Title: Working In Shades of Grey
Author: Gillian Silverlight
Distribution: My site, those that have previous permission; others, please ask.
Disclaimer: They belong to Joss and the WB. I just play with them.
****WARNING**** Major season 5 ending spoilers involved!!
Summary: Slight AU of the end of 5th season before 5th season ends
Rating: NC-15
Lyrics: ‘Behind Blue Eyes’ by Peter Townsend; chorus from ‘I’ll Remember You’ by Sophie Zelmani; ‘A Single Tear’ by Gillian Silverlight.
Working
In Shades of Grey
The portal swirled in front of them, as Buffy broke free from the two men who gripped her arms. Spike on one side of her, with Giles on the other. Both were wounded, making their grasp even easier to break than normal.
Buffy hurled herself headlong into the swirling portal as it shrank with alarming speed.
She reached out in the blindness inside the dimensional maw until she found an arm. She recognized the feel of that arm. It was Dawn!
With nothing to brace against in the swirling dizziness, Buffy slung her sister by that one arm, as hard as possible toward the portal and hopefully the world outside.
As the portal closed with a pop in her ears and head, the blonde Slayer heard her sister’s voice added to those screaming her name…
~*~
Lindsey had worked late that night and was finally able to leave the building that housed Wolfram and Hart. As he walked around the corner of the massive structure like he’d done a hundred nights before, a section of wall began to grate open. Startled, Lindsey stopped to stare at the sight before him.
Inside the slowly moving section of the building wall, he saw what looked like an elevator and lying on the floor of it, a small blonde female. She appeared to be quite bruised and battered, bloody in spots and was totally unconscious. She looked very fragile lying there.
Lindsey sat his briefcase down to block the doorway and stepped in to pick the girl up. Her face looked familiar for some reason but he couldn’t place where he’d seen it before.
Something about her touched him and he knew he could neither leave her there alone nor at the tender mercies of his employers. So he did the unthinkable.
Picking her up in his arms, he stepped out of the ‘elevator’, if that’s what it was, and managed to pick up his briefcase. He was thankful again that W&H had given him back his hand even if he refused to do the job they had wanted from him.
She was so light in his arms as he carried her to his car.
Thumbing the unlock button on the key fob, he grabbed the door handle and opened it, getting the girl into the passenger seat.
He sat his briefcase on the back floor and closed the door gently before going around to climb in on the driver’s side. Good thing he’d driven his company car today instead of his favored old pickup. He’d had to drive a client to court.
At his apartment building, Lindsey pulled into the covered garage space next to the elevator. He went around and got the girl out of the car, into the elevator and finally into his apartment.
As she lay there on the couch he looked at her, still trying to remember where he’d seen that face.
Shaking his head, he went to the bathroom to get a basin of water, washcloths and towels to clean her up. He picked up a pair of his clean sweat pants and a tee shirt as well.
Her clothes were pretty well destroyed from the rips, blood and burns on them.
Lindsey walked back to the couch to get the girl cleaned up, changed and then into bed.
~*~
“Angel, she’s gone…” Spike voice spilled through the phone lines to Angel in Los Angeles.
Between Spike and Giles, they told Angel about the battle with Glory, how Buffy had thrown herself in the portal and it had closed with her inside.
Spike was sobbing like his heart had been ripped open. In a way, it had.
Angel learned from them of Spike’s love for the Slayer and her sister.
If there was anything Angel could understand it was the vampire’s love for the small golden blonde woman.
Giles sounded twice his age.
“I’ll come up and look. We just had some problems recently with dimensional portals ourselves. I’ll bring the gang and a friend of ours with me. We’ll be there tonight.
Giles, Spike… We’ll find her. I promise.”
Angel hung up the phone and called the Host. He had to remember not to call his friend Loren, as he was tempted to do.
With Wesley, Cordelia and the Host, along with that book he’d kept locked in the safe since their own portal problems; they should have a chance at finding Buffy.
~*~
Lindsey stood gazing down at the unconscious woman tucked into his bed. He’d cleaned her up as much as possible. He wasn’t sure, but he thought she had several broken ribs. As he looked at that strangely familiar face, he wondered what could possibly have happened to cause the damage he saw on her.
She had several deep cuts on back, arms and legs along with the variety of burns and an incredible assortment of bruises all over her. Once he’d gotten the blood off of her and had seen the extent of her injuries, the young lawyer was surprised that she was even alive.
There was a small cut on the back of her head with a large soft swelling around it. Someone or something had hit her pretty hard on the head.
Lindsey left the small lamp on across the room so she wouldn’t wake in the dark. He also put an acrylic ‘glass’ of water on the nightstand next to the bed in case she woke up.
He looked at her intently once more, slight frown crossing his face, before he turned back into the living room of his apartment. He’d taken a pillow and blanket to the couch to sleep.
~*~
Angel and crew arrived slightly after midnight in Sunnydale at the Summer’s house. Everyone was there in various states of consciousness, injury and ability to be coherent.
Willow looked very different than the last time Angel had seen her. A subtle power seemed to emanate from her in waves, as she moved through the room caring for Spike and Giles, both of whom were injured badly, but healing. There was also a sweet-faced dark blonde female that the witch seemed to be especially tender with. The other girl seemed to be having trouble grasping reality for more than a few seconds at a time.
Angel went to Giles and Spike as Cordelia headed to Xander and Anya. Wesley wasn’t sure quite where to turn first and for some reason, the Host seemed to be drawn to the sweet blonde.
“Giles, we’re here. Tell me what happened.” Angel asked the Watcher urgently as he knelt next to the injured man and the injured vampire next to him. Angel never thought he’d see the day when Spike would reach out to one of Buffy’s friends for comfort, or any of them to the blonde vampire, yet there it was in front of him. Angel knew it had to be because both men loved Buffy as much as he loved her.
Giles and Spike started telling Angel every detail of the last week and the last few days, when he saw the Host walk out of the room with Willow. He was carrying the odd blonde girl in his arms.
Angel turned back to the story Giles and Spike were relaying.
“… then it just closed and was gone. Buffy was in it, Angel. We’ve got to find her!” Spike was pleading.
“Can we find her, Angel?” Giles asked in that weary defeated voice.
“I think we can. We’ve got a book that will open portals. Cordelia just had a recent adventure with that. It wasn’t a lot of fun for any of us, but she and the Host seem to be able to make out the various incantations in the book.”
“The Host?” Giles asked quietly.
“Yeah, that odd looking green fellow that went into the other room with Willow and the strange blonde girl.” Angel explained.
“You must mean Tara. Glory got to her and did something to her mind. Willow said it looked like the hell-god put her fingers in Tara’s head and light poured out around them. She’s been basically rather, ah, not all there since.” Giles repeated the painful events to Angel.
“Oh. Is Willow doing okay?” Angel wanted to know. He’d always like the redheaded hacker-turned witch. “She seems to be really concerned about the girl.”
“Tara is her mate, Angel. As in lover. She’s also another witch. But you should have seen Red after that Glory bint ‘urt Tara. To think I tried to eat her once! I never want Red angry with me for any bloody reason!” Spike explained to his sire.
Angel absorbed the words and had a quick flash of Willow’s comments several years ago about the doppelganger vampire Willow. Well, he could have told Buffy then…
The dark haired vampire looked back at his childe. “What exactly did Willow do? We might need some of it.”
“She accessed a very old book of rather darker magick and went after the hell-god. Buffy… Buffy told us afterwards that Willow was rather frightening. She slammed the god around, after entering the room levitating and her eyes glowing with a pure, solid black fire. We saw her do it again while the fighting was going on. It’s rather impressive, not to mention somewhat frightening.” Giles explained in his normal Watcher manner.
“ ‘Somewhat frightening’? Scared the bloody hell right out of me, she did! Worse than what we saw that sorcerer do in Italy that time, Angel” Spike exclaimed.
“You mean that Stregan witch who tried to curse you? That was pretty frightening.”
Angel agreed with Spike.
“Stregan?” Giles turned the one word into a question.
“Yeah, an Italian witchcraft tradition that branched off from the Romany traditions.” Angel tried to explain briefly to the Watcher.
Giles looked in the direction Willow had gone, eyes thoughtful. “I see.”
It was all he said about the subject.
While Giles was still staring at the doorway, Willow, the Host and Tara walked back into the room. The blonde looked very different, much more animated now.
“Hey, what did you two do in there?” Angel asked his demon friend.
“Seems the little girl had her head a bit scrambled. We just went and sang a bit of a few songs. I saw what I needed to see, helped her sing a few more little tunes with her redheaded friend and we just fixed all that confusion.” The green skinned Host replied.
“Willow, why not take your friend over and fill her in on what’s been happening. Remember, it’s going to still take a bit before sweet Tara is back to her normal self.”
Angel heard the caution in his friend’s voice. He’d heard that tone when Loren didn’t really want to say everything he was thinking or had picked up on out loud.
“So what did you really do to her?” Angel asked as Willow and Tara left the room again.
“Tara is well now?” Giles interrupted excitedly.
