. Placing it

on the chair beside the bed, she realised that that

had been the easy part. Getting his shirt off was

going to be a completely different matter. In the end

she decided to solve the matter simply. She pulled a

small pair of scissors out of her drawer and cut the

shirt off.

 

The sight she was presented with made her feel

nauseous. He chest was literally drenched in blood,

pouring from the wounds, which were still bleeding.

She put her hand to her mouth and swallowed back the

taste of bile. What kind of demon could have done this

to him? She ran into the bathroom once more and filled

a bowl with warm water and a cloth. She carried it

back in and began to gently clean the blood from him.

She grimaced as the white cloth quickly turned red, as

did the water, but she didn't stop until he was clean.

She quickly placed some gauze pads over the holes and

taped them in place. She just hoped it would be

enough.

 

She then turned her attention to his arm; she cleaned

up the blood and wrapped a bandage tightly around it.

Finally she moved onto his leg. Her face flushed red

as she unbuckled his jeans and slid them off his legs

as carefully as she could. She was too sick with worry

to even think about being relieved that he wasn't

going completely au naturale. She just wanted him to

wake up and be ok.

 

Once she'd bandaged his leg wound and cleaned up his

face as best she could, she took the bowl and the

medical supplies back into the bathroom. It was then

that she heard him groan. She quickly hurried back

into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed beside

him.

 

"Spike?"

 

He opened his eyes as much as he could and saw Buffy

gazing worriedly down at him. He wanted to tell her

that he was ok, but instead he began to cough harshly,

his whole chest feeling as though it was on fire.

Buffy stared in alarm as a small trickle of blood ran

down his chin. He was obviously hurt even worse than

she had first thought. Once the coughing had stopped,

she wiped the blood from his chin. Then she began to

cry, it was all too much. She didn't know what to do.

She wanted so desperately to make him better but she

didn't know how. Spike reached out took her hand in

his, squeezing it weakly.

 

"Blood." he whispered, so quietly she barely heard

him.

 

Of course. Why hadn't she thought of that? Blood would

help him heal. She jumped to her feet, ran downstairs,

and quickly heated some blood in the microwave. Not

even bothering with a mug she took the three bags

upstairs and used the scissors to cut them open. She

then used one hand to raise his head and the other to

hold the bag to his lips. She didn't let go until he'd

drained all three bags, then she lowered his head back

to the pillow.

 

"Thanks." he whispered, before closing his eyes and

falling asleep. Buffy sat beside him for a while,

gently stroking his hair and praying that the blood

would be enough to heal him. She felt drained and

exhausted, and after a while she climbed into bed

beside him. She was careful not to touch him for fear

of hurting him but she stayed close in case he needed

her. Closing her eyes, she soon drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Part 11

 

Dawn got up early the next morning; Giles had asked

for some help in the shop and had even offered to pay

her, much to Anya's dismay. She'd agreed of course;

extra money was always a good thing. She passed

Buffy's closed door and assumed her sister was still

asleep. She decided not to disturb her. She made

herself some toast for breakfast and then headed out.

 

Arriving at the shop, she discovered that Giles and

Anya weren't the only ones there. Xander had decided

to spend the day with Anya, and Willow and Tara were

picking up ingredients for a spell.

 

"I just don't get why he's still there," Xander

argued, not hearing Dawn come in. "It's not like he's

needed anymore."

 

"Agreed," replied Giles. "She seems to be spending an

awful lot of time with him. We've barely seen her

since…it happened."

 

"Come on, guys," said Willow. "You saw how devastated

Spike was when we lost Buffy. He really does love

her."

 

"That's what concerns me," said Giles dryly. "With all

this time she's spending with him, we could very well

end up with another Angel situation on our hands. I

don't think that would be good for her."

 

"And I suppose we don't get a say in this?" Dawn asked

with annoyance. "Perhaps me and Buffy like having

Spike in the house. I can't believe you guys want him

out after everything he's done for me, for all of us.

No one asked him to patrol while Buffy was asleep; he

just did it. No one asked him to look after me either.

