Title: Soul of the Singer
Author: Gillian Silverlight
Distribution: My website www.homestead.com/gilliansspikelair ; just ask
Disclaimer: Joss and the WB own them, I just play with them
Summary: Sequel to Losing A Friend
Rating: PG 13
It was late morning when Buffy and Spike finally woke.
They had talked until late into the night, or perhaps early into the morning would be more like it.
He knew so much more about her life now. They’d talked about her childhood, her parent’s divorce; when she was first called. She still felt a bit guilty about her first Watcher’s death. Merrick had started her on her journey as a Slayer, but Giles had had the real forging of her into the Slayer and the woman she was now.
Spike realized that even he and Angel had a hand in making her who she was now.
Buffy also knew now how Spike had grown up, the first woman he’d ever tried to care for, how he was turned and the life that he’d lived afterwards.
He was stronger than she had ever imagined. Angelus, Darla and Dru had put him through Hell. Angel had gone to Hell, Spike had had his here.
There were so many more layers to each of them than the other had even suspected.
They’d talked about his mother, her mom, Dawn, her friends… They had talked about everything imaginable other than them. Their own relationship.
Neither of them had quite gotten to that point yet.
The two of them had cried and held each other like children at the loss of Joyce in both of their lives.
Spike had told Buffy about some of the talks he and Joyce had while she was at his crypt or during the simple sharing of hot chocolate.
Buffy told Spike about silly things she and her mom had done or shared.
They had both started healing.
Dawn came back downstairs while they were still curled up on the couch. Buffy started to get up, a bit embarrassed to have her sister find her cuddling with Spike.
“No, don’t get up, Buffy. Just stay where you are please. You too Spike.”
Spike and Buffy looked at Dawn and then at each other as they settled back into the sofa again. Then Dawn, with an old teddy-bear in her arms, crawled onto the sofa next to them.
They shared a ‘look’ again and each of them put an arm around Dawn, pulling her close to them.
Spike leaned down and kissed Dawn on the cheek.
“Are you feelin’ any better this morning, Nibblet?”
“Kinda. I came down earlier and saw you two here. It was kinda nice. Mom would have been happy about you two making peace with each other.”
“So am I. This is kinda nice to have both of you hold me like this.”
“You know anytime you need a hug, Nibblet, all you have to do is come get one.” Spike told the younger girl softly.
“Thanks, Spike.” She stretched up to kiss his cheek in return.
“You haven’t let me hold you like this for a long time, Dawnie.” Buffy told her as she dropped a kiss on her sister’s forehead.
“You know, I know what the monks did and all.. Creating me and everything. But I remember that too, Buffy. Having you two here makes me feel a lot better.”
“I really miss Mom, but I don’t feel so alone with both of you here.”
“We’re here for you, honey.” Buffy kissed here sister again.
Dawn wiggled around until she had her head resting on both Buffy and Spike’s shoulder where they touched each other. They each had an arm around her, and for all of them to fit on the sofa; they’d had to put an arm around each other, behind Dawn.
Spike looked at Buffy over Dawn’s head. He leaned over to kiss Buffy’s forehead as well. Buffy leaned her head against Spike’s.
She was amazed at just how comfortable this was.. The three of them curled up together.
They stayed like that, each of them unwilling to move away from the other.
The phone ringing is what finally forced them to move. Buffy pulled herself up to answer it. It was Giles.
“Buffy, are you alright this morning? Are you feeling any better?”
“Actually I am, Giles. Spike and I talked for a long time last night, or this morning, or whatever it was. We fell asleep on the sofa. Dawn came down and joined us a bit ago. We were just enjoying being all snuggly for a while.”
“Ah.. I don’t know quite what to say, Buffy.”
“It’s ok, Giles. I really don’t either.”
“Yes, I can imagine you’d not.”
“I would like to discuss what was learned last night from the Host, but I think we should wait until after the, ah, funeral this afternoon.”
“Yeah. Let’s wait a couple of days. Giles. I need to do some errands before this afternoon. I’m sure all of us will be less than perky for at least a few days.”
“I’m sure that is the case. Do you need me to come over to drive you anywhere?”
“No, but thanks. I’ve got Mom’s car. I’ll get Spike to go with me and Dawn. We’ll be ok.”
“Alright. I’ll be by to pick the two of you up about 5 then?”
“Five is fine for all three of us, Giles.”
“Three..? Ah, yes. I’ll see you at 5 then.”
Buffy and Giles rung off the phone. She turned around to Dawn and Spike on the sofa.
“How about we get some breakfast or lunch or whatever and then all of us need to go to the mall. I doubt any of us have anything to wear for Mom this afternoon.”
“The car is under the carport, Spike. Will you be ok that way, and the tinting on the windows with a blanket?”
“Yeah, luv. I should. I need something out of my place first though. You’ll have to go in and get it for me if you would.”
”Sure.”
“Dawn, run catch a shower and get dressed. I’ll use mom’s bathroom. Then Spike can get a shower too. We’ll pick something up to eat on the way. Spike will have to grab some blood anyway.”
“Ok.” Dawn eased off of the sofa, hugged, Spike and headed up the stairs.
Once she had gone, Buffy looked at Spike.
“Spike, will you come talk to me while I get a shower?”
“Umm, Buffy.. Do you really want me to do that? That’s bloody like torture for me, luv.”
Buffy stopped and thought about it for a second.
“Oh… I’m sorry Spike. I apologize. It would be unfair of me.”
Spike had gotten up from the sofa as they spoke. He walked over to Buffy and put his hands on her shoulders, looking down into her face.
“Go ahead, luv. I’ll go smoke a cigarette outside and make you some coffee while you shower. I can take one afterwards.”
She reached up to cover one of his hands with one of hers and gently pressed it.
“Thanks, Spike. That would be really nice. There is some juice in the ‘fridge for Dawn.”