“Not exactly. I found a few loose wires in there and helped her reconnect them. Couldn’t do it without the blueprint in the little redhead’s head. Keep an eye on that one. Wow! Talk about a major power plant! She needs to grow into those eyes a bit.
The little blonde may not be completely the same again, but she’s back with the rest of us normal abnormals.” Loren told them.
“Oh thank goodness! That is bloody marvelous! And I think I just may pass out now…” Giles said as he moved too quickly and shifted the broken ribs in his side. Angel caught him as the Watcher collapsed sideways.
“Your crew is a bit the worse for wear here. I hear you’re also missing one in action?” The green demon asked conversationally looking at Spike.
“Yeah, it’s Buffy.” Spike looked back morosely at the demon.
“Buffy, as in...” Loren looked quickly at Angel. The green demon knew that name well and all it meant.
“Yeah, that Buffy.” Angel and Spike both answered at once.
“Ah… I see. Well, this should be exciting. Both of you vampires, both of you in love with the Slayer. What is it with you and your kin and blondes, Angel?” The demon asked.
Spike and Angel just gave Loren that ‘look’.
“Well, okay now… Let’s get to work on a plan…”
~*~
About 4 in the morning, Lindsey was awakened by a hoarse scream from his bedroom. He jumped up from the couch and ran into the room to find the small blonde sitting straight up in his bed, eyes wide with fright.
He grabbed her quickly, trying to avoid the major injuries and calm her down before she hurt herself or his neighbors called the police.
“Shhh. It’s okay. You’re safe. It’s alright now. Shhh. “ Lindsey held her as she clung to him, shaking as sobs ripped through her already battered body.
He gathered her into his lap, rocking her, rubbing her back. Clinging to his shoulder as she was, he couldn’t see the puzzled expression flit across her face, as something in his touch seemed familiar for an instant.
Completely unknown to him, Lindsey had held her in the same manner as two other men before him in her life. The tactile memory of it touched a chord in her mind before the half-formed memory slipped away from her grasp.
After several minutes, the girl pulled back slightly to look at Lindsey’s face. She struggled, trying to get her voice to work. He quickly handed her the glass of water, which she drank and then tried again.
“Thank you. Who are you? And where am I?” She asked him in a soft, but hoarse whisper.
Lindsey listened to voices and watched body movements constantly as a part of his profession. It gave him an edge in a courtroom or at a bargaining table. He was good at his job. He heard the thread of fear run under the words, saw the tenseness of her face as he felt it in the lines of her body next to him.
“My name is Lindsey McDonald. I’m a lawyer. You’re in Los Angeles at my apartment. I found you unconscious outside of my office building and brought you here to help you.”
“Why didn’t you take me to the hospital?” She asked very matter of factly.
“I don’t know. It just didn’t seem the right thing to do for some reason. Do you remember what happened to you? What’s your name?” He asked with increasing concern.
She stared back at him, face close to full-blown panic as she whispered even softer. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know what happened to you?” Lindsey asked the blonde.
“No, I don’t know what happened. I don’t know who I am…” The horror of her words filled her eyes and her voice.
~*~
Lindsey called in sick to work that morning. He knew he could afford the day away from work. There wasn’t a special project at the moment and he’d won in court yesterday. He couldn’t just leave this girl here alone either. He lay next to her holding her while she slept.
After her startling admission during the night, she’d cried a bit more and finally tried to sleep at his urging, on the condition he’d stay with her. She was terrified to be alone. When he’d tried to turn off the lamp, she’d gotten upset again. Seems whatever had happened had left her afraid of the dark as well.
Lindsey had slid into the bed next to her and wrapped his arms carefully around her small bruised body. She had finally fallen asleep. Lindsey eventually followed her as he listened to the sound of her breathing next to him.
Lindsey woke later that morning to find the warmth that had been next to him gone.
Rubbing sleep from his eyes, he sat up, wondering where the girl was. Finally getting out of bed, Lindsey saw the bathroom door closed and heard the muffled sound of the shower beyond it. He was worried the girl might do something to herself in her distress, so he knocked lightly on the door then opened it, entering carefully.
The room was filled with steam billowing from behind the closed deep burgundy opaque shower curtain.
“Hey. Are you okay? I woke and you were gone. I was worried. You wouldn’t do anything in here alone that you shouldn’t, would you?” Lindsey asked the girl carefully.
“No. Okay.” She said nothing else as Lindsey waited.
He realized finally, that that was all the girl was going to say. With a slight sigh, he turned and reached under the sink and pulled a new toothbrush out from inside the cabinet. He normally kept a new one handy for when he threw out the previous one, but in this case, he’d give it to her. “I put a new toothbrush on the sink here for you. Do you want something to eat?”
“Yes.” Again silence afterwards.
“Have I done something to upset you with me?” He was puzzled at the one-word answers.
“No.”
Lindsey sighed again, unsure what was wrong. “Okay, I’m going to go make us some breakfast.”
He opened the door and left the bathroom, stopping in the bedroom to throw on a pair of sweat pants over the boxers he normally slept in, then went to make breakfast.
Not knowing what the girl liked, Lindsey made some coffee, sliced some melon and did some toast to go with the scrambled eggs.
He was just setting two plates on the counter when the blonde walked into the kitchen wearing another of his tee shirts and a different pair of sweat pants.
“Hi. Ready to eat? You better after the shower? I was afraid I’d hurt you when I tried to clean most of the blood off of you last night.” The young lawyer explained to the girl.
“I can’t keep calling you ‘hey’ or whatever. Is there a name you’d prefer?”
The injured girl was suddenly tense and looked ready to bolt in panic.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay..” Lindsey walked slowly toward her, both hands up, palms forward. He spoke gently to calm the fright in her eyes. “You don’t have to struggle with a name. How about I pick one out that you like or that seems to fit and we’ll use that one? When you can remember your own, then we’ll know and everything will be fine.”
The panic ebbed from her face but her body still shook. Lindsey wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, trying to comfort her. She started to relax against him.
“Shh, it’s okay, love.”
The words hit her like a blow and she stiffened in his arms and whimpered. Something was familiar about those words. They didn’t sound quite right, but it was too close. She suddenly felt lost, terrified and like something very special had been ripped away from her.
“What? Did someone else call you that? It’s okay… I won’t call you that. It’s okay. How about Michelle?” Lindsey knew he’d figure part of this out eventually, even if it was by hitting all the bad spots.
The girl shook her head. Lindsey pulled back from her to look unto her face, into those hazel eyes that seemed to pull him in. “How about Beth?”
The girl looked puzzled at the young man, watching his eyes. Finally, she nodded slowly as something about the name seemed almost right.
“Beth” She whispered back at him.
“Alright. Now that we have a name for you, Beth. Let’s have some breakfast. Then I need to take a shower and we need to go find you some clothes to wear before I run out of tee shirts and sweat pants, not to mention those things I don’t have that you need. Okay?”
With a slight frown on her face, Beth nodded at Lindsey and pulled out of his arms, moving to sit on one of the stools at the counter.
They ate a quiet breakfast, with Lindsey supplying all the conversation. Beth ate very little, but she seemed to be trying. After they had finished eating, she got up and picked up the plates, heading toward the sink. Lindsey gently grabbed her arm.
“Beth, you don’t have to do that.”
She looked back at him with determination in her eyes now. “Yes. Shower.”
His eyes scanned her face before he replied to her. “Alright. You can do that while I go shower and dress.” He kissed her cheek and left the room.
Beth looked at Lindsey’s retreating figure. Jumbled thoughts ran through her head but she didn’t understand any of them.
The man, Lindsey, was kind to her for some reason. He was about the right height. For what, she didn’t know, but he was the right height. His hair was the wrong color and he was built wrong in some way even though she could see he had a very nice build. She shook her head to chase the disturbing thoughts away and turned back to clearing the dishes from the counter.
~*~
Cordelia and The Host had gone through the ‘book’ and thought they had an incantation that felt right. Now they had to go back to where the original portal had occurred to try and find Buffy.
Willow was the least injured and most capable of assisting this particular effort. So, as much as they didn’t want to leave the others alone, it was decided that Angel, Cordelia, Willow and the Host would be the ones to go back to where the portal had occurred.
Wesley stayed to help his wounded fellow Watcher, as well as the wounded vampire. Tara and Dawn clung to each other. Anya and Xander were not injured other than a few bruises, but were both as emotionally devastated as the rest of the Scoobies.
They helped Wesley as much as possible and there was the added advantage that it did keep their minds off of the situation to some degree.
That evening, after some rest during the day, the four left in Angel’s car. It took a while to arrive at their destination, but once there, Angel took in the wrecked and battered RV, the general destruction in the area. Walls were tumbled, trees had been blasted. It looked very dismal, much like any war-zone.
Loren echoed that sentiment in his usual fashion. “Well, now, this is certainly a cheery place. What say we get to work so we can get out of here?”
Cordelia and Loren faced the area where Willow had told them the portal had been. They each had one side of the ‘book’ while Willow stood behind them with a hand on their shoulders as the three chanted in unison.
Angel stood ready with a rope tied from him to one of the blasted trees, He wanted to make sure they could get him back out if he could get in and hopefully find Buffy.