I know he's a vampire but he's always looked out for

me, even when it had nothing to do with Buffy."

 

Giles took on his fatherly tone, which she hated.

"Dawn, I realise that you're fond of Spike, and we do

appreciate everything he's done, but we just feel that

perhaps a little distance is needed. We're not asking

him to leave town or anything like that, just to move

back into his crypt."

 

"He can't live there!" Dawn exclaimed. "It's cold, has

no electricity and it hasn't even got a bed."

 

"Come on, Dawnster," Xander tried to reason. "Spike

lived in that crypt for two years; I think he can

cope."

 

Dawn opened her mouth to argue back when she saw the

door open. Her jaw dropped. Everyone else looked over

to where she was staring and their expressions soon

matched her own.

 

Riley stood uncomfortably. He'd wanted to talk to

Giles in private and hadn't expected to see the whole

gang here. After a minute Xander stepped forward.

 

"Riley! It's good to see you. When did you get back?"

 

"A few days ago." He replied.

 

"That's great! Have you seen Buffy? Does she know

you're here?"

 

Riley shook his head. "That's why I came here. I think

there's something wrong with Buffy. I think Spike did

something to her."

 

Everyone immediately looked concerned with the

exception of Dawn who just stared at him in disbelief.

 

"Spike would never hurt Buffy!" she exclaimed.

 

Giles stepped forward, eyeing the young soldier

coldly. "Perhaps you should explain exactly what you

mean. I find it hard to believe that Spike would harm

Buffy. Your government chip sees to that." Dear God!

He thought to himself. I'm defending Spike here.

 

"I don't mean he's hurt her physically." he explained.

"But he's done something to her. I saw them together

in the cemetery the other night. She kissed him."

 

"Are you sure?" Giles asked with disbelief.

 

"I know what I saw." Riley replied firmly.

 

Dawn smiled to herself. It was about time Buffy

realised how perfect Spike was for her.

 

"I think Spike must have cast some sort of spell on

her. There's no way she'd go near him."

 

Willow stepped forward. "Riley, a lot has happened

since you left. It might not be a spell you know.

Things have changed."

 

"I agree." said Giles. "But we have noticed some

unusual behaviour in Buffy. Perhaps we should talk to

Spike about this."

 

"It's too late for that." Riley said quietly.

 

Everyone looked puzzled.

 

"What do you mean?" asked Anya.

 

Dawn was the first to realise what Riley was implying.

She grabbed hold of his arm.

 

"What did you do to him?" she asked dangerously.

 

When Riley didn't answer, she let go of his arm and

ran out of the door, heading for home. When she was

gone Riley looked back at the others.

 

"Would someone mind telling me what happened while I

was gone?"

 

* * *

 

Dawn threw open the front door to the house, not

caring how loudly it banged.

 

"SPIKE?" she screamed frantically.

 

Nothing.

 

She ran down into the basement and saw that his bed

was empty. Tears began to burn in her eyes as she ran

back up the stairs and up to Buffy's room. She threw

open the door and ran in.

 

"Buffy, Spike's--"

 

She stopped and her eyes widened when she saw the

bruised and bloodied vampire lying in Buffy's bed.

Buffy was sitting beside him, holding a mug of blood

to his lips.

 

"Oh, Spike." Dawn whispered as she walked over to the

bed and knelt at his side. Spike finished drinking and

gave her a weak smile.

 

"Hey Little Bit." he croaked

 

His chest, arm and leg were bandaged and his face was

badly swollen. He looked worse than he had when Glory

had tortured him. She began to cry. Spike brushed the

tears away from her eyes.

 

"Come on, now, we'll have none of that."

 

Buffy moved up on the bed, allowing Dawn to sit beside

Spike. She reached out and stroked his hair.

 

"I can't believe he did this to you." she said softly.

 

Buffy's head snapped up. "You know who did this?"

 

Dawn nodded. "Riley showed up at the shop. He didn't

say what he'd done, just that it was too late for us

to talk to Spike. I figured he must have done

something, that's why I came home."

