Title: Moonlight Madness

Author: Dyane Windshadow Pt 1/1

Rating: G

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss, I just play with them.

Feedback: rgoodwn@bellsouth.net or www.homestead.com/gilliansspikelair/

Summary: Buffy finds out something while patrolling.

B/S fiction

Moonlight Madness

It had been just over a week since Spike had told Buffy he loved her.

Several times during that week she had felt at though she were being

followed. When she backtracked, however, there was never anyone there.

She had stayed out on patrol extra late tonight, trying to calm her

erratic thoughts about Spike. How dare he claim to love her? He was an

evil, evil! vampire! *So why do I keep thinking about him?* Not even

dusting a half dozen vampires had been able to take her mind of the

blond vampire.

*He's not like Angel at all.*

Then the persistent little voice inside her head whispered,

#And maybe that's why you like him.#

"NO! I DO NOT like him!" She groaned. "Great, now I'm not only

talking to myself, I'm arguing with myself, too."

#Makes you wonder how you're gonna tell who wins.#

Buffy shook her head violently, trying to find something to take her

mind off of... well, her mind. As she paid more attention to her

surroundings, she noticed that weird feeling again...as if someone were

there. It was like, yet unlike, the feelings she'd had at Thanksgiving

when Angel was following her around. Unlike previously, though, this

time the feeling didn't vanish when she moved towards it.

As the Slayer got closer to .. whatever .. it was, she was surprised to

recognize Spike's voice somewhere ahead of her.

*I thought he left town. I've certainly told him to enough times!*

It sounded as if he was talking to someone, but she could only hear one voice - his.

Then she could see him through the headstones and monuments that were

between them. The nearly full moon made his peroxided hair gleam in the

darkness.

*Hey, look! A glow in the dark vampire!*

She giggled softly at her own pun.

Now just a few feet away from him, Buffy still couldn't see who, or

what, he was arguing with. It sounded a lot like the arguments he

usually had with her.

"Don't worry, luv. I already promised you - I won't go anywhere just

yet. I love you too much to leave you like those other wankers did."

She could see the blond vampire clearly now, and he was talking to..

himself.

*Hmmm, I wonder if it's contagious. Did I catch it from him, or him from me?*

"Spike..."

He turned around quickly. A little too quickly for his precarious balance, and nearly fell over the headstone he stood next to.

"Slayer! What are you doing over there? You were just over here.”

“Oh, well, it doesn't matter."

He sounded a little bit surprised - and a whole LOT drunk.

Spike raised the bottle in his hand to his mouth. There were several

empties on the ground near him, and it was obvious that he'd been

drinking for some time.

"What are you doing, Spike?"

"I told you already, Slayer. Drownin' my sorrows. Drownin' my broken

undead heart. How many times you gonna ask me that tonight?"

"I haven't asked you anything tonight until now, Spike. And you're

drunk."

"Well, I certainly hope so! I was trying hard enough. And this makes

either your 5th or8th or... something... time you've asked me what I was

doing tonight. Every time you leave me, you forget."

He staggered over to a nearby flat monument and sat down. Finishing the bottle in his hand, Spike reached down for another that he had there.

"But don't worry, luv. I haven't forgot...I promised to stay until that

business with wha's her name - Glory - is over. After that, I'll leave

you alone. Like you've left me alone. Alone, alone... always alone.

And you don't even bloody CARE!"

He threw one of the empty bottles against a headstone and smashed it.

"But don't worry, Spike won't be a bloody problem much bloody longer. When wha's her name is dead, poor old Spike will just get himself a suntan."

With a shock, Buffy realized that not only did Spike not realize that

she was really there, but he'd just told her he was going to commit

suicide!

"Why, Spike? Why do you want to kill yourself?"

"Kill myself? No, no, luv.... my love.... my beautiful love."

He seemed to have forgotten what he was saying. Then he shook his head.

"Not going to kill myself. I'm already dead. Just gonna make it more

permanent."

He stood up and walked over to her, carefully keeping his balance. One of his hands gently caressed Buffy's cheek. She knew she should just leave, but something told her she needed to hear this.

"I can't live like this, Buffy. Close enough to see you, but too far to

touch you. And if I left, I'd be no better than that pouf in L.A., or

that wanker Riley."

"But at least in my dreams, I can do this, " and Spike pulled her into

his embrace, kissing her thoroughly.

As if it WERE a dream, Buffy found herself leaning into the kiss, her arms holding tight to the lean vampire. She felt dazed... cold and hot at the same time...and she recognized that THIS was what had been missing from her relationship with Riley. Fire... and ice..

She moaned as their tongues warred with each other, her arms trying to

pull Spike even closer. THIS was what she had been afraid of. Why she

had refused to listen to him when he told her he loved her.

*I WANTED to be Normal Girl, with Normal Boyfriend. But this is what I NEEDED.*

As he broke the kiss, Spike told her, "You see? You won't even let me

touch you for real, but you're still here, in my dreams. You're

everywhere. I can't stay where every day is a torture because I can't

touch you, but I can't leave, either."

He leaned closed to nuzzle at her neck, and she tensed.

"You surround me. I'm drownin', Buffy, and I can't even save myself."

As he spoke, Buffy felt him lean against her more and more. Spike's

words trailed off, and she realized that he had passed out. Feeling

more compassion for him than she had ever shown, the petite blond picked

him up in a fireman's carry, and took him home.

*I've been so cruel to him. It hurt so much when Riley left that I

wanted to hurt someone, anyone, back, and Spike was so easy to hurt.*

She could see that now, how she'd ignored his fairly obvious attempts to

show her how he felt. The new clothes, seeking her approval for things

that he did.

*I've been punishing him for the way Angel and Riley left me. I'm so ashamed of myself. To drive someone else nearly to suicide for something not his fault....*

The little voice in her head popped up again.

#And it doesn't help that he's so good-looking, either. Hmmm?#

*Oh, shut up! You win. I'll give him a chance.*

As she laid him on the vault in his crypt, the thought of letting Spike hold her, touch her, love her, made her feel... tingly. Alive in ways she hadn't known in some time.

Before she left, Buffy went outside and took a single red rose off of a

grave. She took off her scarf, tied it around the rose, and laid it

beside the sleeping vampire. As she walked away, the voice in her head

had the last word.

#Looks like everybody wins.#

Dyane Windshadow

03/23/01