Angel felt the energy building behind him, pouring off those three like heat from a roadbed. The energy shimmered and danced in the air, licked at the edges of his skin and his mind.
Angel could see the air in front of him react to what the other three were doing. It rippled and swirled, pulsed and twisted; but no portal opened.
Exhaustion finally forced them to rest after a while. Over the next several hours they tried more incantations before they were forced to seek shelter for Angel from the rising sun, and food and sleep for all of them.
The four companions spent two days trying everything they could throw at the air where the portal had been, all to no avail.
Willow had even gotten so frustrated and angry at one point, that they all got to see up close and personal what the hell-god had seen.
The slender witch, in all of her preternatural glory, floated above the ground with energy crackling around her like lightening bolts, her hair standing in a copper red halo around her head and her eyes shinning with that solid blazing black fire.
* Spike was right. * Angel thought. * That’s the most frightening thing I’ve seen in almost a hundred years. Never, would be all too soon to see it again. *
Somehow, Angel didn’t think he was going to get that option. In fact, he was elected to be the one to go calm Willow down. Literally and figuratively.
Regardless of what the foursome threw at it, the portal refused to reopen. They finally had to admit defeat and head back to Sunnydale.
~*~
Lindsey took Beth shopping for clothing of her own. She seemed to be upset and nervous in the crowds throughout the stores. Her nervousness turned to near panic whenever she saw any blonde women with curly hair, he finally realized. That was another clue for him. None of the bits and pieces added up to anything tangible at this point, but Lindsey felt sure that something would emerge eventually that would help him find out what had happened to this petite woman.
She did have good taste in clothes and chose items she could mix and match as much as possible. Lindsey had insisted she also have a few pair of shoes, the personal items she needed, underwear and even a bit of makeup.
When they finished shopping, Lindsey took her back to his apartment without stopping at one of his favorite restaurants, as he’d have liked to do. The throngs of people were increasing Beth’s uneasiness and she’d still not spoken more than one or two word answers to anything she was asked. It seemed as if last night’s shock over her total lack of memory had almost taken away her will to speak.
Lindsey hoped he could eventually get her past this. She still looked so very familiar, but he was no closer to figuring out who she was. Perhaps he’d just seen her across a room or on the street one day. She was certainly someone he’d have looked at twice he told himself.
Back in the apartment, he cleared out a drawer so she could have a place for her new things.
With the excitement and anxiety of the afternoon of being out and shopping, together with the rapidly healing injuries, Beth seemed to be quite tired, so Lindsey thought getting her to lay down and rest might be a good idea.
“Why don’t you take a nap? You’re still healing from those injuries. As soon as you’re asleep, I’ll run down to the grocery store and right back, then I’ll make dinner while you rest. Okay?”
That panicked look crossed her face when he said he’d go out, but had faded somewhat as he assured her he’d be right back.
Beth nodded at him and lay down on the bed. She closed her eyes as he kissed her cheek then sat gently on the edge of the bed next to her, rubbing her back until she drifted off to sleep. He got up carefully and headed out the door to the grocery down the street.
~*~
Returning to the apartment, the attractive lawyer carried his purchases into the kitchen and sat them on the counter to put them away but before he started unpacking them, he went to check on Beth.
As he walked into the room he noticed she was very restless, twisting in her sleep, as she made soft, small animal like sounds.
He walked over to the edge of the bed and sat down carefully as he tried to calm her in her sleep but his touch didn’t seem to be getting through to her. He was unsure if he should wake her or not when the decision was made for him.
Beth sat straight up in bed again and screamed. There was such a note of pain and loss in the sound that Lindsey was shaken to the core. He recovered quickly and pulled her into his arms as tears streamed down her face.
“Honey, Beth… What? What was it? Tell me, Honey. Tell Lindsey.”
Again that hoarse whisper was all that came from her throat. “A man, your height, white blonde hair, long black leather coat. I knew him. Tried to get to him. He was looking for me, crying.”
“Honey, is this the man that hurt you?”
“No. Not hurt, would never hurt. Loves me.” Beth collapsed into tears against his chest. Lindsey held her, stroking her hair, whispering to her, soothing nonsense, until she gradually quieted, just trembling slightly in his arms..
“Beth, better now?” He tipped her head up so he could look at her. The loss and pain that showed on her face and in her eyes was so overwhelming, that he’d leaned slightly toward her, planning to kiss the pain away before he realized what he was doing.
The decision was taken away from him again as Beth’s arms went ‘round his neck with startling speed and he found he was the one being pulled into a kiss.
She was a hell of a lot stronger than she looked, injured or not!
As she kissed him, forcing his lips open with her tongue demanding entrance to his mouth; she pulled him with her as she leaned back on the bed until his body covered hers.
It was quite obvious that she wanted him to make love to her. He had no illusions that he was the one she wanted, but he was there, and she was in pain and wanted the pain to stop. He understood completely how she felt. The memory of a different blonde flashed through his head and was gone.
Beth was beautiful; she was warm in his arms and more than willing. He wouldn’t lie to himself, he wanted her and not just to soothe his own pain that had never completely disappeared with that other blonde.
Sliding a hand under his tee shirt she was wearing, he reached for the soft firm mound of her breast. She arched into his hand, tugging at his lower lip with her teeth as she kissed him. Small whimpers escaped and fell from her mouth into his.
He forgot all about groceries and dinner for a while.
~*~
Angel dreaded having to tell the others that they had failed to open the portal, much less find Buffy.
The dark-haired vampire walked into the Summer’s home to find Tara, Dawn and Giles trying to calm a sobbing Spike.
Angel was shocked. Spike just didn’t cry, much less sob like he was breaking apart as he was doing now.
“What’s wrong? What happened.” Angel rushed to the side of his childe.
“He woke screaming from a dream. He’s been babbling about Buffy, but we can’t make sense of what he’s trying to tell us.” Giles told the older vampire.
“Let me try.” Angel moved down and took Spike in his arms. “Spike! What happened? Tell me what it was about.” Angel’s tone was firm, just a shade from being a sire’s command. It got through to Spike, who started to calm somewhat, even though the blood tinged tears still rolled down his pale drawn cheeks.
“I saw her, Angel. She’s back here somewhere, but I don’t know where she is… She didn’t know me.” Spike tried to explain.
“You saw her in a dream?” Angel questioned.
“Yeah, except it was much more real. Like a vision. She was there and I could see her, I could smell her scent. It was different somehow, but still her. She looked at me and I could tell that part of her recognized me but she didn’t know who I was. She reached for me, she touched me and I felt the confusion in her mind. I felt the pain she’s been in. Then they woke me and she was gone!
She’s back from the portal somewhere, but I don’t know where. It was a room, probably a bedroom. She was lying on the bed. It had wine colored sheets on it.” Spike slumped with the emotion still pounding through him.
“Angel, can he be right?” Willow asked the dark haired vampire as he still cradled the injured Spike in his arms.
“Yeah. How strong of a connection do they have?” It hurt Angel to even ask. He knew they had to love each other to have a connection at all, and for Spike to pick her up this strongly… in a vision, it had to be a two-way connection.
“They had gotten quite close, Angel. Spike told her some time back that he was in love with her. She… she had rejected him until he recently proved over and over to her that he really did love her, that she mattered enough to him for him to die for her.” Giles tried to explain, knowing this was going to hurt Angel badly. “The night before the final fight, she went to him... They…”
“It’s okay, Giles.” Angel stopped the struggle the Watcher was going through trying to tell him what had happened. He knew Giles was trying to spare him the pain involved.
“I understand. She went to him and they were together like she was with me only once. Like we could never be again.”
Giles could only nod at the ensouled vampire. Angel looked back at Spike.
“How does she feel about you, Spike?” Angel asked his childe, a serious tone in his voice.
“She told me that she finally realized that she loved me. She said if Glory killed her the next day, she didn’t want us to not have been together at least once.”
Angel nodded his head slightly in understanding Spike’s difficulty in telling him this, in handling Buffy being gone, and in Buffy’s thinking.
“Did you bite her?” Angel asked the blonde vampire very gently.
A chorus of ‘What?’ echoed around the two vampires. They both ignored the others. Spike looked his grandsire in the eye. “Yes. She knew about it and said she wanted it. That you hadn’t, except when she saved your life that time.”
“That’s it then. You have the closest link. She loves you...” Angel started
“She still loves you, Angel. You were her first love. She’ll always love you.” Spike tried to reassure his grandsire. He could understand the pain Angel would be feeling.
“I know she does, Spike. And I’ll always love her too. But you have the closest link. She’s in love with you, and you drank from her the most recent and the way you did. You know you have the closest link. So that means she’s out of the portal somewhere. Someone has found her and is obviously taking care of her.”
“Angel… I hate to interrupt, but what is all this about Spike drinking from Buffy?” Giles was stiff with suppressed anger.
Angel tuned to look at the Watcher. “It’s not what you think, Giles. It’s common for two vampires, when they make love, to bite each other. To exchange a small amount of blood. In the very rare circumstances of a vampire and a human, the vampire may bite the person, but it’s still a very small amount of blood. It’s not something that hurts the person at all. In fact, it does something very opposite.” Angel just looked at the Watcher, hoping Giles would get his meaning.