He just nodded at Buffy and she headed up the steps.
Spike stood looking at the empty doorway while thoughts tumbling through his head.
He’d spent the night sleeping with Buffy, Dawn had come to snuggle in with them… everything since last night was just.. baffling. He felt odd. Although his stomach was certainly empty and he needed some blood; his heart felt, well, full was the only word he could find for it. He still missed Joyce. He suspected he would for a long time. But it didn’t hurt quite so badly this morning.
He walked over to the coffee maker and started coffee for Buffy like he’d seen Joyce do so often for herself. He’d get Buffy to get the new credit card he obtained from his crypt and handle the clothes he knew they were going to get. He certainly had nothing to wear to Joyce’s funeral. His usual jeans and tee shirt would be very disrespectful.
Then too, he wasn’t sure about what funds Buffy had just yet, so he could at least do this much for her right now.
Satisfied with that thought, and the coffee making, Spike stepped out the door to smoke a cigarette. The area was bright, but out of direct sunlight. He would be fine.
**************************************
When Buffy came downstairs, Dawn was already there drinking her orange juice as she talked to Spike in the kitchen.
Spike handed Buffy a cup of coffee as she walked into the kitchen.
“Ummmm. Thanks Spike. Caffeine.. I needed that. Let me drink this and then we need to go find something to wear for this afternoon”
“I need to get something as well, luv. Can’t wear just jeans and a tee shirt. “S not respectful to Joyce.”
“We’ll take care of it at the mall, Spike.”
“Don’t forget, I need you to grab something for me out of my crypt before we go to the mall.”
“ Ok. We all ready here now?”
Everyone agreed and as Buffy grabbed the car keys, they all piled into the car. Spike got into the back seat and Buffy handed him a blanket to help protect him.
She pulled through the drive-thru for some breakfast for her and Dawn, then headed to the cemetery.
Once the car was stopped, Buffy turned around to ask Spike what he needed her to get besides breakfast.
“In the little table next to the chair, there is a drawer. Look inside and bring me my wallet in there, luv.”
“ ‘K, right back.”
Buffy got out of the car and hurried to the crypt, she found the wallet right where Spike had said. She was tempted to open it and look, but decided that wasn’t really fair. Buffy grabbed some blood from the ‘fridge and headed back to the car.
A few minutes later, they arrived at the mall. Buffy pulled into shady spot under the front canopy so Spike could get out safely. Dawn stayed with him while Buffy parked the car.
Once inside the mall, Spike pulled Buffy to one side and told her very quietly, “Buffy, I’ll get this for you and Dawn as well as myself.”
“How are you gonna do that, Spike? Why would you do that?”
“I finally got my money transferred from Brazil. Thought I was bloody well gonna have to go down there and take it from them too! So once I got it back here, I got a credit
card. I don’t know what Joyce’s situation was and how you are financially, but I know that kinda thing can take a while, so let me do this.”
Buffy looked at Spike, searching his face for something, she wasn’t sure what.
“Ok. As long as you let me pay you back once all the legal stuff is settled.”
“Sure, luv.” He had no intention of letting her pay him back, but it was easier to agree with her than argue about it right now.
They went shopping and once Dawn and Buffy had clothes appropriate for the funeral, Spike went into a nice men’s store to find his own.
“Slayer, I need your help on this. It’s not like I can bleedin’ see what it looks like in a mirror.”
Buffy laughed. She’d never thought about that, but she could see his point. Buying clothes could be really hard if you couldn’t see what they looked like on you.
Spike let her help him pick out a few things and then as he tried them on, she gave her approval or not, depending on how they looked. She noticed what she’d ignored before, once Spike was out of the usual jeans and tee shirt, she was aware of his body. He really did have a great body!
He walked away with not only a nice suit for the funeral, but she’d bullied him into some other outfits as well.
Laden down with packages, they headed back to Buffy’s house.
By the time Giles arrived at 5, they were as ready as they were going to be.
Dawn had gotten quieter as the day had progressed. She clung to Spike at every opportunity. Since Dawn refused to turn him lose, he sat in the back seat between Buffy and the ‘Nibblet’.
Willow and Tara shared the front seat with Giles.
**********************************************
The funeral had been very upsetting, although it had been beautiful.
Buffy and Dawn had clung to Spike as all three of them cried.
Buffy had seen the white rose Spike had placed in her mom’s hands and cried harder.
The sun had gone down before they got to the cemetery, so Spike was able to stand there with the two girls he cared so much about. He’d gotten them away before the workers had started to fill in the grave. They would come back tomorrow once the headstone was up.
Giles got back to his car to find Spike again in the middle of Dawn and Buffy. Both of them were turned into his shoulder crying. Spike looked at Giles with grief-stricken eyes. Grief for Joyce, for the pain Buffy and Dawn were feeling, and for the fact that he couldn’t make this better.
The Watcher looked back into those blue eyes so filled with pain. Giles recognized the pain in Spike’s eyes and face; saw him trying to comfort the two girls, one on each side of him.
* Wesley said the Host read the person’s soul. He read Spike when he sang. That would mean Spike has a soul. How? It’s just not possible! But he looks so upset. He’s trying to comfort the girls. He was upset about Joyce even without knowing anyone saw him. Have we been so wrong or is he just different? *
* Bloody hell! I wish I knew what was right! *
Giles got in the car as Willow and Tara entered from the other side. He dropped Buffy, Dawn and Spike, off at Buffy’s house. He had to talk to her about this, and soon.
Giles made his mind up to call Wesley back at once when he had gotten home.
**********************************
Buffy took Dawn upstairs and gave her some of the sedative again. Dawn asked Buffy to get Spike for her.
Not knowing what else to do, Buffy called down the stairs for Spike to come up.
He entered Dawn’s room and as she reached out for the blonde vampire, he sat beside her on her bed, holding her in his arms.