 

Buffy stood up, her voice deadly cold. "Is he still

there?"

 

Dawn nodded.

 

"I'm going over there." Buffy continued in her icy

tone. "Keep an eye on Spike till I get back. There's

blood in the fridge but he should try and sleep."

 

Before either of them could utter another word she

strode out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

 

* * *

 

Part 12

 

Riley listened intently as the gang filled him in the

past event of the last six months and couldn't believe

what he was hearing. Xander and Giles told him

everything and Willow added in her comments here and

there.

 

"Joyce is dead? I can't believe it?" Riley gasped and

then felt completely guilty because he wasn't there

for Buffy.

 

"Yup, and everything began to fall apart after that.

Glory tortured Spike; almost killed him. But he didn't

squeal about Dawn for Buffy's and Dawn's sake."

Riley's head snapped up at the mention of Spike's

name, Xander continued. " Tara got brain-sucked by

Glory."

 

Tara cringed at the thought and Willow grabbed her

hand re-assuredly.

 

"And then Glory found out that Dawn was the key and

then we were on the run."

 

"And Spike helped us out a lot," Willow inserted,

getting a glare from Riley. Willow was getting tired

of Riley fast. "What the hell do you know? I lost my

best friend a month ago only to have her come back as

a vegetable for weeks. We had no clue whether she'd

wake up or not." Looking at Riley's statement of shook

she continued, getting angrier by the second. "Yes,

Buffy died. She closed the portal after a Doc cut Dawn

open and bled her into the sky so I'm so sorry, Riley,

that you don't have the same old Buffy. Shit happens.

She died, monks brought her back to life and Spike has

been helping her out ever since. And even if Buffy did

kiss Spike so what?"

 

"Something is wrong with her, that's what."

 

"I think Riley maybe right. If Buffy kissed Spike, no

matter what has happened I don't think that she would

have feelings for him she has made it very clear."

Giles said concerned.

 

"Hello? Two people…"

 

"He's not a person." Riley corrected Willow. She

sighed, throwing her hands in the air and sat down in

a chair.

 

"Come on, Will; he's right." Xander agreed. "She's

been acting weird lately. Ever since…"

 

"Her rebirth." Anya finished.

 

"Yes, Anya. Her rebirth." Xander held Anya close to

him and kissed her cheek. "Willow she's been avoiding

us and when we see her, she barely says a word unless

it's about Spike or Dawn. Remember when Angel called

you. He said that she was kind of edgy when he talked

to her. And Giles and her training. She has been

avoiding that like the plague. She barely patrols

anymore and when she does Spike seems to be by her

side constantly. I think Riley could be right."

 

Suddenly the Magic shop door burst open as Buffy

stormed into the store. Riley's statement softened as

he watched her flowing blond hair flutter around her

shoulders, her small frame exuding energy and power.

 

Buffy smiled as she approached Riley who immediately

brought down his guard, he thought he was the biggest

idiot not trying to work it out with her and for

leaving so soon.

 

"Riley?" Buffy asked as she looked at the hulking

figure in front of her.

 

"Buffy!" Riley smiled as he looked down at his first

love. Her hazel eyes looked back up at him. She looked

up at him lovingly and he nearly melted. Then the

surprise and warmth in her eyes turned to sudden

hatred. And before he knew what happened he was

reeling from the hardest slap to the face that he ever

felt. His head snapped back with such force that his

neck cracked. He brought his hand to his face and

realised that his nose was bleeding.

 

"Buffy!" Giles exclaimed as the Scoobies watched in

shock.

 

"What, Giles? That's just the start." Buffy reeled

back her hand for another blow but Riley saw that

coming and Buffy knew that he'd counter this and that

he would leave open a vulnerable spot instead. She

kneed him in the groin and punched him hard in the

face. Riley went down like a sack of potatoes. Xander

grabbed Buffy's hand before she could land another

blow to Riley. Giles rushed to Riley's side and Willow

rushed to Buffy's.

 

"What is going on?" Giles asked Buffy angrily.