“You meant it… OH! My. Well, I had read that, but I didn’t know if it was actually true.” Giles blushed even as he spoke, once he realized exactly what the bite did to the human and the vampire.
“Angel, obviously you three have gotten something I’m missing. What does the bite do?” Willow asked, sounding a bit frustrated at not understanding the cryptic conversation.
“It causes both the vampire and the human to have very intense orgasms during the bite.” Anya filled in the missing information very matter of factly to everyone. Xander just looked at his mate, shaking his head.
“What?” Anya said as she put her hands on her hips. “Willow wanted to know. I knew
about it from a female vampire I helped once who’d been in love with a human male.”
“It’s okay, Anh. I didn’t know either.” Xander told her very simply.
“So since Buffy and Spike… And he... Did she…? I mean, she won’t… But he knows that she…” Willow tried to get out as she blushed furiously to the roots of her hair.
Angel stood and laughed, reaching over to hug the small redheaded witch. ”Willow, you amaze me. You are the most powerful witch I’ve seen in 250 years, but you can’t get out a single question that has to do with sex.” He released her quickly and looked back at the rest of the Scoobies.
“Buffy may or may not have bitten Spike in return. I’ll find out in a minute. But even if she did, even if he bled; no, she won’t turn into a vampire. She has to be drained almost to death and then drink from a vampire to be turned. That he drank from her while they made love…” Angel looked darkly at Spike for a second. “makes him have a very strong link to her. If she drank from him as well, the link is even stronger, so if she’s back out of the portal, yes, he’ll know it like he does now.” Angel turned back to Spike and just looked at the blonde vampire, eyebrow raised in question.
“She did.”
It was all Spike said. It was enough. They all understood now what he was saying.
“At the same time?” Angel asked quietly.
“Yeah.” Spike looked at the older vampire, his grandsire, with head high.
“You know what that means don’t you.” Angel asked even more quietly. Willow and Giles heard the ragged pain in Angel’s voice.
“Yes, Angel, I do. It means we’re mated for life. It’s what we both wanted.” Spike said just as quietly, but with a note of pride and love in his tone.
Angel reached his hand down to the younger vampire, still sitting on the floor. Spike clasped Angel’s arm and stood up. They stood facing each other, still holding each other’s forearm. “Congratulations, Spike. We’ll find her. Be good to her or I’ll kill you myself. I’ll always be a friend to both of you.”
“Thank you, Angel. This isn’t the way we wanted to tell you. We didn’t want to have to hurry, but she didn’t know if…” Spike broke off.
Angel looked at his childe. He flashed back to a memory from several years ago. He was going to have to leave, so they thought. He didn’t know if he’d survive. He’d put the ring on her finger that made her his. Then he’d destroyed it.
She’d been released from their vows when he’d ‘died’ and gone to Hell.
“I understand. I did the same thing.”
“You two have gotten cryptic again. What happened?” Willow asked again, not sure if she wanted any more answers but needing to know what had happened with her best friend.
“They shared the best equalivent they could find of a bed, a hearth and a meal. A vampire equalivent of a wedding, dear. Buffy’s his wife.” The Host spoke up finally.
“Married?” Giles asked in shock.
“Yes. Actually it’s her second marriage.” Angel announced to all of them.
“The night we found the box with the arm, when Buffy and I went to the docks and I thought I had to leave right then and didn’t know if I’d ever be back.. I explained to her what the claddagh ring I gave her meant to both of us. She accepted it. From my time, with that ring.. We were married. We consummated our wedding that night. That’s what cost me my soul. Not only being with Buffy, but being with her as her husband.”
“Wow!” Xander looked shocked. With a dazed expression, he walked back out to the kitchen. Anya followed him to be sure he was alright.
“So Buffy was actually married to you by old custom and was released from her vows as a widow when she had to send you to Hell. Now, by old English as well as Vampire custom, she’s married to Spike.” Giles made it a statement.
“Yes.” “Yeah.” Angel and Spike both answered the Watcher.
Giles took off his glasses for their ever needy cleaning. “She was always the most different Slayer…”, was all he said.
“Shall we see about finding her now?” Willow asked all of them.
~*~
Beth lay curled next to Lindsey. A tear leaked out of her eye and onto his chest. She whispered very softly “I’m sorry. Shouldn’t have.”
“Beth, don’t be sorry. I wanted it too.” Lindsey turned to look into her beautiful eyes.
“But… used you. Shouldn’t.” She started to explain as Lindsey put his finger over her lips.
“I understand, Beth. Several months ago, there was someone. I thought I loved her. Even worse, I thought she loved me. She didn’t. She loved someone else. I understand how you feel. You wanted to feel alive so that you could stop the pain.”
He did know what she was feeling. He’d felt that way after Darla but there had been no one else to ease that pain. Not until now, when the pain had all but healed completely
“Yes. Sure?” Beth searched his eyes. They were blue. Something about another pair of piercing blue eyes crossed her mind too quickly to grasp. Lindsey had beautiful eyes. He understood how she had felt. She pulled him back into a kiss. When they finally broke apart, she touched his cheek, looking into his eyes. “Just us.” She whispered to him before she reclaimed his lips with her own.
~*~
Several weeks later, Angel and his crew were all back in LA. They had not been able to locate Buffy yet, but they knew she was back. Something was keeping them from tracing her. They’d catch ‘glimpses’ of her occasionally, but never long enough to lock onto and find her.
Giles and Spike were caring for Dawn. The other Scoobies would lend a hand as well, but most of the time, it was Spike and Giles that took turns. Giles handled the day, and Spike after dark. The exception was when Spike would patrol in the evenings. Two of the gang would always be with Spike, and one or more would stay with Dawn. They knew Glory was gone, but still… And Dawn really hated being alone.
In LA, Beth and Lindsey had settled into a routine. She stayed home during the day while he went to work. Occasionally they would go out to a movie or dinner, but she didn’t like being in public just yet. He was teaching her to cook, once he’d discovered that her cooking skills were minimal.
Then too, Lindsey had discovered one night that Beth was much stronger than he’d even imagined. She’d had another nightmare, as was all too common for her. He’d shaken her shoulder to wake her from the nighttime terror, only to have her grab him by the wrist and from a flat position on the bed; she threw him into the wall.
The shake followed by the resounding crash had awakened her. She’d been horrified at what she had done; worried that Lindsey had been hurt.
Although shaken and a little bruised, he was fine. The next day, he’d started looking discretely into who or what she might be.
After that first time together, Beth turned to Lindsey almost every night. It was still occasionally about keeping the pain away, but most of the time now it was simply about the two of them. She cared for him, but didn’t love him. She didn’t understand why. They didn’t talk about it.
Lindsey had realized recently that he had fallen in love with this mystery woman. He’d made her a special dinner that night and had opened a bottle of good wine. With both of them happily warm from food and wine, he’d scooped her up in his arms and carried her to bed, kissing her soundly the entire way.
As he undressed her, he kissed her deeply again and told her that he loved her.
Beth had looked at him, not knowing what to say.
Lindsey saw the emotions flicker across her face and said it for her.
“It’s okay, Beth Honey. I know you don’t love me. I know somewhere in there, trapped inside your head, is someone you love. But for right now, you’ve let me in and that’s what matters. I never expected to fall in love with anyone again, but I love you, Beth.”
Her only reply was to reach out and pull him closer, kissing him, trying to push away the ragged edge of a memory of someone else telling her that he loved her. Someone with that beautiful white blonde hair.
A month later, Beth had a very bad nightmare. Lindsey had learned to wake her carefully from them. As he reached out wake her from the grip of the dream, she cried out in her sleep. It was one word. One word that sent a chill through Lindsey’s heart and a shock through his memory.
“Angel!”
That one word was enough to finally trigger the memory Lindsey had been searching for all this time. He understood now why she’d looked so familiar, but he’d never expected this out of the many possibilities he’d thought of and so had not made the connection. Now he knew who she was.
Her name wasn’t Beth, it was Buffy.
This woman he’d called Beth, this woman he loved, was the Slayer.
Lindsey woke her like he always did, holding her close. She was so much more precious to him than ever before, because finally knowing who she really was, he also knew he was going to lose her.
She clung to him like she always did after a nightmare. He talked to her like always, soothing her, reassuring her that he loved her and holding her as she drifted back to sleep.
Once the beautiful blonde at his side was asleep, Lindsey eased carefully out of bed, sliding his pillow against her back like he normally slept.
He walked into the living room, taking the cordless phone into the other bathroom and closing the door, he dialed a number.
“Angel Investigations”
“Angel, It’s Lindsey. Don’t hang up.”
“Alright. What do you want Lindsey?” There was no animosity in Angel’s tone. Nor had there been in Lindsey’s. Angel was picking up something odd in Lindsey’s voice, but he didn’t know what it was.
“Angel, this is going to sound like a very strange question, but bear with me please. Is Buffy missing?”