“Shhhh, Nibblet. I know it ‘urts. But it will get better. Get some sleep now. I’ll be here if you need me.”
“Promise, Spike? Promise me you’ll stay here tonight in case I need you?”
Spike looked at Buffy. She gave a tiny nod of her head.
“Yeah, I’ll be here, ok? Get some rest now, pet.”
“Ok.. As long as you’re here.”
“I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”
He kissed her forehead and got up, leaving the room.
Buffy went to hug her sister as well.
“Go to sleep, sweetie. I’ll be down stairs too.”
“ ‘Night, Buffy. Love you.” Dawn sounded very sleepy now, the medication must be working.
“Love you too, Dawnie.”
Buffy left the room, pulling the door almost closed. She wanted to leave it a bit open in case Dawn needed them.
As Buffy started down the stairs, she realized very quickly she was thinking of Spike being there, of herself and him as a ‘them’.
* Is this a good idea? Should I be doing this? *
She sighed. The Host told them they had to, that they needed each other, the world need them to work together and that they loved each other.
* How did he pick all that up from just reading our souls as we sang….. Wait a minute! OUR souls? How did he read Spike’s ‘soul’ unless he has one and how can he have one, he’s a vampire, but he did, so he must.. Oh, hell! *
Buffy hurried down the steps to find Spike.
“Spike… we have a problem. “
“What kind of problem, luv? Is something wrong?”
“Last night, the Host, us singing.. Do you know HOW he can tell us what is the truth and our destiny?”
“By us singing?”
“Yes! But do you know HOW!”
“ NO, luv. I don’t. He said it was his talent. What’s wrong? Why are you so upset?” Spike was getting suspicious. Something wasn’t right here and he wasn’t sure he was going to like this.
“He reads the singer’s SOUL, Spike!”
“How could he read you if you don’t have a SOUL? How can you have a soul?”
“He WHAT!? Oh, bloody hell! Get the bloke back on the phone. We need to know what’s going on ‘ere.”
“I don’t know the number. I’ll have to call Giles.”
“Giles….! Damn, I’ll bet that’s what he wants to talk to me about.”
“Get him over here, luv. “
Buffy headed for the phone.
************************************************
Forty-five minutes after Buffy’s call, Giles was at her house. He sat down in the chair across from Buffy and Spike on the sofa.
“Giles, we just realized that if the Host could read Spike while he sang, it was because Spike has a soul for the Host to read. What we don’t understand is how, why?”
“That had occurred to me the night we had made the calls. I don’t understand it myself. I did call Wesley and he’s looking into some research there as well. He said he’d talk to the Host for information about it.”
“So you don’t know if I ‘ave a bleedin’ soul or not or where it came from if I do. That about cover it?” Spike asked the watcher. He was shaken. He had no idea what to think or if he should hope or be upset.
“No Spike, we know for the Host to have ‘read’ you, you must have a soul. We don’t know how or when.”
The three of them discussed the subject back and forth for about an hour, coming to no firm conclusion on the matter.
They’d gone as far as they could with the discussion until they got more information. Buffy needed to go patrol. The Scoobies had done that for her that last few days, but she needed the activity now. She needed to be distracted. Giles agreed to stay with Dawn while Buffy patrolled with Spike.
**************************************
The night was quiet. The pair had only found one new fledgling, which they immediately staked.
As they walked along talking quietly and listening, Buffy suddenly realized which cemetery they were in and what part of it. There just a few feet in front of her was her mother’s new grave.
Buffy stopped in her tracks. The pain she’d managed to push aside, that she thought was a bit better, swept over her with a rush filled with the sense of loss. It tightened around her body, squeezing, making it hard to breath. She slowly sank to her knees on the ground, fist crammed against her mouth to keep the sobs from spilling out.
What did escape was a strangled, bruised sound.
Spike was beside her instantly, holding her, rocking her, talking to her.
Buffy could hear him, but she couldn’t respond, the pain held her tighter in its grasp.
Spike finally had to pick her up and carry her home. She couldn’t fight like this. He couldn’t protect her alone like this.
He carried her in the back door of the house, taking her through to the sofa.
“Dear lord, what happened, Spike? Is she ok? Is she hurt?” Giles was on his feet reaching for Buffy.
“Wrong cemetery. She almost stumbled over her mum’s grave. It got her bad. She just crumbled up like this.”
“Thank goodness you were with her. She might have been killed otherwise.”
“It’s pretty quiet out there tonight, but yeah, no telling what might have come along.”
Buffy clung to Spike, still sobbing that bruised sound. So Spike continued to hold her as he talked to Giles.
“Spike, has she cried any while you’ve been with her?”
“Maybe a tear or two, nothing more.”
“Dammit! She’s been keeping it all in again. I’ve warned her about that. It always comes out sooner or later, and she can get hurt like this.”
“That Host guy told her last night that she kept way too much inside. Maybe I can get her to start listening.”
“Spike, about this soul thing…”
“Watcher, let me go get her to bed first.”
“Yes, right, do you need any help?”
“Yeah, know where she put Nibblet’s medication? I think she could use one about now.”
Spike took Buffy upstairs to her room, gently undressed her and put her into an oversized tee shirt, then into bed. He kept up a steady stream of soothing words to her.
By the time Giles brought the sedative in with a glass of water, Spike had Buffy in bed.
He gave her one, got her to swallow it and lay down.
“Luv, I’ll be downstairs with your watcher. Get some sleep now.”
Buffy grasped Spike’s arm, “You won’t leave me will you? You’ll be up when Giles leaves?” He voice had a note of desperation under the tears.
“Yes, luv, I’ll be up as soon as I talk to Giles for a bit. Sleep, pet. I’ll just be downstairs.”
“Ok… Spike.. Kiss me.”