 

"Why don't you ask him? Ask him what he did to Spike.

Ask him what he did to someone who was unable to

protect himself against him. He's an animal. I can't

believe I used to go out with you." Buffy shrieked her

hands shaking with rage.

 

"Buffy…" Riley sputtered out a trail of blood leaving

his split lip. "He's done something to you…a spell.

Something."

 

"Spike has done nothing to me." Buffy yelled, lunging

for the soldier again but Xander grabbed her waist,

dragging her back toward the table. Tara and Anya

stared at the Slayer in disbelief.

 

"Riley, what happened to Spike?" Willow asked.

 

"I-I…" Riley searched Buffy's face and saw the

loathing in her eyes.

 

"He beat him senseless, shot him even though he knew

it wouldn't kill him and then left him for the sun. If

I hadn't found him lying unconscious on our lawn he'd

be dust right now."

 

"He's done something to you; I saw you kissing him."

 

"So what? You don't have a claim on me." Buffy stated

the obvious.

 

"Buffster, what is going on with you and Spike?" Buffy

spun around to face Xander who had let her go finally.

 

"Nothing is going on with me and Spike. He's not my

enemy or yours." The Slayer looked at the gang.

 

"Buffy, you've been acting weird ever since…" Xander

never knew the right word to say and Anya always had

to say something.

 

"Your awakening," Anya said and then whispered to

Tara. "He has issues."

 

Tara looked at Anya strangely, and nodded in

agreement.

 

"Weird? I have not," Buffy began to feel a little

panicky at this point; they had been talking about

her. "I'm the same old Buffy."

 

"You are but…" Willow whispered. Buffy looked at her

best friend. "We don't do 'Espresso Wednesdays'

anymore when you and I talk about everything. You are

rarely at the shop. I mean, Buffy, you just kind of

left us high and dry and I understand that things have

changed since…but you used to talk to me about

everything, and now you don't. Even after your…"

Willow, like Xander, choked on those words every time

they were supposed to some out. "You never came and

talked to me about it."

 

"Willow there was nothing to talk about. It was

something that happened." Buffy tried to assure, but

the tears in Willow's eyes brought tears to her own.

 

"I'm sorry, but after what you said to Dawn on the

tower I thought…" Willow looked at Buffy's face. She

observed the Slayer's searching glance as if trying to

recall the event and she instantly knew. Giles also

looked up at Buffy and could see the confusion marring

the Slayer's face.

 

Buffy's breathing began to quicken and Willow watched

as her chest heaved up and down in panic, and Willow

knew it was much deeper. "What do you remember, Buffy?

About everything? About all of us? About your life?"

 

"I know that you are my best friend, Giles is my

Watcher, all the rest, Willow." Buffy replied.

 

"Fine, what's Xander's middle name?

 

Buffy stared blankly for a sec and Willow continued.

 

"What does Faith look like? Who is Kendra? Kakistos?

Sid? Nancy? Jonathan? Sunday? Kathy?"

 

Some of the names seemed vaguely familiar but she

couldn't think of all of the people whose names were

shooting at her.

 

"Buffy?" Giles asked as Riley sat down in the chair

with a towel that Anya had brought holding it to his

lips. "Buffy what do you remember?"

 

"I…I remember everything. What kind of question is

that?" Buffy laughed nervously, looking at the

accusing eyes that stared at her.

 

"Fine." Xander said. "What did I tell you the night

Riley left?"

 

Buffy was a complete blank for the last question. And

now they all knew.

 

"Buffy?" Willow stepped in front of her best friend

and held her shoulders. Buffy continued to stare at

the ground. And then finally drew her eyes up to

Willow. Tears threatened to spill from the brims as

she looked sadly into her best friend's eyes.

 

"Willow, I…" Buffy choked on the words as her best

friend hugged her tightly. "I don't remember anything.

When I woke up I didn't know who any of you were and I

was scared. An-and Spike knew as soon as he saw me

that something was wrong and I begged him to help me.

I didn't want you know. I wanted to remember on my own

and I trusted him."