“Yeah, Lindsey. She’s been missing for almost three months now. We know she’s alive, but we don’t know where she is. What do you know about this?”
“Angel. Buffy is safe. She’s in the other room asleep. I can’t stay in here long. She’ll wake up. Can I come by and talk to you in the morning there at the hotel?”
“Yes, but tell me what she’s doing there, Lindsey. How long has she been there?”
“It’s a long story Angel, and complicated. I promise I’ll tell you everything tomorrow. She’s been here for about three months but she has no idea who she is. I didn’t know who she was either, just that I’d seen her face somewhere. It could have been a thousand different places.
She has been having nightmares almost every night for the last three months but during the one a few minutes ago, she said your name. I remembered then where I’d been her face. Wolfram and Hart has a photo of her. I saw it once. I’ll find it tomorrow and destroy it.
I’ll meet you about 11am. I’ve got to go. She’s safe, Angel. I’ll keep her safe regardless of what it takes.” Lindsey hung up the phone.
Angel sat looking at the phone in his hand. Emotions collided and cascaded through him like the rush of turbulent silvery water down a cataract.
Buffy... his Buffy… * No, Spike’s Buffy.* Angel had to correct himself. She had been with Lindsey for three months. Since right after she went through the portal. They’d searched for her and she had been right here in LA, living with Lindsey.
He’d said she’d been asleep in the other room. Angel knew that meant Lindsey was sleeping with her. Was he also having sex with her? Angel suspected that since Buffy had no idea who she was and had been with Lindsey for three months and was sharing his bed, that the answer was probably yes.
Especially since he suspected that the strange undertone in Lindsey voice had been because the lawyer had fallen in love with Buffy and knew that he was now going to lose her.
Angel had to admire Lindsey, even if grudgingly, because knowing he was going to lose her, the lawyer had still made that phone call.
Angel knew he had to do something to keep himself occupied and away from Lindsey’s apartment for the rest of the night until the lawyer came by at 11 am. There wasn’t going to be any sleep for him that night.
Grabbing a couple of weapons, the en-souled vampire went out to hunt other vampires or demons, trying to pass the hours killing them and working off a bit of frustration at the same time.
~*~
“Honey, I’m leaving for work.” Lindsey told ‘Beth’ as he always did each morning.
She rolled over and pulled him close to kiss him. She had that warm sleep smell he loved, mixed with the perfume he’d gotten her that she always wore for him.
“I’ll see you tonight, Darling.”, he told her, dreading being away from her as his time with her ticked to a close.
“ ‘K. Good day, Lindsey.” She kissed him again as he chuckled and pulled the cover back up around her bare shoulders.
The smile left Lindsey’s face as he turned around, heading out the door. He locked it behind him as always.
The lawyer thought he remembered where the photo of Buffy was at the office. He wanted to get there and get it as quickly as possible. Not that he thought the firm was going to check Buffy out this morning just because he knew who she was now, but Lindsey didn’t trust them to have it for a second longer than they already had had it.
~*~
Angel came back in that morning before sunrise, rather bloodied. Fortunately, none of it was his. He’d had a good night, and had kept his mind occupied with killing several demons that had donated the blood he was wearing. He’d also dusted about a dozen vampires too.
The dark-haired brooding vampire did what he did best while he cleaned his weapons. He brooded. About the phone call, about Buffy being with Lindsey, about her memory being gone, about her being married to Spike. If he could think of it, Angel brooded about it this morning.
Once his weapons were cleaned and put away, the vampire made his way upstairs to shower. He was going to read and see if he couldn’t get some sleep before Lindsey came over.
It actually worked that way for once. After the shower, Angel started reading and eventually fell into a light doze. He woke instantly when the alarm he’d set went off at 10 am.
Getting up, the 250-year-old vampire dressed, nervous as a schoolboy on a first date.
* All I’m gonna do is talk to Lindsey. Buffy’s not even with him!* He chided himself.
Right at 11 am, Lindsey walked in the front door of the Hyperion. Angel was downstairs, and had a fresh cup of coffee to hand to Lindsey.
They sat down and looked at each other.
“So what happened, Lindsey? Where did you find her? When did you find her? How is she?” Angel was anxious to know.
Lindsey looked depressed as he sat his cup of coffee down for a few moments and pulled an eight by ten photograph from an envelope he’d laid beside him on the sofa.. “I looked for the photo of her at Wolfram and Hart this morning. I finally found it and I brought it to you to destroy… or keep. I didn’t want them to find even a scrap of it in a shredder. They only had the one that I’ve ever seen.” Lindsey handed the photo to Angel. It was a very good headshot of her. Angel laid it beside him on the sofa.
“Okay, to answer your questions...”
Lindsey told the vampire almost everything about the last three months, starting with finding Buffy in the strange elevator inside the walls of the building, all the way to the nightmare last night that had prompted the phone call.
“And to answer the questions you haven’t asked yet. Yes, We have been sleeping together. We have been making love. At least I have.” The young lawyer ducked his head to stare into the cold cup of coffee he held between his hands.
“She doesn’t love me, but doesn’t know why. Yes, I love her. I love her very much, Angel. It’s killing me to have to come do this, to tell you about her, knowing I’m going to lose her. To me, she’s Beth.”
The lawyer had unshed tears glistening in his eyes when he looked back up at the vampire but saw only understanding on Angel’s face.
“I understand why she was comfortable with Beth. Her full name is Elizabeth Anne Summers, Lindsey.
I wish I knew what to say. I know we’ve not gotten along much in the past, but I understand how you feel. She used to be mine, but I lost her too. I was even married to her according to the customs of my country and the time I’d grown up. She knew that and accepted it. It was when we consummated our wedding that I lost my soul. Do you understand why Darla couldn’t do that? Not only was it Buffy, but she was also my
wife.” It was Angel’s turn to look away, hiding the feelings that were all too close to the surface.
“Now… according to old English tradition and vampire tradition, she’s married to Spike. Yeah, Lindsey. I understand how you feel. She’s the only woman I’ve ever loved.”
“I don’t know what to say either Angel. That we have something so important in common is not anything I ever expected to happen. Certainly not the same woman. But I think I understand you a lot better now. So what do we do?” Lindsey asked the vampire with a sad voice.
“Bring her over tonight. Let’s see if we can get her to remember me.” Angel said. He told Lindsey about what the Host had done to restore Tara’s mind in Sunnydale. “Buffy’s isn’t that bad, I don’t imagine. But I think he’d be able to fix or help fix the problem.
Angel had thought about this solution this morning.
“So what is the plan exactly?” The lawyer wanted to know.
“Get her over here, and if she remembers me, then we’ll let her stay here in one of the made up rooms tonight. If not, take her back home with you tonight. But either way, tomorrow night, we take her to Caritas. I’ll call the Sunnydale gang today and let them know. I’ll have them meet us at Caritas tomorrow night. Maybe seeing some of them will help restore her memory. If not, then The Host can work on her like he did on Tara.” Angel explained.
“You think if she sees Spike, she’ll remember? Maybe so… She had a really bad dream right after she got here. She remembered a man about my height, white blonde hair, and a long black leather coat. That Spike?” Lindsey asked, hoping it wasn’t.
“Yeah. They have a blood connection. It wasn’t a dream; she went to him in a vision. They touched in the vision but then we’ve not been able to find her since. We’d get a ‘glimpse’ of her, so to speak and then couldn’t find her. Like we were being blocked.”
“Yeah. You were. The firm put magickal wards on my apartment. They’re on all of our apartments after Darla and Druscilla ate most of the head staff. I didn’t even think about that. That’s probably blocked you except for the few times we’ve gone out. She doesn’t like to go out much, doesn’t like a lot of people around. She doesn’t talk much at all. Maybe a few words at a time. About the only time she says any more is right after a nightmare sometimes. It’s been like that since she realized she didn’t know who she was.”
Angel nodded. “Probably the shock. What time should I expect you tonight?”
“Let us have dinner first. At least a last dinner together. Say about 9pm?” Lindsey didn’t want to plead, but he would have if it would have changed any of this.
“Sure. I think you should. You’ve cared for her the last three months, kept her out of your bosses hands, kept her alive. This is a lousy return on what you’ve done.” Angel really could see Lindsey’s side in all this and it worried him a bit.
“She belonged to you before she was mine, even for this little while. But she belongs to the world to keep all of us safe. She’s just so tiny and looks so fragile.” Lindsey said, almost to himself.
Angel had to laugh. “You only say that because she hasn’t ever beat you to a pulp!”
“No, she hasn’t but I discovered the folly of waking her wrong from a nightmare one night. She bounced me off a wall except I didn’t really bounce much. It was a lot more like splat!” Lindsey smiled at the memory.
“You know, once this is over… if you’d like to get together occasionally and swap ‘war stories’…” Angel let the sentence trail off.
Lindsey looked hard at the vampire for a moment, then relaxed slightly. “Yeah. I’d like that, Angel.”
He got up and headed out the front door of the hotel with leaden feet and a breaking heart.
~*~
After Lindsey left, Angel picked up the phone and called Sunnydale. He had several calls to make in fact.