Without a word, the blonde vampire leaned over and kissed the slayer gently on the lips..
Buffy sighed and finally closed her eyes.
***********************************************
Giles was waiting downstairs for Spike.
“I don’t know what is happening with the whole soul issue, Spike, but I want you to know that if you hurt Buffy or Dawn in anyway, I’ll stake you myself. Do we have that clear?”
“Yeah, mate. I understand you. Do YOU understand that I LOVE her? I love both of them. Not in the same way, but I love both of them. Joyce was like me own mum. Nibblet is like a sister to me.” The vampire’s eyes got a far away look in them.
“I love Buffy more than I thought it was possible to love anyone or anything ever.”
His words were soft, filled with longing and something unidentifiable.
“I DO believe you, Spike. But I needed to get that clear between us.”
“I understand, Watcher. Just give me a chance to prove to you I mean what I said.”
“So what ‘ave you found out about this soul thing?”
“Not much yet. Can you tell me of anything that might have happened that could have caused this?”
“Can’t think of a bloody thing. I know I’ve never liked some of the things, oh hell, most of the things that Angelus did and wanted us to do. But if your sire tells you, you do it.”
“Then I saw Buffy the first time and it was weird, mate. I was attracted to her. But that’s not suppose to happen, so I tried to get rid of her to stop the attraction. Something about her just kept pulling me back. I got this bleedin’ chip in me head and nothing has been the same since. She filled my thoughts. Didn’t matter if I was bloody awake or asleep. Red did her spell and that was it. I had a taste of what I’d been wanting, what I’d been fighting.. The dreams got worse.”
“How were they worse? What were they about?”
“You really want to know that?”
“Yes, Spike, I believe I’d prefer to know if I’m going to research this.”
“Ok, just remember you asked.”
“I dreamed of shaggin’ her, telling her I loved her, her telling me she wanted me and loved me. I’d see her everywhere it seemed.”
“I see… that gives me a place to start then. You’ll keep an eye on them tonight”
“Yeah, I’ll protect them. I’ve promised both of them I’d be here. Guess I’ll grab a blanket and hit the sofa.”
“Right. I’ll leave you to watch them. Call me if you need me for anything.”
“ ‘K, mate. Night.”
“Good night, Spike.” Giles was surprised. This was the most civil Spike had ever been to him before. Perhaps it was because he was being civil to Spike as well….
Giles left wrapped in his own thoughts, as he pondered this whole situation.
**************************************
Spike checked all the doors and windows, making sure they were locked. He looked in on Nibblet. She was fast asleep.
He went to Buffy’s room to check on her. The cover had slipped off of her, so he tried to tuck it back around her without waking her. He found his arm grabbed by her instead.
“Spike, where are you going?” She sounded so sleepy.
“I was just checking you and Dawn, then I was going to take a blanket downstairs to the sofa.”
“Don’t, please. Sleep with me, hold me please.”
The blonde vampire looked at her for a long minute. He wanted nothing more than to do just that. But could he trust himself not to do more than that? He gave in and stripped, crawling into bed next to her. Buffy turned over facing him and wrapped both arms around him, pulling him close to her.
Buffy nuzzled into his neck, biting gently at the tender skin.
“Buffy, luv. I can’t promise not to want more if you do that. I’m trying to be a gentleman ‘ere.”
“Don’t want you to be a gentleman. Hold me; remind me I’m alive. I need to feel something besides pain.” She breathed the last words into his mouth as she kissed him.
Spike moaned as her tongue invaded his mouth.
He held her closer, exploring her mouth, drinking her into himself, tasting the scent of her on his tongue, feeling her pulse in his throat.
Her hands were all over him. Buffy caresses his chest, sweeping across his shoulders so very slowly until she could drag her nail lightly down his back to his buttocks. She felt the firmness of his muscles under her hands, the weight of his body against hers, the coolness of his hands on her body.
Spike broke the kiss long enough to pull her shirt over her head. He captured her lips again, sliding from them down the side of her neck to her collarbone, into the soft juncture where her shoulder and neck met. He could feel her pulse thundering against his lips; taste her blood just below the surface of her skin. His mouth hovered over that pulse filling him with the sweetness of her.
She felt the coolness of his mouth on her neck, over the big pulse in it and pushed her neck harder into his mouth. It was dangerous, it was exciting, she was drowning just from the feel of his mouth over her pulse.
Spike nipped her neck with blunt teeth and moved away, not trusting himself to linger any longer over the very beat of her body that called to him with a song all it’s own.
He slid his mouth and tongue down her shoulder to her chest, working his way with gentle kisses and bites down to her breasts.
Buffy was gasping and moaning almost constantly, clutching at Spike. She pressed her pelvis into his body, wanting, needing to be filled by him. She raised her head slightly to reach his neck. Following the same motions he had on her, she traced the line of his neck and shoulder with tongue and teeth, over where the big pulse should be, she took the flesh of him into her mouth, biting none too gently with blunt teeth. She felt a tiny quiver in his flesh under her tongue.
Spike trailed his mouth from one breast to the other as her back arched up to meet him.
He worked his way down her body, dipping into her warm wetness
It was already too much for her to stand. She grasped his shoulders as the world slid away from her, spinning her out of control and sensation poured out of her mouth in a wordless sound of pleasure.
Spike was more than ready for his lover. As he entered her, he stopped, gasping at the smoldering sensation all around him. Buffy inhaled sharply with the feeling of fullness from him.
Their mouths met again, drinking each other in, seeking to quench the pent-up thirst they had denied.
They moved against each other, straining, pressing, sliding. More sensation flooded over them, drowning them, large and overwhelming. It danced across their skin, tightening it, setting nerves to jumping like live wires exposed.
Buffy reached for Spike’s hand, bringing it to her neck, placing it there. He curled his hand around the front of her throat, caressing it as she arched into his touch.