 

"You should have come to us, Buffy." Willow whispered

in her ear.

 

"But I trusted Spike and he told me to tell you guys,

but the looks on your faces when I first saw you…I

didn't want to disappoint you. I just couldn't…" Buffy

cried on Willow's shoulder.

 

Riley got up painfully and walked over to Buffy and

gently put his hand on her shaking shoulder. Willow

quickly let go of her friend. Buffy turned expecting

to see Giles or Xander but instead she saw Riley and

her face instantly went cold. Riley flinched before he

started. "Buffy, we can help you remember things that

Spike doesn't know about. He probably only told you

stuff that he thought you should know and he probably

tainted a lot of it."

 

"Spike told me everything he knows about me and that

he did." Giles and Xander both looked skeptical at her

about that. "He told me about Angel and you. And the

reason we broke up" She looked at Riley. "About the

Buffy-bot, about parent-teacher night, him kidnapping

Xander and Willow, him trying to kill me a couple

dozen times, Adam, his chip, Glory, and everything

that he could. The good, the bad and the uglies…and,

yes, I know he loves me."

 

"No! He thinks he's in love with you." Riley

corrected.

 

Buffy looked at him and then smiled slightly through

her tears. "He is."

 

"Buffy, we are just very concerned that you didn't

come to us but we understand." Giles assured stepping

toward the Slayer. Riley moved, giving the Watcher and

Slayer a bit of room. Giles pulled Buffy into a warm

embrace. "I should have known. I should have realised.

But, Buffy, we are here for you now and anything that

you need you can come to us for help. We are your

family. And we will be there for you." Giles' father

like toned continued on. "We need to find out exactly

how much you know and what exactly Spike has filled

you in on."

 

* * *

 

Buffy stayed at the shop for the next three hours,

answering questions and finding out a lot of stuff

that Spike didn't know. Riley added his two cents

every time he could, but he seemed to be getting dirty

looks from everyone by the end of the session. Buffy

called home every half an hour to check up on Dawn and

Spike. Dawn relayed that he hadn't woken up and Buffy

was getting worried. Giles reassured her that Spike

would be fine and they continued to tell her stories

about her life in Sunnydale. Most of the stuff she

didn't believe, and a lot of it was laughable and

tragic.

 

Xander ordered pizza, putting all of Buffy's favourite

toppings on it. They laughed and drank cherry cokes

and caught up. She finally felt like they were family.

These people whom she had avoided for the last couple

of weeks were funny and interesting and fallible. But

most of all they cared.

 

Buff went in the training room and looked at the array

of weapons and the locker that she kept a lot of her

stuff in. She knew that he had followed her in there

but she didn't want to acknowledge him.

 

"Buffy, we need to talk." he said softly.

 

"About what, Riley?"

 

"About us. We had something good for a while, Buffy,

and I came here to get it back. I was hurting and I

couldn't deal with it and I went about it the wrong

way. I thought that we could go back to the way things

were but I see that we can't. And I have a feeling

that we just weren't meant to be."

 

Buffy finally turned to face him. "I don't think so

either, Riley. A lot of things I remember were from my

diary. I wrote down the way you made me feel and the

way that you hurt me and I don't think that I want to

go there with you again."

 

"But it won't be. It'll be a clean slate."

 

"I think that that slate is already dirty. You jumped

to conclusions and you went after someone that I care

about because you thought it was what you should do.

You think you know me so well and that the good old

Buffy wouldn't kiss Spike of her own free will. But

she did. I did. When he saved my sister and I. When he

didn't tell Glory about Dawn. Spike, even though the

gang doesn't believe it, loves Dawn and I. I trust

Spike when he says that he won't hurt me. He's that

honest. I see it in his eyes. I trust him and he

trusts me, which is more then I can say for you. I

think that you should leave, Riley. I think that you

should go and find a woman that is perfect for you and

that will make you happy. Because if the Buffy before

didn't, I certainly won't. I'm in love with Spike and

I can't believe that it was you who made me realise

that." Buffy walked out of the training room, leaving

the soldier staring at the blank space before him.