~*~
Lindsey came in from work that evening determined to be in a good mood and enjoy what might be his last night with this woman he loved.
They played as they made dinner. Teased as they ate. He lured her into the shower without a lot of effort, then carried her wet body to their bed and made love to her, knowing it might be the last time ever.
As they lay next to each other, Lindsey knew he couldn’t put it off any longer.
“Honey, let’s get dressed. I want to run by a friend’s for a minute. I promised him I’d bring something over for him. I want you to go with me, please?”
“If I do, gonna cost you. Get me an ice cream cone? …in advance!” She dived onto him.
Lindsey wrapped his arms around her and rolled quickly, pinning her under him.
“Deal, Honey. Now get some clothes on that beautiful behind.”
He quickly got up and grabbed for his own clothes. If he managed to make it thought this night without giving it all away or making her suspicious, he thought he deserved to be an actor!
She dressed quickly as well and hand in hand; they headed out the door to his car.
Lindsey pulled into the circular drive in front of the Hyperion right at 9pm. They got out and he held her hand again as they walked into the hotel.
“Hey, Dude! You here?” Lindsey called out.
Angel came around the corner of the room and stopped short at seeing Buffy.
* God, she is so beautiful! I didn’t think I’d ever see her again. *
Beth stopped when she saw Angel. She turned her head to look at Lindsey, questions and the edge of panic across her face. “Lindsey?” She gasped.
“It’s okay, Honey. This is my friend, Angel.” Lindsey was dying inside with every word. He saw her panic, and had to pretend not to see.
She looked back at the dark-haired man. “Angel?”
Beth took a step closer, reaching a hand out toward the vampire. “Angel?”
Her voice had slid up an octave.
Lindsey and Angel both grabbed her before she hit the floor in a faint. Neither man was willing to relinquish her to the other, so together they carried her to the sofa and laid her on it. Lindsey stayed with her while Angel went to grab a wet cloth from the powder room across the lobby.
The dark haired vampire wiped the cool cloth across her forehead and face, finally pressing it to the back of Buffy’s neck.
She stirred, struggling to sit up before she was fully conscious again.
Lindsey helped her to sit up.
He sat beside her, arm wrapped firmly around her waist, her body pulled close to him.
She stared at Angel, again reaching out a hand toward him as if she’d touch him.
“Hello, Buffy. I’ve missed you.” Angel said to her in the soft tones he had used when they were together.
“Angel? How am I here, Angel? “
“What do you remember, Buffy?” Angel asked her gently.
“You were going to leave on a ship to scatter pieces of the Judge, I begged you not to go.” Buffy said.
She was scared and confused. Something wasn’t right but she didn’t know what.
“Honey, do you remember me?” Lindsey asked her from next to her. Buffy turned and looked at him.
“Lindsey? I’m confused Lindsey. I know who you are and that we’re close, but I don’t know why or how. I don’t know where I am or why I’m here. Angel and I were on the docks and got attacked by vampires.”
Buffy was very scared now. She knew she was safe with Lindsey, but she didn’t know how she knew that. She knew she was safe with Angel and she loved Angel but something was still wrong with that and she didn’t know what.
“Honey, you’ve lost your memory. You were in a big fight and got hit in the head. Angel has a room upstairs for you. Okay?
Yes, we’re close. You stayed with me while you were getting better from the fight, Honey. But we have to get your memory back, Buffy. The world needs you. So I’m gonna go get your clothes you left at my place, and bring them over for you, alright? Go upstairs with Angel and go to bed. I’ll be back in a little bit with your things. Then I'll see you tomorrow night.” Lindsey told her.
He kept his voice smooth and calm when inside he was shaking like a leaf in a storm. He wanted to scream, to cry and pound the pavement with his hands. It didn’t matter what name, he loved her.
Buffy nodded at Lindsey as he got up and went outside.
“Buffy, I’ll be right back. I forgot to tell Lindsey something..” Angel ran after the lawyer.
Lindsey was standing just outside the door, shaking. Tears streamed down his face as he gasped for air.
Angel put both hands on the shorter man’s shoulders.
“Lindsey, I know it hurts. God, I know how bad it hurts. I love her too, yet she’s not mine either.”
“She’s been with me every night for three months, Angel, and I love her. I don’t know if I can sleep without her. Hell, I don’t even want to go there if she’s not there!” Lindsey told the vampire, angry at the world.
“Don’t do anything rash, Lindsey. Later… When it doesn’t hurt so badly. The memories there can help. I think about that with the place I lost. The one that got blown up. We’ll talk about it later Lindsey. I’d better go back in. She’s expecting you back.”
“I know. I’ll be back.” Lindsey walked to the car alone.
Angel went back inside where Buffy waited. He made her a cup of tea while she simply watched, and then took her upstairs to the room he’d fixed up for her for tonight.
“Will Lindsey be back tonight? “ Buffy asked him suddenly.
“Yeah, he’ll be back in just a little bit, Buffy. Try to rest.” Angel tried to reassure her.
“Will you send him up when he gets back?” Those hazel eyes pierced the vampire to his heart.
He reached out and pulled her close to him, kissing her forehead.
”Yes, I’ll send him up when he gets here.”
Angel released her and started to turn around but Buffy grabbed him by one arm and pulled him back.
“Angel? Where are you going? Aren’t you going to kiss me goodnight?” Buffy looked up at him as her arms snaked around his neck, pulling his head down to hers. She kissed him the way she used to, the way she did when she was 17. The way she did the night Angel lost his soul.
Groaning deep in his throat, Angel pulled her closer and kissed her back like he was trying to crawl inside of her, trying to taste every inch of her through her mouth.
He finally pulled away, not so much to let her breathe this time, but to keep from ravishing her right there. He’d been afraid she was dead; she’d been missing for months, and then here she was and now thought she was still married to him, that it wasn’t long after he’d put the ring on her finger. She didn’t remember anything about him losing his soul or the hell he’d put her through or her sending him to Hell.
“Buffy. go to bed now. I’ll get you one of my tee shirts to wear.” Angel turned and quickly went down the hall to his room. Buffy watched closely to see which room he entered.
~*~
Lindsey knocked on the door to the room Buffy was using at the hotel. She opened the door wearing one of what had to be Angel’s tee shirts.
“Honey, why are you wearing Angel’s shirt?” Lindsey was fighting jealousy as hard as possible.
“He sent me to this room and told me to go to bed, giving me a tee shirt so I had no excuse not to go.” Buffy sounded almost pouty.
“You need your sleep, Honey. C’mon and go to bed.” Lindsey told her, leading her gently to the bed.
Buffy’s mind kept slipping back and forth in time, refusing to grasp the reality it would have to face eventually. Now with Lindsey next to her, she slipped back to the safety that he had represented for the last few months.
“Okay. Will you stay with me until I go to sleep? If I’ve been staying at your place while I got well, that must be why I feel like you should be next to me when I go to sleep.” Buffy sounded confused to Lindsey.
She felt confused inside. There were things she should know but she couldn’t remember. She remembered the fight on the docks, Angel’s ring, what he told her it meant; yet she almost could grasp the edge of memory about Lindsey before it slipped away. But each time at the last second, it eluded her. Why did she feel like he should be holding her as she went to sleep? Why did his hair look like the wrong color when she knew Lindsey wasn’t a blonde? Neither was Angel..
Buffy crawled into bed. Lindsey sat on the edge next to her. She pulled him down next to her, confusion written all over her face.
Lindsey signed and bit back his tears as he lay down next to her, wrapping his arms around her. He knew what was coming next.
Buffy turned on her side, feeling the warmth of the young lawyer’s body familiar along her back. She looked back over her shoulder and kissed him gently on the lips.
“G’night, Lindsey-love.” Her voice was already heavy with sleep.
“Good night, Honey. I love you.” He whispered into her hair
Lindsey lay there holding her as she drifted into a deeper, tears running across his face without even a whisper. When he was sure she was asleep, he eased away from her, putting the extra pillow against her back. He leaned over and kissed her hair then turned and walked out of the room and quickly down the stairs.
Angel took one look at the young lawyers face. He felt so sorry for Lindsey.
If anyone had ever told Angel that he’d ever feel sorry for Lindsey McDonald for anything, he’d have ripped their throats out. Yet here they were with more in common that imaginable and no way out except time.
“Angel, she’s asleep. I’m going home back to my apartment that’s no longer home and get very, very drunk.” Lindsey started for the door. “She might have nightmares…”
He stopped trying to talk as more unshed tears closed his throat.
“Be careful, Lindsey. She may not remember everything now, but Loren seemed sure that she’d have all her memories intact by the end of tomorrow night. She’ll remember how much you mean to her.” Angel tried to reassure him.
“I know. But she’ll still be gone, won’t she.” The tearful young lawyer walked stiffly out the door.
Angel looked at the door; slowly ceasing it’s swing. He got up and walked heavily up the stairs to his own room.
~*~
Angel never heard a sound. He woke as he felt a very warm body pressed against his cooler one, slender arms wrapped around him, soft lips nibbling down the side of his neck.
He grabbed both arms and tried to pull them away from him. “Buffy, what are you doing?”