The flood overtook her, bringing sound out of her in a stream. She reached to grab Spike by the back of his neck, pulling his mouth down to hers, devouring him.
The same abyss opened up under him, and as he fell over the edge with her, he broke the kiss and sought that throbbing beat in her neck, biting down sharply but carefully. The warmth inside of her broke over him, fell across his tongue as they both exploded together.
Buffy felt his mouth at her neck, just holding her, his tongue caressing the small punctures he’d made. It sent new shivers down her spine into her very core.
Spike rolled to his side, bringing her with him, arms wrapped around her.
“Spike.. I… “
He put his fingers over her lips. “Buffy, I love you. Don’t say anything that you don’t mean. You have to mean it even after we’re out of this bed.”
He looked deep into the seawater of her eyes, one minute gray, the next green.
She watched the blue of his eyes; saw his passion and love swim through the depth of them. She kissed the fingers on her lips gently, removing them with her own hand.
“Spike, I care more for you than I thought was possible. I don’t know what it is yet, but I want to know. “ Her voice was husky with spent desire.
“Let me help you find out, luv.” He whispered against her lips.
“I want.. I want to know. I want to understand. I want you to help me find out. I want you, Spike. I don’t want whatever this feeling is to ever stop.”
“I won’t let you go, unless you tell me you don’t want me.” His voice was serious with the weight of his desire, his love for this small blonde in his arms.
“Hold me while we sleep?”
“As you wish, my luv.”
Buffy snuggled down into his arms, close to his chest and closed her eyes. Her breath was deep and slowing as she drifted into sleep.
* By all the Powers That Be, I love her. I never dreamed this would happen. If I have a soul, it must be her. * Spike closed his eyes as he held her close and drifted off to sleep with the heat of her body to sooth him.
*********************************************
When Dawn woke the next morning, she went downstairs. No Spike on the sofa, however, his new clothes were still there. His wallet was on the counter in the kitchen and his duster was across the back of a chair.
* He must still be here. *
Dawn didn’t even bother checking the basement. She walked quietly back up the stairs and gently opened the door to Buffy’s room just a bit. There was Spike. He and Buffy were curled up as close to each other as they could get, arms wrapped around the other.
The covers had slipped down just a bit and Dawn could tell that her sister was probably nude, if the one bare shoulder was any guideline. Spike also had one bare shoulder showing, although Dawn could see the pile of his clothes on the floor where he’d slipped out of them.
She backed quietly out of the room, closing the door behind her with a smile on her face.
Yes, she had lost her mother and missed her so badly she wanted to cry just thinking about it. But she suspected they had gained a new household member, if what she just saw was any indication. Spike was the big brother Dawn didn’t have. Ok, so he was a scary big brother at times, but she still wanted him there.
Then there was the fact that he made her sister happy. They might try to kill each other.. Sometimes literally, but Buffy was happy with him.
In her monk-created-memories, Dawn didn’t remember Buffy being happy much with Angel, or Riley for that matter. But she was happy with Spike. There was even a strange affection between them even when they fought. Dawn could sense it between them. Sometimes it was light, like honeysuckle on the breeze. At other times it was strong, heavy like the air before a thunderstorm that you could reach out and scoop into your hands and hold.
Whatever the feel, it was always there between them.
Dawn got a glass of juice and turned on the television, low so as to not wake her sister and Spike.
After a few minutes, she decided to make breakfast for all of them. She knew she couldn’t do anything fancy like French toast or pancakes, but she could do simple like eggs and toast.
So Dawn attacked the kitchen. She made some simple buttered toast and some scrambled eggs. She’d seen Mom put cheese in them before and that was good, so she tried that too.
A bit later she had a platter of toast and eggs, a cup of coffee for Buffy and a mug of blood for Spike. He’d left some in the fridge from yesterday.
Dawn put it all on a tray with a glass of juice for her, silverware and jelly, plates and napkins and went up to Buffy’s room. Tapping on the door with her foot, she opened it and went in with the tray.
Buffy and Spike stirred at the sound on the door. Buffy looked over Spike to see Dawn entering the room with a laden tray of.. breakfast?!
“Dawn, what are you doing in here?” Buffy was looking for a way to hide Spike, but there wasn’t one.
“I brought breakfast for all three of us. I wanted to help out and let you stay where you were this morning.”
“Dawn, I.. ah…”
“Buffy, I looked for Spike earlier downstairs. He wasn’t there, but his new clothes, wallet and duster were. I knew he was here. You two were sleeping so good, all wrapped up with each other, I thought I’d be nice. It’s ok, Buffy. I’m glad you’re happy. I’m glad he’s here.”
“Hey, Nibblet, I’m still in the room, ya know.” Spike muttered very groggy.
“Yeah, I know. I can see you like a big lump over there under the cover.” Dawn giggled at him and at her sister’s expression.
“Dawn, can you give us a minute to.. ah..”
“To get decent so you can sit up in bed and eat? Sure. Want sugar for your coffee? I can go back and get it.”
“Yeah, please Dawnie? Sugar for my coffee?”
Dawn just grinned at Buffy and Spike and went down the stairs to the kitchen.
“Spike, throw some clothes on, quick.” Buffy shoved at his shoulder.
“Yeah, little sis has got your number now, luv.” Spike grinned at her as he sat up and pulled his jeans on, followed by his tee shirt.
Buffy had quickly grabbed boxers and her tee shirt as well. No sooner had they gotten clothes on and sat back down on the bed, Dawn came back into the room with the sugar.
“Ok. I made breakfast for all of us, so let’s just sit here and have breakfast in bed.”
“Got you a mug too, Spike.”
“Thanks, Nibblet. So what’s up? Why the special treat?”
“Well, even though Mom’s gone and we all miss her too much to even talk about it much. Buffy, you’re happier than I’ve seen you in a long time, with Spike here. And, Spike, you look like a new vampire with Buffy. I feel better with my family here with me.”