 

* * *

 

Buffy walked home feeling happy, she walked home to be

greeted by Dagon; that's what they named Dawn's

kitten, after the Dagon Sphere. As Dagon rubbed

herself against Buffy's legs, Dawn hurried down the

stairs, picked up the kitten, and filled Buffy in on

Spike's progress.

 

"Dawn, we need to talk."

 

"Yes, Buffy?" Dawn cradled the green-eyed kitten in

her arms.

 

"There's some stuff going on that you need to know

about. Some stuff about me."

 

Dawn looked nervously at her sister; usually these

talks meant only bad things happened or were about to.

 

Buffy continued. "When I woke up I…I sort of didn't

recognise any of you guys."

 

Dawn looked confused. "But you did eventually. I mean

you knew our names and stuff and that I was your

sister and stuff."

 

"No, I didn't."

 

"Then how did you…Spike. That's why he was all silent

at my party." Dawn realised. "But you didn't want to

tell me. You didn't know me. You didn't remember me.

But you did…it came back to you right? Your memory and

stuff came back? Buffy?"

 

"Dawn, my memory hasn't come back and I don't know if

it will. I just know that I have a sister and friends

that love me and care for me, and that want to help

me." Buffy brushed a strand of hair away from Dawn's

face.

 

"But you don't remember me or Mom?" Dawn choked out.

 

"Dawnie, I realise that I need you to help me remember

everything. There is so much that Spike can't tell me

but you can. And the gang helped me out a lot and now

I need my sister. I need you to guide me."

 

Dawn gave her sister a big hug. "Why didn't you say

something before? Actually wait. I can finish that

one. You didn't want to worry us, and you didn't want

us to be hovering." Buffy smiled at her sister. "You

sure still do Buffy things."

 

Dagon chased after a rubber ball and the two girls,

suddenly distracted, laughed as the kitten skidded

across the parquet floor.

 

"We can start 'Buffy 101' tomorrow. Tonight I think

that you should help Spike; he's really hurt." Dawn

paused, picking up Dagon. "Buffy, what exactly did you

and Spike do that made Riley that angry?"

 

Buffy stared blankly, trying to think of a lie.

 

"And don't tell me 'playing checkers'. I've heard that

before and I didn't believe it then."

 

Buffy laughed and Dawn hurried up the stairs giggling.

 

* * *

 

When Buffy reached her room, Spike was still sleeping.

Dawn had redressed his wounds, which were healing

quickly although his face was a mass of cuts and

bruises. She sat on the bed and watched him for a

while. She couldn't help thinking that he was the most

beautiful thing that she had ever seen. He was a

survivor; a champion in his own right but definitely

not conventional. She grabbed some clothes and went to

have a shower.

 

* * *

 

Buffy grabbed a bag of blood from the fridge, warmed

it in the microwave, and went up stairs with it. She

quickly went to her room with the warm liquid and

propped Spike up gently, putting the mug to his mouth.

His vampire instinct kicked in and woke him up. He

drank it quickly, still in a sleepy haze, opening his

eyes when he had finished. Buffy smiled at him and

gave him a gentle kiss. His eyes closed and he fell

asleep, a small contented smile on his face. She

stroked his hair for a few minutes, just thanking

whoever could hear that he was ok. Finally she pulled

the covers back over him and curled up beside him. She

was soon sound asleep.

 

* * *

 

"I'm sorry, Buffy." Kendra smiled slightly.

 

"About my mind? My memories? S'ok." Buffy shrugged as

they watched the sleeping vampire, his face healed,

and his form peaceful and still "Can I have a lifetime

to make new ones?"

 

"Not a lifetime. But make every new one count. Make

every moment seem like it's your last. And, Buffy?"

 

"Yes, Kendra?"

 

"Always remember who loves you. And no regrets."

 

Buffy smiled at the fading vision before her. "No

regrets."