“Angel, I’d think that would be obvious to even you, love. We are married, after all. Then there was that fight, so we’ve not even consummated our marriage yet.”
“Buffy, you’ve been sick, not yourself, love. You got hit in the head. I don’t think we should just yet.” Angel tried desperately to stall, feeling his body have other plans without consulting him.
“I’d say at least part of you thinks it’s a good idea.” She leaned in to kiss him.
Angel still hadn’t recovered from the onslaught of emotions over the last 24 hours or her earlier kiss. This kiss was no different and the vampire reverted back to an average 17-year-old male and stopped thinking with his head.
He kissed her back hungrily, wanting her with every fiber of his being, knowing with every second that she was no longer his. She was married to his childe by very firm, solid vampire tradition and her own choice before the injury.
As that thought ran searing through his brain, it was followed closely by the thought that said what belonged to the childe, belonged to the sire.
With a deep groan, Angel rolled over her, pinning her to the bed beneath him as he allowed himself to do the things he’d only been dreaming of with this woman who was willing, who believed herself to be his 17-year-old wife, but was actually married to his childe.
Guilt rode Angel’s back as hard as he ‘rode’ the woman who writhed and mewled in pleasure under him.
The second and the third followed the first time; until his and Darla’s record was completely beaten.
Finally Angel and Buffy fell into a deep exhausted sleep.
The en-souled vampire was awakened the next morning by the all too cheerful sounds of Wesley and Cordelia downstairs.
Angel grabbed his pants and slipped them on as he hurried down the stairs to stop his co-workers from coming up the stairs.
“Lindsey found Buffy, she’s been with him the last 3 months, she has amnesia and had no idea who she was, then she saw me last night and she thinks she’s her 17 year old self. We all have to go to Caritas tonight, the gang from Sunnydale will be down and everything will be fixed. Don’t confuse her with anything please.” Angle turned and started to jog back up the steps.
“Just wait a minute there, Mister.” Cordelia’s voice slashed the air in his direction.
Angel stopped, his back toward Cordelia. He knew he didn’t want her seeing the front of his neck or chest, not for a few hours at least.
“She thinks she’s 17 as in you and she together 17? Like you and she exploring each other’s tonsils at every chance? Or more like all the red claw marks on your back from a night of unbridled passion 17?” Cordelia scorched a few more yards of air.
Angel cringed. He hadn’t realized his back was covered in scratches too.
“Ah, yeah, that 17.” He started up the stairs again.
“Angel! Get back here and give me one good reason not to stake you right now!” Cordelia snarled at the vampire.
Angel turned slowly to face Cordelia. Wesley was next to her, mouth agape at both of them.
They both took in the sight of his scratched and bitten chest and neck.
Angel managed to look exceptionally embarrassed. “Because I’m still me.”
“How exactly did you manage to do that!? “ As Cordelia pointed at his neck and chest. “And still be you?” The brunette’s foot was tapping the floor.
“I’d say it was because he’s spent the night with a woman who’s lost her memory and thinks it’s a time period it’s not and that they are something they are not; and that the same woman is married by vampire tradition and old English custom to his own childe. So he is, in effect, sleeping with a married woman. I’d say there might be enough guilt there to help him hang on to his soul.” Wesley got in his own verbal jabs.
“There is that. Not to mention that Lindsey’s in love with her too and went home to get drunk last night because she was here and he was alone.” Angel grimaced slightly lop-sided.
“I was behaving last night. She came and got in my bed in the middle of the night and pushed the issue and somewhere along the way my brain stopped working. You can understand can’t you, Wesley?” Angel pleaded with the other man.
“Well… I can see your point. Not that I agree with you! But I can see your problem.
Nice way you figured out to have your cake and eat it too. Metaphorically speaking, of course! Just keep the guilt foremost in your mind. Good job, that.” Wesley didn’t know whether to yell at Angel or laugh and congratulate him.
“I have to get back upstairs before Buffy wakes up. Just don’t say anything to upset her, please.”
Angel turned and ran back up the stairs. Buffy was just stirring as he sat on the edge of the bed.
“Hmmm. Who’s down stairs? It’s not Lindsey is it?” Even as she asked, the thought that it might be Lindsey while she was in bed with Angel, made her feel odd, uncomfortable; like her skin was too tight for some reason.
“No, Love. It’s Wesley and Cordelia.” Angel replied without thinking. He’d caught the tightness in her voice as she’d asked if it was Lindsey.
She jerked slightly at Angel’s use of the endearment. Something in her head was screaming at her, increasing the discomfort when she seized at his words to find a way out.
“Who’s Wesley?” Buffy asked, curious and willing to be distracted from the uncomfortable too-tight skin feeling.
“Oh, ah, he’s a friend of Cordelia’s. We should go take a shower, Buffy. I put some things in the one next to your room for you last night.” Angel told her, trying to get her out of bed and both of them dressed before anything else happened.
“What time is it?” The golden blonde girl next to him stretched, causing the sheet to slide below her naked breasts.
“Almost 3 in the afternoon.” Angel got up quickly and turned to pick up some clothes, so he wouldn’t see any more naked Buffy. His pants were already in trouble.
“Angel, throw me one of your shirts, please. If they’re out there, I can’t go out with nothing on.” Buffy told the dark haired vampire in front of her.
Angel grabbed a shirt and turned to hand it to Buffy only to find a very naked Buffy standing right next to him. Angel was afraid for a minute he’d have to swallow his tongue to keep his mouth shut.
‘Thanks, Lover.” Buffy kissed him on the lips quickly before she left the room heading for her own shower.
Angel collapsed into the chair next to the bed. If they didn’t get her memory fixed and soon; she was either going to kill him, cost him his soul, or else he could have a choice of people to kill him. First in line would be Cordelia, Lindsey and Spike. He was sure Giles and Wesley would be close on their heels.
Angel got up from the chair and went to his shower, deciding a cold one was exactly what he needed. That and his head examined.
~*~
Angel had gotten Buffy away from him long enough to re-gather his composure by sending her shopping with Cordelia for a new dress for both of them for this evening.
The two girls had finally arrived back at the hotel and changed. Both looked stunning. Angel suspected his credit card bill would also be quite stunning. He knew how Cordelia could be when she was upset with him and she’d been quite upset that morning.
Just before 8pm, the four of them arrived at Caritas. Angel saw Lindsey from across the room and waved at him. The vampire directed the girls toward the table Lindsey had secured for them in the crowded room.
Buffy went straight to Lindsey and put both arms around his neck, hugging him close, before she kissed him thoroughly. Lindsey accepted the kiss like a thirsting man being given a glass of water.
Cordelia saw the look that crossed the lawyer’s face. She looked at Angel with fire in her eye. The brooding vampire just sighed, knowing he’d get the scathing side of her tongue later.
“Buffy, I’m a couple of drinks ahead of you, so I’m gonna go sing you a song, Honey.”
Lindsey told the little blonde as he got up, giving her another hug and guiding her to his chair before heading to the stage.
“Oh, goody! He’s gonna sing! You’ve never heard him sing have you Buffy?” Cordelia asked the blonde quite excitedly.
“No, is he any good at it?” Buffy turned an eye toward Angel. He had no idea she’d heard him sing in the shower once and had felt sorry for the tiles.
“God yes! His voice is just to die for. Listen!” Cordelia fell silent.
Lindsey sat on the stage with a guitar. He played the song he’d written during the night as he sat awake, unable to get drunk enough to not feel the pain of missing ‘Beth’.
It was a very sad, yet sweet song, the melody was haunting and soft. Lindsey’s voice was beautiful and pulled at Buffy’s heart. Her skin felt tight and uncomfortable again. There was something she should be remembering.
‘A single tear, cried in the darkness of the night
For what I could not have
Wish as though I might
A single tear I cried, into the darkness of night
I held myself alone
Yet it availed me not
A single tear I cried into the darkness last night
My heart bruised and torn
Yet you knew it not
A singe tear I cried in the darkness last night
It multiplied a million-fold
As you left me alone in the darkness tonight
A million tears, for I am bruised and torn
The oceans of my soul that block my sight
As I wept alone, forgotten, forlorn, into the darkness of
the night
The crystal of self, as shattered inside
As if dropped upon a rock
From a great height
Then the tears are the blood of the heart.
Mine fell out the window tonight’
A single tear fell across Buffy’s cheek as she listened to Lindsey sing. Cordelia reached over and took her hand. Buffy glanced at the former cheerleader. Cordelia had tears in her eyes too.
“Well, seems our resident crooner has had his heart shattered a bit. How are you, Buffy? I heard you’d been found but not all your memories had made it back with you.”
She looked up to find the speaker and discovered he was a green-skinned, red-eyed demon with red horns on his head standing there next to her. No one else seemed to think that anything was strange.
Buffy leaned toward Angel. “Angel… There’s a demon talking to me!”
“Yeah, Buffy. I’m sorry. You won’t remember him either. This is the Host. He owns the bar. This is a safe space for everybody; demon, vampire or human.”
“Thank you so much for explaining. I thought I was going insane for a minute.” Buffy growled at the dark-haired vampire.