Buffy and Spike just looked at each other.
“Yeah. You two, both of you. You’re my family. The Scoobies.. well they're my friends kinda, I care about them, they care about me some; but you two are all of my family now. So, I wanted to make breakfast to show you I care.” Dawn got quiet and blushed a little at her confession to them.
Buffy and Spike both reached over and took Dawn’s hand. “Honey, we care about you too. I love you Dawnie” Buffy told her sister a bit shyly after Dawns words.
“Yeah, Nibblet. I’ve not ‘ad a sister in a long time. You know I love you too.”
Dawn grinned at Spike. Buffy’s jaw dropped in shock at Spike’s words.
* He loves Dawn like a sister?! He loves me?! What is going on? *
Buffy looked at Spike, “Hey, where is the vampire I’ve grown to love to hate? What did you do with him?” She smiled at Spike to let him know she was teasing him.
“Locked the bugger up in the bloody basement and threw away the keys.” He grinned that wicked grin back at her.
Before any of them could take the teasing any farther, the phone shrilled, startling them all.
Spike reached over and picked up the phone from beside Buffy’s bed, handing it to her.
“Hello?”
“Buffy, Wesley finally called me back with some information as well as even more questions. Do you want me to come over to discuss this?”
“If you don’t mind the drive over, Giles. I’d really like for you to let us know what you found out so far. It is easier for you to travel during the day than it is for Spike to go out.”
“Yes, there is that. If the sun were to get him, we’d never solve this.”
“I’ll be over shortly, Buffy.”
Giles hung up the phone.
Buffy told Spike and Dawn what Giles had said and that he was on the way over. She looked at Spike with a question in her eyes.
“He knows I’m here, Buffy. He warned me last night not to ‘urt either of you, not that I would, mind you. I told him I love both of you.”
Spike looked at Dawn. “Sis”
She giggled at the vampire as she blushed.
Spike leaned close to Buffy’s ear. “You KNOW how I love you.” , He whispered in her ear with that low sexy voice. Buffy felt the blush creep up her face.
Dawn looked at both of them. “Ewwww! Not while I’m trying to eat!”
All three of them laughed.
******************************************
Breakfast had been finished. Dawn took the empty tray back to the kitchen while Buffy and Spike got dressed.
They heard Giles’s voice as they came down the stairs. “… didn’t mean to interrupt your meal.”
“Naw, it’s ok. We finished. They should be down in a minute.”
“Giles…? I know you don’t really want my sister with a vampire. I remember about Angel and all… But they are happy with each other, and I like Spike being here. We’ve all lost Mom, don’t make us lose each other too.”
There were tears under the sound of Dawn’s voice.
Giles looked at the mystical-key-turned-teenage-girl in front of him.
“Dawn, although I might prefer that Buffy be with a normal human, I’ve also seen the problems that brings as well. As long as she is happy with Spike, and he isn’t hurting anyone or killing, then I can certainly learn to accept them together.”
“Well, that takes care of that concern for me, Giles.” Buffy told him from behind. He’d not heard her or the vampire enter the room.
“So, what did Wesley have for us?”
Buffy took Spike’s hand and pulled him with her to the sofa as she sat down. Giles moved over to the chair he always preferred when he was at the Summers house. Dawn sat down next to Spike. Buffy and Giles looked at the teenager questioningly.
“Spike’s part of my family now too. I have a right to know..” Dawn told them a bit belligerently.
“Yes, you certainly do, Dawn. This does concern you as well.” Giles told all of them as he spoke to Dawn.
“First question. Spike, have you ever, ah…tasted any of Buffy’s blood?”
Giles caught the quick tensing of both his slayer and the vampire next to her.
“Before the last 48 hours….” The tone of long-suffering sarcasm was very evident in Giles’ voice. *I don’t even want to know…*
“Well, yeah. Once or twice when we’ve fought, the Slayer’d get a bit bloody. I’d wind up with ‘er blood on my hands. Of course, I tasted it.”
“You have to understand how powerful a Slayer’s blood is.. ‘S’not like normal blood at all. The taste is different, the scent is.. well, a vampire can smell the power in it. So with it right there on my ‘ands already, of course I tasted it.”
“Alright. I can understand that.”
“You know about Angel drinking from Buffy before her graduation, to neutralize the mystical poison that was used on him, do you not?”
“Yeah.” Spike was feeling a bit cautious. He knew the Watcher was leading somewhere specific with these questions.
“Have you tasted your Sire’s blood since that time?”
“Same thing. We fought, he’d bleed. Slayer’s blood is the only thing stronger than Sire’s blood.”
“Ok. With what Wesley was able to dig up, as well as find out from various other sources.. Well, let me offer a theory. It is popular in some chronicles, yet the Watcher’s Council rejects it completely.”
“When a vampire is turned, the demon enters and suppresses the human soul completely. Yet it’s still there. Now, you’ve always been a bit different… from what I understand, Spike. Add traces of the Slayer’s blood, your Sire’s after he had almost drained a Slayer…” Giles broke off as a thought occurred to him.
“Did you drink either of the two slayers you killed in the past?”
The blonde vampire looked very embarrassed having to answer this question with Buffy next to him and Giles in front of him.. the current Slayer and Watcher. “I did the first one. The one in China.”
“So you have had blood from two slayers, as well as your Sire’s slayer enhanced blood..”
“Yeah.”
“Alright. For some reason, it seems that Slayer blood suppresses the demon to some degree. Your Sire’s slayer enhanced blood would have a similar effect. This would account for some of the things that are different about you from other vampires.”
“Now, we have the last portion of the equation.”
Giles looked right at Dawn. “Dawn, you know that you were a mystical energy entity before the monks put you in a human form. That energy is still there and can affect things around you to some degree unconsciously. You have felt that Spike had changed, so your energy enhanced that change already in him.” Giles looked back at Spike.