 

* * *

 

Part 13

 

Things had definitely changed after Riley left. Buffy

went to visit Angel and Faith. She needed to know things

that the others couldn't tell her and after her

conversation with Faith, Buffy realised that Kendra

was right; live every moment like it's your last. Buffy

was tired of trying to search for memories. What she

really needed to do was make some of her own.

 

* * *

 

Spike couldn't believe that he was actually happy to

patrol. It had been nearly three weeks since he took

his beating at the hands of Captain Cardboard and was

definitely looking for some demon payback. Tonight was

basically uneventful. So he decided to head home.

Home. He thought, nearly tripping over the curb. He

laughed as he walked down the cemetery pathway.

 

* * *

 

"Well, are Dagon and Miss Kitty getting along?" Buffy

asked.

 

"Yes, Buffy. Thanks for letting me sleep over at

Willow and Tara's. Dagon says thanks too. Hey she's

beating up Miss Kitty for the fuzzy mouse. I'll see

you tomorrow, Buffy." With that Dawn hung up the

phone.

 

Buffy looked at the room a total glow as the soft

lights flickered magically. She sighed as she looked

at the whole room. She hoped that everything was right

and perfect as she quickly dashed up stairs.

 

Spike had no clue what was happening when he walked

into the house. The soft glow and smell of scented

candles were spread throughout the house. Spike was

about to call to Buffy when he saw the white rose

petals leading a trail up the stairs. He followed, a

smile creeping over his face. He felt like he was

about to burst and he definitely didn't know what to

expect. Especially when the trail led to the bathroom.

Now he was confused.

 

The shower was running and there was a pile of folded

clothes on the chair. Spike frowned in confusion and

walked over. There was a note on top of the clothes.

 

Spike

 

Have a shower, get changed and come downstairs.

 

Buffy.

 

He shrugged and decided to play along, stripping out

of his clothes and stepping under the warm water of

the shower. Once he was done, he dried himself and put

on the clothes Buffy had left for him, a black silk

shirt and a pair of black trousers. He had no idea

where she'd gotten them from, or how she'd known his

size, but they fitted perfectly. Now that he was

ready, he opened the bathroom door and went

downstairs.

 

The room was the same as it had been when he'd first

gotten home, only now there was music playing softly

in the background and the table had been set. He

walked over and smiled. There was a rose and some

candles in the centre of the table and two large

dishes, one containing Spicy Buffalo Wings and the

other containing Flowering Onions; his two favourite

dishes.

 

Buffy stepped out from the kitchen and Spike's jaw

dropped slightly. She was wearing a deep red, floor

length, evening dress and her hair was piled up on her

head with a few loose tendrils hanging down. She

looked stunning.

 

"Are you going to sit down?" she asked softly.

 

Not taking his eyes off of her, Spike dropped down

onto the chair and watched as she took a seat opposite

him.

 

"Um…what's all this?" he asked when he finally found

his voice.

 

"Just my way of saying 'thank you'." she replied,

pouring some wine into his glass and then hers.

 

Spike gave a small smile. This was possibly the

happiest night of his life. "You didn't have to do

this you know."

 

"I wanted to."

 

They ate in silence and when they had finished, Buffy

stood up and walked around the table so she was stood

beside him. She held out her hand.

 

"Dance with me?"

 

Spike smiled, took her hand, and stood up. As if on

cue, a new song began to play.

 

Buffy guided Spike into the centre of the room and

rested her head on his chest. Spike flinched and took

a small breath. Buffy looked up at him questioningly.

 

"Still a bit tender." He explained.

 

Buffy bit her lip and reached up to brush her fingers

over the faint marks that still marred his face. She

had come so close to losing him that night, but it had

also made her realise something.

 

"I love you." she whispered.

 

Spike felt as though his heart would burst. He never

dreamed he'd hear those words come from her lips; the

same lips that were now pressed against his own. He

returned her kiss with the fire, passion and love, in

which it was given.

 

Finally they parted.

 

"I love you, too."

 

The song ended and Buffy took his hand and lead him

upstairs with Kendra's words still ringing in her

ears.

 

No regrets

 

The End