The Host walked over to Angel just as Lindsey stepped next to him as well. “It’s time, kiddies.” He walked on after that one cryptic comment and stepped up on the stage. Lindsey moved over next to Buffy’s other side, linking his arm with hers. Angel did the same from where he stood next to her.
“What’s going on here?” The Slayer suddenly asked both of them.
”Nothing, Honey. Just remember you’ve lost your memory and not everything is
what you remember it as being or think it is. We don’t want you to do anything
hasty until all this is fixed, Okay?” Lindsey asked her, almost pleading with
her to agree.
Buffy looked into his face and saw only concern. “Okay, Lindsey. But if I regret this, I’ll kick your butt into the wall instead of throw you into it.”
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Buffy wondered what she had meant. She was confused again.
“Here for your enjoyment tonight, is an unusual duo from Sunnydale California.”
The Host announced and backed away as two men came out on the stage. It was Spike and Giles!
“Angel! That’s Spike, he’s up there with Giles!” Buffy hissed through her teeth at the vampire she thought was her boyfriend/lover/husband.
“Safe space, Buffy” Angel said in hushed tones.
“Remember, Honey, Everything isn’t what it seems.” Lindsey cautioned her.
Both men had a guitar. They each sat on a stool and prepared to sing.
Buffy was ready to wig.
‘No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool
And if I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
And if I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes.’
“Wow!” Cordelia breathed.
“They are both good, Honey.” Lindsey told her
Buffy couldn’t say anything. Spike was walking toward her, with Giles next to him.
The room was getting smaller and smaller as her vision narrowed down to that one face, one figure, one shade of hair. The room was spinning around her and she couldn’t make it stop. Only Lindsey and Angel holding her kept Buffy from falling on her face.
“I’ve missed you, Buffy.” Giles said in that oh so familiar voice.
“I’ve missed you more than I can say, luv.” Spike told her, face serious.
His voice echoed back and forth in her head, the room no longer spun but swirled ever faster around her. Buffy knew she had to escape any second; it was all going to fall in and overwhelm her. But she didn’t know what IT was!
It was harder and harder to breathe as Buffy dimly heard a voice behind her.
“You big strong guys and vamps might want to take the nice Slayer to my office right now!”
Buffy’s head flew back and almost hit the table behind her, the word was covered in a crawling, coruscating, blinding glow. She couldn’t see anything except the light.
The only sound was a rushing noise in her ears.
Finally the glow began to dim, the rushing slowed to a stop. The room stopped spinning so fast, gradually slowing down.
Buffy could feel again with her body. She felt battered and bruised. She thought she remembered feeling like this at some time in the past, but she wasn’t sure when. There was warmth on her left side, holding her arm and hand. On her right there was a familiar coolness doing the same. Her head was lying in someone’s lap. One hand stroked her hair over and over while a cool hand stroked the right side of her face and a warm one stroked the left side.
She looked up but couldn’t see clearly enough yet. She heard two voices next to her, both soft and low, both soothing; both seemed to be just right. They made her feel safe.
A third voice came close to her and put hands on both of her hands, where they lay in the hands on either side of her. * I have two hand sandwiches. * The stray thought meandered through her head and she giggled slightly.
“It’s time to finish fixing your head, sweetie. Close your eyes for me and if anyone sings, just sing along with them, okay?”
“But I don’t sing well.” Buffy tried to tell them.
“It’s okay, sweetie, No one can be worse than that vampire whose lap you have your head in. Just sing, sweetie.”
For the next few minutes, Buffy heard four different voices sing little bits of songs. She sang along with each of them. Hands kept touching her head and face, and once someone reminded her to keep her eyes closed.
Finally one little bit of song was repeated over and over several times, each time it was a different voice, but she sang with each one of them. The final one was that odd voice again and the hands were back on her face as she sang the words with him. It was definitely a him.
‘I'll remember you
You will be there in my heart
I'll remember you
And I'll remember’
At the end of the song this time, Buffy felt like little explosions were going off in her head, each one was like watching a fast forward movie in a fraction of a second.
It was too much to bear, so with her eyes closed, Buffy just passed out.
~*~
“We’ll let her wake up on her own now.” Loren told the room full of people.
Buffy lay on the floor with her head in Angel’s lap, Spike sat on her right holding her arm still and his long slender fingers intertwined with her own.
Lindsey was doing the same on the left side of her.
“Will she be alright? Tara is doing wonderfully now,” Giles asked the unusual demon very conversationally.
“Good, glad the little girl is better. She’s a real sweetheart.” Loren glanced over at the Slayer, just beginning to stir.
“Yes, this little spit-cat will be fine in a bit, but once she remembers everything I just heard… Well, let’s just say some of you might be in big trouble.” Loren looked at Lindsey and Angel then at Spike.
“What? What’d ya look at me for? I’ve been worryin’ ‘bout her for months, going crazy tryin’ ta’ find her.” Spike asked the green-skinned demon rather indignantly.
“That’s right, you have.” was all Loren said to the blonde vampire.
~*~
Buffy began to stir. There was something hard under her head, and a weight on each side of her. Her head felt like someone had pried it open and stuffed all kinds of things in it and closed it back up quickly before everything could run out. It hurt.
Slowly she opened her eyes. She saw Giles, Cordelia and Wesley. A bit further over, she saw that Host fellow. To her left was... Lindsey. She looked up at him and remembered the three months she’d spent with him as Beth, how he took care of her and was so very good to her. A smile crossed her face. “Hi, Lindsey.” Buffy said softly to him.
“You know my whole name is Elizabeth Ann Summers”
“I know that now, Beth-ie” He had to return the beautiful smile on Buffy’s face at his words.
Buffy slowly turned her head to the right. There was Spike, her Spike. She’d felt him next to her since her eyes had opened.
“I could find you in the dark, you know. I’ve have so missed you, darling.”
Spike thought he might just melt from her smile, or the sheer joy of having her back.
“I’ve missed you too, luv. . Aren’t you suppose to take your ‘usband when you go on a ‘oneymoon?” Spike teased her.
“You’d have hated it, darling. Horrible travel agents, bad service and don’t drink the water! We’ll go find a better place to go as soon as I’m recovered.” Buffy teased the blonde vampire she had finally admitted she loved.
Spike leaned down and kissed her gently.
“Hmm. Missed that too.” Thoughts of Lindsey flitted across her mind and she frowned. Spike wasn’t going to be happy. “Ah, Spike… While I was gone, and I didn’t know who I was… I, ah...”
“Shhh. Luv. I know. Lindsey told me already. It’s okay, Luv. He saved your life, you know. He took care of you and watched over you while you were gone. How can I be upset with him for that, or for falling in love with you? I love you. I know just how hard it is to not love you, Slayer.” Spike kissed her again. He looked across Buffy at the lawyer. “I appreciate you taking care of her, Mate. You’re always welcome at our house. But no more sleeping with my wife.”
Lindsey smiled a sad smile at the blonde vampire. “You’re a hard man, Spike. But if she loves you, you have to be a good man.”
Buffy looked up at Lindsey with tears in her eyes to match his. “Thank you, Lindsey. I didn’t know it and I’m sorry, but he’s the reason I couldn’t fall in love with you.”
“It’s alright, Honey. I think I love you enough for both of us.” He leaned over and kissed her gently.
“Buffy, do you think you feel well enough to get up? There are some of us that would love to hug you and can’t make our way through your adoring harem of men.” Giles told her with a barely concealed smile.
“I think I can manage that if my harem, as you put it, will help me up.” Buffy’s voice suddenly acquired that sweet cloying tone everyone knew to watch out for, even Lindsey.
“Besides, there is one member of that harem I especially need to talk to in private.”
“Luv, only if you promise not to stake my grandsire. I get to do that.” Spike told her. “Tha’ lawyer’s gonna help me. See they aren’t all worthless!” Spike sounded much too cheerful
“Glad to help out a new friend, Spike” Lindsey looked at the blonde vampire beside Buffy and they both glared at Angel.
“Where’s a nice portal when you need one?’ Angel muttered under his breath.
“Oh, and Angel…” Buffy’s voice was very sweet.
“Yeah, Buffy?” He knew he was in trouble. He didn’t know how much yet.
“Did you ever find any peanut butter on your sheets?” Buffy’s voice had gotten as hard as the agates of her eyes.
“Ah, Cordelia found it.” Angel said, knowing he was in BIG trouble as soon as the words were out of his mouth.
“Cordelia?! What tha’ bloody hell would Cordelia be doing finding anything in your bed!?” Buffy shook Spike and Lindsey off and stalked slowly toward Angel.
Spike touched Lindsey’s shoulder. “You’ll want to be well away from this, mate. Let’s go over by tha’ Watcher.” Both men went to stand by Giles in the far corner of the room with the Host. The four of them stood next to Cordelia and Wesley while they watched with undisguised glee in their eyes as Buffy advanced on Angel.
Cordelia whispered to all of them.
“Just wait until she finds out he slept with Darla too.”
This was about to be an interesting night.
Gillian Silverlight 5/6/01 <Minor re-write 03/21/02>