“We have the most unusual set of circumstances imaginable. The blood of two slayers, slayer enhanced Sire blood who also has a human soul as the dominant one; a soul that remains after the demon enters, the chip which has suppressed the demon, and the energy leakage from Dawn. Everything together seems to have completely suppressed the demon and brought your human soul back into control.”
“So the Host could read that soul, you can love, and make the changes you have been making. You’re biggest drawback is 120 years of other behavior patterns to unlearn, as well as no one to help you unlearn them or learn new ones.”
Buffy stared at Spike, then at Giles, and finally at Dawn.
Spike was sitting stunned.
Dawn almost seemed to have a slight smile on her face.
“So, all vampires have a soul, but they can’t use it. It’s not active? But everything that has happened, has managed to make mine stronger than the demon in me?”
“So it seems.”
“Will it stay that way?”
“We have no reason to think otherwise at this point.”
“So, we have basically two vampires with souls. We know that Angel is working for redemption and has a promise of humanity if he continues to fight on the side of the, ah, ‘white-hats’, I believe you called us. Perhaps you might petition the Powers that Be for a similar offer.”
Spike, glanced at the blonde slayer next to him that he loved. “I just might do that. I think I need to ‘andle all this first. It’s all a bleedin’ shock, you know.”
Spike put a hand to his forehead. “I understand why Peaches always complains of ‘eadaches now.”
Buffy put her hand over Spike’s hand where it lay on his leg.
“ I’ll help you in any way I can, Spike. Remember what we were told on the phone. You can do this.”
“We can do this.”
She looked in to his anxious blue eyes.
The words she spoke to him were words he had wanted to hear from her for so long.
The vampire forgot briefly that there was anyone else in the room. Buffy looked at the man beside her. Only Giles noticed the very faint greenish glow around Dawn as she watched her sister and Spike.
“Buffy, if I have you beside me, I’ll manage to do anything I need to do; anything you need for me to do, luv. I love you more than I know how to tell you. But I’ll spend forever trying to show you.”
“Spike… I….” Buffy leaned forward and kissed him gently.
As soon as their lips touched, they all heard what sounded like a far away bell, and the word ‘Done’.
Dawn smiled at the couple. Giles looked rather amazed.
********************************************
Later that day, Giles called Wesley back and told him of the morning’s conversation. Wesley didn’t seem as surprised as Giles had been about the whole situation.
“I’ve seen so much more here working with Angel than the Council had ever lead us to believe, Giles. It’s getting to be rather commonplace.. Well, almost. And LA doesn’t even have a Hellmouth. I’d think you’d be past being so surprised, living on the Hellmouth for as long as you have now.”
“One would think so. Perhaps it’s just the whole Slayer with a Vampire thing…”
“I hate to say so, but after working with Angel for as long as I have, even that isn’t odd anymore”
“Do you think we should tell Angel what is happening with his childe?”
“I don’t really want to upset him, and I know that Buffy being with Spike will do that. He’s proved often enough that he does love her. Well, as long as his demon is kept in control.. But yes, he may have some insight for us as well.”
“Right, I’ll fill him in then. He may call you for more information.”
“That’s fine. Thanks, Wesley.”
The both hung up the phone. Giles sat wondering what was going to develop next. He was sure he didn’t even want to know, but knew that wasn’t an option.
*******************************************
Dawn had gone to her room for a while to watch television and just be alone for a bit.
Buffy and Spike sat in the kitchen talking a bit about the revelations from the morning.
Finally Buffy decided to bring up the subject they had both been avoiding.
“Spike, when did you realize that… How did you know… Why do you…” She broke off. This was so hard to talk about.
“Love you?” The blonde vampire finished for her.
“Yeah.”
Spike reached over and took Buffy’s hand, looking into her eyes.
“I was attracted to you the first time I saw you. I respected your strength and you are so graceful. But all this hadn’t happened yet, so.. I tried to get rid of you to keep from being so attracted to you.” He released her hand and got to his feet, starting to pace a bit.
“We made that truce, and Dru kept telling me she saw you all around me, that I tasted like ashes. I was angry with you for making me feel this way. I know it wasn’t your fault, luv. It was easier to blame you than admit what I was feeling.”
He laughed harshly, an abrupt kind of sound.
“Red did her spell, and I got a taste of what I wanted.”
“I saw you everywhere, and then I had that dream…” Spike’s voice trailed off as he had remembered the dream.
“What was it, Spike?” Buffy asked, a catch in her voice. She’d been cruel to him, even as he was realizing how he felt about her, she suspected.
“You stormed into my crypt, like always… I grabbed you and kissed you. You kissed me back, then told me you wanted me. I told you I loved you.”
“I sat straight up in bed, I can tell you. I was in shock! It was bloody hard to believe. Me, William the Bloody, in love with the Slayer. I tried to make it go away, but it wouldn’t. I knew it was true. “Bout made me crazy. I watched you, protected you, and was terrified of you. Not because you were the Slayer.. But because I loved you. I knew you’d never want me, but I had to try.”
“Spike, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” “You hide your feelings real good, you know. I thought you hated me still.” “But I hadn’t locked you out of the house, I couldn’t kill you. I was always turning to you for help. Then when you told me you loved me, I wigged. I was afraid. I’d been through all that with Angel, and I didn’t want to look at what everything meant… what you meant.”
“But now that I’ve had to look at it..” Buffy looked up, directly into Spike’s eyes.
“I do care. I’m still afraid. I don’t want to get hurt. But you were right. There is something between us and has been for a long time.”
“Spike, remember last night?”
“Did ya think I could forget something like that?”
“Well, I hoped not.” Buffy giggled. “How about we try that without the reason I gave you last night?”
Spike’s answer was to pick her up in his arms and carry her to her bedroom, closing and locking the door behind them.
Dawn looked out of her room in time to see Spike carry her sister into her own room and close the door behind them. Dawn smiled to herself and went back to the movie she was watching.
**************************************
Buffy lay on top of Spike, limp and very satisfied. His arms held her close as he licked the two tiny punctures in her shoulder.
“So, luv….” Spike wanted desperately to know if she had felt the same emotions as last night, but was afraid to ask.
Buffy snuggled deeper into his shoulder with her head, her arms wrapped behind his shoulders and her hands curling back over the tops of those same muscular shoulders.
“Spike.. It was wonderful. You’re wonderful. Don’t ever doubt yourself about this.”
“However, I think I’m jealous of any other woman you’ve ever touched.”
She rose up to look at him. “I want to all to myself from now on.”
Spike pulled Buffy back into his arms, pulling her against him, rolling over until she was under him.
“I don’t need anyone other than you, luv. I don’t want anyone but you.”
“Any other man tries to take you and I’ll rip ‘is ‘ead off!”
“Any other man tries to touch me, you may not get a chance to rip his head off. I may beat you to it.” She giggled at the blonde vampire as he leaned over to take her mouth in a kiss.
Spike finally broke the kiss so Buffy could catch her breath.
“I hate to ask, Buffy. What about Angel?”
She heard the pain under his words. He saw the pain swim through her eyes at his question.
“Spike, we have to tell him. He knew about Riley. We know we can’t be together. I’ll always care about him. He was the first man I ever loved. But there is another man who has my heart now.”
“Who is the bugger? I’ll tear him apart. “ Spike was teasing her, but she heard the note of fear under his tone.
“I think you said you threw him in the basement, then tossed the key.” She reminded him of his earlier words. “I would take you to the bathroom and show you his beautiful face in the mirror, but I don’t think you’d see it.” She burst out laughing at the indignation on his face at her words.
“Don’t scare me like that, you silly chit! Are you saying I have your heart now?”
Buffy stopped laughing and pulled the blonde head above her down to kiss his lips.
“Yes, you dense vampire! I love you, Spike.”
As he kissed her senseless, Buffy knew it was going to be a while longer before they got out of bed again. That was fine with her.
*****************************************
Finally, the two lovers got up, showered and dressed. They headed down the stairs to find Dawn on the sofa downstairs, nibbling a sandwich. Dawn looked at the two of them and just grinned at them.
“Oh, Dawn, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore you.” Buffy felt guilty for leaver her sister alone while she and Spike had spent several hours in bed.
“S’ok, Buffy. You and Spike needed to get that settled between you. So, do we go help him pack his stuff and bring it all back over here now?”
“Dawn!” Buffy blushed.
“What? He’ll be here all the time anyway, cause I don’t want you to leave me alone here. He might as well move in.”
Spike wasn’t saying a word. This had to be Buffy’s decision. She was silent for a minute, then turned to face Spike.
“So how about it, Spike? She’s right, you know.”
“Are you sure, Buffy?”
“Yeah. I’m sure.”
“Ok, let’s go do it. We should stop and tell your Watcher and your buds too.”
“Yeah, we do need to tell them. Ok, ready to go?”
Spike nodded and picked up his duster, putting it on. Dawn got up to go with them.
Buffy turned to look at her sister.
“Oh no. I’m coming too. He’s part of my family and I’m helping. Besides, I don’t want to be here alone.” Dawn told them, her voice trailing off to sound much younger.
Spike quickly pulled her into a hug. “C’m’on Nibblet. Of course I need your help too.”
Buffy tossed the car keys to Dawn, “Start the car for me, Sis?”
Dawn grabbed the keys and ran before Buffy could change her mind.
Once Dawn was out of the room, Buffy looked at Spike. “You know, that is part of the reason I love you. You care about her too. I trust you with her, and because of that, I can trust you with my heart too.”
“Always, luv. Always.” Spike took Buffy’s hand and they walked out to the car.
**************************************
Buffy, Spike and Dawn sat in the magick shop, with Giles and the other Scoobies.
They’d explained everything to them about Spike’s soul, and that he was going to be living with Buffy and Dawn from now on.
Buffy also told them that she and Spike were going to be a couple.
“Buffy, he may have a soul, but he’s still a vampire. Are you really gonna trust that blood-sucker?” Xander, as usual was protesting.
Buffy got up slowly from the table, her eyes never leaving Xander as she walked toward him. Xander could tell he was in trouble and quickly got up from the table, edging around it away from Buffy.
“Anya.. Willow.. Giles…”
“Oh no, Xander Harris. You got yourself into this, you get yourself out.” Anya told him in no uncertain terms. Willow and Giles just looked at him.
Buffy suddenly jumped straight up on top of the table and in two steps had Xander by the throat, shoved against the wall.
“I’m going to tell you this once, Xander, and then we’ve never going to speak of it again. “You are my friend and I put up with you insulting Angel the whole time we were together. I put up with you insulting Riley.. That’s enough. You are NOT going to start in on Spike as well. You had your chances to insult him on a regular basis before now. You did. That’s gonna have to last you. If you do it again, I’ll rip your arm off and beat you with it. Got it?!”
Xander struggled to answer her, but only squeaks would come out, she had his throat so tight.
“Buffy, you might want to give him some air to answer with.” Giles told her, completely deadpan.
Buffy released part of the pressure on Xander’s throat.
“Ah, yeah, Buff.. Clear. Got it. No insults, no problem.”
“Good. Just wanted to get that bloody well clear.” Buffy smirked as she turned back to her chair next to Spike.
“Spike, you will show her the proper usage of English cursing, won’t you?”
“Of course, Giles. Happy to help.” Spike told the Watcher as the rest of the group burst out laughing.
Gillian Silverlight 3/21/01